topic Very broken today! in Depression

Very broken today!

Pete81 — Sat, 28 Dec 2013 08:00:30 GMT

Not a good day Have cried for most of it. I've hidden from others so no one see's me cry and just moped about the farm. I feel very broken watching my ex wife take her and the kids stuff out of the house its gutting me to watch taking away fond memories and good times on the farm. Have been catching up with a few people of late for Christmas and just to say goodbye before i move away for work and just in case things turn bad and i don't get the chance to talk to them again sounds pathetic i know but just don't have the strength or fight to battle too much at the moment. i know it sounds like I've given up just having a bad week i suppose, But i am really starting to scare myself and make myself believe it will be the last time i see many of these people. I have seen my doc again and went to the salvos to talk to someone but im just in a spot of feeling no matter what i do its not going change my situation and im still going to be alone and have nothing. All I can say is I'm very down and feel very broken and unfix-able today.

Very broken today!

amamas — Sat, 28 Dec 2013 08:03:12 GMT

Big hugs Pete

Thinking of you!

Very broken today!

Pete81 — Sat, 28 Dec 2013 08:13:53 GMT

Thanks amamas

Very broken today!

amamas — Sat, 28 Dec 2013 08:15:52 GMT

No worries mate!

I'm here if you want to keep talking (writing)

Hugs

Very broken today!

Jo3 — Sat, 28 Dec 2013 08:49:04 GMT

Hi Pete

Thinking of you at this hard time. Pls keep writing, we are all here to support you at this difficult time.

Has your doctor prescribed you any anti depressants or suggested counselling?

Pls stay in touch, because we care

Very broken today!

MikeyC — Sat, 28 Dec 2013 09:26:32 GMT

I'm sorry to hear this is happening, Pete. It's a bit raw now because it's happening right now, so I hope you can get through this difficult time relatively unscathed.

Take care of yourself, mate!

Very broken today!

guest75 — Sat, 28 Dec 2013 09:42:01 GMT

Hi Pete

I know how you are feeling as im going thru a very similar situation...Im feeling very similar to you in that i cant see the point of why im here - just remember your kids, thats whats getting me through at the minute

I hope you find the suppport you need, im taking medication and seeing a psrchologist t the minute to get through, i hope you try something similar

all the best

Matty

Very broken today!

Neil_1 — Sun, 29 Dec 2013 08:08:23 GMT

Hi Pete

Some really nice warm posts have been sent, and I hope that has helped. Matty also responded with some excellent points.

When my Mum sold Dad's farm, after Dad passed away and then there had to be the, you know, the clean out and tidy up of everything, I just couldn't bring myself to go back, knowing it would be the last time that I set foot on that property, which was in Dad's family for generations and generations. It was going to upset me too much.

I really feel for you in this way and to top it off, with your children there as well.

Mate, I hope that you're bearing up ok at this hellishly difficult time; and what you did by catching up with friends over Christmas was an excellent thing. In no way does it sound like you've given up; and mate, it's not pathetic either. Far from it. You made an effort which would have taken a hell of a lot out of you to do, to go and see people who you've obviously known for a long time. And then to tell them that you're moving ... and to a journey in to the kind of unknown.

Please let us know how you're going at the moment and when will it be that you will actually be moving? I hope you can keep us posted with how you're going, so that we can possibly give you some support via this site if you would like.

Kind regards

Neil

Very broken today!

Pete81 — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 03:23:19 GMT

Hi I know its been ages since I posted on here. I back in the same spot again if not worse except now I live alone on a remote cattle property and my ex is putting pressure on me to give up the kids and if I do get to spend a couple minutes with them she sits beside them. the kids are just devastated when they found out I couldn't come and stay with them anymore I have never seen them so upset the looks on there faces and screams for me was awful it actually made me vomit I have never felt like that before. now every minute I'm awake that's all I can see and hear. 99% of my friends have walked away from me since I separated and I have no family to talk to. I just want it finished and to have a day of no pain at the moment I have no purpose nothing to carry me through apart from my two loyal blue dogs. They are the only things making me stay around . Just cant do it anymore

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Very broken today!

laura86 — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 03:50:51 GMT

Hi Pete,

My name is Laura, I'm fairly new on here so I haven't replied to you before.

I completely understand your dark times and the feeling of being abandoned and alone. I had a situation a few years ago with my much younger brother who was 6 at the time where my mum made it difficult for me to see him and when I would leave he would cry and be devastated. It was just horrible and it meant I could hardly ever see him. That situation did get better but at the time it tore me apart. Do you live far away from your kids? And if it's not too person, is there are reason you aren't able to have them on weekends etc? You don't need to answer that if you don't want to. Don't ever give up your kids. My mum tried to make my dad do that when they split up when I was little. I'm so glad he didn't give up even though at the time he felt SO defeated and suffered so badly from losing his family and his life as he knew it.

I can also really relate to what you're saying about your dogs. I have 2 cats and sometimes they are the only reason I'm still around. Because like you I just want to have a day where I don't feel pain, where I wasn't constantly reminded of happier times and just break down in tears. I feel like I've lost everybody too- where have all those friends gone? I think most people on these forums know what that is like. It really sucks and just makes it worse. However I think it's fantastic that you can reach out on these forums and talk to us because I know that's not easy.

Almost every day now I feel like I can't do it anymore. To wake up every day and feel pain and anxiety. But I keep posting here and keep striving because I hope that it will get better. I really really hope!!

Anyway please keep posting and let me know how you're doing.

Speak to you soon

Laura

Very broken today!

Pete81 — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 04:07:17 GMT

Thanks Laura. I live around seven hours away from my children so its a far hike to go see them. just my ex thinks im not a not a great role model for the kids and she would rather I break all ties with them Its pretty much taken away any purpose I did have

Very broken today!

laura86 — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 04:24:11 GMT

Hi Pete,

I know right now you feel so defeated but please don't break ties with your children! As I said my mum tried to convince my dad to do that and he did think about it because she made him feel so low. But I am glad every day that he didn't give up and that he fought for me. I've had a great relationship with my dad my whole life and am so grateful to have him.

You're ex can say and do what she wants but you do have a right to speak to and see your children! I would maybe get some legal advice because you have more rights than you realise! Another idea might be to call BB or a men's help line because they often deal with separation and custody issues and can give you some advice or at least point you in the right direction.

Don't think you have no purpose because your kids do need you.

Very broken today!

white knight — Mon, 15 Sep 2014 04:31:38 GMT

Hi Pete,

A very similar thing occured to me in 1996 at the end of my marriage with my 1st wife. we have 2 daughters then 7 and 4 yo.

This led to my one and only planned suicide. Then I thought of the kids. And it was thankfully abandoned.

I have one very serious thing for you to remember from White Knight. That is. It is now 18 years later and my girls have fully grown. I rarely think about my ex wife, I've remarried and most improtantly...I am enjoying my girls like I have never enjoyed them before. Furthermore my eldest is full aware of her past with her mother and on her own, decided not to see her again. There was no influence from me.

The old saying "what goes around comes around" and life has that quirky thing about it.

So I'd like you to add 15 or 20 years onto your time now and imagine how life will be then, when your kids are grown and have a mind of their own.

In the meantime go through all proper channels to try to secure visitation rights. If you have done nothing untoward then you have a right to unsupervised visits. Seek out a lawyer and keep fighting.

At all times remember Pete, its the raising of the flag at the end of the battle that matters, not the evil that is thrown at you in between.

Stay strong. Think of the long term. Life can end up really good.