topic Re: I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay! in Anxiety

I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay!

Strawberry — Mon, 13 Jul 2026 14:53:33 GMT

Hi and thank you to everyone who reads my words,

A first for me. Writing on a forum. I've been on this depression and anxiety roller coaster for most of my adult life. And just when I think I've got a handle on it, believe I'm grounded, centred and back to what I know is my truest self, it gets me again. Maybe I ignore the signs as they build. Or, maybe I've not tuned in and connected with my feelings enough, so I'm actually kidding myself. Whatever it is, after I lull myself back into that false sense of 'I'm all okay insecurity' it returns.

What's irritated me the most about my most recent struggle with anxiety has been how my usual approaches have not worked. It's back, and it feels like it's mocking me this time. If it had a voice it would say, 'You can't just CBT me away this time. Ha! You think meditation and medication is going to defeat me? You, silly, stupid woman! Don't you know you'll never be rid of me.'

I'm tired.

I get the help I need.

I do all I can.

It's a never ending cycle, and I suppose, I'm just going to have to accept it's always going to return!

Re: I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay!

therising — Mon, 13 Jul 2026 20:35:44 GMT

Hi Strawberry

My heart goes out to you so much as you struggle in so many ways. I think we can be so hard on ourself without being conscious of all the facts regarding anxiety and depression. When we're led to be more conscious, it becomes a matter of 'No wonder I'm struggling. It makes complete sense'. Certain struggles can be an absolute mongrel to make sense of, a mixed breed of emotions, thoughts, inner dialogue and so on, all rolled into one.

Whether it's depression or anxiety, I think it pays to ask 'What exactly am I feeling the side effects of?' as opposed to asking 'What's wrong with me?'. For example, is what we're feeling a tipping point, where the load of anxiety inducing stuff or depressing stuff has tipped the scales? What does each individual weight involve on that scale? With stress and anxiety it could involve 1)a degree of exhaustion to begin with, 2)no one or nothing around to help relieve the stress or help make greater sense of it, 3)the number of little stressors, 4)the frequency with which some of them come, 5)two or more energy systems regularly interacting, such as the endocrine system (with cortisol levels) and the nervous system, 6)a new challenge that we've never had to manage before, amongst a stack of old familiar ones, 7)the sudden ability to feel in new ways, which can involve the ability to feel other people's stress or anxiety (bit of a developing empath factor there), 8)super charged inner dialogue from the stresser in us and the list goes on. So, eight things or more all rolled into one. That's a lot of stuff. No wonder the scales tip. In the past we may have only managed 3 things or 5 things or 6 but not 8 at once. This many points to a next level challenge. A next level challenge can require more skill, more energy, more support and guidance and more key revelations than ever before.

Being a 55yo gal who's more so struggled with depression than anxiety over the years, one of my major much needed revelations that came to mind at some point was 'You're cycling upwards, not simply 'round and 'round'. When I thought about it I realised how true it was. Firstly, I realised every cycle took the same form, exactly the same. Imagining it as a clock, at 12 I'm fine. By quarter past I can feel myself facing a challenge of some nature which leads me to feel a downward shift. Between quarter and half past I feel myself sinking even further, while questioning so much. At half past I realise how depressing things are, when I start to really think about them. After half past, I start moving upwards through the cycle, making greater sense of things. Btw, if there are some angering factors in there, I can start to feel anger with myself and/or with others. By about 10 to 12, I'll start hitting on all these constructive mind altering revelations that lead me to a sense of optimism, greater self understanding and some skill development. By 12 I'm good. The only thing that varies is the length of the cycle, how long I'm stuck in certain parts of it and how long it takes to complete. Given that I develop more life revelations, more self understanding and more skills, this points to constantly cycling or graduating upwards.

With the cycle factor you mention, you could ask 'What is this cycle about? What is this cycle asking of me, in the way of greater self understanding and skill development? What kind of guide/s, support system or life structure and revelations do I need for this particular one?'. Not sure if it will be of any help but another mind altering revelation that came to me some time ago was 'You're always going to be a 'feeler', someone who has the ability to feel the stressful or depressing nature of something or someone. You need to learn how to manage that ability'. Yeah, I know, feels more like a curse than an ability at times. For a start, I find it helps to address my inner stresser or inner pessimist, 'Seriously, I can feel what you're doing to me'. On the other hand, my inner sage or whatever can be insisting 'You've got this. You've done it before and you can do it again. It's time to become more conscious'.🙂

Re: I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay!

Strawberry — Tue, 14 Jul 2026 13:04:12 GMT

Hi Therising,

I really value the depth and breadth of your reply. After reading your words, I’m seeing how much I’ve underestimated the build up, the weight and all the contributing factors. Everything you said resonates. This one is definitely a next level challenge. I think part of it is I’m just too tired and overwhelmed to face it properly as well. While I have used my usually strategies, without success, I didn’t pause and ask why it didn’t work this time. I just got annoyed. As a 52 year gal… these are things I do know, but it’s also easy to miss the stuff you already know. I’m often saying to others to try to view things about life and yourself with curiosity, I did forget to be curious and ask the questions. The other side of this ‘cycle’ (think I prefer the word season) is on the way. Funny how often I can be naive, or perhaps hopeful, that the anxiety and depression will stay away. It’s like thinking the sun won’t rise or that there’ll never, ever be a severe weather event again in my lifetime.
The words and thoughts you’ve shared have been helpful. Thank you.

Re: I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay!

therising — Tue, 14 Jul 2026 16:30:03 GMT

Hi Strawberry

While I've only ever experienced a couple of periods in my life with significant anxiety, during one of those periods I received a key piece of life advice. It was from my workplace manager at the time, when I handed in my resignation. She said 'Anxiety is telling you that something's got to change. You need to listen'. This was at a time in my life where I was trying to manage far more than I possibly could. She was incredibly understanding and supportive. After being fortunate enough to be able to afford to take time off from going out to work, thanks to my husband, I returned to that same job about a year later.

It's amazing how we can go through life gradually discovering a lot of the things we struggle to live without. A sense of wonder or curiosity is definitely one of those things for me. A sense of wonder is something that can stop us from jumping to the wrong conclusions or stop us from falling short of the right ones. For example, I could say 'I'm hopeless', without wondering why I have less hope than usual. I'm stopping at the statement 'I'm hopeless'. If I was to open my mind, I could wonder 'Who or what is leading me to sense hope?'. If the answer is 'No one and nothing is leading me to feel even an ounce of it, no wonder I can't sense it'. Keeping an open mind, the question then becomes 'Who or what is going to lead me to feel that very thing I long to sense?'. There have been times where I've opened my mind and what has come in is 'Go on the Beyond Blue forums'. By following what comes to mind, I have found a sense of hope and a sense of the way forward, amongst other things.

An open mind is a gift, as long as we know how and when to close it. While we can open it to wonder and possibility, we must close it around those who going to fill it with the kind of stuff that leads us to think little of ourself or those who are going to fill it with what builds to a tornado of stress. A ef5 stress tornado is a major weather event. Personally, not a fan🌪 😬

Re: I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay!

Annas1 — Sun, 19 Jul 2026 22:55:49 GMT

Hi Strawberry and TR,

You have both captured many of the feelings and thoughts I have about my own experience of anxiety and depression. Like you this self-understanding and self-acceptance journey is ongoing and thorough-going. I find it very difficult to manage when my 'toolkit' has been exhausted and my anxieties are still dominating my day-to-day life. I will usually 'look under the hood' and try to work out what is beneath the angst, and often I'll find the stressor - even if it's an unpleasant realisation. Typically, I will be triggered by a social expectation/relationship that my unconscious pretty quickly interprets as a threat of rejection or humiliation. I've done a lot of work on being more honest about this dynamic for me - both internally and in close relationships. It has toned down the intensity and duration of anxious episodes, however this work is ongoing, and when I pretend that this deep sensitivity doesn't exist and ride roughshod over it, I almost inevitably experience an anxiety crisis.

Like both again, I want to remember to be gentle and curious with my inner experience. I want to let go of the shame I feel about my sensitivity. I want to get better at resonating with myself. Go well.

Re: I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay!

therising — Mon, 20 Jul 2026 09:00:43 GMT

Hi Annas1

It can be so hard, hey, when you know what the trigger is but it takes so much time to develop an understanding of 1)how you interact with it, 2)what skills are needed in order to manage it and 3)how deep it goes/where exactly it stems from.

I think we can be so hard on ourself at times. When considering 'Who taught me how to be fearless? Where did I learn how to manage my nervous system like a pro, growing up? How was I led to use my imagination so that I never imagine anything stressful?' etc, for a lot of us the answers would be 'No one taught me. I never learned. I was never consciously led'. You come to realise we've still got a lot to learn and that's okay.

While managing the ability to sense or feel, much of the time we tend to come to learn out of necessity or desperation. Sometimes it's nice to sit and wonder, what would I like to learn. Makes a nice change, feeling like you have a choice. Whether it involves 'I wonder how my nervous system actually works' or 'I'd like to learn a bit about the vagus nerve' or whether it's more outside the square and involves meditating our way into some kind of incredible daydream where the answers we seek come to us via an imagined sage, we are free to learn something new for the toolkit.

Re: I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay!

Annas1 — Wed, 22 Jul 2026 23:15:48 GMT

Hello TR,

Thank-you for your reflections and questions. I love the reversal in your approach and agree that seeing my experience of emotional reactivity/distress as only one half of the equation of my being is really useful and even empowering. If emotions are an expression of our life energy, then I want to learn how to harness my capacities to feel across the whole spectrum - I want to have access to the joy, delight and engagement that I have not learned to activate instinctively.

I also like the analogy of Rumi's 'guesthouse' where the owner welcomes griefs and joys, sorrows and wonders. This is my Holy Grail of emotional freedom. To respond truly to life as it arises in the moment.

Another idea is thinking of myself as a fine instrument that has required a lot of practice to learn to play. Harsh treatment only produces discordant, painful sounds. Delicate, skillful playing can produce such a range of soulful music.

Re: I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay!

therising — Thu, 23 Jul 2026 19:06:42 GMT

Hi Annas1

Out of curiosity, I looked up Rumi's words. How truly beautiful, to see no guest as being bad, just challenging while bringing a gift of some sort. It is so true. When I think of the passing of my mum last year, the deepest of sorrows brought me the knowledge of how deeply I am capable of loving. I did not know until such sorrow came. When a soulful type of depression arrives, it comes with the insistence that I come to better understand my true nature. Every time it comes, I know myself better than ever before by the time it leaves. Thank you for bringing my awareness to Rumi's words. I am grateful.

I also love the idea of being a fine instrument. As we watch, listen and feel in awe when a concert violinist plays, what we can sometimes forget is how much they've learned (all the knowledge they've gained), how hard they've practiced and all that it has taken for them to become a master of the instrument. Perhaps it's also about choosing which composition we're going to play as we learn to master our emotional chords. If I could master my instrument, I'd like it to feel like the 1st movement of 'Spring', from Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons'.❤️

Re: I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay!

Annas1 — Fri, 24 Jul 2026 14:20:25 GMT

Oh dear, it's late and I'm having the familiar difficulty in finding the tune of life. I've forgotten how to welcome my sadness with an open door.

The old disconnection with innocent vulnerability turns quickly to angst and the record (me!) gets stuck in a groove and resists a soulful melody. When I still myself, and dive deep inside, forget about the roles I need to play and just listen, then the doleful origin of this inner dislocation wells up naturally.

Oh, but how I resist feeling through the sorrow. Fear its power, its overtaking me, or the me I think I have to show up as in the world. So, tonight I am in resistance and will accept this reality. Perhaps tomorrow I will be more gentle with the sadness when it appears. Perhaps I will let the feeling through and find a way to the ease and peace of letting go.

To my small, dear self I say - go gently and take heart.

Re: I'm realising that anxiety is here to stay!

therising — Sat, 25 Jul 2026 17:27:13 GMT

Hi Annas1

I hope sadness is gradually revealing why it has come to visit you. Definitely challenging to greet this one with open arms.

In hindsight, I find sadness arrives for many reasons. Sometimes it comes to offer a warning, 'I've come to tell you that pure and utter despair is following me. There is something you must change, in order for it to not knock on your door'. Sometimes it comes to remind 'This is no way to live, empty of something you need. It's time to look for what you need'. Sometimes it visits announcing 'You are feeling sorrow for yourself. It is your job to find which part of you that you are feeling sorry for. Is it the child in you or perhaps the romantic which dreamed of a different life? It is time to serve them in childish or highly romantic ways. They are longing for such service'.

I imagine if I was to say to sadness 'Tell me what must change' or 'Tell me what I need' or 'Tell me how I can be of service to such deeply longing parts of myself', it would say 'It is not for me to say. If you must know, then you must summon a visitor of a different nature for I have come to only tell you of why you're suffering, why you are feeling so much pain'. I find sometimes sadness offers a strange sense of comfort or consolation, sitting with me until the next emotion comes.❤️