topic Hit rock bottom - need help in Depression

Hit rock bottom - need help

Ems — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:59:05 GMT

It has been a while since I’ve been on here. I have been struggling with things for a while now. Instead of getting better I seem to be getting worse - I feel like I have hit rock bottom now and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know I need help and I have tried a couple of times but so far nothing seems to work. I am trying to deal with issues from my past that have come up again for me. It is so much harder than I thought it would be. I feel like I am desperate to get it all out sometimes and feel like I am going to explode keeping all these things inside.

I have issues asking for or accepting help. I had it drilled into me over many years that asking for help or asking for it to stop/crying/getting upset etc just caused more pain and punishment. Now I have a lot of difficulty asking for help with personal issues. I have always been very independent and never needed help. Now I desperately need someone to help/talk to but I can’t seem to make myself do it because I know most people do not want to hear about these things and I feel awful putting that on someone. Rationally I know it is not helpful to not seek help but I can’t seem to get past the feeling that it is wrong, I don’t deserve help and shouldn't be dumping this on someone else.

It just feels like everything is crashing down around me and I can’t stop it. I want to get back to normal, I’ve tried so many things on my own but am just running out of energy and ideas now. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Hit rock bottom - need help

geoff — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 15:57:13 GMT

dear Ems, thanks for coming back to us, as it is very important for when you need to talk with people who have/also struggling with their own depression.

Being unable to take the first move again is always not easy, especially if you have had trouble connecting with anyone before.

When issues from the past keep appearing again and again, then this is a time to seek help, because we can't put a lid on these problems without the need for assistance, and there's nothing wrong in doing so, it doesn't make you, me or anybody else to feel as though it's because we are weak, but then when you look at depression it does make us tenable and open to negative thoughts, so these re-occurring flashbacks need to be sorted out.

There are a couple of places to get this help, firstly is by clicking under 'get support' where there is a list of professionals in your area in which you can contact, or alternatively how do you feel about calling the web chat and the phone number is again at the top of this page.

You won't be able to squash these problems on your own, because we tend to ignore the main features, because as soon as we recall them it's too distressing for us to tackle, so we tend to partly ignore them and then go on to the next problem, but we can't really oversee any of these problems, because they keep coming back, so we need help.

I hope that you can get back to us, because there are many wonderful people who can also help you. Geoff.

Hit rock bottom - need help

Silverorchid77 — Tue, 24 Jun 2014 11:29:10 GMT

Hi Ems, getting help won't create more pain and punishment, it's a step in the right direction. I'm here for you and so is everyone else here, I've been where you are and I understand what you're going through.

You are NOT a burden. I want to hear about your problems and do whatever I can to make you feel better. It'll make the weight on your shoulders a little lighter if you let others help you carry it.

Everything will get better eventually, it will take a lot of time to get to that point though. You'll have to be patient.

If you ever need to talk, I don't care how small or pointless you think the problem is, I'll be here to listen to you. It doesn't matter if you breakdown over dropping your pen, I want to hear about it.

-Brooke.

Hit rock bottom - need help

Ems — Wed, 25 Jun 2014 05:03:13 GMT

Thank you both for your responses. That is the first time someone has actually said they want to hear about my problems! It is strange but nice to hear. I think because of the topic I assume no-one really wants to talk about that stuff which makes it even harder to get help (at least for me). These past few months have been like a roller coaster and I am just getting tired of it.

I have made an appointment with someone to talk about my past issues/abuse etc - I am hoping that if I can get some of it out I will feel better.

I don't know if anyone else out there can answer this or not but I just wonder if getting some details out about what happened to me will actually help? Do I need to talk about what he actually did or is it enough to just say that it happened? Sometimes I feel like I want to tell someone exactly what happened but then I don't think I could ever actually do that. I just don't know if it will make it better or worse? It is bad enough now and I just worry that if I talk about details it will get worse and I really don't think I can do that right now.

My appointment is tomorrow so I am already worrying about how it will go...

Hit rock bottom - need help

Silverorchid77 — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 10:55:33 GMT

It is definitely a hard topic for a lot of people to talk about, especially if they don't understand. The good thing about the forums is that the people replying have been through similar things and can relate to you.

It's good that you've made an appointment, that's a step towards feeling better and you're incredibly brave for making that step, I'm proud of you 🙂

It's best just to talk about what you're comfortable with. If you think you're ready to talk about all the difficult to talk about details then go for it, it would make helping you move a lot faster. If you're not ready then that is okay too. It's important to make sure that you're comfortable and happy with the pace everything is moving.

Hit rock bottom - need help

--Danny-- — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 11:16:06 GMT

Hi Em, how did your appointment go today?

Wishing you the best,

Danny

Hit rock bottom - need help

gibby3794 — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 12:32:31 GMT

Hi ems hope your appointment went well 🙂 just remember you can always change who the appointment is with if you do not feel they are helping, some people you just dont click with so they will not be able to help as well as others

Hit rock bottom - need help

Ems — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 13:01:02 GMT

My appointment was ok. I was so nervous going in because I expected to be talking about what happened. Instead that topic didn’t even get raised and it was just a very long history taking exercise. Even in the history the topic of what happened was glossed over completely. He even asked if there was anything else that made me come to him for help other than the childhood abuse/rape. I told him ‘no’ and he just left it at that. While I wasn’t looking forward to talking about it I didn’t expect it to not be addressed at all.

Maybe this is how it works? History first/get to know you type thing before going into the reason for being there??? Maybe it is just me but I was listening to him talk and felt like screaming that I was there for one specific reason and that I really wanted to talk about it. I know it will be difficult but now I just feel like it has either been put off until next time (which means I have to work myself up to do it all over again at my next appointment) or maybe he just doesn’t want to get into the details/hear about it. I feel like it is not important enough to talk about now and maybe I have made a mistake. I know there is not going to be a ‘quick fix’ to this but I just want to get into it and start dealing with this now. I am finding it so frustrating that I still have not been able to get it off my chest and now I have to carry it until my next appointment and just hope that I can talk about it then.

I just really want someone to care enough to tell me it is ok to talk about and they will listen.

Hit rock bottom - need help

--Danny-- — Fri, 27 Jun 2014 06:23:13 GMT

Hi Ems, I've never had counselling before..I wouldn't know what to expect? I think they have their processes in dealing with u..they have studied counselling for years & they would have systems in place that are proven & worked..I say stick it out with the one u have now..I really hope things improve for you soon Ems..keep strong! Let me know how you're doing.

Danny

Hit rock bottom - need help

geoff — Fri, 27 Jun 2014 14:15:20 GMT

dear Ems, psychologists which I presume you are seeing, well the all have their own techniques, and sometimes we can be disappointed, but wait until your next appointment, and if he/she starts talking about something else, then just interrupt them and say that you need to talk about what your there for. Geoff.

Hit rock bottom - need help

Silverorchid77 — Sun, 29 Jun 2014 08:30:05 GMT

Ems, I've been to a couple of counselling sessions before and my counsellor never brought up the issues, but then again, I wasn't exactly forth coming so it might be different for you. But I get it, I wanted to move things along as well and it didn't happen for me. It might be different for you though and I honestly think you should stick with the sessions, I stuck to mine even though they weren't helpful. It's a step in the right direction and the counsellors do know what they are doing.

Of course it's okay to talk about it. You can always chat to us on here about the problem, we're here to listen and will do whatever we can to help. Of course, talking to a professional is better though. Good luck with your next session.