topic I think i am getting better in Depression

I think i am getting better

guest75 — Fri, 10 Jan 2014 22:58:47 GMT

As most of you know, my biggest problem since depression got a hold of me has been anger. My mood would swing towards anger over the smallest things, and i said some horrible things to both my partner and the kids. I have been on anti-depressants for nearly 5 weeks now,

Last night my mother and I had gotten some tea and my sister asked us to grab her a bottle of wine from the drive thru. When we get there another car had pulled in just before us, got to the service area turned the car off and all the occupants get out. They spend the next 15 minutes looking around for what they wanted, while we are stuck in the car waiting. This is a situation where i normally would have gotten very frustrated and angry, however, my very mild mannered calm mother was the one getting angry and i remained the calm the whole time and told her to chill out and relax. i think the medication is really working and stopping my moods swinging. Before the depression got a hold of me, i was different, i didnt get angry like i have over the past few years. i think im returning to who i was. if only i could tell Tara, this might all go away, she might see i am changing for the better

I am still struggling with anxiety, my stomach is constantly churning, like i feel something is going to go wrong, I cant make it stop, only when my mind is distracted does it stop, but as soon as i stop my mind goes straight back to stressing. Only 10 days to go and at least I will know whats going on, for better or for worse

I think i am getting better

Scott_Depression — Sat, 11 Jan 2014 13:29:05 GMT

Hi Mattyj

Congratulations on getting the help you needed!

I’ve been using anti-depressants and a mood stabiliser for a number of years and it’s great to feel much more in control!

I do have one question about one sentence “if only i could tell Tara, this might all go away, she might see i am changing for the better” – is this your partner?

If it is, suggest you tell her. Keep in mind that depression comes about in our minds only because our brains aren’t getting the right chemicals at the right times i.e. it’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about – no different to a diabetic needing to take insulin to regulate blood sugars!

Glad you’re feeling everything is moving in the right direction

Cheers

Scott

I think i am getting better

Neil_1 — Sat, 11 Jan 2014 23:14:45 GMT

Hey Matty

Way to go fella ... that is such a huge positive ... I was reading and was going to cringe with fear as to what might have taken place, but then the subject heading was kind of a spoiler alert as to how it was going to pan out.

But huge congrats to you and not only that, but to then have the strength to then get your mum to relax in that situation also.

From your time on here to how you are now, you have in my eyes shown a big progression forward. Only time will tell for what pans out on the 21st ... and there'll be so many of us here awaiting the news on that when it comes around.

The anxiety feelings really do suck ... I'm hearing you loud and clear with how you described your anxiety. And it is damn awful to experience. Keep up with the distractions, but you know that gets to be an effort as well, because after doing that for a while, and i guess it depends on what you've been doing, but gym sessions, fitness outside, or even gardening ... they're all taxing on the system and then when you stop to relax, BANG, it's there again.

Cheers my friend

Neil

I think i am getting better

geoff — Sat, 11 Jan 2014 23:46:11 GMT

dear Matty, that's terrific and the reply from our well esteemed co responder Neil is right.

There are so many people who come to this site from being person ZXC to being a changed person, and your post well and truly indicates this.

Matty your anxiety will still be there because you are anxious of the outcome in 10 days time, and that's only natural, and why wouldn't you feel like this, but you have to remember that you have been tested and you came through with flying colours.

So if for any reason you begin to feel agitated, take your memory back to the drive in bottle shop, and please refrain from saying 'stuff it', because now that's out of your vocabulary, sorry mate just had to put that in. Geoff.

I think i am getting better

Jo3 — Sun, 12 Jan 2014 00:03:45 GMT

Hi Matty

Well done for controlling your anger. Of course you will still feel anxious and nervous about the 21st but remember you have all of us here thinking of you and supporting you. You are not alone.

Matty, I so hope that everything goes well for you. You have changed and even if it's small changes they are still changes and positive and better changes.

Keep fighting, take care

I think i am getting better

guest75 — Sun, 12 Jan 2014 04:56:36 GMT

Hi Scott

I cant tell her unfortunately, as at the start of December she took an intervention order out against me where I cant contact her by any means. This is a temp order and goes to court on the 21st of this month where she also has my children listed.

She told my mother when she was collecting some of my belongings that she didnt want to do this, DHS made her because of my moods, and that as long as i get myself sorted by the 21st everything will return to normal.

I am doing everything i can think of to improve myself, so fingers crossed for the 21st, i hope and prey she meant what she said to my mother coz that little ray of hope is all that has been getting me thru the last 6 or so weeks

I think i am getting better

guest75 — Sun, 12 Jan 2014 05:11:48 GMT

Hi Neil and Geoff

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I really do feel like i am getting better, i just hope Tara (and the magistrate) can see it too.

The anxiety is bad at the min, every minute i am thinking about "what happens if" in regards to the 21st.

I think i am getting better

Scott_Depression — Sun, 12 Jan 2014 10:41:58 GMT

Hi again Mattyj

Sounds like you’re doing everything you need to at this stage – well done!

I’d imagine certainly on the 21st you or your representative will have a chance to make it known to Tara & Magistrate that you’ve made significant steps toward getting yourself sorted.

Re anxiety are you able to try and get into 1 or 2 counselling sessions? Might be helpful

Keep up the great work!

Kind regards

Scott

I think i am getting better

geoff — Sun, 12 Jan 2014 15:07:48 GMT

dear Matty, DHS made Tara take out the order, but they now have nothing to do with your case, and that's exactly what you need to know, so they won't be at court, and that's even better.

Take your mum with you to court and she can tell the magistrate about the incident at the drive in bottle shop, so that's a base to start on, and anyone else who you know that can support you then take them.

If you both have any lawyers then try and get them to make a deal before you go inside the court room, so then the magistrate will go by both of them.

Keep posting. Geoff.

I think i am getting better

Scott_Depression — Tue, 14 Jan 2014 10:42:34 GMT

Hi again Mattyj

Just a short post to let you know I'm around - wondering how you're doing over last 24/48 hours?

Take care

Scott

I think i am getting better

guest75 — Tue, 14 Jan 2014 21:15:44 GMT

Hi Scott

I am traveling OK, The anxiety is making me feel sick, but otherwise ok

Thanks for checking up on me

I think i am getting better

Scott_Depression — Wed, 15 Jan 2014 06:50:18 GMT

Hi Matty

Glad you're going ok - can your Doctor / Psych help you with something to help settle the nerves a bit? Might be worth at least a call to the surgery / office and ask if they can help.

I know you're probably counting down the days till the 21st. Geoff had some good ideas in his post above - might be a good idea to write a few down, so when you get there you don't forget anything.

Keep taking care of yourself - would be great if you could make a call to see if you can see your doc/psych

Warm regards

Scott

I think i am getting better

guest75 — Wed, 15 Jan 2014 07:05:19 GMT

Hi Scott

I had an appt with my psych this morning. She helped me with some relaxation techniques to deal with (not get rid of) my stress/anxiety

I had an appt on saturday with my GP for a new prescription of my Anti Depressants, he took my blood pressure when i was there and it was high. I wonder if its related to stress?

Im a big guy, but have NEVER had blood pressure issues and Ive actually lost weight since this all happened (giving up coke will do that) so it just seems weird that now my blood pressure would be high

I think i am getting better

Scott_Depression — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 11:07:47 GMT

Hi Matty

Good on you for making it to appointment – not easy when you’re in your situation.

Have the relaxation techniques helped at all? Hope so!

Try not to worry about the blood pressure – it’s your doctor who needs to worry about that. Just make sure you do your part of the deal take the right meds at the right time and practice those techniques – quite likely it’ll take some time to get the most out of it, but worth sticking to it!

I’m pretty big myself & pretty much addicted to Pepsi Max!! Was it hard to kick it? How did you do it? I get some grief from the wife & kids because I drink so much of it – any tips?

Well done on the positive steps you’re making – reckon it’s time to update your profile picture!!! Maybe move to horizontal mouth on face?! Ha ha ha On a serious note, and this might sound a little silly, but I’ve found myself that if I try to reduce negative images, etc it helps my depression. Consider changing your face from where you’ve been to where you want to be. It’s just every time you look at the sad face it can remind you that you’ve been feeling really bad. If you have happy face, it’s positive reinforcement of where you’re headed to!

Will keep checking on you – well done!!

Kind regards

Scott

I think i am getting better

JessF — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 23:31:59 GMT

Hi Matty, hope you are doing ok after yesterday's news. I think Scott makes a good point, it may seem like a little thing but (and this is something i've noticed with a few people on here and the names they have chosen) to come onto the site and see a sad picture or read a sad name, its like you're saying 'this is me, this is my identity, this is who I am'. And I guess that's how you're feeling, and you want to express that, but you can do that through the words you write. Sometimes I feel like a right loser, but I dont think it would help me very much if I called myself 'loserlady'.

I think i am getting better

Katy100 — Thu, 16 Jan 2014 23:51:11 GMT

Matty, I used to get really angry, and one thing I found helpful was asking myself if this incident would still be bothering me next week? Would I even remember it next week?

Scott, fizzy drinks have been linked to depression ... and most contain lots of salt. Does that give you an incentive?

I think i am getting better

guest75 — Fri, 17 Jan 2014 01:32:59 GMT

Hi Scott

The relaxation techniques are working a little, helping me get through when i get down, but its stil lingering in the back of mind

I used to drink about 1L of coke a day or more. My psych told me that caffeine can make depression and anxiety worse, so i just gave it up cold turkey, i have drunk nothing but water since before christmas. It was hard but I am willing to do whatever is needed to get my family back, and if that is what it takes then so be it is how i got off it

I will change the avatar when i get home this afternoon (at work on lunch break at the min) but its not going to make me feel any better. Only 1 thing could do that and i'm becoming more and more afraid i've lost that...

Hi Katy

Yeh the anger management techniques im working on say something similar and also to step away from the situation do something physical to release built up tension and then return. I havent really had a chance to test them since it all happened which i think is the anti depressants taking the edge off my moods, i dont feel angry, i get annoyed but not angry

I think i am getting better

geoff — Fri, 17 Jan 2014 02:35:41 GMT

dear Matty, boy we can feel your anxiety, and I'm sure all of us can put ourselves in your position, but that's totally different than being there yourself.

I often tell people who are trying to give up alcohol to drink 'tonic water', it has a taste that you may not be familiar with, and that's the punch line.

I can't relieve any thoughts of what's going to happen to you, but the important part, and hell it's hard, is to not think in a negative way, because if you do then you will go into court with your eyes shut, and then won't have the ability to think rationally, logically, and when asked a question you will have no idea of what to say.

Matty this is a test for you and not caused by you, but by Tara's solicitor and the magistrate, you have improved 100 % and you want to re join your kids as well as Tara, so as much as it's so difficult go into court nicely dressed, maybe clean shaven and hold your head high, which shows that you have changed.

Keep posting we have to encourage you to be as you are now. Geoff.

I think i am getting better

Scott_Depression — Fri, 17 Jan 2014 11:52:39 GMT

Good on you Matty – doing well!

An unfortunate side effect of our illness is that it's sometimes (actually most of the time) hard to give ourselves a pat on the back & celebrate the little victories! It’s a bit of a cliché but every long journey starts with a single step.

Let’s recap what I’ve learnt so far about you:

You had BAD depression and mood swings and acted bad toward those you love BUT you:

Went to the doctors WIN!
Got prescribed medicine to help get those brain chemicals back into balance WIN!
Have regularly taken meds as prescribed BIG WIN!
Have seen your mood and anger stabilise MASSIVE WIN!
Stayed calm even when others around you were very irate WIN!
You’ve gone onto Beyond Blue and sought advice & friendship WIN!
Sounds like you’ve complied with Tara’s intervention order WIN!
You checked in with your psych & learned coping strategies for your condition WIN!
You APPLIED the coping strategies as instructed BIG WIN! (it’s easy to learn but fail to follow through)
Given up Coke and dropped weight to improve your health (even though it’s a side effect of anxiety, still helps you feel better)
Through all of this, you’ve managed to hold down your job PRETTY AMAZING WIN, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED!!

All of this has been achieved in EXTREMELY stressful circumstances

Try and reply these achievements in your mind – judging from where you came from, you’ve done everything humanly possible!

Kind regards

Scott

I think i am getting better

guest75 — Fri, 17 Jan 2014 22:00:08 GMT

Hi Geoff

The anxiety is destroying me at the minute. I am using the relaxing techniques my psych taught me and it is helping a little, it stops me from crying/breaking down but it doesnt get rid of the sense of dread

I will be wearing a suit, my solicitor said its not neccesary, just a collared shirt is fine, but i will wear it. I dont do clean shaven, i havent been clean shaven since i was about 17 🙂 It is neat. From my understanding I wont be speaking with the magistrate on tuesday. My solicitor can speak with hers and see if she will retract it (tell her what ive been doing etc). If not, then we are given another court date where I will tell the magistrate everything in approx a months time