topic anxious about war in Anxiety

anxious about war

Bookgirl — Sun, 13 Feb 2022 08:33:03 GMT

War is one of my triggers and all this Ukraine is stuff is sending me spiralling. I HATE IT. I wish the world could just be peaceful. After the last two years of covid and now this, i just can't take it. Feel so overwhelmed at the moment. Feel sick all the time. Worried about my son's future. I don't understand why this is going on now when you would think the human race would be over this crap by now. Covid seemed to bring people together and now its just fallen apart. I just want my son to grow up in peace.

anxious about war

Croix — Sun, 13 Feb 2022 10:44:50 GMT

Dear Bookgirl~

I can understand your fears about a war starting, it is a constant topic on the news and it is not something you or I can have any influence over. Actually that is why I don't watch the news that much.It breeds fear, stress and feelings of impotence.

I can also understand the desire to have my son live in a world at peace, some lucky generations mostly have.

However I'd also like him to be able to cope when things are not good, a war, Covid, or other more peronal things like job loss or relational breakdowns for example.

Although you have very real fears how you handle them them can effect both you and him. I know from your previos posts you have an anxiety condition and have been, I"m not sure about the moment, under medical care with prescriptions meds. Maybe a word to your doctor might help? Particularly if it is a matter of adjusting something.

So may I ask what coping mechanisms you have used in the past?

I would suggest you follow the advice of Quiettall who suggested things to take you mind off the things that worry you. Also maybe mine and try not to watch the news.

I do the same as Quiettall and have a number of distractions to hand to make my mind concentrate on something else, books, music, pets, walks, talking wiht friends and so on. I'm sure yours would be different.

It is difficult when very anxious about something to change mental tracks and think of these more pleasant things. I use a free app called Smiling Mind to break that chain of unhelpful and distressing thoughts and leave it clear to accept those distractions. It takes practice but is worth persevering with

https://www.smilingmind.com.au/smiling-mind-app

It might seem like I'm not really answering your worries directly, however when there are things outside we cannot change the best we can do is try to adapt ourselves to deal with them.

Does this seem to make sense?

Croix

anxious about war

Petal22 — Sun, 13 Feb 2022 10:49:42 GMT

Hi Bookgirl,

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand that this is difficult for you.

Please have a chat to your gp about the way you are feeling, you could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist who can help you with strategies.

Please feel free to call our friendly councillors at Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636.

anxious about war

white knight — Sun, 13 Feb 2022 10:52:00 GMT

Hi, welcome

Worry produces one thing only- stomach ulcers.

There is also a saying- "you shouldn't worry about issues out of your control"

All this is easier said than done but it is achievable usually with therapy. People with anxiety often worry so you are not alone.

Please google-

Beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

It will be worth a read of the first post.

Thanks for posting. Ps. Anxious people are good parents

TonyWK

anxious about war

missep123 — Sun, 13 Feb 2022 23:29:31 GMT

Hi Bookgirl,

I am so sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way. You are definitely not alone. It has been incredibly stressful for COVID and now what is happening with Ukraine.

I think it is really important as TonyWK has posted above that it is important to understand what is in your control and what is not in your control. I know it's easier said than done but the things we can't control is COVID and world issues i.e. Ukraine.

What we can control, little bits of happiness or connection in our daily lives. It really sounds like you are an amazing parent and you love your child very much. As a child when we have love and support it is amazing how resilient that can make us.

We are here for you!

anxious about war

Bookgirl — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 01:47:23 GMT

Thank you all for responding. I appreciate it. I am getting treatment still but obviously i have my triggers and when that happens i just fall apart. I do meditate and things which does help. I am on medication as well and have gotten something to help with panic attacks. Panic attacks are a relatively new thing for me and a joy all around. My son is very understanding. I have talked to him about my anxiety and he is always checking on me to see if i am ok - at 13 he is very emotionally aware. I don't watch the news at all and have taken it off all my social media but i do look for covid updates on line which is when i see it. I get caught in a cycle of not wanting to know and then wanting to know which makes me more anxious. Mornings are the worst but i figure if no one is talking about it on breakfast radio its ok. I know its the same for everyone and i get angry because i am not coping when everyone else seems to be and then i feel like i am failing my son by not being strong.

anxious about war

white knight — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 02:02:25 GMT

Re: I know its the same for everyone and i get angry because i am not coping when everyone else seems to be ..." You are likely correct there, people seem to be copig much better. One good reason for that is their concentration on their lives around them, their projects are always on their minds, hobbies, sports family communication and so on. This is what is their lives, their lives dont include such topics that are international because of the limited likelihood of war and that they cant make an input to prevent it.

I'd like to propose that this fear of a war eg Ukraine and Russia can be extended infinitely- eg starving African children, the homeless, bad debts, injured people and so on.

My therapist in 1988 said to me "Tony, when are you going to stop saving the world"? It really hit home that I was worrying so much it led to a panic attack. I was wrapped up in state politics so much that I was fighting corruption that was barely visible. He also said "Tony, you are a black and white person among 8 billion people of shades of grey". These sayings were his and they stuck with me for life. 33 years later I'm still saying them in my head to remind myself to stop worrying. Hence the links I supplied to you.

I hope it helps

TonyWK

anxious about war

Bookgirl — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 05:12:44 GMT

That is really good advice. My hubby tells me much the same. Just have to get my mind on board with it. It's come from my past i know and how i was brought up. I have been working on it but its so hard and ingrained.

anxious about war

Bookgirl — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 02:07:16 GMT

Haven't watched the news all week and was coping and just looked now and things are worse and now i feel like crap. I don't understand why people aren't working towards peace? I know i can't save the world. Just feel like everything is so out of control. I am just so so angry right now and scared and wish i could go home from work and just hide in my bed and never get up again.

anxious about war

Croix — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 11:02:31 GMT

Dear Bookgirl~

I know you feel pretty bad at the moment however I think your post is very encouraging, after all you did say:

Haven't watched the news all week and was coping

Which would seem to say that you have the capability to cope. It is only when you are stepping outside the sphere of the ordinary things around you that you can have some influence over that matters deteriorate.

It's probably not that simple, but maybe a starting point wiht the bonus of having a little confidence in yourself for having coped.

Croix

anxious about war

Bookgirl — Fri, 18 Feb 2022 01:23:21 GMT

Thanks. I managed not to fall completely apart and stay at work and come into work today. Still feel like crap (bad stomach and tingling in my hands and arms) and that the world is ending but i managed it. I feel exhausted from it all. Just wish it was all over if we are going to have a war and if we all die then at least i will be at peace.

anxious about war

Banksy92 — Fri, 18 Feb 2022 05:14:55 GMT

Hi Bookgirl, sorry to hear you're feeling the weight of the world right now. It truly can be a horrible thought and I empathies deeply with you. The media is such an important tool but I do believe it can be terribly harmful - particularly to people who are more susceptible to worry.

May I suggest a media detox? Just to distance yourself from these type of triggers? I think deleting news apps, avoiding the news channels on TV and even steering clear of social media for a few weeks might be really helpful to reduce your worry and help give you space to regulate your nervous system. Actively giving ourselves permission to look away and filling that space with self-care and things you enjoy is really helpful.

I have had to do this in the past when I was very upset about politics going on in the news, it helped a lot.

Let us know how you're feeling.

anxious about war

missep123 — Sun, 20 Feb 2022 23:20:47 GMT

Hi Bookgirl,

I can really see how much you have been trying to cope and I'm really proud of you for that and you should be proud of yourself. It can be so hard to deal with our thoughts they can really feel like a monkey hanging of our shoulders.

I really like @banksy92's idea above regarding a media detox. I have had to do that when the case numbers in Sydney were going up, every 11am I would always find myself searching online. I think it's really important to remove triggers because what we don't realise sometimes is that:

Trigger = thoughts (negative automatic thoughts) + behaviour (not feeling well, falling into a cycle of researching)

We are definitely here for you during this journey!

anxious about war

Russian_Red_Foxx — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 04:51:17 GMT

Hi Bookgirl,

I'm sorry to hear that. Just know that you are not alone and I, along with loads of other people, have been feeling the same way. I would suggest talking to lifeline, they are really good at listening to what you have to say and being non-judgemental.

anxious about war

Bookgirl — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 01:31:32 GMT

I have these points where i am ok and then everything seems hopeless. I hate feeling helpless and i don't understand why this is happening and why anyone would want this to happen. War is stupid and nobody wins. People suffer and for what? So you can say you are right or get what you want. Just feel exhausted all the time and sick to my stomach about the stupidity of it all.

anxious about war

Bookgirl — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 09:33:08 GMT

Saw the news today and came home from work in a panic and stayed in bed all day. I hate, hate, hate this world right now.

anxious about war

Learn to Fly — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 09:51:21 GMT

Hi Bookgirl,

I couldn't have agreed more with all the friends here who had recommended you sustaining from media coverage for some time.

How do you familiarise yourself with the news? By watching TV, reading feeds on various apps, listening to the radio? How do you find not following the news? Easy or difficult to ignore the TV or whatever other device you are using? How does the news abstinence make you feel? Does this feeling encourage you to continue to ignore the news or prompts you to watch them?

Sorry, I feel I might have bombarded you with my questions. I don't mean to be disrespectful of your privacy but maybe shedding some light here would help us to help you? Please do not feel obligated to answer any of my questions. No pressure at all.

Sending loads of positive vibes your way. You are not alone.

anxious about war

Bookgirl — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 10:05:34 GMT

Hi, i have taken news off newsfeeds from everywhere on my devices. I don't look much but when i do its abc news. I don't read the paper or anything. But when i don't look i feel anxious anyway about what is/isn't happening and how i need to know what is going on in order to protect myself i guess. To prepare for whatever is going to happen even though there is absolutely nothing at all i can do. I made the mistake of looking at work today and it just sent me into a panic attack completely. My husband tells me not to look either but how does that help in the long run? I don't know may be i will be happy until the end. I don't know. I am just so unhappy at the moment.

anxious about war

Learn to Fly — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 10:54:48 GMT

Hi Bookgirl,

Thank you for such a prompt response. I really appreciate you answering my questions and sharing some more information with us. Thank you.

"Easier said than done" - I imagine this might be going through your mind after hearing from me and others "how about not watching the news", am I right here?

It seems like this is catch-22. You familiarise yourself with the news to know what might be coming and/or what to expect next. This puts you in anxiety mode and worrying about the future for your son and your family. You know there is nothing you can do about it all, but you struggle to refrain from further watching the news in case you miss on something and you won't be prepared and protected. Did I get that right? No wonder this spiralling thinking sends you off to the high anxiety mode. You would have to be made out of steel to be able to sustain such weight on your shoulders. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to do everything in your power to protect your son and wanting for him to have a better world to live in. We all want this as we think that generations would've learnt as it seems the human race has done it all.

Have you ever had a chance to talk to a specialist or even your GP? I think you are past the point of "just stop watching the news" and it wouldn't hurt to try a bit more in-depth approach involving providing you with help. How would you feel about it?

anxious about war

Bookgirl — Tue, 22 Feb 2022 23:50:43 GMT

Hi, i do have a psych and take medication but this is next level for me. How does everyone else cope when it seems so bleak? my husband says he can't control it so he just lives day to day which i try to do but its so hard.