topic My description of depression to my family and friends. in Depression

My description of depression to my family and friends.

Suzy_Q — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 12:23:36 GMT

If you have never suffered from depression I don't expect you to understand it, you can't. That is not meant as a put down, it's just fact. It's like I cannot understand what it's like to be gay or black etc. What I can do, is accept that these things that I don't understand are a part of the world I live in and support those that struggle with their issues. Depression can be frightening to those that have never had it. Having the blues and feeling down is something that we all go through and in no way can be compared to clinical depression. Depression is hard to describe, but one way it can be expressed is like a Black Dog. There can be times when that dog will attack, overwhelm, have you down on the ground ripping at your heart and your throat until you reach a point that you want to succumb. It is physical pain. Then, when you receive help, medication, support, you fight back, you tame the dog, teach it to sit quietly and calmly. Understand though, that the black dog never dies, it is always there, ready to spring at you again and attack if it is not kept under control. This is the fear that depression sufferers feel every single day, that it might attack again, and at various times it does. It is a skill you need to learn to recognise when the black dog is stirring, ready to attack. This may sound ridiculous and fanciful if you haven't been down there, but it is only my description of it. Be there when you can and listen, don't try to offer answers, just support. Also recognise please, that if a depression sufferer is upset, angry, sad, that these emotions are not necessarily caused by the depression, sometimes we have valid reasons for these feelings, as does everyone else. Don't look at us and think 'oh it's the depression' I suffer from depression, yes, but I am not defined by it.

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My description of depression to my family and friends.

HelenM — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 14:35:22 GMT

You're absolutely right Suzy. If someone hasn't experienced depression they can't understand. Unfortunately some people think they know what's right for you and think you should act on what they suggest. There too, lots of very people who do all they can to support you.

I know the fear well as do many of us on here.

I hope you stay on here so we can get to know you.

Helen

My description of depression to my family and friends.

geoff — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 15:00:59 GMT

dear Suzy, your first sentence says it all, as does the rest, but how strong it is when you say 'If you have never suffered from depression I don't expect you to understand it', because they can't, they try and relate themselves to having a bad day, and then believe that the next day all 'will be fine', but really a 'bad day' has no real comparison to depression as this goes even deeper, because everything that we think of is always negative. L Geoff. x

My description of depression to my family and friends.

Snoman — Thu, 14 Aug 2014 23:51:10 GMT

Wow Suzie, that is so well put!

I wish it had a different name. My mother in-law whose first language is not English, often complains that some situation makes her "so depressed" when she really means annoyed / frustrated / disappointed. Consequently, my in-laws really struggle to understand.

I have sometimes called it brain-flu or mental chicken-pox. That helps people see it as a condition you can't just "get over", but then people would think once you seem to be ok, you are cured. A string of good days does not mean cured. Bad days can follow. As you pointed out, we will always be watching our black dog to catch a relapse early on.

My description of depression to my family and friends.

Zoe__lt_3 — Fri, 15 Aug 2014 00:31:47 GMT

Great explanation Suzy - I might use some of that next time my parents want to 'cure me'

My description of depression to my family and friends.

Suzy_Q — Fri, 15 Aug 2014 13:45:47 GMT

Thanks to everyone who read and replied. It is incredibly frustrating when your loved ones want to "fix" you or "cure" you. I am incredibly fortunate to have people around me who actually listen to my explanations about depression, and take them on board. I talk openly and honestly about my depression with those around me, in an effort to push down the stigma so often associated with depression. If I had diabetes, or heart disease, or high blood pressure I would seek treatment for it and no one would tell me to "get over it" because those are conditions that are accepted by others. I use these analogies to, when I explain to others. Thank you all for making me feel so welcome, and I am looking forward to get to know you all too.

My description of depression to my family and friends.

Shez89 — Mon, 25 Aug 2014 07:57:43 GMT

wow! thank you so much suzy.. i have a loved one going through depression and this helps alot..

My description of depression to my family and friends.

Aminta — Mon, 25 Aug 2014 08:33:31 GMT

Hi Suzy. Great explanation. I got sick of being ripped apart by that black dog years ago. Just when I thought it was tame it has me pinned again. So here I am trying to discuss it with other people who are suffering similarly. I'm glad you have people who are willing to listen and be there for you. I have one person and he's great. All though I wonder what it must be like on the other side. To be the partner or friend of the person who is ill. Being treated unfairly sometimes... I realise I sometimes take my self hate out on others. It's not something I'd usually do when I feel 'normal or stable'. It's like I act out so he'll realise just how unwell I am but even if he does what do I expect? The age old question of "how do you help someone who can't help themselves?"

My description of depression to my family and friends.

BakingGardener — Wed, 27 May 2015 10:19:36 GMT

Hi Suzy Q.

Did you know that Winston Churchill is thought to have first coined the phrase "black dog" when relating to his own depression. and it has also been characterised by an Australian author - Matthew Johnstone. I love your description and think it is extremely well put.

My description of depression to my family and friends.

HA1 — Wed, 27 May 2015 11:17:54 GMT

Hi Bakingardener

Welcome to the forum, and thank you for reminding us all of Suzy Q's wonderfully insightful description of depression.

Hope to hear more from you.

My description of depression to my family and friends.

dragon_warrior_612 — Tue, 16 Jun 2015 17:44:26 GMT

I always struggle trying to explain depression to people who don't have it. it's impossible. they just don't understand and they never could. I wish they could understand though. it's so frustrating!!!

My description of depression to my family and friends.

Flame28 — Mon, 22 Jun 2015 23:20:06 GMT

I know how you feel. I am told i have nothing to worry about. That i'm loved, cared for, that people are here for me. And its true, i'm so lucky to have them in my life.... And i wish i could give them all a reason why i break down. Why i fall. I wish they could see all the dark spaces in my mind where i tend to reside under lock and key for no real reason.... I wish they could understand that i'm hostage to my own inner workings. That theres a constant metaphorical gun aimed at my head and that i'm ever so ready to pull that trigger time and time again because dealing with the reality of depression is like trying to sift through the billion and one cables within your mind and find where it all went wrong.... Its not an easy thing to do, or we'd all have done it by now. It's not a choice thats actively made by people.... No one wants this. No one wants to hurt emotionally.... To have that hurt manifest its self physically.... If you ever figure out how to tell those around you, please.... Fill me in. Hugs.

My description of depression to my family and friends.

guest163 — Fri, 03 Jul 2015 08:19:00 GMT

I told my parents I have depression, actually showed them the Dr's certificate to say I need mental health treatment. They laughed and told me I was being silly. They do that every time I have a suicidal episode too.
It just makes me realise how truly alone I am and I literally have no one who cares if I live or die.

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our Support Service on 1300 22 4636.

My description of depression to my family and friends.

Lilly86 — Sun, 05 Jul 2015 10:02:02 GMT

I know how you feel when I 1st told my family they said it mind over matter I feel so alone

My description of depression to my family and friends.

Fitzy14 — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 06:12:47 GMT

I know the feeling but have learnt maybe family aren't suppose to be your main support network, Ive embraced all my friends willingness to help or even just listen.

My family didnt see the signs, no one did, I tried to hide it till it got too much and ended up in Intensive care, they were there the first few weeks but now time has passed and im out of hospital they dont want to know, or help they just play ignorance say its attention seeking, or all in my head.

However my friends even ones i dont see because they are in different states, have my back they pick me up when im down. they are my support network because i cant rely on my family.