topic hate this time of year in Depression

hate this time of year

fifi — Wed, 24 Dec 2014 10:53:11 GMT

its seems every one is happy yet I sit hear all alone I hate this time of year soooo much .It is soo very hard when you don't fit in no matter where you go so why is this so much worse this year because all of my family are together and you guessed it I am not included there has been tension over the last few years between my sister and I over lets face it rubbish any way of course I have a panic attack and loose it try to leave and then have my mother start her manipulative rubbish and long story short starts an argument between my sister and I any way she rips me telling me that I am basically a terrible person a drama queen and god only knows what else sorry guys I know this is sounding so hate filled and probably really petty but honestly if I don't let it out I really don't know what I will do I honestly just feel unwanted several references were made about my depression and how because of it I am weak and her words pull my head in cause the whole world doesn't revolve around me . that is where I should have let it stop but no idiot Fiona tries to make it better tries to make her see reason and then she starts telling me that the fact I cant have kids is my fault and not meant to be so I should just suck it up and get over it wow you would think after that I would retreat but no I continued to try to get her to hear me to validate that what I was feeling was valid but she just continued to attack me . all I want all I have ever wanted is to be embraced for the person I am I want to be wanted loved included just for once I would love for someone to see me I am again really sorry guys but honestly I just feel so down and needed to reach out to some one .

hate this time of year

geoff — Wed, 24 Dec 2014 13:39:40 GMT

dear Fiona, this is such a very sad comment, and I don't like sad ones, because I just want to jump through the computer and give you a big hug.

I am just so sorry that your family takes their enjoyment and your depression out on you, because that's certainly their best way to alienate you, as the old saying says 'kick them while their down', and to mention about whether or not you can have children is really a personal matter and should never be aired in public.

We aren't strong enough when we have depression to be able to defend ourselves, when we are verbally assaulted and literally abused, and that's a real shame, because these people take delight in grounding even harder.

I'm the same as you I particularly don't enjoy Xmas myself, but when I see my 2 grand daughters that excites me, but I think it's being there with them, which won't happen until tomorrow, so today I am by myself, so your not alone.

Unfortunately I can't give you a hug but please know that it's there for you. L Geoff. xx

hate this time of year

fifi — Sun, 01 Feb 2015 21:51:12 GMT

thanks geoff x

hate this time of year

Doolhof — Sun, 01 Feb 2015 22:02:01 GMT

Hi Fiona,

I was just checking out the new posts and up popped yours. If you don't mind me asking, how are you getting on? Your story from Christmas time was really sad.

I can relate to you regarding the not having children. I have managed to become pregnant but have not been able to carry my babies past 20 weeks gestation.

I know how cruel people can be with their comments regarding not being able to have children. Those with kids just don't seem to get how deep and hurtful their comments can be. Then I too think that maybe people just don't always know what to say!

How are you getting on with your depression? I had a shocking time before Christmas and ended up in hospital for a week. The outcome of that is I now have a new medication am seeing a counsellor and am feeling like I am getting on top of everything again for the first time in ages.

Are you seeing a Dr. about your depression or are you trying to treat it yourself? I hope you don't mind me butting in like this, you just sounded like you needed someone to care!

Hopefully you will get back to me and also Geoff so we know how you are going.

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

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fifi — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 02:36:05 GMT

Hi Mrs dools ,

Thank you for your kind warm reply 🙂

as for my depression i am medicated and my medication seems to be affective. have struggled rather badly since September when i found out that i would need ivf to complete my family unfortunately the issue is with me and not my hubby which makes it so much harder to swallow . as for how i am going now well i am just trying to take each day as it comes and deal with it that way . not always easy beacuse i am sure as you both know medicated or not if your having a bad day / week its just that and sometimes it is easier to let it pass . we have booked in for our first ivf cycle now and although i feel it is a little early to be doing it after my diagnosis but the drs have said my age is a problem so i need to do it now before i miss out all together .

hate this time of year

Doolhof — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 21:18:54 GMT

Hi Fiona,

I have not had to go down the road of IVF but I have had 5 pregnancies and no live children, so I understand a little of what you must be going through right now, wanting a child and not knowing what the future will hold.

I do so hope that it all goes well for you and your husband can be supportive during the process you will have to go through.

Presumably the IVF clinic has support systems in place for their clients? If not then speak to your GP and find out what support and help is out there for you.

It may be important for you to try to keep doing things and activities that you like and enjoy, so the pressure of everyday life does not build up too much for you.

Do you have some close friends you can share this journey with? I have been very blessed and have three dear friends I can share my sadness and grief with over the loss of our babies. It helps me to share the hurt with people who care.

I'm pleased to read your medication is working for you, that is half the battle sometimes!

I will be thinking of you and of the journey ahead and do so hope that all goes well.

Cheers for now, best of luck to you, from Mrs. Dools

hate this time of year

pipsy — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 23:36:31 GMT

Hi Fiona. My name is Pipsy, I've been involved with BB since just before Christmas. The amount of support I've had as made me feel I would like to give back a little. I am so sorry about your problem with not having children, that would be very difficult to live with and the lack of family support doesn't help. I have no children, but I'm now 64 so it doesn't hurt so much. I went through Hell when I discovered I couldn't have kids and thoughtless remarks made it 10 times worse. I found depression made me very angry and it was turning away the few friends I did have. I was also having difficulties with nasty in-laws. Through my G.P and Geoff, I went to a councilor who has helped me channel my anger into complete disregard for my in-laws. They are still alive, but because I have had to stop seeing them because of how worthless they made me feel, I have become a better person. It may be that you have to try to 'back away' from your mother/sister for a while till you are strong enough to ignore them. In my case, my husband did nothing to fend off their attacks on me because he didn't (and still doesn't) understand how they hurt me. We are still together, but I am stronger and have accepted his weakness. If your husband is supportive emotionally, this will help you through your 'dark' times. Hopefully your medication will help too. You are not a terrible person, don't ever think that. You can validate yourself, by telling yourself, what they think doesn't matter, it doesn't, believe me. What you think and believe about yourself is validation more than they could ever give. They are toxic and you are not strong enough yet to ignore them. Hope I've been of some help. Love P.

hate this time of year

Neil_1 — Wed, 04 Feb 2015 00:13:26 GMT

Dear Fi

Hey my friend, long time no hear from – well from me anyway; and that’s perhaps a good thing; means possibly (a) you’ve been going “ok” and not had to post, until the very harrowing event for you on Christmas day, or (b) I’ve been ultra slack and haven’t come across your posts. Unfortunately it is (b) – so buzz me out as being guilty as charged.

With this first ivf cycle, forgive me, that I know pretty much nothing about this – this kind of thing won’t be too taxing on you, will it? Mentally or physically? I’m hoping that hubby will be there with you ? Sorry if I’ve asked silly questions and also, you’re under no obligation at all to answer, so just move on to my next one if you’d feel more comfortable in leaving this alone – totally understand.

I simply don’t get people. You’ve raised it and Mrs Dools raised it as well; where “other people” will have a go at those folk who try as hard as they can to get pregnant and to have a child, but for whatever reason are just not able to have them. I have two children and they mean the absolute world to me and I couldn’t think for one micro second why I’d ever have a go at someone for not being able to fall pregnant. It defies explanation. To me, these people need to be avoided at all costs. And Fi, even if it is family. They might be linked to you by blood, but that’s it – I wouldn’t consider them family. They are of no support to you at all – all they’re doing is making things so much worse for you. Actually sorry that I had to bring this up, but I just wanted to let you know where I stand on this issue and that you’ve got my support as well as so many other people on this site as well.

I hope for the next few weeks, etc that they go along as quietly and calmly for you as you would want them too – with the stress to a minimum, etc.

As always, if you need to vent or unload, you know there’s always wonderful folk here to listen and support, and you never know, sometimes I might get my slack backside in gear and answer you much quicker!

Cheers

Neil

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pipsy — Sat, 07 Feb 2015 07:48:55 GMT

Hi, Fi, Pip here. Please don't be offended by my writing, but I am quite concerned about what's been happening since you wrote. When do you start your IVF cycle? I understand if you don't wish to talk about it, but I wish you all the best. I have no idea what it entails, I never had it, IVF wasn't available when I wanted to start a family. All I was told was I couldn't have children, no help available. I admire your courage.

Cheers, Pip.

hate this time of year

fifi — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 13:33:36 GMT

Hi Neil 🙂 unfortunately that smile is all I can muster in this post I am doing well enough considering the events of the last few months starting with xmas and included being made redundant (yay I am now a dole bludger ) starting the ivf procedure and loosing my dog on my birthday (today 11.3.15) . my head feels like it is going to explode and im not kidding I feel so weak 😞 . back track to your questions about the treatment it is horribly taxing on my body and mind but I have to keep trying . things are just going from worse to worst with no end in sight. I am booked for surgery on Monday so I am desperately trying to keep my S#it together but today was just to much . just feeling really dead inside right now . on the upside the pound has my dog and I can see her tommrow and hopefully bring her home with me . I appoligise for not having a happier post but we all know when times are tough they are really tough I hope you are well

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fifi — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 13:43:51 GMT

hi Pip ,

thank you for your warm reply to answer your question I have started the treatment I am currently on the second phase of treatment injections 😞 I really feel like I am going bonkers I am scared excited and god only knows what . any way I am booked for pick up Monday 16th so fingers crossed that they get a good haul . then all of this would not have been in vain I hope to be able to report back with some positive news

hate this time of year

Neil_1 — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 23:12:51 GMT

Hi Fi

Hey, great to hear back from you – and wow, with all that’s happening now, I couldn’t imagine to wonder all the kinds of emotions you may be feeling.

Regarding the crossing of fingers, I’ll uncross them as I type this, otherwise, just too hard to type – but once I’ve sent this, I’ll be re-crossing MY fingers for you as well and hope that it all goes as you would like it too.

Oh wow, that IS very good news regarding your dog; when I read it, I thought the worst – so my relief was huge when I read that the losing part was actually a “lost puppy”; phew. 🙂

And again, I can’t imagine what it’s like to be experiencing what you’re experiencing, so I’ll just say – wow, I’m actually a bit stumped – I just hope that this all works out really well for you.

Hey and no need to apologise; that’s what being on this site is all about – being “able” to unload and vent; and I’m glad you have.

And you know, we’re always here.

Kind regards

Neil

Ps: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” for yesterday.

hate this time of year

pipsy — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 05:34:12 GMT

Fifi, Pip here. Hope all goes well with your treatment. As Neil said, fingers, toes, eyes and ears crossed for you. Sorry to hear about your dog. Glad to hear you got he/she back. How's things with family. Safe to ask? Tell me about the dog (if you like). Love dogs. Again, good luck.

Pip

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fifi — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 05:34:49 GMT

thanks buddy I feel a little better today still very nervous but I imagine that it a totally normal response to what my body is going through I took some time yesterday to take some photos of our neice and nephew and that helped heaps I have another shoot planned for this afternoon 🙂 as for the procedure I am booked and ready to go will let you all know how it goes 🙂

hate this time of year

fifi — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 05:52:04 GMT

hi Pip thank you so much for your warm wishes I really do appreciate it . Now as for my dog we actually have 5 but because I am away from home for longer than a few days we had to bring 2 with us 😛 as Mylah is my dog and frets for me when I am not home . Any way Mylah Is a pure breed English Staffy she is almost 18 mths old and naughty as the day is long she is a very friendly and loving dog with not so much as a nasty nerve in her body . Her little adventure was short lived as she made it all the way to the local school (she loves kids ) and was thankfully picked up by a really nice person that took her to the local vet whom had her collected by the pound .We collected her yesterday morning from the pound as you would expect we were both ecstatic to see each other but on the upside she was no worse for wear at all 🙂 I will chat with you soon Pip thanks heaps for your replys

xox

hate this time of year

pipsy — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 05:13:01 GMT

Hi Fi, Pip here. Thanks for getting back to me. Your dog Mylah sounds gorgeous, albeit a bit cheeky. The school she 'visited' do the kids know her? Unfortunately, if she wasn't 'known', Staffy's have a bit of a bad reputation and could scare the kids. Hopefully this didn't happen. A neighbor of mine had one and it used to 'visit' me all the time. 'Snow's' favorite place to sleep was under my patio table, I'm sure he thought my neighbor and I both owned him. I personally have had Corgi's, Australian Terriers, and a cross bred Shitzu/Cavalier King Charles. I would love another dog, but I live in a village and getting a dog past the 'yappie' stage would be difficult. My husband is not keen on another dog and things between him and I aren't the best, so another dog is not a good idea. Hope your IVF treatment goes well Monday. If you want to share with me, feel free. I'll be thinking of you. Much love P. xxx

hate this time of year

Neil_1 — Sun, 15 Mar 2015 23:22:25 GMT

Hi there Fi

Ahh, so a budding camera person, oh that’s right the word is photographer. 🙂 Doing things like that can be so rewarding – finding a beautiful landscape, colourful clouds on sunset, especially if there’s some kind of smoke in the area – they’re burning off in our area at the moment and smoke is lingering around most days, which makes for some wicked sunsets. My daughter LOVES doing all kinds of different photography shots.

I hope this helps you a bit and takes your mind away from your other issues, even if it’s for a short while.

Booked and ready to go – I wish you all the best with this and I hope it all goes as best as it possibly can for you.

Stay in touch

Neil

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pipsy — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 06:21:42 GMT

Hi there, Fi. Hope all went well today. Been thinking about you. I suppose you were nervous, that's natural. When will you know the results? Just remember, the end results make it all worthwhile. Your own little bundle of joy. Cheers Pip. xxx

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fifi — Thu, 08 Oct 2015 13:19:39 GMT

hi guys long time no talk what can I say the last few months have been insane surgery , procedures and finally a baby on the way yay we were extremely lucky and even though out of 3 eggs only 1 fertilised that 1 little embryo was all it took to make our dreams come true I am currently 32.5 weeks pregnant and eagerly awaiting the birth of my beautiful baby I cant say that any of this has been easy but regardless all of the hard work has paid off . At this point in time I am doing ok I am currently not medicated and doing really well although we (midwife and me ) are on high alert for any negative symptoms that may arise and require me to start meds again I hope you are all well will do my best to update you all when the baby is born

take care all xxx

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Neil_1 — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 01:19:17 GMT

Hi there Fi

OH WOW, that is amazing news. I’m so incredibly pleased for you, and I even have goosebumps now as I write back to you; that is just the best news.

Roughly 7 ½ weeks to go – so that’ll be around early December, yeah?

This must be so exciting for you. Keep up with the wonderful positive thoughts and I know you’ll have been doing all the right things with regard to the pregnancy, so just keep doing what you’re doing.

That is so wonderful to hear from you as well.

Thank you so much for coming here and providing this post.

Kind regards

Neil

Ps: if it’s a boy, Neil is a pretty good name 😉 😉 😉