topic So Very Sad, is there really hope? in Depression

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

Lostheart — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 15:15:18 GMT

HI I am new to the site, I am 39 yr Female, who has had depression for 14 years (treated any way).. I read so many stories on this site and they could describe my life perfectly.. The one thing that gets me the most, is people, docter's, psychologists, mental health workers, they say hold on to the good thoughts/times to help you get through... I have got to a point in my life that I feel I have nothing to look forward to.. I feel like people who I see for help listen, but dot "Hear" me.. They say medication and life style changes can help, but no of this takes away the looming sadness that is constantly being pushed down inside, only to arise again later. I dont feel if I died tomorrow the world would even notice I was missing.. I as sooo sick of taking pills all the time, although the doctors assure me its the only way..

I have tried suicide several times in the last 4 years along with 2 stays as a involentary patient in a mental health facility.. Knowing other people are suffering the same way dosn't help make me feel better, but I question every day, is this is my life, and this is as good as it gets, I'm not really wanting to stick around any longer to go through the motions, knowing that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.. I have even got to the point I re-searched where I went wrong with previous attempts. and now have a better understanding of how and what drugs work best together to get a proper result.. I used to drink alcohol when I was really sad, but I now feel numb, I don't even want to drink, I just have a overwhelming sense of nothing, no connection, no feeling.. I tried a life line counciller, but although very compassionate, I realised kind word wont change things...I feel like my heart is just, empty, a void I cant fulfill...

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

ModeratorA — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 02:48:52 GMT

Dear Lostheart,

You sound as if you have had a really tough run for a number of years but now is particularly tough. We are really concerned about you and your safety at the moment. Although you see no light at the end of the tunnel, please remember there have been times when it has not felt as bad as it does now. Please try and think about at least one of these moments.You talk about having been in touch with psychiatric services in the past. Please contact your local service on the 24 hour crisis line. Let them know how you are, and how tough things are at the moment.

If you don't have the number, you can google mental health crisis help and the name of your state.

Please let us know how you are going.

The beyondblue Moderation Team

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

Lostheart — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 05:54:23 GMT

I have all the numbers to ring, but I just cant bring myself to keep having to go over whats been happening to yet "another" [person, it makes me feel worse still ].. I feel guilty about how I feel, I should be grateful for the life I have, but at the same time I am invisible.. nobody really sees me..

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

geoff — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 20:24:45 GMT

dear Lostheart, I had replied to you but 'ERROR' came up so I will post this reply first to see if it goes through and if it does then I will post again. Love Geoff. x

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

geoff — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 19:15:00 GMT

dear Lostheart, sorry luv I have just spend 30 mins or more typing another reply to you but it >>?>><>?<>??? came up with ERROR again. I don't know what the >?><

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

MarkJT — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 11:11:09 GMT

Lostheart, I have been living with PTSD/depression/anxiety for a little bit. I can say that I sat on the floor of the shower in a psych clinic, crippled with fear, with sadness, with anxiety, with no hope and no light at the end of the tunnel. Via many sessions with a psych, I have now found a way into the light and can live with hope. Although very hard times still exist, I am on the mend. I am hoping that you find the strength to make that call to the support services and link into them to get the assistance that you need and you to can again find that light.

Please pick up the phone, you are not invisible and deserve to live a long life...

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

Tracey — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:43:45 GMT

Hi everyone, change is hard - particularly when you giant think clearly ! Ohh dear !!! Is everyone back on board yet? Ha ha

cheers Tracey

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

HighlandGirl — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 14:20:50 GMT

I know how you feel - I've got no answers for you as I have the same questions and feelings. I know my family love me and try their hardest to support me but they don't really understand (except my sibling as we have the same conditions).

I'm not going to offer empty platitudes or thoughtless words of encouragement as neither is likely to help; if anything that makes me feel worse.

I can only hope we both recover enough that life again feels worth it...for now, I feel completely empty too. Sad, alone, tired, and very empty.

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

Mum1965 — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 14:35:11 GMT

Hi Lostheart, I am also new to the site. Although you believe otherwise, your suicide will have a very great impact on the people that are in your life. No matter how insignificant you feel, somebody somewhere is going to be hurting terribly, because you do mean something to them. I wish I could give you a warm hug to assure you that things can work out. I'm not going to sugar-coat it - it won't be easy, but please try to give it just one more day. I wish I could call you and talk with you. Just talk. X.

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

Lostheart — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 09:47:28 GMT

Thankyou for your kind words, there are so few people in my life who care, I wonder if suffering on really is going to matter more to them, if they knew how hard it is, warm hug to you to xx

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

Lostheart — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 09:50:12 GMT

It breaks my heart to know you are suffering to, this is the exact reason I dont understand how I am better of like this, what kind of life is this, we both shouldnt have to go thru our "life" like this, hugs xx

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

Lostheart — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 09:52:45 GMT

thankyou for you honesty, I keep trying to reach out but the system just keeps failing.. xx

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

Lostheart — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 10:06:17 GMT

I really appreciate the caring words people have posted, no one deserves to feel so bad, I would in a perfect world, take away that pain, but I cant..

I have twice tried to get a gp plan and get the councilor sessions it provides, but have struggled to find a place I can afford, or am on waiting lists.. The last one I sent a referral to took five weeks to ring back, the person I couldn't understand their accent, I tried several times to ring and get hold of them, this has gone on 3 months, and today I get a letter stating since I didn't contact them, they were taking me off the list... I am just dumbfounded...unless you have private cover, the public services really don't give a stuff.. Every few months I keep getting a different "shrink" at the hospital, if I have to go through things with some one different again, I swear its the last time they will see me, i'm just not doing it anymore.... I cant build any kind of relationship when they change all the time, it makes it even more obvious they really don't care, they don't even read the file to find out about me, i'm supposed to tell them, how hard is it really.. Shows a total lack of commitment as far as i can see.. So i'm giving it 1 last chance, thats it, if it dosen't work this time, i am done with the whole thing, i'm getting no where, and I have nothing left to fight with or for.. im sorry I cant be positive, but Im just not kidding myself anymore...

so over it.. :-((

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

Mum1965 — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 13:25:36 GMT

Lostheart,

I care!

We, here, care! I wish we could contact you personally!

So Very Sad, is there really hope?

Mum1965 — Wed, 15 May 2013 05:26:38 GMT

Hello LostHeart,

I haven't been on for a while, but have been wondering how you have been coping with things. I've been trying to deal with my own grief/loss for my son, and am sorry it has taken me so long to get back on here.

I hope you are ok. It would be nice to hear from you, and how things have progressed for you. Take care. X