topic Re: Feeling behind and having trouble seeing a bright future in Anxiety

Feeling behind and having trouble seeing a bright future

Clover9312 — Mon, 31 Aug 2026 11:27:22 GMT

This year has felt very uneventful for me. It's almost over and I feel like I'm accomplished nothing. I won't deny that I'm extremely lucky. I enjoy my job and have hobbies that bring me immeasurable joy. I have beautiful friendships - long term and new. While it hasn't been entirely gloomy, I also can't shake off a feeling of grief and extreme disappointment. I feel really behind for my age. I'm 32 and I'm not any closer to being in a fulfilling relationship. It's also not financially feasible for me to move out of my parents' home at the moment. I have a very solid bond with them and live close to the CBD, so the situation works for us. But I can't help but feel ashamed that I haven't gotten into the property market like many other people I know (many of whom who are in partnerships and living on a double income). I've had really violent anxiety dreams that have been on and off throughout the year. I keep dreaming that someone is going to attack me. I've discussed these in therapy, which has proved to be valuable and interesting for me. I think these dreams are symbolic of my own self-loathing. I wake up feeling heavy. Like I said, I can find pockets of joy, but it's hard not feel weighed down by these nightmares I'm having at night. I feel like the minute I get excited about something or someone, the other shoe drops. My love life is completely non-existent. I know everyone says that being in a relationship isn't the be all and end all. But I think we all crave connection and it's ok to be open about that need. I got out of a relationship that wasn't working for me last year, healed from that and I've felt ready after everything I've learnt from past relationships to meet someone new. I have balanced discernment with an open heart and have gone on many dates. But I've found myself in situations that ultimately made me feel uncomfortable when meeting in person. I even had to order Ubers in bar bathrooms just to be able to leave immediately. I could never have predicted this discomfort prior to meeting these people. I feel like I'm sensible when I decide to meet up with somebody. But you just never know and I feel like It's been genuine bad luck. I can't understand why I have beautiful long term friendships and a place in my local community, but can't find myself in a fulfilling relationship. At this point I don't even expect to meet anyone. I really had high hopes, but these are slipping away from me. I'm in the process of looking into freezing my eggs and it's just making me feel extremely emotional and touchy, so I thought I'd share this. Sending love to anyone reading this and going through something similar. I never wanted to buy into the idea that being single in your 30s is scary. But here I am. It's hard to see that things are going to improve.

Re: Feeling behind and having trouble seeing a bright future

WhiteBear — Tue, 01 Sep 2026 09:57:25 GMT

Hi Clover9312,

Your post really resonated with me. I’m in a similar situation myself. However, I’m 53 and haven’t been in a real relationship since my divorce 7 years ago.

Overall I’m very happy and grateful for having a good job and good connections with family and friends. I live with my teenage kids which I’m very grateful for.

The only thing that seems to weigh me down is the fact that I haven’t been able to find a new partner to share my life with. It does occupy a lot of my thinking.

I made a firm decision that the next partner will need to be someone special. The divorce was so difficult that the thought of making the wrong decision again is frightening. I discovered that it was this thinking that was holding me back. Not only am I overly keen to find someone, I’m overly cautious and picky when it comes to dating someone. That will just repel, rather than attract.

I recently decided to let go of this need. I’m letting whatever happens, happen. I have no control on who may show up in my life, or whether I will end up on my own. I’m not lonely, I’m just alone at times. Just like everyone, to a certain degree.

I really believe when you’re free and easy, and just enjoying your life, that’s when the right person shows up.

I think it also helps to know that you’re not a failure just because you’re not in a relationship. I use to think this way. I use to think people were judging me for being single. However, people typically only think of themselves, and when you realise how little people actually think about you, you become less concerned about what people think of you.

Hopefully some of this helps.

Regards

Re: Feeling behind and having trouble seeing a bright future

Clover9312 — Wed, 02 Sep 2026 11:39:14 GMT

Hi WB,

Thank you for your response and for your helpful advice. I'm sorry to hear that your divorce was difficult.

I understand the fear of making the wrong decision when choosing a partner. I am proud of my discernment though - and it sounds like you're discerning too. The trouble with that is that a genuine connection that feels mutual and compatible is hard to come by. I know that a partner can't tick every box, but I'm finding it really hard to not come across people with extreme incompatibilities with me. I'm determined not to settle. I feel like I've been free and easy through many stages of my life and things have worked out for me. But I'm beginning to find, as I get further into my 30s, that the dating pool is getting smaller and I'm starting to worry that getting into a relationship is like winning the lottery. I know what I'm capable of offering. But no matter how much I get out there, I keep meeting people who are taken already or people with glaring red flags.

I think your advice about surrendering to what I can't control is really helpful. I'm just struggling with how to do that, especially as time goes by. I don't believe I'm a failure because I'm not in a relationship, but I definitely feel an intense grief over how I thought my life would've panned out so far.