topic Questioning... in Anxiety

Questioning...

ALL — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 21:25:09 GMT

Hi, I’m just wondering, does anyone with anxiety ever questioned whether they actually have it or not? is this a part of it? I have been diagnosed with it but I just can’t seem to come to terms with it, and I keep questioning if I am forcing myself to be this way, or I could control it or the professionals were wrong. I tried to reason with myself that everyone’s experience is different and if I could have stopped I would have, but it’s hard. Sometimes I can feel myself loading more anxiety on, like it’s addictive in some way. This just makes the questioning worse! I assume the questioning is a part of anxiety???

Questioning...

dougall — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 22:23:19 GMT

Hi ALL yes the questioning is part of it and confusion also. Is it me or is it them, are they making it sound worse or is it really. I find the person that asks the most questions about us is ourselves and when anxiety kicks in the questions come fast and furious. Everyone's experience is different yet there are so many symptoms the same, it is how we deal with it, or not.

Questioning...

ALL — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 22:25:55 GMT

thanks dougall. no one would ever clarify it for me before. the thing is i accepted the anxiety up until i was diagnosed! its a strange sensation...

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dougall — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 22:31:47 GMT

Hi All it is a little like having a spot on your nose, you know it is there and you try to get rid of it yet you make it redder, you then hope no one has noticed and knows that you had a spot. You turn a blind eye and hope when you look again it is not there, wow it is just under the skin. I find reading information on things helps, not too much or you can become a hypochondriac ha ha.

Questioning...

ALL — Wed, 29 Oct 2014 23:51:29 GMT

hahaa great analogy. yeah i try to read abut it a bit but im already a bit of a hypochondriac. thankyou for your help!

i hope you are well

ALL

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white knight — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 00:26:59 GMT

Hi ALL,

Great to see so many diverse answers here. I found when I had anxiety that peaked 27 years ago, got treatment then and now it is gone, that confidence is a key factor, even go as far to say it could be a major symptom.

So 12 years on meds for it and the full 27 years of relaxation and exercises made much progress. However, I often think that aging brought about much more confidence and that could be a much more prominent factor to recovery. As well as change of job etc.

Doubting yourself and others around you is common IMO

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ALL — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 01:54:24 GMT

thanks WK for sharing your story

i do think confidence is a key factor also. i have developed in it much over the last few years but to others i am not confident. in truth, im not confident in myself and constantly second guess. my youth probably adds to that. perhaps to recover i should try to interact with more people?

im glad to know its common, because it was stressing me out!

hope you are well,

ALL

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dougall — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 01:58:53 GMT

Hi ALL my councelor told me to fake it till I make it, silly saying really, we spend most of our time faking things to make people feel better. I think what he was suggesting fake being confident and one day you will realise you are not faking anymore, I'm a third of the way there.

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ALL — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 02:13:35 GMT

thats so good, well done in making progress! i know that saying, i was told i put on a good face ( in terms of hiding it) because i wanted to make sure others are okay. im trying to be fake confident, and i can in social situations just not within myself..

its a good plan though. i will start now!

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dougall — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 02:36:01 GMT

Hi ALL social faking is great and the reason it works is because people who really care for you can see through it so you know who your true friends are.

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NicoleP — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 10:21:00 GMT

Problem with diagnosis is that it is subjective. If you have diabetes, they can test for it. If you have a broken leg, they can do an x-ray. But with anxiety it is that you can't do a test as such. Also, it can vary from day to day, hour to hour, situation to situation. I would suggest that I tend to be an anxious person but my anxiety only takes hold in certain situations. As I was told recently, the label on the jar is not the jam in the jar.

Anyhow, whether there is a label or not doesn't really concern me. What concerns me is how I react when I am put into anxiety provoking situations and how I react. It is that reaction that impacts upon my ability to fully enjoy my life at that time. Therefore, I may or may not fit the diagnosis of GAD, but if anxiety is impacting on what I want to do with my life, then it is a problem and I need to do something about it. Does that make sense?

Kezza

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ALL — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 10:32:05 GMT

Hey Kezza,

I totally understand that, because I have good an bad days. but I do know that I often have it every day at some stage, and so its having an impact on my life.

its a hard thing to diagnose, but for me I think that im using it as a way to accept it and move on, as I like definitive answers. so im just going to stick with it.

thankyou for your insight

ALL

Questioning...

white knight — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 10:43:55 GMT

Hi everyone,

Re: "Fake it till I make it". never heard of that one. I love learning this stuff.

Kezza- Re "What concerns me is how I react when I am put into anxiety provoking situations and how I react." Yeh, that art of taking a breath before we react, or say you have to go to the loo to give you time to think.....doesnt happen with some of us yet others do it automatically.

I'll give you a recent example but not quite the same. In our small community I advertised a free BBQ give-away. A guy rang and said he'd love to take it. He arrived yesterday arvo. We were having a sausage sizzle on our new BBQ so asked him to join us (too friendly me). After a short time this man criticised us for drinking zero no sugar soft drink, eating too much meat and when cockatoos arrived at our bird feeder he insisted we shoo them away as they "are not the kind of birds you should encourage to feed, they are destructive".

I felt a rare feeling of anxiety in his presence. But I could not bring myself to criticise him after all I wouldnt come across as friendly. He went on and on about alternative medicine for my blood clotted legs and told how he beat cancer with green vegetable smoothies. My wife took off next door to the neighbours.

After he left my wife asked me why I didnt object about his forceful behaviour. I joked with her, asked her why she didnt object. She said because he was so forceful he made me nervous. I replied yes, I felt the same. Kind of semi-threatened.

I think most people would have told this guy to go jump. And most people would have just got him to take the BBQ and go, rather than invite him in for food.

Sorry for the long drawn out account. But it interests me why we do what we do....and dont do what we should do. I think anxiety plays a part.

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NicoleP — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 18:51:47 GMT

Hi WK

Consequences is the answer that comes to mind. I am scared of the consequences of my actions. If I do something that people don't approve of or like, I find that I end up paying for it.

In this situation, this guy knew he was right. His opinions were fact. Therefore, the more you try and refute them, the more insistent he will become. If you tell him to go and jump, it ends up looking bad on you. It is a case of put up with it and don't put him on the list of people to have around again.

Kezza

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dougall — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 20:39:23 GMT

Hi I wonder if people with anxiety are too nice for their own good. My ex husband is quite rude to people sometimes and says I don't care. He is one of those people that intimidates, not intentionally, he does security so he has to have an air of intimidation about him. I am the opposite and talk to anyone and everyone when I have had a drink. I am over generous and can't see anything wrong with it. I am the one with anxiety he doesn't. I wonder if it is because I care too much for people. I don't care what they think of me I just want them to feel good.

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white knight — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 00:17:56 GMT

Hi Kezza, I'm starting to understand you more now.

Is it because you think left of field? eg to the left of what most would decide and hence pay a price for those decisions? At the same time you cant see the harm and to change the way you think and decide is to make yourself "one of them" a sheep in your eyes? Taking away your individuality and therefore your confidence? Robotising is a word I just made up?

I'm trying to come to grips with this because if it is along these lines I certainly do feel similar. It is a sanitising of one as a person.

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NicoleP — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 02:17:35 GMT

Hi WK

I certainly do think that we think along the same lines and I often find that you are posting things that really resonate with me.

I think that you said that you have a high IQ - I have a high IQ and can often see what others can't, am very organised and tend to run things like a well oiled machine- it tends to annoy people.

What I struggle with is the responses of other people. If someone treats me badly, I am expected not to react but it feels as though the minute I do something that other people don't like that there are consequences. I can't handle it when I get the negative feedback so I spend a lot of time and mental energy analysing situations so that I don't get myself into trouble. However, it often seems that no matter what I do I end up in trouble. So like the guy at your BBQ, he was opinionated and self righteous and you had to just take it. But if you had of said something to him, then there would have been consequences.

I find that if I don't do what other people want they pay you back with complaints, facebook posts etc. That is what brings me down - I am not accepted for who I am and am expected to be someone else. I don't know if my behaviour is exactly left of field, but I seem to attract negative feedback that other people don't. For example, 3 of us cleaned up the runners club. Two people decided to get rid of a weight bench and set by taking it home. I told them that I didn't think that it was a good idea and that I didn't want to be any part of that decision. That night on facebook there were a series of posts about how I had given the weights away - no mention of the others. That pretty much seems to sum it up. If I do it, it is not OK but if other people do it, it is OK.

Does that make sense?

Kezza

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white knight — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:13:45 GMT

Hi Kezza, Oh yes, we are on the same plane.

From those situations and the hurt I've experienced AND my high level of sensitivity, I've withdrawn half way from society. My wife laughs at this because inviting that guy in to share our sausage sizzle flies in the face of that theory). But by and large my living location is in a town of 150 people in the hills 2 hours from Melbourne.

I have tried twice before to reject society altogether. To live without income in the bush, among my chosen company- animals, as they dont hurt me.

It took me a while to realise that half way was good. A safe distance from masses of people. Facebook contradicted that. Facebook meant I might as well be in groups of people in the city. It backfired badly, I found I could not escape the odd nasty comment. Closed my account 2 months ago and frankly never looked back.

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NicoleP — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 11:11:49 GMT

Yes I think we are very much in sync. Is sensitive a bad thing? I see it as caring. I would rather be sensitive/reactive and honest and therefore be considered to have a mental illness than being a bully, dictator, liar or a self centred opinionated individual who thinks he can attend a friendly BBQ and use it as an opportunity to force his ideas onto others.

Kezza