topic Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable? in Anxiety

Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

Flop — Fri, 12 Jan 2024 17:44:36 GMT

Hello everyone,

This is a bit of a different post but I'm looking for opinions from people that may have been in/are in a similar position and people who share similar struggles.

I often feel quite lonely and have been single for about 1-2 years. I have a longing for companionship and love, but I haven't even begun looking, and he's why -

I'm 24 now, and feel extremely behind in life. I'm on benefits, I don't work because of anxiety, I don't have my license, tho that and my anxiety are things I'm working on.

I think I'm a nice person with lots of love to give, but I feel like anyone would look at these things and not want to give me a chance. I would give someone a chance in my position, but I worry most if not all people won't feel the same.

I hope to hear from some of you and hear what you think.

Thank you for reading 🙂

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

_Gigi_ — Sat, 13 Jan 2024 07:53:18 GMT

Hi Flop!

Your post really resonated with me as I am in a very similar situation. While I'd love to meet someone, I'm scared that my uncontrollable anxiety would ruin any relationship, so I never even try. But there must be plenty of people like us out there, who understand the struggle of anxiety and who it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for.

Just make sure to remember your worth and not let anyone make you feel bad about yourself because of any hardships you have faced. You sound like a genuinely kind person and I really do wish you all the best.

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

quirkywords — Sat, 13 Jan 2024 11:48:40 GMT

Flop thanks for your post.
you say you have been single for past 1 to 2 years, we’re you dating before that.. .?

Gigi has written a supportive comment. It is important to remember one’s worth and that you are more than your anxiety.

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

Flop — Sat, 13 Jan 2024 20:39:51 GMT

Hi Gigi,

Thank you so much for your reply, understanding and kind words!

I think you're right, there's probably heaps of people out there in similar situations to us that want the same thing, or even the people who aren't that want love will look past our "issues" and see us for the person we are.

If you're ready for a relationship, I think you should start looking. You also seem genuine, kind and deserving of love and appreciation. There isn't much, if anything to lose from putting yourself out there. You remember your worth too! And thank you for that reminder, I'll try to do the same.

I wish you all the best as well, take care and thank you!

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

Flop — Sat, 13 Jan 2024 20:52:39 GMT

Hello quirky,

I've been in relationships prior, but I feel like the world has put expectations on me, i.e: at my age I should be working and have my license bare minimum. I don't know if these judgements are misplaced, but I wish the things that my anxiety has heavily impacted weren't the reasons I remain single.

There's a chance that I'm putting these expectations on myself and people would be more understanding, but it can be difficult to think like that when having a job and your license are "normal".

You're right though, I'm not just my anxiety. Maybe I'm over thinking these things? Maybe the things I'm concerned about aren't as big of a deal as I'm making it? I'm not sure.

Thank you for your reply, wish you the best.

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

hshs — Mon, 15 Jan 2024 07:00:05 GMT

First of all flop, I can understand why you feel sad about people not giving u a chance I am also overlooked a lot in dating however as a fellow anxiety-diagnosed person I can understand your situation and how that can make dating and relationships difficult. the biggest piece of advice I can pass on is the right person will find you before you look for them. as someone who was actively looking for a relationship I entered a lot of toxic and dificult relationships that all ended with me having to get out of a dificult situation. i trust with your longer time on this earth than me you are a better judge of character however don't rush in. you will meet someone eventually who will give you a chance.

you seem like a kind person from what i have read and good luck in your future 🙂

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

1234567ABCD — Thu, 18 Jan 2024 13:12:28 GMT

In short no but I know how you feel!

I have practically become phobic about dating. The idea of someone wanting me gives me panic attacks and the runs.

I feel like Im tricking them somehow which is nuts.

Everybody deserves to be loved - even if sometimes we feel like exceptions to the rule. I often remind myself some of the most evil people in history were married! I've never started war by invading a country, smuggled nuclear weapons, or been a dictator. Anxiety is minor in comparison.

I do not know if I will ever have a significant other and that makes me really sad. But there are other ways I can show and recieve love.

Friendships, animals, etc. It isn't the same but it is something.

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

Flop — Sun, 21 Jan 2024 20:38:56 GMT

Hi Hshs,

Thank you for your understanding and advise. Definitely something to keep in mind. If you haven't already, I hope you find your person as well. As you guys have reminded me we're all deserving of love and there's a joke that goes "show me a room of people with anxiety and I'll show you a room full of the nicest people in the world". Maybe anxiety is a blessing and a curse at times haha.

You seem genuine and kind as well. Good luck also! 🙂

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

Flop — Sun, 21 Jan 2024 20:50:58 GMT

Hello 1234567ABCD,

I assure you that anyone who wants you has made that up in their own mind and you aren't tricking them whatsoever! I hope in the future the idea of dating has a less potent effect on you.

Haha this is a good way to put it. I know for me dating someone with anxiety wouldn't phase me in the slightest, I'm sure there are heaps of people that think the same. Everybody is deserving of love, and that includes you too!

I feel this as well, I think this mindset is more common than we think when we are single, that "we'll be single forever" but our odds of finding the person for us hasn't changed, don't give up! Tho definitely friends, pets and family are important too.

Wishing you luck in your future! 🙂

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

C_Lake — Fri, 26 Jan 2024 14:28:11 GMT

No, you are not undateable!

For a long I also considered myself indateable.
I am transgender, graysexual, and grayromantic. That alone can be a complicated state of being for anyone that wants a long-term partner.

I am also 33 years old and openly identify with these "tags" and, have crippling social anxiety to boot. The social anxiety is so bad that it warrants a disability pension - I literally cannot hold a live conversation with a stranger without taking a 10 minutes (or longer) pause and perfect what it is that I want to say. And then, even without the social anxiety, I'm literally physically crippled with muscular fibrosis in my shoulders.

On top of that, I am not conventionally attractive, and I know that for a fact.

I thought that I would die alone, and was ready to make peace with that.

But it turns out that there really are people who will love you for who you are, and will see you for what you're worth.

Don't ever let anyone make you forget that.

You are worth being loved, and somebody out there will love you.

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

Flop — Sat, 27 Jan 2024 02:01:59 GMT

Hey C_Lake,

I think you're extremely brave, you went against all your struggles and challenges, put yourself out there and from the sounds of it found someone who loves you for you. Very inspiring, and gives me hope that when I do put myself out there, there might just be someone for me.

Thank you so much for your kind words, same goes for you!

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

DidYouEverDoubtMe — Sat, 27 Jan 2024 07:51:07 GMT

Oh to have had your nous at age 24 to post on the forums here in such a legible manner!
I've found that in relationships or being single for that matter that it's just as important to be honest with oneself as with others but certainly don't be harsh on yourself there is always someone out there willing to give you a chance, I've found. I'm just out of a relationship which was rewarding and we had very similar situations but I chose to move away to care for family. It's a damn shame. I think at your age my depression led me to not even notice people let alone think of looking for a relationship. I really do wish you all the best with what you're working on Flop and hope someone may come along.

Best, DidYouEverDoubtMe

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

Flop — Sat, 27 Jan 2024 12:44:29 GMT

Hey DidYouEverDoubtMe,

Well it's something I'm currently struggling with, and most people at some point in their lives, or many different points, desire to be loved and to love. Hearing what like minded people have to say and have been through has been really helpful.

I'm much more optimistic that someone would look past what I worry people would judge me for. I feel like the things I do concern myself with are things that really shouldn't matter in a relationship, but when everyone has these things it's easy to feel insignificant or unworthy in comparison.

I'm sorry to hear about your depression, I pray it's much better now, and I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship. You made a really tough call but you did it for the right reasons. You're a good person.

I wish you all the best also, and good luck!

Re: Does my anxiety and position in life make me undatable?

blues23 — Mon, 05 Feb 2024 10:42:12 GMT

Hi Flop

No I don’t believe your anxiety or position in life makes you undateable ;

from my perspective & experience your “ work life is not really important to be able to be “ dateable “ I’ve always worked ( been off thou for a while due to workplace issues) but anyway no I’ve dated a few men most of those did not turn out well weather or not that was my fault or just not meant to be who knows . ( the license thing is not a issue I got mine at 26 I’m nearly 42 now ) life is no hurry if you are happy not driving ( these things can be a hassle & expensive too your honestly not missing much there ) I think you would be totally dateable don’t be hard on yourself as your still young & do have lots of love to give . My only advise would be to guard your heart and to keep your innocence as long as you can life moves too fast these days.