topic I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy in Depression

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

hairclip — Sat, 08 May 2021 09:29:38 GMT

Hi, I've posted a long time ago. I've made some changes to my life...big changes actually. Previously I was stuck in hospitality and I felt extremely trapped. I finally mustered up the courage to change because I was so tired of crying every night and waking up from panic attacks.

So I ended up easing out of my job, went back to study, ended a long term relationship and found a new line of work. I even finally took up therapy. I finally was happy.

I know you're not suppose to be happy all the time. But lately I stopped going to therapy, I don't find it helpful any more. I dread going to therapy...I'm just numb now...I'm not motivated, I use to care for my looks and now I don't even care about that. I just don't feel anything...my therapist wants me to continue with therapy but I don't. Its probably just the pandemic right?

I feel trapped once again but unlike last time, I'm not struggling, I'm just emotionally unresponsive and tired...

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

Guest_4643 — Sat, 08 May 2021 10:19:56 GMT

hi hairclip, welcome/welcome back.

i'm sorry you've been struggling a lot. it must have been hard for you to give up your job and whatnot, but that was brave of you. in terms of therapy, that's entirely up to you if you wish to continue it or not, no one can force you to do something you don't wish to do, including doing, leaving or taking a break from therapy.

we're here if you need to talk to us. sorry if my answer isn't very helpful, but i do care. just dealing with a lot myself at the moment, but i saw your post and felt the need to reply. take care.

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

Here2Talk — Sat, 08 May 2021 11:19:15 GMT

Hi hairclip

Sorry to hear what you are going through. What did you study and do you have a job now? Do you have a partner or friends to talk to?

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

hairclip — Sun, 09 May 2021 11:18:07 GMT

Thank you, you're so kind. I don't feel sad and even when bad things happen I don't reacte to it. I don't know if it's acceptance or lack of care...but I just can't find the fire I had for a brief moment.

I feel like all lights have been put out and it just dark and quiet.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time too.

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

hairclip — Sun, 09 May 2021 11:22:43 GMT

Hi Here2talk,

Thank you for the reply. I studied dental assisting and I do have a new job and a new partner now. For 6 months I felt great, like my life is finally back on track and the flame in me was burning brighter than ever. But I've noticed for a few months now the flame has died down and completely gone. I don't have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to do anything either. I don't want to talk to my friends about it and I don't want to bother my partner too.

I've briefly talked to my partner about it and he said its normal? And its OK to be lazy. But I'm not so sure if its just purely lazy. Before I stopped my therapy, my therapist said she wasn't comfortable with me not attending therapy any more. But I also don't want to go back to therapy either.

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

Here2Talk — Sun, 09 May 2021 12:15:24 GMT

You don’t want to talk to your friends or bother your partner but it doesn’t feel good losing one’s zest for life does it? ... My heart goes out to you.

Weird thing to say by your therapist that he/she is not comfortable with you not coming to therapy. Did it used to bring you benefits?

So you are reasonably satisfied with partner and job now?

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

Croix — Sun, 09 May 2021 12:23:09 GMT

Dear Hairclip~

I'm not at all sure it is normal for all zest to be missing from life and simply being numb, that's one of the things I noticed when I started to become depressed (as I later found out). You do have initiative, determination and feelings, after all you have changed jobs and achieved a qualification -plus linked up with a partner.

For a while there you were happy and alive -and if you are like me then that is simply masked at the moment, you still have that potential. As my bouts of depression improved my feelings and enjoyment of life did return.

I'm certain it is not at all good to dread visits to a therapist, and I'm not surprised you stopped. It may be your therapist was pressing too hard or too quickly, and it may be they simply are not the right one for you. May I suggest you do talk this over with your GP saying if you can what it is that you really disliked about those visits, and why you stopped, then discuss options?

I suggest this as I could not 'fix' myself and only started to improve with the correct medical support.

Things do get better you know, I was a complete mess and now I'm in a pretty good place with love and activity and satisfaction, if I can change so radically I'd expect you can too.

Would you like to come back and talk some more?

Croix

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

Here2Talk — Sun, 09 May 2021 12:49:24 GMT

You're right about it not being 'normal' to lose zest for life, Croix. Depending on what you mean by normal... To hairclip: Anhedonia, another name for the symptom usually described as "a loss of pleasure from activities that usually or used to give you pleasure", is very characteristic of depression - in contrast to anxiety which is more fear and avoidance based. At any rate it's not good to have your flame gone out, not feel like doing anything. I don't know if the word 'lazy' is too meaningful, either. I imagine that if there were such a thing as lazy, one would have to be content to be doing nothing, and actually be happy by doing that. In my experience - of myself and others, what is called laziness by society is, in reality either an element of depression (loss of motivation), or an element of anxiety (being frozen still into not doing anything, escaping fear by doing nothing), or some combination of the both - as they can both exist to varying proportions in people... Some people are content to do less than others, but you hardly seem lazy - you went back to study which is not easy, and went to therapy in a quest to work on yourself - which is the most energy intensive thing that one can do, and far from lazy..

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

hairclip — Mon, 10 May 2021 07:52:37 GMT

At first I was checking in with her every month or every 2 months and things were going well. But lately I just don't feel anything. I draw, I take care of my pets and I try to talk to my friends but nothing would trigger an emotion. I feel like I'm just performing for the sake of surviving. I use to be overly self conscious with how I look. If I gained 1-2kg I'll skip meals to lose it, and I can't leave the house unless I have make up on. But now I don't care...

I want to look good again but I honestly just...don't care. It feels like I'm standing outside a glass room and seeing all my emotions reacting to different events but I can't feel them myself...

I'm not sure what's happened but...I also don't think therapy would help...

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

hairclip — Mon, 10 May 2021 07:55:38 GMT

Yeah I was really happy with my life for a few months but now I'm struggling to feel anything. I just feel extremely stressed when my family is at home but I can't bare the silence too. My family and my partner are all very supportive but most of the time I'm just pretending to feel something. Thank you for responding to my post BTW. Its good to see and read about people successfully living and thriving after dealing with depression/ anxiety.

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

hairclip — Mon, 10 May 2021 08:01:31 GMT

Hi Croix, thank you for your reply. I'm glad things worked out for you. Did you notice only sadness or negative thoughts when you were depressed? Or was it just numb and no emotional response to any events?

In the past my experience with depression was crying uncontrollably and especially when I was alone. I constantly had negative thoughts in my head to a point I'd get exhausted. But this time it just feels different...

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

Croix — Mon, 10 May 2021 08:49:44 GMT

Dear Hairclip~

It's hard to answer your question as I am at a "recovered" state from PTSD, bouts of depression and chronic anxiety. As a result it is just about impossible to separate all symptoms

One thing did strike a chord when you said : " I'm standing outside a glass room and seeing all my emotions reacting to different events but I can't feel them myself."

I have so often said something very similar on this Forum, I'll quote one of them : "It was as if I was on one side of a glass all, and I was on the otherside, so I was cut off from myself."

At other times yes, cried and full of negative thoughts, plus the sadness.

I'm no doctor so cannot say much about your mental health, all I can say is your descriptions of your feelings could have been written by me.

I'll stress my recovery point is a good one, with symptoms manageable and I'm happy to be alive.

I noticed your Leyendecker avatar, I like both him and also Alphonse Mucha who filled a similar artistic niche in advertising. I'm glad you draw, do you find you can lose yourself in it?

Croix

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

hairclip — Mon, 10 May 2021 11:32:20 GMT

I love this painting, but drawing brings back really negative memories and feelings for me. I have a love hate relationship with drawing. I'm very impressed you're able to recover from it. It must have been a difficult journey...

I wanted to compare my symptoms to others, as it is hard for me to identify if my therapist is right for me. And I don't want to go to therapy if what I'm feeling is how everyone feels and I'm just over thinking it...

Thank you for sharing your experiences, I'm actually very glad to read your response is full of hope.

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

Croix — Mon, 10 May 2021 11:48:03 GMT

DearHairclip

I'd have to say you are not over-thinking it at all.

BTW your avatar 'In the Stands' does paint a rather idyllic picture of social life, still it is a reminder life can be good.

Croix

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

hairclip — Tue, 11 May 2021 04:56:13 GMT

I didn't know that's what it was about, I really liked the painter's art style

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

mocha delight — Tue, 11 May 2021 08:48:35 GMT

Hi hair clip yes it’s not really easy having to feel the negative emotions with depression and I really wish I was emotionally numb right now

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

hairclip — Thu, 20 May 2021 05:50:16 GMT

Thank you to everyone who helped me through this numbness, it gave me a little push towards the right direction. I feel a bit better now, and have started to ease back into life.

I still feel pretty numb but I'm able to start doing things again. I've kept a journal on days I feel especially numb and see any patterns. I've noticed its usually during dim and rainy days. I've also started being mindful and grateful of things and supportive people.

I think I'll be OK. I hope everyone all the best and I'll return from time to time 🙂

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

hairclip — Thu, 20 May 2021 05:54:52 GMT

I know...I thought the same when all I could do was cry uncontrollably in my room and it seemed like all routes out of this depression was permanently sealed.

Its difficult...it takes hard work to cope and get to a better stage. Numbess does allow you to live a little easier, but you still won't want to get out. Please get the help you need. I sincerely hope you will thrive to get better.

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

mocha delight — Thu, 20 May 2021 11:03:42 GMT

Hi hairclip I’m seeing a psychologist and have been since 9th September last year but I’ve not been officially diagnosed with anything yet but my psychologist has casually mentioned to me that I have depression (clinical depression), social anxiety and general anxiety plus last session she ruled out basically that I don’t have bipolar.

I'm Emotionally Numb + Stopped Therapy

bluenight — Thu, 20 May 2021 12:27:52 GMT

Hi hairclip

Emotional numbness is a symptom of depression and so is losing the zest for life. Antidepressants can actually help treat this, I know for some people it cause emotional numbness but it can also treat it. Just something to consider. Emotional numbness is really difficult to deal with, I don't know what's worse being depressed where you feel everything or being numb