topic Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia in Anxiety

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Aggy — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 08:42:57 GMT

Hi everyone. I just signed up and wanted to say hi to all.

I started med treatment from my doc last week for severe anxiety and today was diagnosed with agoraphobia.

I'm a middle aged guy with no friends or family so it's great to have somewhere to come and compare notes.

You all seem very nice and supportive of each other. That makes me feel better already and think I will like it here.

That's my first post, so look after yourselves and I'm looking forward to making a friend or two.

-aggy

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

AGrace — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 12:23:36 GMT

Hi aggy,

Welcome to Beyondblue. I hope you will find all of us here very friendly and supportive. Feel free to post, ask questions, or even just read some of the threads. There are bound to be others who have had a shared experience.

Good to hear you've sought treatment for yourself. Often this is the hardest step.

No friends? You'll have plenty here, is it the illness that gets in the way of meeting people? Or are there other barriers?

No family? That's a tough one, hopefully you'll feel like you're part of a really big family here. I have my parents, 3 sisters, 3 brother in laws, and 5 nieces and nephews. Im happy to hire them out!!!

Look forward to hearing more from you.

AGrace

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

geoff — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 15:39:08 GMT

dear Aggy, it's nice to have you join us, as there is a huge following here on the site, where some people come and go while there are others that are constant responders.

Let us know how your medication is going, because sometimes it can be difficult to find the one the works, so it might be a jumpy beginning.

Look forward to hearing from you. Geoff.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Aggy — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 20:43:45 GMT

Thanks so much Geoff and Hi.

I'm still waiting for the meds to work and I hope it's soon because I can't stop shaking with worry and fear..

I know it will take a week or so yet for them to take effect.

I will post my progress.

-Aggy

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Aggy — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 20:53:56 GMT

Hi Amber and thanks.

I'm not used to anyone being concerned about me and appreciate your kind words.

It must be nice to have family to help sometimes, but I am a loner.

I can't tell anyone in my life about how I feel so it's nice to be here and talk to people that won't yell at me, judge me, or put me down.

-Aggy

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Girl_Anachronism — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 00:33:43 GMT

Hi Aggy,

Like others, I welcome you to the BB site. The people here are wonderful and helpful, even though they are going through tough times themselves.

Though I have struggled from Depression for some years, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and agoraphobia myself a month and a half ago, after my divorce. I thought I had been getting better about leaving the house myself, but due to a downswing in mood and longer time between appointments, I have been getting worse myself this past week.

It took all of my willpower yesterday, to leave the house through the anxiety shakes and attacks to just go to my sisters house, despite the fact that all I had to do was get in her car.

Enough about me though, I just wanted to say welcome and I feel for you. I have some idea of the hell it is, staring at your door and knowing you should leave but bieng unable to make yourself take the step, with every fiber in your being screaming against it.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Aggy — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 03:39:24 GMT

Hi GA and thanks for the welcome.

I completely understand how you felt about going out in that car.

I notice that using willpower you were able to achieve a goal. Well done, I think that's great and hope willpower can work for me too.

Thanks again for the welcome and your concern GA.

-Aggy.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Girl_Anachronism — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 03:32:46 GMT

Hi Aggy,

Great to hear a reply from you.

It was a combination of willpower, shame at her seeing me break down, guilt at wasting her time if I couldn't go and the relief that if I go out with her that day, I don't need to see my family for a few weeks and they wouldn't worry. So not all good things, but a combination of them worked.

My suggestion is to start small and work up. So if like me, you spend alot of time in one room of the house like your bedroomand on bad days get shakes just thinking about leaving my bedroom. Just go out to the lounge room and do something distracting you would do in your bedroom. Have breakfast near a window, or near the backyard. Then go outside just on the front steps or in the backyard, eventually working up to going out to public places.

Medication helps immensely. I would still be trapped in my house if I didn't have it. I hope it goes well for you and you notice some effects soon. Do you have a follow up appointment with your gp?

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Aggy — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 09:16:40 GMT

Hi AG.

Thanks for being so helpful. We have a lot in common it seems. The shame and guilt are things I relate to very much.

I tried getting to work today. It took me an hour and my work is 250 metres from where I live. But I got there.

I could only manage four hours but I think it was an achievement. I came home for my tea break for ten minutes but went back for two hours.

I play my guitar everyday and that keeps me from worrying about stuff for a while.

Maybe able to work up to outside on the porch one day but I always stay inside with the door locked when I can for now. Baby steps seems like good advice.

I have another week to wait for meds to work, but it's good to know that I will be better than I am now. I live in a country town and the doctor I saw wont be back for my next appointment for three weeks.

I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. It's at the hospital and I'm starting to shake just thinking about it. I'm terrified but I know I must go and get help.

Thanks for your kind message and I hope you are doing well today.

-Aggy.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Girl_Anachronism — Thu, 24 Jul 2014 00:38:49 GMT

Hi Aggy,

I never really appreciated being in the cbd until I heard stories from those suffering in rural towns. I didn't realise that I really have been taking accessible healthcare for granted. Yes the public mental health system in my state has problems, including long waits to see psychologists if you can't find a bulk billing one, or afford one privately. There is a level of intermediate care that is missing, since you either get an 8 week wait to see a psychologist or immediate admittance into a psych ward for crisis situations. There should be a level of care inbetween. But thats neither here nor there.

I can certainly empathise with your anxiety over the appointment. I have a gp appointment today, the first after two long weeks without support even from my psych as she was away for a week. I have been on the edge for the past week, with anxiety creeping higher. Today its like my head has turned down the depression dial which has been up in the past few days and cranked the anxiety one instead. Probably because I have to leave the house today, have to get to my gp if I am to get the help I need.

I am on disability, unable to work but I am glad to hear you not only have a job, but that you were able to go. That is an achievement to be proud of. Are they understanding of your condition or do they not know?

Thankyou for your positive wishes, and I hope your appointment at the hospital goes well.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Aggy — Thu, 24 Jul 2014 03:23:17 GMT

Hi GA.

I had to tell my boss what's happening. I felt he has the right to know.

I have my appointment in one hour and I am feeling just like you do about your appointment. I hope you will be ok and it goes well for you GA.

Please let me know how you went when you can, and I will let you know how I went too. I will be thinking about you.

-Aggy.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Girl_Anachronism — Thu, 24 Jul 2014 10:04:23 GMT

Hi Aggy,

I hate anxiety. I really just hate it. Let me go back to feeling nothing. Feeling everything over the smallest things is just pure hell.

I missed my bus twice today and started crying as I walked down the road to the gp instead. Hyperventilating and all. Kept crying in her office in front of a medical student. I don't know how my gp puts up with me.

She got my consent to get notes from my previous gp and hospital admissions. She also upped my antidepressants a little. We discussed hospital admission, but I have had bad experiences with the local public hospital and the previous one I went to, a suburb over i said yes if I could go there, but other wise no. She is going to talk to them, the local clinic and a possible further support program to help deal with anxiety. Basically looking at extra supports as I have had a very rough two weeks. She was also going to confer with my psych after our appointment tomorrow. I have a follow up appointment in a week.

I wish I had the money for private clinics, or hospitals who I have heard is good here in Perth but I can't even work and am living off Centrelink, so thats just not option.

So I managed to leave the house, with much anxiety and I am an emotional mess. An emotional mess with a good gp looking into ways to make it better though. So thats something.

I hope your day is going at least ok, or better than ok.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Aggy — Thu, 24 Jul 2014 20:39:24 GMT

Hi GA.

So good to hear from you.

Don't you realise how strong you are? I could never go on a bus or even attempt walking down the street like you did. And you did it to get help for yourself, no other reason. I'm proud of you and wish I could be as brave as you are.

Don't worry, I was a complete mess at my psyhc appointment yesterday too, and there were 3 of us in the room just like your appointment. I think I know how you felt.

My antidepressants were doubled and the 'calm down' pills were increased too.

We also talked about hospital admission but the Doc said I wouldn't be able to handle it and I agreed with him. I'd be terrified. He is organising follow up support with my psychologist. Now I also have to have blood tests and cat scan which I am not looking forward to.

So we both made it through a tough day, somehow. I think we are both fighters and determined to get through this. I know you hate anxiety, it's also the other feelings that come with it like guilt, despair, etc. that makes it even harder.

Stay strong, and I hope you have a nice day today. Maybe do something you like as a reward for the huge achievement you made yesterday.

-Aggy.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

geoff — Thu, 24 Jul 2014 23:18:50 GMT

dear Aggy and GA, it is really good that 2 people or even more have a connection between each other, because it makes them feel more comfortable when they have to front the same issues.

There have been many good points that have been raised here, and the first is what GA has said 'combination of willpower, shame at her seeing me break down, guilt at wasting her time', which is a terrific way of somehow making you having to go and do these sessions with your psych, doctor or anything else.

The psych's always have a box of tissues sitting on their desk, because they expect those that are suffering to break down, so as much as we may feel guilty for crying there is no need.

I remember when I was seeing my psychologist for 20 odd years, I totally overshadowed her in size, as I must have been enormous to her, but there I was crying in her office, it's only how we feel, we can't stop it.

I would like either or both of you to google 'desensitisation', which you may have already, but if not it's a great way to overcome your fear/anxiety. L Geoff. x

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Aggy — Fri, 25 Jul 2014 10:21:16 GMT

Hi Geoff.

I understand what you mean. It is great that we are able to each other, it's proof I guess how valuable BB really is.

I have used that box of tissues a few times now and I'm sure I will be needing it again. For some reason no matter how silly I feel for blubbering, I always seem to feel better afterwards.

I was rushed into an emergency appointment with a GP on Monday morning as I was in a very bad way. The Doctor didn't even offer me tissue or a drink of water. Just a little compassion seems to go a long way at those times.

Thanks for your input Geoff, I hope your day was good and right now I'm off to google 'desensitisation'.

-Aggy.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Girl_Anachronism — Fri, 25 Jul 2014 11:35:32 GMT

Hi Aggy,

I cried through this psych appointment too. So many tissues. I couldn't even start some exercises because I just kept bursting into tears. Eventually we got there but I was still pretty low and emotional when I left.

I have an appointment with her on Monday, and she is talking to my gp who is in on Tuesday. She even offered me sessions after the mental health plan ran out, at no charge on the provisio I just don't give up. So I am being looked after. I guess I will find out next week about what other options are.

My psych was also supportive of a hospital stay, if they could swing the previous good hospital, not my local one. Its only because I am one suburb over the catchment area after

the divorce that I had to change clinics and hospitals at all. Got to love arbitrary government rules.

I am still on and off crying, for no reason. Anxiety is still rocketing back up. But I am just fighting the fight, or at least hiding under a doona when I can.

I hope the results come back ok, or at least nothing too major. waiting for results just seems like anxiety fuel. I'm guessing the follow up apointment would be pretty far away, given the rural situation? How are you feeling otherwise?

Geoff, I will google that too. Anything to kick this monkey off my back.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Aggy — Sun, 27 Jul 2014 20:38:38 GMT

Hi there Girl.

It's great that your psyhc is so willing to help you. She obviously can see that you are worth helping and can get you to a better place than where your at now. She must believe in you otherwise she wouldn't bother.

Please, if you can, keep letting us know how it's going. It's always good to hear from you and I will try to do the same.

After three bad life changing experiences in a year, and then a relationship breakup was what finally seem to push me over the edge.

I am going ok, but have to try and get to work soon and well, you know. I don't want go.

I hope you go ok today with your appointment.

-Aggy.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Girl_Anachronism — Tue, 29 Jul 2014 02:37:02 GMT

Hi Aggy,

My psych appointment went well, I guess. I have been feeling somewhat numb these past days. Like my brain just can't handle more emotion right now. Then today I am being over emotional again, thanks to some rather traumatic dreams and a bad nights sleep.

I am seeing my psych again thursday morning, and my gp thursday afternoon. Anxiety is higher today aswel because I know she is speaking to my gp today. I know they would consult me before doing anything but the part of that freaked out when I was involuntarily admitted to a mental hospital ( due to being in anear catatonic state and unable to speak let alone male decisions for myself) is whispering irrational, unrealistic things to me.

I am going shopping today though, for birthday presents and so I have to leave the house. But today I can leave the house I think, with a few anxiety shakes. I'll take my meds for it before I go.

Enough about me, how are you going? Did you manage to get to work?

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Aggy — Tue, 29 Jul 2014 03:43:12 GMT

Hi Girl.

Great to see you posting your progress and thoughts etc.

I would tell you to try and not listen to the voice in your head but I know that's just not always possible. Sometimes it's hard to be strong but we must fight and not let these horrible thoughts and feelings completely consume us.

I'm glad your appointment went ok. Try to remember that your Psyhc and GP are only talking about helping you recover from an illness.

Things are not going very well for me at the moment, I may have to quit work soon and can only manage a few hours a day now and It's getting more difficult all the time. I don't eat much anymore.

I guess things can only get better for us both from here.

All the best with shopping today, you seem confident about it and that's great.

Keep posting whenever you like and I hope it goes well today.

-Aggy.

Just want to say hi: diagnosed with agoraphobia

Girl_Anachronism — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 01:20:48 GMT

Hi Aggy,

Shopping went ok, anxiety central this morning giving said gifts (will she like them? What of somebody else got the same thing? What will her parents think of me based on my decisions?)

Anxiety high this morning because of psych and gp discussions. Waiting til tomorrow seems almost unbearable. My monsters are running rampant with what they could have said and the options they might present me with and what I could respond with, the pros and cons of each, etc.

Are there many jobs available where you are? Or are you able to take a week off and come back to the job, if your supervisor is willing? Quitting will simplify your life but by going to work you are challenging your agoraphobia every day. So time off may be what you need, a breakdown , may be what you need as a sort of coping mechanism. But if you take time off, you can still challenge your illness everyday by making reasons to take baby steps.

I hope you can find a way out of where you are now, even if it means going down first, before going up.

I also wanted to apologise, I seem to be flooding your thread with my problems, when I have my own thread in the depressions forums for that. I should be focusing more on you and not so much on me. I am sorry for that.