topic Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety in Anxiety

Just quit my job due to anxiety

Anxietyridden — Wed, 01 Nov 2023 04:46:40 GMT

Hello. I have just quit a job after 2 days as my anxiety took over. I can't stop myself from thinking you can't do it, you are doing it wrong and people don't like me. My husband is ok with me not having a job but it makes me anxious as I don't want to put more pressure on him. I want to work but just can't handle it emotionally at the moment. I feel like a letdown and useless. I am going to see a counsellor to try and get help but I suppose I just wanted to see what other people think. Did I do the right thing quitting?

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

white knight — Wed, 01 Nov 2023 05:31:42 GMT

Hi, welcome

"Did I do the right thing quitting? " I think you did the very best thing for you at the time. It is important not to compare, nor others to compare what was best for you then and this is the first rule of protecting yourself when you have anxiety along with low self esteem.... you are unique and your issues are yours precisely. Therefore who you discuss issues like this with could end up putting you down. Like my estranged mother used to say "you had a good job I dont know why you change jobs all the time"... coming from a person that never worked in the workplace, it seems a bit rich eh.

I have bipolar, depression etc, I've had around 90 jobs, 15 professions. I could never hold down a job until I worked for myself eg not around other people as I found most work colleagues are toxic. As a roving investigator running my own business I worked alone. Bliss.

So what I'm eluding to AR is that you might need to acknowledge that your anxiety and makeup doesnt fit in with the traditional 38 hour full time work with the same employees around you. What are the more ideal options?

Work part time, even 2x part time jobs. This gives you variety. It also means just when someone begins irritating you, you are leaving to join a different environment.
Accept your illness. Feeling useless and putting pressure on hubby isnt a good feeling but he doesnt seem to have unrealistic expectations, so do your best but you wont be doing yourself nor him any favours by subjecting yourself to a toxic workplace and over extending yourself.

Your low self esteem is something your councillor can indeed help you with. Plus if you work on this problem internally you can make inroads to improvement, it is all in the way in which you think, by swapping negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Once you master that you can move mountains because everything will be positive. You can attend motivation lectures, watch motivation videos. Google Prem Rawat Maharaji sunset... and many of his other videos like ALL Is Well and The Perfect Instrument.

I think your selection in seeking councelling and being honest is outstanding and you have the support of a good husband... these things are a blessing so you have good chances in improving yourself. Be patient, life will get better because your attitude is good.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/motivation-search-and-rescue-it/td-p/38279

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-best-praise-you-ll-ever-get/td-p/134999

Reply anytime TonyWK

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

Janie223 — Wed, 01 Nov 2023 06:47:34 GMT

Hi AR,

I don’t have much advice to offer but I can really relate to your experience and have very similar thoughts myself.

You are doing what is best for you and getting some extra support from a counsellor sounds like a helpful idea.

Take care and remember that our thoughts are not truth. Just thoughts. Sometimes very unhelpful thoughts but definitely not truth/fact.

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

therising — Wed, 01 Nov 2023 18:48:15 GMT

Hi Anxietyridden

I've found 3 important key words for managing mental wellbeing to be 'under the circumstances'. These words can help us be much kinder to our self. If you can say 'Leaving that job was the best thing I could have done, under the circumstances', there's a need to better identify the circumstances.

I think if we're someone who has the ability to feel so much through our nervous system, creating ideal circumstances is key when it comes to the best way to manage our nervous system. A few examples of not the best circumstances

Entering into a high stress job, where there's a lot to take in (to the point where we can feel the overload) is not the best when there's no way to effectively manage the work and overload
Working with people who are highly triggering (whether they be customers or work colleagues) is not the best situation, especially if we're not geared to manage such people or our nervous system can't stand such people
Dealing with a lot of stressors outside of the job can completely change the circumstances, to the point where there's no room for the job while all those stressors are in play

With that last one, I can relate. I've taken this year off work due to it all getting too much for me last year. While I've managed periods in depression over the last few decades, anxiety was a whole new ballgame for me last year. While my husband was a little worried about how we'd financially cope on one wage, I reassured him 'We've done it before (with me being a stay at home mum for some years) and we can do it again. Don't worry'. This year, my focus shifted to being able to manage a number of challenges without having to go out to work on top of that. The inner dialogue last year was incredibly tormenting while I struggled with the best course of action under the circumstances. That dialogue was along the lines of 'You should be able to cope with all this. Other people would be able to do it. Some people have no choice when it comes to managing this much stress. You can't resign, you'll appear weak to everyone. How will you survive without the extra income?'. While my inner critic, inner stresser and other such facets were having a field day in my head, it was my inner sage which eventually dictated 'You can't keep living this way, it's suffocating'. My inner sage was right, the anxiety was becoming breathtaking. At times I was struggling to breathe. Definitely not good for the nervous system or any other system in my body for that matter.

Maybe the question is 'What's the best job for you, under the circumstances?'. If you're in the position to do so, perhaps working on greater self understanding/self development could be the way for now, in the lead up to later. While self development is typically not seen as legitimate work it definitely is at times. Seeing a counselor is a constructive move in the business of 'Coming to better know and master our self'. Seriously tough business at times, that's for sure.

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

Anxietyridden — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 20:39:39 GMT

Thank you.

It is good to know that I am not the only one that has left their job and is in the same situation.

I am just so scared as I don't really know how to focus on myself because for the last 23 years it has been about the kids and the hubby. I have never really looked after myself. I have no hobbies or interests. I don't even watch movies.

Yesterday afternoon I felt great. I was thinking to myself "you are feeling ok, why can't you go to work" then I start looking at job ads and the anxiety starts again. I don't know why I do it to myself. I have no clue what I want to do and I am scared that even after I work out my issue I might still not want to work.

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

Anxietyridden — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 20:43:56 GMT

Thank you.

My hubby tells me no one else is thinking what you are thinking (ie I am useless/worthless) and I get that but it can be annoying because a lot of people just say don't overthink it. That is very hard for people like us to not overthink. When I left my job (I only lasted 1.5 days 😪) the lady that trained me said "so I wasted 2 days of my life training you, just don't worry about and go back to work" I said unless you have the same thoughts as me you will never understand why I am feeling the way I do.

It is hard to remember the thoughts aren't truth.

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

Anxietyridden — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 20:49:29 GMT

Thank you Tony,

I had a part time job for my job prior to this one but the workplace was very toxic as it was Grandmother, Daughter and Grand Daughter all working together and it got very personal at times which was very awkward.

The job I just quit was also part time but I only lasted 1.5 days. I thought I could handle it but I got so anxious I couldn't handle it anymore.

I am scared as I don't know how to focus on myself. And I have good days where I say to myself "see there is nothing wrong with. You don't know what you are doing. Go find yourself a job"

Hubby is extremely supportive I just feel so guilty sitting at home while he is working. It feels so wrong.

I am trying to be patient. I just want to be fixed so I can move on and be happy again.

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

white knight — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 21:42:20 GMT

Then therapy is the answer to alter and reduce your over active mind

TonyWK

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

Beaser — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 21:46:09 GMT

Hi A.R.

I hope your feeling ok today.

I left a job roughly 18 months ago due to it being a toxic culture that got too much for me. Im 57 and i thought i would finish there and retire.

Just know that sometimes you just have to do what is right for you and there is nothing wrong with that. I took on a retail job for about months but that got too much for me. Im now just doing a volunteer role at a district hospital for a day a week and thats about right for me at the moment with my anxiety and depression.

Please remember that there is nothing wrong with doing what you have to do for yourself.

From my experience its best not too rush into anything . I hope you can be kind too yourself and remember why you had to do what you did with your previous job.

Hope your day is a good one. Always happy to talk more. Brett.

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

Anxietyridden — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 22:17:06 GMT

Hello Brett,

I am feeling ok. Just a bit nervous.

My problem is that it feels wrong that I am trying to look after myself. I don't know how to do that as I was married and had a baby at 22 years old. I have 3 kids and that has what I have been focusing on for the last 22 years.

I have days where I feel fine and I think why can't I work? It is so weird to explain. I just have this urgency in me to have a job but I know I can't handle a job at the moment. I have extreme guilt and don't know how to just flip the switch and not worry about it.

I have no clue what I want to do for a job. I have only ever had desk jobs but I think I need to move on from that but what do I do? I am going to try Menulog for a bit and see how that goes otherwise I just have no clue.

I am just really lost and scared at the moment.

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

therising — Fri, 03 Nov 2023 06:30:23 GMT

Hi Anxietyridden

I'd have to say the job I have always loved the most and was pretty good at, if I do say so myself, was the job of stay at home mum. I loved it so much. With my son being 18 and my daughter 21, it's more a casual job these days, with time to go out and generate extra income. That extra income was part of the family's 'wonder budget'. You know, like 'I wonder what the food from that restaurant would taste like, let's see' or 'I wonder what it would be like to have this/that, let's see'. Not so much wondering this year with only enough money to pay the bills.

As the new year moves closer, I can feel my nervous system starting to ramp up a little, while wondering what the heck kind of job I'm going to go into. I can relate to your stress, as I'm not sure if I'm ready. So outside the square and incredibly specific but I thought 'I'd love to work with cats. I love cats'. You wouldn't believe it but a few weeks after realising what I think I'd like to do, a job came up working in a cattery (kitty holiday resort place) just down the road from where I live. Next year I'll go and knock on the door and ask if they've got any positions going, now that I know they advertise for inexperienced people in that kind of job. If all the planets are aligned, so to speak, they'll say 'Sure, when can you start?'. While having had jobs in aged care, community services, disability services (working with adults with intellectual challenges) and a scattering of other things, I feel like it's time to care for animals this time around. I think the challenge is to get a feel for what we want to do. Taking it even further, once we get a feel for it then we have to get a feel for whether the management we're working for is the right kind of management or whether they're too triggering to work for. Same with the rest of the staff too. Bit of a Goldilocks experience, getting a feel for what feels right and what feels wrong. The added challenge is not to care what people think of our choice, the choice that suits us. If someone was to say to me 'Why the heck would you get a job scooping cat poop?!, my response would be 'You dissing the job I love? What's up with you? Why so depressing?'. 😊

We got this. We can do it and we gotta be kind to our self at the same time. ❤️

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

Anxietyridden — Sun, 05 Nov 2023 18:42:05 GMT

Thank you everyone. I do know that I need to look after myself but let me tell you the guilt I feel is overwhelming. My hubby has just left for work at 5.30am and I feel so guilty that I am just going to sit at home today while he is at work.

I had a session with a counsellor and she says I have anxiety and social anxiety (yay) and that I should get a work from home job. I don't even know where to start looking for that type of job.

I just don't know how to flick the switch from caring to not caring I suppose and I am so sick of feeling this way.

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

white knight — Sun, 05 Nov 2023 22:27:29 GMT

Hi AR

Worry and guilt are non productive self compelling thoughts and feelings we need to work on with a balance of active counter measures at the same time not becoming paranoid about them, hence the difficulty with the challenges.

In your case the guilt is coming from expectations from yourself to perform in the workplace and society that in terms of the common workplace, has all of us bundled together as "capable workers". That isnt fair on the fringe of people that have issues.

While you have some knowledge of your anxiety and so on you do have a lot of unknowns. These could be not knowing enough about your-

Mental illnesses or capabilities
Triggers
Endurance as in not having any
Inability to slide into a new environment
Tolerating people

Your counsellor suggested working from home and you dont know where to start. When unemployed in the early 1990's I had this problem. Eventually I started my own lawn mowing round which was ok till an old back injury returned. Then I built cubby houses in my shed with the idea I'd use cranes etc to not effect my sore back but that didnt work. It is extremely hard to make a reasonable income from working at home. The only business I've seen successful is an Ebay seller, to a degree.

To help you and hubby cope, you both need to (IMO) accept that it could be a few years before you will be well enough to reassess your working ability. Your mind needs repairing as a broken limb does, to accept that is better than stewing over why you cant work. The worry you are going through CAN be as bad as the actual reason you cant work!!

Here is a few threads pertaining to that. You only need to read the first page.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/guilt-the-tormentor/td-p/321604

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry/td-p/87808

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/acceptance-is-this-our-biggest-challenge/td-p/147694

TonyWK

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

KMF — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 05:17:28 GMT

You did what is right for you. Don’t compare yourself to others. If you are able to not be in paid work at the moment explore options that will better suit you. Take care 🙏

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

Anxietyridden — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 20:41:25 GMT

I agree with everything that everyone is saying I just wish my mind would accept it. My counsellor wants me to write down things I like about myself and I have nothing. Absolutely nothing. How sad is that.

I am so cranky with myself because I feel I just should be able to get over this crap and move on(but I know it isn't that easy) I hate myself to be honest. Why can't I work. Why don't I have motivation to do anything. I am so tired. Yesterday I thought to myself get up in the morning and go for a walk. Woke up and said no won't go for a walk. Not motivated. I absolutely hate it.

I have no clue what I am going to do for work. I deleted all of the job aps yesterday as it was giving me anxiety when I was looking at them but now I feel guilty.

My biggest feeling is guilt.

I just want a job I can do to stop this feeling.

Rant over

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

white knight — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 00:21:13 GMT

Hi again,

Think of your challenges as a mountain you have to climb. There is no easy route or way of doing it, except, as you climb if you're thinking of other things it is easier, if you focus on the next step and not be overwhelmed by the height of that mountain it is easier.

People around you and here can supply you with ideas from their own similar experiences but nothing will work until 1. You are ready mentally for the challenge 2. You endure the treatment that gives you the capacity to implement changes

TonyWK

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

Beaser — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 20:57:49 GMT

Hi again AR.

Just checking in. Im sorry for what your going through.

You sound like a person who would be a very conscious and good worker. I hope you can be proud of this .

I left my long time job in 2022 and have done some retail work that wasnt a fit for me.

I am now just doing 4 hrs volunteer work at a Hospital. A small step but a positive one..

I hope you can be a bit kinder to yourself , maybe rushing into another job isnt the best option, im not sure.

Best wishes for the day. Brett.

Re: Just quit my job due to anxiety

therising — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 21:17:27 GMT

Hi Anxietyridden

So hard to stop analysing why we think, feel and behave in the ways we do when we're trying to analyse the hell out of everything. Makes sense that if you want to find heaven on earth, so to speak, you gotta analyse the hell out of things. What better than to find people who'll help us analyse the hell out of everything, instead of leaving us alone to do it for our self or insisting that we just stop trying to do it (stop analysing).

With the woman who trained you for those 2 and a half days, Grrr! Can recall training a few people who discovered after just 1 or 2 training shifts 'This job's not for me, it's too stressful'. Can't say that I blame them. They were spot on. The pre-existing staff all agreed the job was too stressful for them, let alone a new person who was learning the ropes. One of the reasons I left that job was based on my nervous system not liking it.

With guilt, it can definitely be a challenge at times, that's for sure. Not sure if it will help but I found that when I came to redefine guilt, the feeling associated with it changed. While once it led me to feel 'wrong' or 'not good enough' or 'a horrible person', nowadays it leads me to feel a sense of consciousness. I'll offer a scene to trigger the imagination: Just say you've been on a path of self doubt and self chastisement, you get to a signpost that points to one path being 'Continue working while continuing to suffer with less time to truly discover and develop yourself' and the other path points to 'Become a full time master of self understanding, with no time to go out to work'. Which path will you choose? Second path sounds good to me. Guilt is the point of choice. It's the signpost where beliefs are changed and direction is chosen. Personally, whenever I'm feeling a sense of guilt, that feeling's telling me I'm at a signpost or a 'fork in the road' moment of conscious choice. Guilt is a prompt to ask 'Who do I want to be from this point forward, based on the path I choose?'. It helps you choose your 'I am' or identity. Forget to pack your child's lunch for school, there's guilt asking you how you want to identify, as someone who says 'I am someone who really cares, who simply forgot what I should have remembered, based on a lot of distractions. I'll make it now and drop it off at school' or someone who says 'I am someone who is hopeless and I am someone who has led my child to suffer'. From a sense of guilt comes a positive action (making the lunch and dropping it off).

The question can come down to 'What is guilt asking me to become conscious of?'. Maybe it's asking you whether you're prepared to work as hard as your husband in the time you have to gain greater self understanding and self mastery. What would that hard work look like?