topic a mattyj update in Depression

a mattyj update

guest75 — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 02:34:46 GMT

Well just got back from court

She arrived with a guy this morning, so no idea what that means...but then a girl arrived a little later

We sat around for hours (case was heard at 12:45, we arrived at court at 8:30)

My lawyer got her to agree to a 6 month order with just her listed - NOT the children, so that is a win at least, but i guess i know her feelings towards me, and at least i can feel free to pursue Katy (or someone else) now - without any admission of guilt from me

So i will still have access to the kids, but will only be on weekends...we have to arrange some sort of mediation to get an agreement in place

Now i have to go back to my lawyer to get some of our savings money back so i can set myself up (dont want to continue living with my mum) and to put our house on the market, i am not letting her just keep everything we worked for together - i worked some horrible jobs so we could buy that house....now i have to start all over again

a mattyj update

Neil_1 — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 03:05:37 GMT

Hi Matty

Wow, this day has now come and gone. How do you feel??

What do you mean she arrived with a guy? As in, possible new boyfriend – or who she was cheating with?? Did you pass that fact from your lawyer so that she would know you found out?

So Matty, again, where are you with your feelings now??

Ps: did you say that Katy also has children of her own too?

Neil

a mattyj update

guest75 — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 03:38:21 GMT

Hi Neil

Im not sure who the guy was, im pretty sure i know who she cheated with and that wasnt him. This guy looked to be only about 17 or so, so it its a new boyfriend then shes robbing the cradle

I didnt tell the lawyer about the cheating just that i knew a reconciliation probably wasnt going to happen, so thats why he argued for the 6 month order with just her but no kids and she agreed to that, so midnight 21st of July i am allowed to contact her again, i have put a reminder in my phone bfor the 22nd, dont know what i will do come that date yet

I am feeling a bit strange, relieved that its over, absolutely relieved that i didnt loose access to my kids but a little hollow that a 12 year period of my life is officially over

Yes Katy has kids of her own a daughter who is 8 (same as my oldest daughter like a few weeks apart) and a 9 month old son...their dad left her when she was pregnant with the baby for her best friend

a mattyj update

Katy100 — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 03:57:12 GMT

Hey Matty!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You handled it great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You get access to your kids on the weekends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are starting to look realistically at what happens next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You got 536 exclamation marks.

a mattyj update

helpmeplease — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 05:05:04 GMT

Hi Matty,

Well done for getting through today. At least now you know where you stand with Tara, and now you can move on and start to rebuild your life.

Just wondering have you put a hold on your bank accounts so Tara cant rip you off and take out more money than she is entitled to?

I know you want to be more than just a weekend dad and how much the weekend only visits must be hurting you, but hopefully this will just be for a short amount of time. Are you in a position to ask for 50/50 custody where you could possibly have the children week about.(I know of some families where this happens, if not possible straight away this may be something for you to think about.

I would suggest you contact the family courts and try and get a order in place to the way you would like it to be. if you start the proceedings before Tara you may have more luck. You could even try for full custody.

Hang in there it will work out in the end.

HMP

a mattyj update

Jo3 — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 05:54:04 GMT

Hi Matty

I was going to write to you this morning to wish you luck but I had to get to work. So I'm sorry.

But I am reading now how the court case went and I am so happy for you that you will still get to see your kids.

Well done

a mattyj update

geoff — Tue, 21 Jan 2014 19:38:03 GMT

dear Matty, after all this hesitation, worry, and uncertainty you know where you stand and really it's a win-win situation, you know how Tara feels and now that's finished, which is really good, because situations like this never seem to succeed, there's always too much doubt and too many question marks.

Now you can go and seek Katy as she's the one that has found you and obviously wanted to see you, so now you have no fear.

Tara seems to want a toy boy, well that's her decision, but you need to finalise your bank account quickly, because she knows this result and will try to get the $ as soon as possible, and if too much money has gone missing then you can do something legal about this.

If she has put an IVO on you and has a toy boy I am really pleased that this relationship is over, so now put the house on the market as soon as possible, or she can buy you out, ?

Hop onto the phone and make contact with Katy, boy I wish I was young again. Geoff.

a mattyj update

Scott_Depression — Wed, 22 Jan 2014 10:34:12 GMT

Hi Matty

Sincere congratulations mate - how are you feeling? No doubt tired!

Sounds like things went pretty much as well as you could expect - great job.

Has the anxiety started to reduce?

Really thrilled for you - well done again - lets stay in touch!

Cheers

Scott

a mattyj update

guest75 — Wed, 22 Jan 2014 20:17:51 GMT

Thanks everyone and another huge thanks to everyone that supported me through this, it was the most difficult thing Ive ever had to face in my life and im not sure how I would have gone without the support of the fantasic people on here

The anxiety has really lowered i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders although i still feel a little hollow knowing a 12 year period of my life is officially over. I think the outcome is probably for the best, I will have a chance to move on and hopefully find someone else before i will see or speak to her again

The relief of knowing I havent lost the kids i cant describe - she was at least decent enough to agree to that, she knows im a good dad and love the kids so at least she didnt pursue that portion of it. still a bit upsetting i will only have access to them every 2nd weekend (im assuming - have to go to mediation to organise it) but i feel that my son will want to come and live with me when hes a year or 2 older and possibily even my youngest (the middle child is a real mummys girl)

I can now feel free to pursue Katy without any guilt, she is coming up to see me this weekend, was going to be just for a catch up and coffee, but i asked her to stay the night so i could take her out to dinner and a movie and she agreed so thats promising at least

Now onto the next things, getting some of my money back, selling the house and getting an agreement settle regarding the kids

My psych wont recognise me next week when i see her my mood has changed so drastically (i can feel it myself)

a mattyj update

Jo3 — Wed, 22 Jan 2014 20:24:22 GMT

Hi Matty

I am so so happy for you. Just reading your post you can hear that the anxiety levels have dropped.

I wish you all the very best for the future and hope things work out between you and Katy.

Good luck with selling the house.

I am so happy for you

a mattyj update

guest75 — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 02:18:59 GMT

Thanks Jo

The anxiety dropping is just like a huge weight released, i just wish it couldve happened 6 weeks ago, i might have got to the point im at now a lot quicker, but such is life i guess, things happened they way they happened for a reason so they say

I hope things work out with katy too but not pinning too much hope on anything just yet

It will be interesting when she gets the lawyers letter telling her she has to sell the house, i dont think she will be expecting it. And if she hadnt cheated i would probably have just signed my half over to her.

Thank you once again for your support during the whole process you and the others of this forum have been fantasic. I am definitely not leaving though i want to help/support others the way i was in my time of crisis

Matty

a mattyj update

Jo3 — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 20:28:28 GMT

Hey Matty

Just thinking of you and hoping your weekend goes well with Katy.

When do you get to see the kids now?

Have a nice weekend, chat again soon

a mattyj update

guest75 — Thu, 23 Jan 2014 21:20:12 GMT

Hi Jo

Fingers crossed it goes well 🙂

Im not sure when I will see them next im pretty sure they are at her mums at the minute, my lawyer was less than impressed when i said i hadnt seen them since new years "thats not good enough" were his exact words

I have to go and see a mediator next week and they will organise something between Tara and myself for access to the kids, im thinking its only going to be every 2nd weekend , but its better than nothing at this stage...

Thanks again

a mattyj update

helpmeplease — Fri, 24 Jan 2014 03:43:40 GMT

Hi Matty,

Its good to hear you are looking at the future with a positive outlook.

Good luck on the weekend with Katy, just take thing slowly and I am sure things will work out just fine.

Its good to hear that you think at least one of your children might want to live with you.

If you not happy with just every other weekend visits maybe try and see if you can have them for even just a few hours say once a week as well.

keep that chin up Matty you are doing so well we are all proud of how far you have come in the last few weeks.

HMP

a mattyj update

Girl_Anachronism — Fri, 24 Jan 2014 04:53:20 GMT

Hi Matty,

I know I am a little late to the party but I just wanted to say congratulations on getting yourself through the big court date. You seem to have handled yourself well by all accounts and there is a plan in place for both your future and time with the kids.

It's a a difficult process but you will make it through.

GA