topic Help please - advice needed in Depression

Help please - advice needed

Neil_1 — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 05:28:34 GMT

Hi all

I think I’ve written a few times now that I have tears in me, gallons of them, but they won’t come. I’m sad all the time, or next to all the time, but I cannot cry.

Well, a short while ago, I had a meltdown and wow, the tears flowed. I received for Christmas a DVD pack of the latest series of one of my all time favourite shows (I won’t name it, as I don’t want to create any spoiler alerts here). So I watched episode after episode and finally got to the last one today.

And it was brewing in the way the show was panning out that it was likely to be sad (and worth noting here that I am emotional with movies and the like and will cry easily) and so the tears started to fall before the show finished. I got my partner to be near me; but when the show concluded and it went to the black screen and the credits started, I yelled out “NO” and then burst into hysterical tears; I was sitting on the edge of our lounge and I honestly think I passed out for a short while, ending up on the floor and sobbing uncontrollably. My partner was talking to me, but for a while, I didn’t hear here. I was an absolute mess for around 10 minutes. Our dog was so concerned, and he was actually getting a bit stroppy with my partner, as he thought it was her, who did this to his master.

I’m better now, but still hellishly fragile.

I mean, it was only a TV show/series … what would have caused this? Does anyone have any thoughts? There was nothing in the series or the episodes that reminded me of my past.

To actually black out for a short while was a bit unusual. But yeah, I'm feeling fragile and somewhat dumbfounded as well - and everything definitely doesn't feel right. I know I prescribe this a bit to others, but Neil, it might be time to get yourself off to see my good doctor.

Neil

Help please - advice needed

amamas — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 06:07:18 GMT

Hi Neil

Feeling with you! Sounds enormous! An enormous release.

From what you've said it was building for a while, just waiting for release. It may not have been anything on the show in particular, maybe the feeling of the show building and then ending matched your own suppressed feelings.

Big hugs! Big big hugs!! Amamas

Help please - advice needed

Jo3 — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 09:44:45 GMT

Hi Neil,

You are always on here daily giving advice to others and today you need the advice.

Neil, I am so sorry you got so upset watching the DVD. How did you feel after you cried and let it all out. And it is very draining isn't it.

I could tell from your other posts that this emotion of wanting to cry has been a build up and it is so damn hard to hold it in and not actually cry. But I am glad you go to cry.

You know your advice to see your GP might be a good idea. I think the overwhelming emotion and crying probably led you to be completely out of it for a while.

I hope you understand what I;m saying, i;m not that great in writing what I want to say.,

Please take care Neil, you deserve to be happy. You are such a great person, I will always thank you for your help and support you have given me.

Help please - advice needed

Jo3 — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 11:00:52 GMT

Hey Neil

I replied to you earlier but it hasn't come on yet. Hopefully it will be up soon otherwise I will write to you again.

Help please - advice needed

Suzbj — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 11:11:05 GMT

Hi Neil,

I am so happy for you!! I am so stoked to hear about your tears etc! That may sound not right - bit hear me out! You are a person who has wanted/needed to cry for a long time and FINALLY you did!!! Who cares what you were watching - it was just the straw that broke the camels back. What happened to you is a process of healing and, although it may not seem good, It is!! I hope you can see that. Tears are healing and men cry just as much as women. And that is nature's tool for healing. It takes a strong man to cry! Congratulations and may this be the beginning of more healing and growth for you!

Cheers

Suz xx 🙂 🙂

Help please - advice needed

Girl_Anachronism — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 12:45:24 GMT

Hi Neil,

I can only echo what was said above. Tears are a healing thing.

This past week I spent a good nour or two just crying into the bed of one of my girlfriends. It was just a wordless need to let it all go.

I was raised with a view from my dad that tears were I sign of weakness. Any flaw was a sign of weakness. My mum cried and he berated for it. It was because of all that I just made my self stop expressing anything. I refused to give that man a cent of my pain. It may have been hell, but I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of seeing me like that.

I am slowly realising that crying isn't a bad thing. Sometimes, just sometimes, when all you can feel is a wordless ball of emotions you can't begin to decipher, crying is all you can do to ease it, if only for a little while.

GA

Help please - advice needed

geoff — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 15:05:09 GMT

dear Neil, having the ability to just let go is amazing, and it doesn't matter if you are at the stage where I am now, I still cry, and I think it's a beautiful release of emotion, and there are two types of tears, one is with depression, and the other is for joy, but the difference between them is enormous.

I never sore my Dad ever cry, but this could be because he was a GP, nor did I see two other brothers cry, and my twin not often, or never the way I fill the buckets.

Book yourself in to see the doctor, and all the best. Geoff.

Help please - advice needed

geoff — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 15:15:30 GMT

dear Neil, sorry, back, your dog was protecting you and didn't want anyone else to touch you.

This happened to me after I had a seizure and Tessie wouldn't even let the ambulance guys try to touch me, and the same happened after an attempt.

Boy I still miss her so much. Geoff.

Help please - advice needed

Jo3 — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 21:00:15 GMT

Hi Neil

Well I don't know what happened to my post?? It's disappeared.

And now I can't remember what I had written. So here goes take 2 .....

I'm so glad to read that you did cry, you let out some of the bottled up emotion you have had for a very long time. Even though it was overwhelming for you and your partner and your dog it was a good thing.

I feel for you because I know what it's like to bottle things up and can't let your emotions out, but I guess crying is one thing that I can easily do it's just that I don't show it.

My GP always lets me cry in his rooms and says to me it's a healing thing to cry; it's good so if you have to let it out.

Thinking of you, take care and yes maybe a visit to your gp is a good idea.

Help please - advice needed

Neil_1 — Mon, 30 Dec 2013 21:36:16 GMT

To: Amamas, Jo, Suzbj, Geoff, GA;

Thank you so much for your kind responses. As I think I've mentioned, I've always been an emotional kind of person and am generally able to cry easily ... but they're the kind of tears where you're sad for a certain kind of situation. The tears well up and then they flow down the cheeks and at times it can be your own little private teary session.

But with the black out and the uncontrollable crying and the moaning out. That was a whole different matter. I've never wanted to bottle it up ... I guess it's just the way it is.

But now, that tap feels like it's been turned off tightly again. The sadness, the lowness is at the forefront of everything, but the tap is dry. And it's not because that I emptied the reservoir where the tears came from. Far from it ... I think I only siphoned off the top layer.

I am so glad that we, as a society, have been able to move on a great deal from how things were in the past. For GA, the tears or emotions to not be shown, I can hear you with that. And it's such a sad thought for people who were genuinely emotional years ago ... that they weren't able to express themselves without being made to feel awful about it. Anyway, enough of the olden times. Let's move on.

Geoff, it's amazing how loyal our little four legged mates are ... I feel for you and little Tessie. Go grab Moo Moo and give that little mite a big cuddle and kiss.

Thanx again to all

Neil

Help please - advice needed

Mares73 — Tue, 31 Dec 2013 23:49:56 GMT

Dearest Neil, I'm a bit lost for words. I agree with all that's been said above. Yes you have been bottling up a lot of emotions & feelings for a longtime & the feelings end up buried deep inside ready to implode. But it's amazing how long we can shutdown our emotions & inevitably at some point they break through-we almost don't have control over when, where or what will set off the "release" button but we are emotional people & at some point the "breakdown" may be seen as a "breakthrough". I agree you probably only released tears at "Level 1". There must be so much grief, loss, sadness etc that is just below the surface and maybe this time it's screaming to be released rather than trapped inside. It's a positive experience that some feelings (even if you can't recognise them yet) have been released through your tears. I hope you are ok, I appreciate you must be feeling very vulnerable & fragile today. Neil-you are such a special, caring, inspiring, courageous person who I count as a friend because I can always depend upon you reading my posts & saying the perfect things. I can't describe how much that means to me-I appreciate your support so much. Ill keep checking online I case you'd like to share more about what you are experiencing. I know you are a survivor Neil, a very strong, gentle, caring & courageous friend. In my thoughts xxxx Mares