topic Alone and being bullied by neighbours in Anxiety

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

jelly12 — Fri, 26 Sep 2014 21:28:45 GMT

I live alone and I suffer from long term depression (almost 20 years). I take medication regularly and have counselling twice a month.

I have always had problems with the neighbours where I live. Some of them would park in my driveway, be noisy at night when I was trying to sleep and put their rubbish in my rubbish bins. I have very few visitors to my house, no current male partner, no family and I am small in size with a young and vulnerable appearance, which may make me appear an easy target. I moved from my last home approximately 10 years ago due to repeated burglaries and stalking and my neighbours had not been supportive,

Recently there has been an increase again in my neighbours (I don;t know who t is) putting their hard rubbish and chemical waste into my bins. I became extremely angry and went out and shouted in the street that they need to stop putting their rubbish in my bins, use their own bins, etc).

Yesterday there was an unsigned letter in my bin, calling me a "disgrace" and a "psycho". It stated that I needed to go to my "shrink" as my meds were not working, etc. I have not reacted to the letter but it has caused me distress and I have noticed an increase in my anxiety and a reduction in my ability to do regular activities, including working. I spoke to a friend who suggested ignoring the letter completely, as she thinks that the writer is looking for a reaction from me for further ammunition. So far, I have taken her advice. However, I am concerned that further bullying tactics will be tried and I am also concerned about my levels of anxiety. Does anyone have any suggestions to help?

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

white knight — Sat, 27 Sep 2014 04:23:48 GMT

Hi Jelly, welcome here to beyond Blue Forums.

Oh, boy. that quote "go to your shink and get more meds". I've had that twice at my mid 50's with two seperate auto clubs through private (cowardly) messages. It hurts alright. And in the case of clubs that have some sort of hierarchy/authority you'd think there would be some action taken??? Not on your life, in fact knowing you have mental struggles only points their judgemental finger towards you and you are forever doomed to blame, ridicule and ostracising.

Living next door to similar people would drive me nuts. In fact my wife and I are lucky, we live in a very small regional town, the ideal really, a nice distance from neighbours who all want a quiet lifestyle.

I suggest you move again to a small area of low population. It shouldnt be that way but just like me withdrawing from both auto clubs....being right doesnt mean you'll survive. Life isnt like that.

It isnt your fault but you wont get understanding from 70% of the population including friends and family so what's the chance of getting anything reasonable from ferals? Ferals- not a nice word but if they do things out of the ordinary like using your bin without permission and your drive, then they are.

By the way I'm 122kgms and ex weightlifting ex prison officer etc. So your size and gender is not the reason.

Sorry I have no other recommendation.

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

Jayjay2016 — Fri, 02 Sep 2016 16:26:20 GMT

Sorry to say it but I'm not sure why you are so worried about people putting stuff in your bins when they are outside your property, if they are genuinely putting chemicals etc. in then you can let the Council know about it so that you don't get blamed for it, but other than that, if it's normal rubbish, I don't see a reason to start screaming over it, it just seems OTT.

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

JessF — Sun, 04 Sep 2016 23:53:28 GMT

Hello Jayjay, I notice this is your first post so not sure what your own experience with depression or anxiety is. Jelly12 has described a history of bullying that has left them feeling quite vulnerable. Perhaps the new neighbours had not intended to be invasive when putting rubbish in the bins, but when you're depressed or anxious sometimes you can feel triggered and lash out. I don't feel your response was very helpful or understanding, saying "don't scream about it" and the reaction is "OTT".

At any rate, the reaction from the neighbours after the altercation, with the nasty notes is completely unacceptable. There's nothing worse than feeling unsafe and vulnerable in your own home.

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

PLUMJUICE — Fri, 23 Sep 2016 05:26:13 GMT

This is a bit like my problem except that people keep taking my food. I live in a house with roommates, and I don't really know any of them that well. Someone in the house has been stealing my food, (as well as others). One day I wrote a note asking them to not take my food and then, I woke up 4.00 in the morning with my sweet potatoes burnt charcoal black. It was so annoying but I started to get worried because they obviously did it out of spite to me, it's not like they were going to eat it or anything. My anxiety has started to get a little bit worst and I feel anxious that people are spitting in my food, or that there going to come in my room and do something out of spite because they don't like me. At first it was hard to sleep as I was listening for footsteps.

But at the end of the day I reassure myself, whilst the petty little things they do to me make there days, it hardly and will never make a dent in mine. And I'll try my best to not let it. People are pathetic don't let it get to you..

Maybe you should try putting your bins in your back yard? That's what my family did to reduce that sort of behaviour. And I think your friend is right in ignoring the letter, it would provide fruitless to respond. If you do write a response, you should try openly communicating them, or even sending a non-accusative type letter. Please don't place your trash in my bin etc. so forth. I don't know just some ideas.

I hope you solve your problem

Stay safe & loved

Plumjuice

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

Zero_bullying — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 00:03:05 GMT

Jelly, like you I'm on my own with no male partner and was made aware by the Qld Body Corp Commissioner that women on their own are vulnerable and are often harassed and bullied. However, when my male neighbour and his son chose me as their target they didn't realise, that I had enormous resilience and lots of patience to catch them out. To maintain resilience I have a women's network I belong to and I use this opportunity to talk to female lawyers; I do meditation to enhance my inner peace, and go to the gym to work-out and stay strong and fit. I'm around 60 years old and would like to encourage you to develop your resilience and join a women's network, meditation classes and women's self defence courses. Meanwhile, I installed a camera and report these unmanly men each time they breach my peace and enjoyment. I know it's not easy to deal with this alone, but you are not alone if you reach out and talk to more people like me. So if I can assist you more please ask....take care. ZB

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

Guest_523 — Fri, 14 Jul 2017 07:45:07 GMT

I really feel for you. I cannot stand bullies and have neighbors right now who are constantly calling me a pig and worse things. I ignore it as hard as that is and it drives them silly that I do not respond. But it is hard. I try and think that the universe will make things right, that people who throw that kind of filth, will get it back 10 fold. Universal compensation. I really wish you the best and feel your paid. Chin up mate. Hang in there.

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

Guest_523 — Fri, 14 Jul 2017 07:46:12 GMT

IFeel your "pain" I meant to say

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

Sepha — Sun, 13 May 2018 07:17:43 GMT

Hi. Im going through some thing very similar.. I suffer severe depression, anxiety & had knee surgery.. Every time I get a taxi or groceries delivered to my door the driver gets beeped, Sweared at by unit number 4. I try to avoid them as much as I can.. But everytime I get a lift to my door my anxiety gets really bad. I shouldn't have to be bullied. It's a shared driveway.. & since they learned I lost my licence.. They stood out the front mocking me to friend of thiers sitting in the driveway in a car right outside my bedroom.. Such horrible people.

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

stroppytom — Sun, 13 May 2018 08:33:05 GMT

Jelly... Go to your local council and inform them of what has been happening with your bins. They will take the necessary action, especially if toxic chemicals are involved. DON'T lose your temper and go outside and yell at them. I understand how frustrated you must feel but doing that just adds to their "entertainment". "Let's get the whacko in number X all fired up so we can listen to her scream!" That's the sort of thinking going on in their small minds and you musn't allow yourself to fall to their level and provide that "entertainment". In the long run I think that if this sort of harassment continues you might want to consider moving. Good luck for the future.

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

Guest_5457 — Wed, 13 Feb 2019 00:03:19 GMT

I know it’s been four years but I just HAD to reply to this post. I am a survivor of being bullied by an entire small town. My family moved there from the city and it started on my first day of school. My tie was ripped off and stomped on and it was all downhill from there...lol I could not escape these people and they tried to hold my behaviour as a teen against me for the rest of my life. I left the town and it took me years to recover. I would get a job and within days rumours would come in from sources and I would be treated differently. I was smirked at by people who didn’t know me. At times the abuse got so bad that I would cave and drink (even though I didn’t even like alcohol). Every new friend I made was quickly told by locals that I was “no good”, and when it became socially unacceptable to call someone a slut, I was labelled “not normal” instead. They fed off each other, which I realise was a way for them to consolidate their blame so they never had to answer for any of the distasteful things they had done or said in their own lives. It was crippling to have dozens constantly judging. I moved away and ceased contact with any of them and the relief was enormous. I started being able to concentrate and work on relationships that were important to me. Because of this I am very sensitive to abuse. I am recently divorced and I’m living on my own and I can tell you, it’s not in your head, particularly if you are a woman. I’ve been in my unit for over a year and have had 2 new neighbours move in. Both couples. The first question I was asked by the first couple that moved in was if I lived alone, they then proceeded to make it impossible for me to get out of my driveway some days and became really rude. This behaviour ceased when my brothers visited a few times and they saw male friend of mine fixing my car. The male of the last couple that just moved in even went as far as asking me if I had a boyfriend. I stated that I lived alone and gleeful is the only way to describe his reaction. Straight away he had a list of things that I wasn’t allowed to do, when he hadn’t even slept next door and didn’t know that I’m actually the quietest person in the block. He also started finding excuses to touch me. Yep, you live alone and you are treated differently immediately. Especially when you are a woman. When you have a guy around they don’t think twice. Women do this behaviour to other WOMEN ON THEIR OWN, which is really sad.

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

Skary Bill — Wed, 13 Feb 2019 04:18:52 GMT

Hi Guest_5457, Some threads will never be too old to be relevant and neighbors can be very challenging. I'm not even sure it matters if you're a guy or a gal, Just people can be awful and who you end up living next to is all luck.

I am living in quite a remote place, you can't even see the neighbors. But even I'm dealing with the good and bad, and the small town attitudes. Outsiders will always have to work extra hard to be accepted. The advice I've had from the few friendly people I've met has been.. "Don't talk to people" lol. Meanwhile someone is coming onto my property and helping themselves to my firewood pile, and a new neighbour over the back cutting down my trees because he's too lazy to find the property markers.

And here's me thinking I've moved away from people....

Anyway, the good thing about this forum is all your neighbors are friendly and up for a chat. Hope to catch you around.

Bill.

Alone and being bullied by neighbours

Jay_C — Wed, 13 Feb 2019 09:28:03 GMT

Ive had a weird experience with neighbors, they seemed coordinated.
After my narcissistic ex left me, my narc family came to get me while i was vulnerable. Within 3 months around xmas i had been emotionally abused by my parents, broken boundary's, used my dogs to stress me out. I've been stalked and intimidated by my mums friend/ex by driving and revving his truck infront of my house, indirect threats about his bikie gang friends that him and my mum have used on me for 10 years to keep me quiet. His friends/neighbor giving me condescending stares while driving past me in the streets. My ex's brother was living with me and i think playing along. Things like opening up a can of beetroot but doesn't have any from the tin, its juice is all around the sink and leaves a knife sticking into it like an indirect threat on my anxiety. He would tell me the new neighbors are nice people. The next week i would be out on the back veranda with my dogs and she would be standing at her window staring at me with her phone to her ear. I ignore her, but can see her in my peripherals, just doing the same thing for a good 5mins till i leave. Then the other neighbor who last year jumped my fence and moved a pole onto my gate just to be noticeable, is doing the same thing this year. Except hes gone a bit further this time. Hes told me about my internet cables how they look dangerous and could start a fire, hes said out aloud something like he can see smoke coming from a neighbor down the road - must be a fire. Then he has an alarm that hes presses on purpose at night time. Im smoking a good 25 meters away from him, my back veranda is higher than his window. Hes pressing it when he see's the cherry light up. I thought it was a burglar alarm at 1st, because hes been jumping my fence's pushing them over and terrorizing my fish. Which he got the idea from hearing me speak about it to my dad while setting it up. I went into c-PTSD and hypervigilance. I had trucks driving past and into my driveway all the time. Think my narc mum put all these rocks in the driveway and the side on purpose so that i can hear all of this and they can put me in this state. I think they did all of this to try to cover up that my mum manipulated me while i was intoxicated, to take the back stairs with no railings which lead to a post concussion which is still ongoing for 4-5 years now. 3 years no railings, then they put the railings up not too long after, and laid bricks down where i fell.

Re: Alone and being bullied by neighbours

Misty_123 — Tue, 26 Jul 2022 02:45:03 GMT

I understand it is hard to not overreact my advice is meditation and talking to friends and family

I am being abused by neighbours one in particular was actively bullying me I get depressed it's hard sometimes but breathe relax movevif you have to to a quite area or just keep doing the good stuff and be brave and help others