topic Worry about changing friendships in Anxiety

Worry about changing friendships

whiteroses — Thu, 03 Jun 2021 10:07:58 GMT

My husband and I have two children. Our closest friends are unable to have children and I am constantly worried our friendship has changed. Before kids we did everything together and now I feel like we have been sidelined. I don’t know why I worry so much about this but it makes me feel very anxious.

Worry about changing friendships

white knight — Thu, 03 Jun 2021 12:45:08 GMT

Hi, welcome

Many of us that have had children lose friends along the way due to family structure changes.

I had children in my early 30's, my best friend from school had his at 39 and 42. So we lost our friendship.

My remedy was to stay in touch but focus my friendships more towards mum's and dad's of kids of the same age as ours.

The other problem is that some parents greatly involve themselves in their children's lives even once the children are adults. Others have a more distant relationship. So the former are often maxxed out on their calendar with activities meaning no room for friends.

Friendships with these hurdles mean that for mental well being you are better off treating friendships like fluid. They come and go, they are frequent then not often.

Of course not being so reliant on friends is a good idea, more hobbies, more sports etc.

TonyWK

Worry about changing friendships

jtjt_4862 — Thu, 03 Jun 2021 14:34:14 GMT

Hi whiteroses,

Welcome to the forums. I can totally relate to how you feel, as I've experienced the same feelings and thoughts with my high school friend groups as well. People come and go, as whiteknight has mentioned. Even though my high school friends and I aren't as connected as we were in high school, I slowly came to realize that it wasn't because of me. Rather, it was because they were starting to build their own family, and have a whole new list of responsibilities and priorities to deal with in order to keep their family healthy. But no matter how busy they are, I will always support my friends, because that's what friends are for, to create a supportive network for one another.

I'm sure you closest friends will be able to understand that times have changed, and you're now building a family that is important to you. But you can always organize a catch up whenever you are available for them. My highschool friends and I still try to organize catch ups once every 2-3 months, and that makes for a lot of stories to share in one catch up session!