topic Re: I feel like I’m falling behind in Anxiety

I feel like I’m falling behind

stell_a178 — Mon, 25 Dec 2023 09:57:29 GMT

Today I (20F) had a chat with my younger cousins (16F and 14F) at Christmas lunch about hookup culture and underage drinking. They were talking about how there were people their ages who were regularly drinking underage, hooking up at parties and even having sex. This conversation triggered me a bit, because I am a 20 woman who never drank underage, I have never hooked up with anyone which includes never having sex.
It’s weird because I feel a sense of FOMO even though I really don’t want to be a part of drinking culture or hook up culture. I have nothing against people who do so, but I just don’t enjoy such things.

It makes me feel like I’m broken, and that I am so unusual and weird. Finding others like me has been incredibly difficult, and being surrounded by people who love to drink and who are in relationships has worsened mindset.

Should I be worried that I didn’t drink at all underage and that I don't like hookup culture?

Re: I feel like I’m falling behind

quirkywords — Mon, 25 Dec 2023 10:57:17 GMT

Stella-a78

You sound like a sensible person. We all are different in the ages we do things. 20 is young

so there is a lot tine . I think following your instincts is working for you.
I know people who now regret the underage drinking or having s ex before they were ready .

Re: I feel like I’m falling behind

Ggrand — Mon, 25 Dec 2023 12:05:31 GMT

Hello Dear stell_a178,

Please don’t feel like your missing out, you are being true to yourself…and following your heart…that’s what’s so very important, regret can be hard to live with….

Keep being the beautiful person you are, when your ready for a relation you will know…please don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t feel/want to do….

I agree with our lovely Quirky, that your being sensible and by being sensible you are caring for your physical and mental health..

Hugs Dear Stell_a178, with my kind and caring thoughts..

Grandy..

Re: I feel like I’m falling behind

stell_a178 — Mon, 25 Dec 2023 12:09:11 GMT

Thanks Quirky,

I appreciate it.

Re: I feel like I’m falling behind

stell_a178 — Mon, 25 Dec 2023 12:10:43 GMT

Hey Grandy,

thank you for responding. This has really helped me calm down.

Stella

Re: I feel like I’m falling behind

therising — Mon, 25 Dec 2023 18:51:33 GMT

Hi stell_a178

I agree with everything Quirky and Grandy offer you in the way of guidance and reassurance (2 incredibly beautiful, wise, caring and supportive regulars on the forums here).

With Quirky mentioning instincts, I believe it's all about trusting in our ability to feel what's right for us. If we're just not feeling the vibe with any potential partner we come across (in the way of a relationship or sex), we're simply not feeling it and that's all there is to it. So, if anyone was to say to you 'Why haven't you indulged in sex yet? What's wrong with you?', you could simply say 'There's absolutely nothing 'wrong' with me, I just haven't felt the vibe with anyone and that's not a fault, that's an ability (being able to feel what's right or wrong for us)'. Plenty of young people go there for all the wrong reasons: They feel pressured by friends or their partner, they give in so as to keep their partner interested, they don't want to feel harshly judged and the list of all the wrong reasons goes on.

If you don't feel the need to drink, good for you. As a 53yo gal who's an ex drinker, I can confidently say life is a far more deeply felt experience without alcohol. I've raised my 18yo son and 21yo daughter to ask 'Why do I feel the need to drink?'. While my daughter knows exactly why she occasionally drinks, my son has zero interest in it. He much prefers to feel how he naturally feels, without drinking what is technically a mind altering substance. He feels no need to alter his mind in such a way. He likes to get a feel for his emotions so that he can master them, even the uncomfortable ones. With him being sensitive to overwhelming noise at large gatherings, he'll open a pack of earplugs to manage how he feels the noise level (lowering the volume), rather than opening a six pack of beers in order to manage. I personally never questioned why I felt the need to drink when I was younger. It was only in hindsight that I discovered the reason. I used alcohol as an emotional regulator - to feel happier, to feel more relaxed, feel more confident, feel less socially anxious, feel more carefree, feel less depressed etc etc. I've learned all those things should be skillfully developed without alcohol. The mind is naturally altered through the skillful development of a sense of happiness, the skillful development of relaxation etc. If many of your friends feel the need to regularly drink to the point of 'mind altering', pays to wonder why.

It sounds like you're a natural at life, naturally being able to get a feel for who's right or wrong for you while not allowing alcohol to get in the way of how you naturally feel life and your connection to it. How could someone who's such a natural possibly be broken? 😊

Re: I feel like I’m falling behind

quirkywords — Tue, 26 Dec 2023 09:21:58 GMT

Stell_a78

indigo grandy and the rising have all written practical a and wise posts.

I think your strength of character will help you in your life.

Re: I feel like I’m falling behind

yours_truly — Tue, 26 Dec 2023 10:45:24 GMT

Hey Stella_a178,

I am an 18F and was raised in a mildly conservative and strict household. I wear revealing clothes that are crazy pretty and slightly fit in with the drinking standards, but there are also places where I don't fit the latest trends. Including hook up culture, over-night parties, under-aged sex and crazy drinking habits. Most of friends can fit in with everything these days, but there are places where I stand out, it doesn't make me feel like I'm falling behind because I understand that everyone has their own personal views, likes, dislikes and boundaries.

Even if you are surrounded by people who have things in common, that you find isn't really your cup of tea, there is so need to push yourself. You may find that at the end of the day, when people settle down and their youth comes to it's final stages, there is a decrease in the hype, eventually it all becomes the past. Live your life to your standards and it may come as a big relief when you look back on it. You aren't old, unusual, broken, a misfit, or weird. You're just your own individual and there should be no feelings of worry. You are entirely normal and your mindset is very realistic.

I hope this gives you some reassurance,

Yours_truly

Re: I feel like I’m falling behind

stell_a178 — Tue, 26 Dec 2023 15:05:22 GMT

Hey therising,

your words of wisdom and kindness have really helped give me a new perspective. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post.

stella

Re: I feel like I’m falling behind

stell_a178 — Tue, 26 Dec 2023 15:07:38 GMT

Hey yours_truly,

thank u for your personal insight. It’s great to hear from someone else similar in age. Your post has most definitely reassured me. Thanks, S

Re: I feel like I’m falling behind

hshs — Mon, 15 Jan 2024 06:51:38 GMT

Hi a current teen here and I don't even drink at all by choice. To be honest there are still people who don't patake in hookups or teen drinking at the age of 16 last year had a lot of FOMO regarding this however decided to be my authentic self instead of the persona I was wanting people to think I was. still, even then I didn't drink, go to major parties (only really hung out with a few friends for birthdays) and never had sex still to the age of 16 haven't drunk haven't gone to parties or had hookups. in a nutshell your not alone and i still dont plan to drink underage or hookup.