topic Feeling Stuck and Anxious in Anxiety

Feeling Stuck and Anxious

JoJo_B — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 01:23:23 GMT

Hi there

I have been at home for the past two weeks with one more week to go and I have constant anxiety about the state of the house I rent on my own. I am meant to be studying but I just cant. I can't even do housework/gardening, can barely bring myself to get dressed, eat, let alone shower. I have lived here over ten years with ex-husband, child and dog who are now no longer with me. I am the last one standing in this house. I can't leave. The house is literally falling apart room by room, peeling paint, carpet falling apart, you name it. I pay exorbitant rent to live here and I can't bear waking up each morning to see all the peeling paint and shabbiness.

My landlord doesn't do any upkeep on this place, yet I am afraid that when I can finally afford to leave that he will take me to court for the peeling paint and condition of the carpet and everything else that is wrong.

This place hasn't been painted in 15 years, I know it is wear and tear but I am afraid others will see how I have been living and I am so ashamed. My boss told me in February last year that I lived in a crappy house after coming to knock on my door one time and before that comment I had accepted where I lived (even though I was anxious about it) because I could keep the family dog who was an in/outdoor (before passing away). Since my boss said that I have had major anxiety and feel so stuck. I don't invite anyone to my house ever because I am so ashamed. I cannot afford to move as I am trying to rebuild my life after divorce and raising my child (who is now an adult) on my own who has now moved out. My rent is half my income.

When I get anxious and think about everything that is wrong about this place, my compulsion is to think about ways that I can fix it or pay for someone to come in to fix it, but I can't do that either because you need permission and I always feel anxious when dealing with the LL as he tells me that I need to repair things which are his responsibility.

I am in an abusive situation that I can't get out of. He is scary and intimidating and reminds me of my marriage. I feel like I am stuck in this situation because it is what I am used to. The humiliation and shame.

I read case law after case law all day on 1 January regarding tenancies and I am

freaking out and can't think of anything else. I have tried positive affirmations, tapping and downloading apps. Please give me some advice.

This has taken over all my life. What do I do?

Feeling Stuck and Anxious

Pounce — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 04:50:47 GMT

Hi Jo Jo,

I can relate to your situation a bit! I have a shonky landlord who doesn't keep up with repairs and has had tenants do upkeep and improvements in the past. I also feel embarrassed about inviting people to my crappy house. There is literally still garbage lying around outside that was here before I moved in! Anyway, the landlord is legally responsible for all maintenance on a rented property. Peeling paint etc is maintenance and painting is not your responsibility. Write a letter, (dated) detailing the necessary repairs and maintenance (eg painting). Give a date by which you wish the repairs to be carried out. Keep a copy and give one to the agent or landlord. Once it's in writing it's binding. If they fail to act in a reasonable time frame, then you can contact the rental bond board. This is how I got my leaking gutters replaced. Best of luck.

Feeling Stuck and Anxious

white knight — Sat, 03 Jan 2015 06:17:10 GMT

Hi JoJo

Pounce made some great points there- if you are going to stay and fight.

50% of your income? That is a huge amount. Housing mortgage expects suggest no more than 33% should be paid towards loans or statistics have proved that your financial situation is not sustainable. Meaning one day you'll come crashing down.

If your depression gets worse or you decide to move house, I suggest you read the following threads. Use search to find them

When all is lost what can you do?-be radical

Meltdown - back to basics

Meditation- words of wisdom- it helped me for 25 years

Good luck. post anytime Tony WK