topic Can someone please help me??? in Depression

Can someone please help me???

fuschia — Tue, 29 Apr 2014 11:55:55 GMT

Why is it if I CAN get myself out of bed in the morning and go to work (without calling in sick, that I can manage to JUST get through the day at work (and do a very good job), then the last hour of work get super anxious and do the drive home wanting to stop into a bottle shop and drink on the way home (which I would never do) and get home and be so anxious.

I'm on medicatiom, I've done the therapy, I no longer have the nasty partner, I now have a nice job, but I just keep wanting to drink but it no longer settles the nerves. When I do it takes me 3 days to get over it including the process of suicide

I just want to go somewhere where I can be cared for and helped but I can't go during the week because I can't leave my boss but I could go on the weekends. Does anyone know where there is someplace I can go on the weekends and get some help. The thing is I go through stages and feel like I'm crazy then I feel an overwhelming feeling like I need to be normal and feel guilty for letting people down. All the mean while I'm not sure I can keep on living like this. I'm not sure I can trust myself anymore. I need some help and advise please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Can someone please help me???

geoff — Wed, 30 Apr 2014 15:49:07 GMT

dear Fuschia, alcohol and depression is a combination that many people use to help them get through the day, and I was definitely one of those who did exactly the same as you have.

To answer your question which state do you live in, as this would help to try and find somewhere for you, I can't promise, but I will try. Geoff.

Can someone please help me???

fuschia — Thu, 01 May 2014 03:35:58 GMT

Thanks Geoff, I'm in QLD. I ended up in emergency at the local hospital close to midnight Tuesday night as I didn't trust myself and was scared I was going to do something silly, and was fortunate there was a pysciatrist intern there who was close to leaving but stayed with me til 4:30 in the morning. Turns out I also have OCD and am on the wrong meds, so detox time from one med til the other. Apparently will take 12 weeks and is going to be very tough as the one I have been taking has the wost side effects of withdrawl and you guess it...more anxiety!!!. Back to work tomorrow and cross fingers I hold it together til the weekend where I can go back to hiding inside whilst I'm feeling like this.

Hope your doing ok.

Can someone please help me???

Light9 — Thu, 01 May 2014 03:59:33 GMT

Hi Fuschia

I just wanted to say how brave you sound...and for that you should give yourself a huge hug and pat on the back. You are coping with a lot and soldiering on at the same time. That's no small thing. I too suffer from these things. I found reaching out (on BB) was more helpful than anything, Geoff, in particular, is very comforting I found.Just know that when you're having those challenging feelings, you are not alone and people like me are sending prayers of strength so that you can move into a much happier stage of life.

All the best

Can someone please help me???

geoff — Thu, 01 May 2014 15:45:24 GMT

dear Fuschia, I'm sorry to know that you have OCD as there have been many different posts from people suffering from this illness, and this includes myself, as I've had it for 54 years, so by having alcohol dependence combined with OCD isn't a good combination.

12 weeks seems a long time to clear the previous medication, but I'm no doctor, but I do hope that they can give you something else that will lessen the withdrawals, which can be done, but I also realise that this may increase your alcohol intake.

I'm having some trouble trying to find places that take people for the week end, as most are on a weekly basis, but what you can do is to ring a 'Drugs of Dependence Unit' which is government health phone number on +61733289890( the post won't go through because the phone number has come up blue, damn it, but it will be in the phone book, or ring the 'web chat' on 1300224636 between 3pm to 12pm ) or The Salvation Army for 'Rehabilitation Retreat' 0754943723, I hope that the Moderators allow this.

Let us know how today is going, it won't be easy for you, and I will continue to look for you, however it's hard to find a place that will cater for you on the week end only.

Please if you feel as though you need help because of any awful thoughts ring the hospital or even the police who will be quicker. L Geoff. x

Can someone please help me???

fuschia — Sat, 03 May 2014 07:18:03 GMT

Thanks Light 9 and Geoff. I have had the acute care team from the mental health unit call me everyday/night to check on me and make sure I'm eating, drinking water, taking meds etc. They all had a conference meeting on Friday about my case and have stipulated I definitely should not stop taking my meds as its too dangerous atm and to keep taking my "relaxants" they prescribed me until next Thursday when I go in and have an appointment with the head pysciatrist. Maybe I don't have OCD, maybe I have something else??? I did drink last night til I got drunk but I made sure I cooked myself some dinner (havn't been eating much) then took my "relaxant" and got some sleep. In the past I have considered or tried suicide in the last 2 months so I guess they are helping me.

I even called my brother and dad and told them what was going on- hense I was a mess. But at least I am finally starting to get a support network up after ALL these years of doing it myself and smiling and pretending.

I'm hoping to go onto meds to stop the cravings for alcohol and hopefully find another way to help with the anxiety. But I can't stop drinking atm without it. I guess not drinking as much is the key and I do limit my binges to twice a week.

To be honest after 10 years of binging I actually think that alcohol calms me for the first 30-60 minutes then after that I become manic. It's the first bit that I guess I keep going back for but the relief just isn't there anymore. Time for a chance obviously.

So, here goes getting through to Thursday and trying not to have another bonge and making my appointment and going through the process of being evaluated and assessed again and hopefully get a good plan going that works. It's been 20years this year since I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the age of 18 so I think its about time I get it sorted so crossing my fingers and toes.

Hoping your all doing ok out there. xo

Can someone please help me???

geoff — Sat, 03 May 2014 16:02:24 GMT

dear Fuschia, I am pleased that the acute team have rung you, and I know that they do have meetings over the patients that concern them.

Can I just say to you that the medication to stop the urge for drinking will only work if you yourself want to stop drinking it, because it's only putting a bandaid over the problem, and I know the feeling too well.

I can't say to you to stop drinking or smoking the bong, because it may mean nothing for you, and it would be critical in me doing so, because the more people tell you to stop the more you want to do it. L Geoff. x

Can someone please help me???

Jo3 — Sat, 03 May 2014 22:52:25 GMT

Hi Fuschia

I have just read your post about the other night in the hospital. I am sorry I haven't replied earlier.

I understand the pain, the anxiety and the fear of going into hospital ER. But it sounded like you were cared for by a great psych. Glad to read they aren't changing your meds just yet.

Fuschia I am glad that the acute team are phoning you to make sure you are eating, drinking water and taking your meds - they are all important to help you with recovery.

Pls look after yourself, I am thinking of you and know that you can get through this.

Take care

Can someone please help me???

fuschia — Sun, 04 May 2014 12:26:41 GMT

Geoff I'd like to stop drinking and never let it ruin another moment of my life, but then in the same breath I'd like to be able to be a social drinker.....it can work for me sometimes.

Thankfully I don't smoke pot as the liquid poison is enough of a battle for me atm.

I am on day 2 of 50% reduction in my current medication which I am to stay on until hospital app on Thursday. Maybe its the "relaxants" I was prescribed and are taking but so far I feel like I'm hanging in there.

Jo I posted on your page just now as well and I honestly feel my daily visits to this page, listening to others, and offering any type of support I can give to anyone else truly makes me feel a little worthy.

Sleep well all xo

Can someone please help me???

geoff — Sun, 04 May 2014 14:39:44 GMT

dear Fuschia, the way I have changed to become a social drinker, and I know that this may not suit you, but I talked myself into believing that I can have a drink later on, so if you start at whatever time, let's just say 10.00am for example, then I would convince myself to leave it an hour or so, but in the back of my mind 'knowing that I could drink' in an hour's time, and so after awhile this time would extend.

It's the thought of not being able to drink that is the problem, but now you know you can still have one, but later on. L Geoff. x

Can someone please help me???

Light9 — Sun, 04 May 2014 23:29:32 GMT

Hi F

that's great that you have limited to twice a week drinking, much better. i have same issues. please stay in contact on BB if you feel you need to talk...you sound like me...a self coper for way too long. great that you have that team in place to keep you on track, thanks for sharing i didn't know about that.

also great that you know only the first few drinks help and the others make you more manic...i find saying "treat it like a treat"...(and not just something i can keep having when i like) helped a lot. like chocolate, it's an occasional treat..

keep up the great work and positive approach, it will get better now with so much proper intervention for you..

L 🙂

Can someone please help me???

fuschia — Mon, 05 May 2014 09:37:16 GMT

Geoff, I have only ever been a 3-6pm starter with the drinking. Unfortunately I binge a large amount in a very short time which is why I get myself into so much trouble with my then behaviour and lack of control. Anxiety starting to mount again this afternoon at work but I bypassed the bottle shop and quickly made dinner which consisted og a massive plate of veggies and chicken and ate so much that I feel so full that I now physically have no room left for fluid in my stomach so rules alcohol out for another night now. I wish now though, that I could cope another way with the anxiety, so here I am talking about it in the attempt by expressing myself and getting it out, it will help.

ps light9 I did add in a piece of chocolate cake afterwards - that in itself I can limit to just one!!!

pps my mind is still planning my next drink, I just know it. I really feel until I can understand what's going on and have something that counters of initial feeling of relax (that drinking gives me) that its inevitable I will just keep going and going.

Geoff I can go out to dinner and have 1 or 2 wines before dinner if dinner has been ordered when I get there. I guess that's my moments of social drinking??!!

Can someone please help me???

Light9 — Tue, 06 May 2014 04:29:54 GMT

I know how you feel Fuschia. I know exactly how you feel...to the point where I feel my advice and well wishes are not even worth it - do you know that feeling? I don't want to be a negative influence at all on this site, yet I feel very lonely (and happier with a few drinks in my belly)....so how can I say well done on only drinking twice a week...I'm drinking now....but when the pain is as bad as it is for me, I have to drink or it will feel worse. Like I said, I'm probably not helping at all. I don't have family, or relatives, or children...but I do have a beautiful man....so if you have more than this please talk with them and connect as much as you can. I'm sorry for this post, I just wanted to reply because I find any reply is better than nothing....and I keep getting nothing!! Even my closest friends who I have known for years seem so cold. I have barely shared a thing with them. I just know if someone told me they were feeling bad (an old dear friend I mean), I would manage to spit out more than 3 lines....you know?

All the best and sorry for the less-than-uplifting comment

Can someone please help me???

fuschia — Tue, 06 May 2014 09:41:38 GMT

Hi Light9,

You have no idea how nice it is to log on and see someone cares enough to reply when they know I'm not such a great person and not doing so well. I do feel very lonely because my family and work collegues won't understand and don't understand and I don't want to bother them anymore than I already do.

I too have a beautiful man and it is my saving grace I swear.

Not having a good night tonight. I'm really not. Having a few drinks (only have a little) to try and relax but I really don't know how it helps me anymore.

I text my mother and told her I'm not doing so well (she knows my past of depression, anxiety, alcohol abuse and suicide attempts) but she didn't respond for days and then changes the subject. She simply does not want to know.

I'm in the late 30's. I don't want to feel this way in my late 30's. Its been 20years and I think its getting worse.

I feel your pain too. I'm not sure anything could uplift me atm. I guess I know if things are getting to manic tonight I can take one of my "calming pills" but when they run out, then what??

I feel like I want to have a crumble day tomorrow under the doonah hiding from the world try to control my anxiety but I have to go to work which is making me more anxious.

Acute care team will call me again tonight but I don't even want to answer.

Hope your doing ok.

Can someone please help me???

CrashCoyote — Tue, 06 May 2014 11:50:20 GMT

Hi Fuschia,

I'm here.

John.

Can someone please help me???

geoff — Tue, 06 May 2014 15:22:02 GMT

dear Light, I know how you feel, so it's alright, and when and if you do start to feel better, then you can decide on your drinking, I needed it everyday because of my depression, it was my only real friend.

Don't criticise yourself, all of your advice and certainly your well wishes are most appreciated to other people.

Take care. L Geoff. x

Can someone please help me???

Light9 — Wed, 07 May 2014 18:21:02 GMT

Hi Fuschia

Thanks for your sweet reply...I'm glad my response helped at all. My heart really does go out to you. I was in the same boat, dealing with work everyday (I don't know how I got through that time actually). But looking back, I actually think the 'soldiering on" made me avoid a complete crash of spectacular proportions. Maybe it is helping you to stay focussed on functioning well? I don't know. I hope so. I had some really terrible family dynamics happen (again), I lost two babies...and that was it, I crashed...and I haven't been too good.

It sounds like you have the drinking pretty well under control, that's good. I ended up drinking an entire bottle of vodka plus 8 girly vodka drinks day before yesterday, then I posted on facebook something about how men are better at resolving things "Packer style" (ie a bust up is quickly resolved between men) and how women can be so backstabbing and bitchy....and the tone was just a bit "off". I woke up feeling very bad and wished I had never had a drink. I sat at a park thinking, "this is it, this is my life"...I'm happier living like a derro, enjoying my addictions than anything else. It was pretty sad really. It made me realise that I just cannot keep crashing and burning myself with booze. I need AA....I have been before, but only a couple times. I can have 1 or 2 no problem one night then I will just go totally overboard another night...

I'm so glad you have a nice man...isn't it wonderful? I know that if I hadn't met mine when I did, things could be really serious for me so I thank god regularly for mine. Is there any chance you can work part time? Perhaps you are. I too have suffered MAJOR anxiety and have relied on meds for it all my life. Are you on an anti depressant? I found these were the best for it myself...for panic attacks anyway.

I'm really glad you have the acute care team there for you, I can imagine resenting their calls too! But you should probably stick with it if you can, I'm sure they will understand however you are feeling on any given day and support is soooo vital, it sounds like a wonderful service.

I'm 41, so a similar age to you. Please don't say you're not such a great person, you sound like a lovely person. We all have our weaknesses and areas where people have treated us badly and we have behaved badly, we all have.

I cut out caffeine and found my anxiety and insomnia (awake now though at 4am!) got a bit better. Perhaps you could do that too if you haven't already.

You sound very in tune with your feelings, which puts you in a much more powerful position I believe.

Thinking of you Fuschia and wishing you so well, I think we will both get there, it's a process though isn't it?!

Light 🙂

Can someone please help me???

Light9 — Wed, 07 May 2014 18:24:36 GMT

Thanks so much Geoff

Yes, I have been a big drinker for too long...I have tried AA but not with any real devotion. I will go back to it I guess.

Thanks again for all your support and advice, it means the world. Hope you are travelling well and having a good week too.

Light 🙂

Can someone please help me???

fuschia — Thu, 08 May 2014 00:46:32 GMT

Hi again.

Well Tuesday night went from worse to WORSE. I got so manic and my anxiety got so bad I rung the acute team and asked/ begged if I could come in over night but they said I couldn't and I just have to hang in there till my assessment with the physc on Thursday (today). I told my partner I needed to go to emergency as my medication was not settling my manic stage. Before we left I self-harmed and now the manic stage is over and depression has set in .

Light 9 I can envisage your moment in the park like I was there myself. And I agree about the caffeine. If I drink coffee I go through the roof.

Annyway I took yesterday off work (again) and I didn't get out of hospital til the morning and now anticipating my phtsc assessment this afternoon. I know there will be no instant cure or miracle happen but I just pray I get some understanding of whats happening to me and how I can fix it. Wish me luck x

Can someone please help me???

geoff — Thu, 08 May 2014 01:11:01 GMT

dear Light and Fuschia, if I can include the both of you, because you both understand each other, and that's great.

I tried AA but it wasn't for me, and if it suits you then that's a start, but after I went to one of these meetings all I wanted to do was to rush home and have a much needed drink, not good I know, but back then I didn't care.

When we are so desperate and feel as though we want the warmth response back from our mum to show that she does love us, but it doesn't happen, then our core basis of our mum lacking in with any love or care, and understanding just rips through our heart, so we are left floundering as to what to do.

I was the same as I hated when the acute team came to our place, as it just didn't seem to be worthwhile, because their main issue with me was my drinking, so I never told them the truth and that I had alcohol hidden in my shed, because they would have given me a lecture, and that by drinking is not helping with my medication, but my medication was the alcohol, and that's all I ever wanted.

At this time when they came my wife was trying her hardest to help me, overcome depression and to control my drinking, but then down the track she gave up on me and moved out and finally being divorced.

I am following both your posts as I can relate to them.

Take care. L Geoff. x