topic Typing this has been a big effort...please read in Depression

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

oneday — Mon, 30 Jun 2014 12:10:15 GMT

I'm new to this forum.

male 55 year old, three adult kids. Married but live alone.

I'm useless. I have no interpersonal skills. I have had depression all my life but only been prepared to recognised it in the last couple of years. I've never really had a friend, always the third wheel in everything. Use to kid myself that I had friends but never really seemed to be liked very much. No one ever seems to remembers my name or that they previously met me. I have had sum unfortunate interactions with people when out so I don't go anywhere now, except the chemist and grocery shopping each month. I fear interaction with others and feel they think I'm a waste of time. Its easier to stay at home and avoid seeing anyone. But it does get lonely. I'm always anxious and expect any contact will lead to me irritating someone and have them abuse me. It seems to happen a lot. For example I was walking along the footpath at the shops when a middle aged woman pulled up along side of me opened the passenger window of her car lent across a young girl in the passenger seat and said "smile it carn't be that bad" shook her head and drove off. Things like that knock me around for days, sometimes weeks. I play it over and over in my head trying to work out what I do to have it happen. I have no idea how to interact with people anymore. Most people dream of what they would do winning lotto as a release from reality. My way of relief from life is dreaming of ending it. Typing this and opening myself up for ridicule has taken a big effort. Honestly, if you have something bad to say please don't respond.

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Typing this has been a big effort...please read

Elleix — Tue, 01 Jul 2014 03:33:22 GMT

Im sure your not useless. You have three children and in my personal opinion, that seems a task for people who have alot of skill! I am not sure if you are aware, or if they are in your local area however this group may help you reconnect with other men around your age group. Its called Mens Shed where men get together and do guy things and offer each other support. (including mental health) Its quite popular where I am from. You may need to do some research for them in your area but I think it would be worth a try.

I hope this kinda helps

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AGrace — Thu, 03 Jul 2014 08:40:40 GMT

Hi one day,

Elleix has given some great advice about mens shed. Definitely something to look into. Before I say too much more, Welcome to the forums, no one here will judge you and I hope that you will feel lots of support as you and others continue to post in your thread.

The first thing I want to say is there's no hope in death, only in life. If you feel suicidal please contact Beyondblue, Lifeline, or 000.

I hope you dont mind me asking if you're married why you live alone? Are you in contact with your wife? Do you see your children?

We should never judge ourselves or our lives on the number of friends we have, for even just one can bring a world of happiness and connectedness that 25 can't. Having said that it's really none of our business why people don't like us. Even if you dont have friends there's always support. Have you thought about seeing a professional or joining a support group or accessing group therapy? What sorts of things do you enjoy doing? Or have you enjoyed in the past? Is it worth pursuing those hobbies in a group format?

I say this because at 65 my father has no friends, he spent his life working (and having affairs...but that's another story). 6 weeks ago I asked him "What is one thing that you wished youd done or learned but never did?" His response was to learn to swim. Well the saying goes you're never too old, so I told him to look into some group swimming classes and I'd pay for his 1st 6 lessons. Now he txts me to tell me how much fun he's having doggy paddling!!

To the woman who told you to smile, I'd say she obviously wasn't smiling either, after all smiling is contagious.

AGrace

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Princess — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 08:28:29 GMT

Hi oneday, welcome to Beyond Blue. I'm pretty sure no one on here is going to ridicule. I've only been on here myself for a couple of weeks and it's been great. You are interacting with others who know exactly how you are feeling or have been where your at. In my experience, the only thing that I've gotten is loads of support from other people who are 'suffering' just like me.

The first step is always the hardest in baring your soul but you know what, when you go back and read the replies its uplifting. We're not here to judge you, heavens knows none of us are 'perfect', but we're here to help.

Keep posting and also read other posts and you'll soon see you've come to the right place.

We all look forward to your next post.

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

oneday — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 11:05:08 GMT

Thankyou for taking the time to think about my post and reply your very kind.

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

Stuck14 — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 11:17:22 GMT

Oneday, I would like to ask, how are you? As I read your first post that was full of so much information an pain. I was wondering if after reading the posts from some of the wonderful people in this community we have if you felt a bit more at ease with opening up here, in this safe an non judgemental forum.

Look forward to hearing from you

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

oneday — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 11:17:53 GMT

Thankyou so much for replying to my post it helps. I appreciate it very much.

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

hopless_amp_helpless — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 11:22:37 GMT

Hi Oneday!

I really like your name, it embodies hope for me, like you're saying I'm not ok right now but I will be 'oneday!'

I can relate to how you're feeling. I became so anti social, I would spend all of my free time in my room just wasting away my time watching TV.

The thought of interacting with people scared me so I just wouldn't bother.

I also had no friends to do things with and it was so lonely and I too thought that anyone I did meet wouldn't like me if they knew the 'real' me......the angry depressed person that I tried to hide.

I'm 35 and I was working at the time but it was such a struggle to get through each day as I worked in a Bakery and had to deal with customers.....a social interaction I dreaded each day.

You have made a very courageous first step in writing down your most personal feelings and thoughts for complete strangers to read but please know you are not alone and that there are people who are here to support you.

I'd like to talk to you more and see how you're going if you'd like?

Cheers ~ Kylz

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

oneday — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 11:44:47 GMT

I get very panicked when I think about interacting with anyone. So I'm sorry for the slow reply. I might take a time out again before coming back on. Hope that's alright.

Thankyou to everyone who replied to my post.

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

SubduedBlues — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 12:26:41 GMT

Hello brother, I feel your pain.

First, if your children ever ask you to anything for them - no matter how small or simple it might seem - the mere fact that they asked you provesvthat you are not useless.

Second, if you say good morning or good night to anyone, and get a response from them, then you have an interpersonal skill.

As far as interactions with strangers, I'm just a genuine article. No facades, or two-faces. If you don't get me (most don't) your loss. Also when I smile at people, they either smile back or don't know how to respond. And if I want people to talk to me, I just go volunteer somewhere. People are always interested to learn the story behind the volunteer.

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

Brokenandbruised — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 17:29:17 GMT

Hi one day,

I think I understand what you're going through. I'm female and 41. I'm going through a major depressive episode right now. I taking medications but they're not working. I don't really have any friends. Some days I spend the day in bed. I have a daughter who's just turned 20. I live in Melbourne. Have you seen your doctor or a therapist? It's hard to find the right person. I'm seeing a psychologist but very expensive. Most of my days I feel dark and empty inside. I can relate to how you're feeling. Please write back. Hang in there, you sound like a nice person.

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

oneday — Sun, 20 Jul 2014 13:01:35 GMT

Hi Kylz

Thanks for your reply. I read it over and over, I think because it made me feel better. Can you explain (provided your ok to) what bought about your withdrawal from social interaction and did that hiding lead to anxiety. You said you had no friends. Has that change and if so did you deliberately set out to develop new friendships.

I guess one of the problems is that for much of my earlier years I didn't believe I had depression, I just thought people were better at dealing with sadness than me. So when I tried to make a friend they must have seen something in me that wasn't a normal person and they steered away. I still don't know what it was they didn't like but it has happened enough to know its me.

I get really disappointed/ sad knowing that some people have many friends and yet after all these years I never had one.

Most of what you wrote about yourself is in pass tense so does that mean your now in a good place. Hope so. Like to hear back from you.

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

oneday — Sun, 20 Jul 2014 13:20:17 GMT

Hi broken and bruised

Sorry for not replying quicker, its to do with me and my issues.

The main reason I'm writing is you said you were going through a major depressive episode at the time and I'm wondering if things have improved. I know that I can have it last for about two weeks. But take heart you eventually come out the other end. 🙂

Hope you appreciate the smiley face it took about 5 minutes of button pushing to work it out. Your the first person I've sent one to.

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AGrace — Sun, 20 Jul 2014 13:38:48 GMT

Hi oneday,

I just noticed you recently posted. How are you? It's great to see you've been replying to others.

Well done on the smiley face, hope there's more to come

. AGrace

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oneday — Sun, 20 Jul 2014 14:15:27 GMT

Hi AGrace

I do feel better through this process. I guess I don't feel as isolated thanks to you and others who expressed concern.

I'm very appreciative,

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

AGrace — Sun, 20 Jul 2014 14:21:52 GMT

Then I really do hope you will continue to post.

Typing this has been a big effort...please read

HelenM — Sun, 20 Jul 2014 18:13:48 GMT

Hi oneday,

Just to say hello - it's good to see you on here.

When I read about that woman sticking her head out the car it reminded me of the times someones shouted out to me 'cheer up it'll never happen'. I cringe and whatever self esteem I have slips away.

Take care, Helen