topic Re: 33F and being a coward has ruined my chances in Anxiety

33F and being a coward has ruined my chances

EmiJ — Tue, 17 Mar 2026 11:46:34 GMT

In this day and age its not hard to feel like if you haven't got things and yourself sorted out by your 30s then you have absolutely no hope whatsoever. It makes it harder when you are such a coward that when you do get an opportunity you run like a bunny who just heard a stick snap.

Since I was 26 it all seemed to go to heck for me

I have had more jobs then anyone should be proud of but even if it's something I enjoy the minute I feel judged, scared or inferior that's it I run for the hills.

Then when I do have a job I'm that selfish unreliable one who can only see my anxiety and not how me constantly calling in sick affects others.

I don't sleep without nightmares or crazy dreams that I don't even know how my brain manages to come up with such madness. I have no doubt that it might be because day and night I have every single mistake and regret chasing me like a damn serial killer from one of those films.

No surprise that I have now burned more bridges then I can bare and just feel like I should give up. I have tried taking responsibility and owning up to my faults but unfortunately that doesn't create a time machine that would help me erase any of this.

I also wonder if its sometimes me trying to turn myself into a different kind of victim by self blaming and that perhaps it might be a whole different kind of coping mechanism.

All in all I am tired of the failing and the embarrassment and I honestly do not see any point in trying anymore.

Re: 33F and being a coward has ruined my chances

white knight — Tue, 17 Mar 2026 23:39:05 GMT

Hi EmiJ

Please dont give up in finding an answer to your troubles.

Briefly- I've had 90+ jobs, 15 professions and yes ran away from humans really, unfair bosses, employees even friends. Then at 46yo was told I had bipolar and several other illnesses that all made sense. Then in 2022 at 67yo told I was likely under the high function autism spectrum. Gee, then it fully made sense.

That's the problem with mental illnesses, they arent as apparent as a broken leg and its often someone with insight that tells us to get ourselves checked out and only then upon a diagnosis can we begin to accept why things have happened. Without that and the subsequent medications we arent making headway, we give up because we havent got all the knowledge needed to treat ourselves nor seek professionals to help us.

Eg you've likely burned bridges with friends and family because of emotional instability or irrational decisions. These things make us on the wrong side of the boundaries of "normality". Often its the right medication that puts us back over that boundary to allow us to fit in with common people. Mind you one should keep awar ethat many "normal people" can be narcissistic, manipulative and toxic in some way so we need to separate those from our lives so we arent under pressure, tolerating those people is harder for us.

As for dreams I have them every night nearly. I tell my wife in the morning mainly because lack of sleep affects my mood. But I quickly discount them and "get on with life" because we have zero control on them. Not eating before sleeping can help. A sleep study to confirm if you have sleep apnea - talk to your GP- very important especially if you snore. I use a CPAP and get the full oxygen needs.

Self blaming? Well there is a positive there with that. It's self reflection, analysing your own behaviour is to be commended, few do it. You might find however that you become too critical of yourself then lose confidence. It should be balanced with self praise and below is a post that shows you how I overcame it. I see the beauty of you as a person with one post... try seeing it also.

"All individuals are valuable, unique and wonderful... to chase your own wonder only results in euphoria when you catch it, cradle it and become it..." TonyWK

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry/td-p/87808

and Google Prem Rawat Maharaji youtube the perfect instrument... and many more of his

Reply anytime, ask questions or discuss

TonyWK

Re: 33F and being a coward has ruined my chances

ViolettaZ — Wed, 18 Mar 2026 12:21:58 GMT

Hi there,

I’m really sorry you're feeling this way. It must be so draining to carry all of that—the anxiety, the pressure, and the weight of self-blame. I don’t know if you consider yourself a highly sensitive person, but I am, and I often find myself reflecting on my mistakes and getting lost in my emotions, punishing myself over and over. But eventually, I realized that people don’t focus on you nearly as much as you might think. You are the main character in your own story, and you don’t have to worry so much about how others perceive you.

Their opinions, feelings, and actions are likely not even about you. You mentioned having nightmares and being chased by a serial killer, which seems to reflect some of the anxiety in your subconscious.

As for the “mistakes” you’ve made, have they led to any growth or learning? What have they taught you?

Warm regards, 🤗

ViolettaZ