topic continuing my struggle in Anxiety

continuing my struggle

HelenM — Thu, 23 Oct 2014 10:18:59 GMT

I've not been on BB because although I know people are more than willing to help there comes a time when there's no advice other than to hang in there. However I know everyone cares.

My symptoms are so unpredictable; this whole depression, it came in January has confused and frightened me and all I can do is plod on hoping that things will sort or improve

continuing my struggle

AGrace — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 18:04:14 GMT

Hi Helen,

Forgive my memory if I've posted to you before, what sort of treatment plan do you have for your Depression?

Have you had a look at the thread SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION under the Depression section of the forums?

I hope that you will continue to post here so that even if we may not have advice for you, we can still continue to support you.

AGrace

continuing my struggle

geoff — Fri, 24 Oct 2014 19:21:50 GMT

dear Helen, it's quite alright not to reply to other people when you are not feeling well, and yes of course we know you, and yes we do care very much for you.

What can happen for people when feeling like you do is that there are posts that are similar to how you feel, and reply by just saying 'I know how you feel', that's it, no more, no less, because it just keep you in touch.

I do realise that when you are so low, so depressed just like you obviously are at the moment that to actually start typing on your computer then a flood of tears fill your eyes, and this makes you want to stop, absolutely appreciate this and can totally understand, but when you like s****t can be a great time to talk to us.

It always happens at the psych's office, but you plod on, it's so hard I know, but perhaps just type 'I feel like c*****p Helen', sure we will try and get you to reply, but just say 4 or 5 short words back to us. L Geoff. x

continuing my struggle

HelenM — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 18:56:23 GMT

Hi Geoff,

Thanks for such a warm post and yes the tears are starting in my eyes. It's lovely to be so cared about and somehow I'll get there and I believe people on here believe that too. The journey of recovery is certainly a difficult one.

I hope you are doing well Geoff.

love helen

continuing my struggle

dougall — Sat, 25 Oct 2014 19:42:16 GMT

Hi Helen, I am new to this forum and I thought I would let you know that there are so many people out there that care for you, ones you don't know about and are still keeping a look out for you. Hope your day goes well whichever part of the world you are in.

continuing my struggle

Iwillsurvive — Mon, 27 Oct 2014 07:47:48 GMT

I have the same fears when I am feeling at my best. You just never know when your happy bubble will burst without warning, for no reason. It sucks! But know that you can get back to that happy place again.

Take care.

continuing my struggle

dougall — Tue, 28 Oct 2014 03:10:08 GMT

well said.

continuing my struggle

dougall — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 20:50:35 GMT

Hi HelenM how are you doing today, well I hope.

continuing my struggle

HelenM — Tue, 11 Nov 2014 19:18:53 GMT

Hi Dougall and Iwillsurvive

Thanks for your posts which I've just read.

And hi to you Geoff, I meant to pop on earlier but haven't been on the site at all as I didn't have the mental energy.

However, I'm having some good days, thank God. And it means I feel well able to come on and say hello and it reminds me that I'm part of this lovely caring community.

Long may my good days continue but I think I will try to come on just to say hello even if unwell.

continuing my struggle

White_Rose — Wed, 12 Nov 2014 06:50:23 GMT

Dear Helen

How lovely to hear from you again. I was thinking about you a couple of days ago and wondering how you were going. It's taken me this long to find your post but I have not been on the site very often just lately.

So sorry that you have been so down but glad you have had a some good days. I was at a training day today and someone said "I drank to drown my sorrows but the b**st***s learned to swim." I hope that amuses you as much as it did me.

We are in the throes of the G20 meeting in Brisbane. Police everywhere and helicopters flying overhead at odd times. Road closures and detours. I will be so pleased when it is all over and things get back to normal. I made my last trip across town today for the week and I will not be going anywhere further than a couple of kilometres until next week. Not my idea of a good time.

Talk to us as often as possible. Making the effort can be worthwhile. And anyway it's good to talk. Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself.

Mary

continuing my struggle

White_Rose — Thu, 13 Nov 2014 17:34:11 GMT

Hello Helen

How are you going? I wanted to check in with you today. You have been on my mind.

I hope your good days are lasting. My GP upped my ADs a week or so ago and I am feeling much better. Not pleased at taking more medication but I am resigning myself to the necessity. It's better than the alternative of being miserable.

I hope you are able to post here .

Mary

continuing my struggle

geoff — Thu, 13 Nov 2014 19:36:59 GMT

dear Helen, I'm here in the background, so please ever think that I'm not interested, because I always am.

Can I tell you something that happened with me last week, and I know that it always there, but I was driving down the local road where I passed a park with plenty of facilities, bbq's, children playgrounds and tennis courts, but a car was parked there there the same colour as mine, which is blue, and it suddenly took me back from years ago, and for some reason I felt this strong feeling of depression hitting me, so I could quite have easily accepted it which would have put me back into depression.

Why did this happen, because it reminded me of the days we used to take the boys and their friends down there for lunch and to play on the equipment.

I could have opened my arms and welcomed it back, why, because if I had been feeling mediocre it would have tempting, but I knew that I wasn't going down that path again without even blinking, but no, there was no way, and by overcoming depression it has given me the strength to do this, and what I had to do was change my train of thought and think of something else.

I can totally understand that if you haven't got to this point in your life, it can and will happen, it's just a learning experience.

It's always good to visit the site either well or not, and if you're not feeling good then it's much more important, let's put it down as being a refresher course.

Hope that you can get back to us. L Geoff. x

continuing my struggle

HelenM — Sun, 23 Nov 2014 16:16:03 GMT

Dear White Rose and Geoff,

Thank you both for your posts. Getting a post even if it's just hello is so welcoming. I think you said that one time Geoff - if you're not well enough to help you can always tell the person that you're thinking of them.

Although it's bumpy my mood has been pretty good lately. If I overdo it my mood struggles and I become quite tearful - Friday and yesterday were like that but today I'm fairly good.

Tomorrow I go for an assessment as the psychological services. All being well they'll refer me for a course on Mindfulness. I'm really keen to try this as I think it will help even if just a little bit.

Taking meds for depression White Rose is no different to taking meds for high blood pressure or insulin for diabetes. I'm glad you are taking them and they're helping your mood. And by the way I very much liked your joke.

Yes Geoff, when I'm reminded of good times from the past I can get quite upset. I am getting better at coping with it though. Becoming well is a very long journey. If I'd known 13 years ago all the effort involved I wouldn't have thought it was possible. I think we find the strength needed as we go along and many of us do get enough breaks to get our 'emotional breath' back.

Helen x

continuing my struggle

White_Rose — Mon, 24 Nov 2014 12:00:22 GMT

Hello Helen

Glad your mood has improved a little. How did your assessment go? I hope your mindfulness course was approved. I agree with you about the journey. I would never have thought I would find the strength or courage to get this far and there are days when I really wonder where it all came from. What I find really hard is the thought that it will be a lifetime battle and I'm not sure if my strength will hold out.

The increased ADs had an amazing effect on me after about four days. I felt so much lighter, head felt clearer, I could think more coherently and best of all my anxiety about 'things' went away. It was heaven for a couple of weeks.

Then back to earth. Parted company with my psych as we differed over his notion of confidentiality. However the loss of his, hitherto great, guidance and mentoring has been a huge blow. I am having great difficulty coping and that surprises me. I expected to miss him because I feel we got on well, but this feeling of loss has really hit me hard. The past three days have been very stressful and distressing. I really would like to go back but my absolute trust has gone so there is really no point.

Took my sleeping pill about half an hour ago. It's one quarter of an anti-histamine tablet and it really gives me a good night's sleep. I had stopped taking it for a long while but I think taking it now reflects how my mind is churned up.

Mary

continuing my struggle

HelenM — Sun, 30 Nov 2014 09:58:49 GMT

Hello all, Hi Mary, I'm sorry about your psyc. I've read that loss is a big part of depression and I think it is. I really hope you pick up soon. I take sleeping tabs on and off and I think for a lot of us they're a natural standby. I don't know how long you've been fighting this illness. For me it started as depression and some anxiety. Now it's anxiety and some depression.

I have been referred for the mindfulness course though she said it would be late Spring. I live in Scotland and in Britain mental health is the Cinderella of the NHS. Having said that I would say I've been given a lot of good treatment over the years.

My mood went wrong again some days ago. Why? No reason. I find I'm unwisely comparing my mood with other times. It's not good and serves no useful purpose. It can actually detract from good times. As this episode carries on I think I'm doing it more. On Friday night I went with my husband to a concert in Glasgow and we stayed in a hotel for the night. On the one hand I had a really good time yet also I felt out of my comfort zone. And so I analyse this and I don't want to.

Last night (Saturday) I got a message from a friend of many years. She emigrated to Canada years ago. She's in Scotland and wants to pop in to see me and another mutual friend. My other friend can't have her there so she's coming here. This morning I woke up in a panic. I know I can do it but dread it. Should I be so very uptight? Is that within the realms of normal anxiety? And so I'm anxious about my anxiety. Bill is making soup. I will tidy up. We are very untidy. I know it'll be okay. Given this episode refuses to go at the moment I think I need to adjust my thinking into 'this is how I'll live until such time' Normally I hold off life knowing that within 2 or 3 months I'll be back on track.

Can people say. Should I learn to live as things are and accept it'll go up and down? The answer must be yes I think.

Anyway thanks for everyone reading and I'd love some ideas and actually I feel the need for comfort.

Helen x