topic How do I stop being too conscious of physical sensations? in Anxiety

Afraid of never getting better

Alel — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 22:23:27 GMT

I'm still 2 weeks into my new medication. I still haven't seen a psychologist and I know I need to. But I'm so scared for some reason.

I'm also afraid that no matter how much I go to therapy, or I take care of my mental and physical health or how much coping mechanisms and healthy practices I adapt into my life, I'll always feel like there is smth wrong. Smth is off. I will always feel shitty.

Why am so afraid of trying? I feel so different from everyone around me. I can barely understand myself, I doubt anyone can understand me.

I made another post on here about all the things I still need to overcome, but I'm so scared of doing it alone, but also afraid of going to see a psychologist.

I only saw a psychiatrist once so far and will see them in the future as well. But I never know what to say, how to act, what to do. Why is it so hard? Shouldn't I feel relieved to talk about all this after keeping it all in?

Re: Afraid of never getting better

smallwolf — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 12:48:45 GMT

hello and welcome.

firstly, it's ok to be afraid and to be honest, I while I was not afraid of going to the first one, I was a little scared after it. That was about 4+ years ago now. Here are some things I have figured out ...

they are human also and want to help
they can be nervous meeting you for the first time
they will also have training to help you understand yourself

I will also say i am not cured either. Sometimes she/they will lead the conversation and other times I will start off. And from there go down that rabbit hole of conversation and discovery. Recently we have been doing schema therapy for some deeply ingrained beliefs. And today it was about "why i can't get angry'. (it's a long story)

why you might think it is hard, and scared to do it alone... well, the psych is there to walk with you (or at least that is how I think of it) so perhaps not really alone. But it can also be scary (?) to find out what you discover about yourself. And then I see that as a puzzle to be solved because I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life, and my kids and wife deserve to have me around as well.

And you have started talking here also. And here we are in conversation.

Listening...

Re: Afraid of never getting better

louies — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 03:01:32 GMT

Hi Alel

My name is Riss

I just read your message and I have to say it really resonated with me. You see I'm kind of in the same boat. I'm about to go to hospital to change my medication. As my current one has stopped working and my anxiety is through the roof. I to am afraid that I won't get better and the constant feeling of dread and panic won't go away, and yet im living proff that we will get there. Every time this has happened to me the meds stop working I ween off and get put on somthing ells and I get better. Yet I still doubt the process. I have never been to hospital before and I'm very afraid but deep down inside I know that in a few weeks I will be on the mend again. Just remember meds take time to work and when they do the sun will shine again xx

Re: Afraid of never getting better

blondguy — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 12:36:23 GMT

Hey Alel (and Riss too)

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for being a part of the Beyond Blue family too

Smallwolf's is spot on with her post. I felt the same way when my anxiety levels were awful.

Some people cant afford a psychologist/therapist to begin with. I hope you or anyone reading your helpful post can make an appointment (or a double appointment) with your GP as they have a better understanding about anxiety nowadays than when I trying to get help in the early 1980's with my chronic anxiety.

Monthly counselling is always a bonus

Fortnightly....better again

When we cry in front of our counsellor/therapist the real healing begins

Just from my own experience....If our anxiety begins to have a detrimental effect on our ability to function on day to day basis....then seeking a GP regularly is a good idea.

Good on you for having the courage to post Alel

Please be gentle with yourself...you deserve it

Paul

Type 4: over focused depression

Alel — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 21:05:31 GMT

Does anyone have over focused depression and anxiety?

What was your experience?

Were you able to overcome it? How?

Why does my anxiety trigger so easily?

Alel — Fri, 06 Oct 2023 23:20:22 GMT

I don't know what happened, but around last year, smth just switched.

I stopped being able to do things and over time it got worse.

Around August, I got severe anxiety and depression. Started taking medication, which didn't work quite well so now I'm taking new ones. I'm only 2 weeks into the new ones.

I have stomach pain ALL over my right side and back pain, which is scaring me bc I'm scared of having appendicitis or kidney stones.

My sister is sick and I'm afraid of getting sick.

I haven't taken a shower in like 2 weeks because I'm afraid of fainting.

I haven't exercised or walked because I'm afraid itll make me vomit.

I'm so ashamed of being so out of shape and having no discipline what so ever.

I just find it weird as to why all this is happening. Last year I did jump rope for 6 months straight. I used go walking for 1 or 2 hours everyday. I used to exercise, vomit everyday and still go the next day. I used to be able to take showers 3 times a week.

And now I can't do anything. It's not like smth happened for this to happen. I just stopped going to school because I lost interest and I stayed locked at home, sitting on my phone for 12 hours a day.

Any slight physical or mental or emotional sensations, make me panic. The smallest things in the world make me panic.

EVERYTHING IS TRIGGERING!

Food, weather, tasks, words, thoughts, reading, videos, games, everything.

The only thing that makes me happy, is eating yogurt at 7pm everyday. I just wait for that to come and then I realise I did nothing to fight my anxiety and depression, so I wasted the whole day.

How do I stop being too conscious of physical sensations?

Alel — Sat, 07 Oct 2023 22:27:10 GMT

I spend everyday keeping note of every little thing I feel.

Dizziness, nausea, sore throat, stomach pain, diarrhea, constipation, gas, fatigue, sleepiness, headache, tingling, ect ect.

Everytime I feel a little smth, I panic. What if I vomit? What if I faint? What if there is smth really wrong and I need to go to the hospital? What if im dying?

It just never ends. I just feel like sitting down the whole day and never moving so I can feel nothing.

But then my psychiatrist tells me I can't, that I need to move and get into the habit of doing things.

But I can't. Those sensations and feelings just terrify me. Even if I'm taking medication.

I'm still so afraid.

If they can't make it, how can I?

Alel — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 09:53:58 GMT

I keep seeing things about therapists or psychiatrists taking their life and I think, if people who are professionally made for fighting and helping people with mental health, and they couldn't make it, how am I?

Even people who were doing so well, who have such a good life, who worked on their mental health for years. Then, they just take their life.

How am I going to grow old and die healthy, when others who are stronger than me, can't?

I apologise if this triggered anyone. I hope that no one ever dies again unless happily.

Re: If they can't make it, how can I?

mmMekitty — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 11:04:51 GMT

Hello Alel

I bet there are a whole bunch of doctors, therapists & psychiatrists, & all sorts of people workeing very stressful jobs who you are not seeing living long lives, some healthy, some maybe not so healthy. If people in high-risk careers are able to access support for themselves, even while continuing to work, they can do it.

I wonder how many of us made attempts when we were young, only to be here now, decades later, on BB, maybe still having difficulties, maybe reaching out to help someone else, because that is the most powerful & healthiest thing we can do?

For me, it has been almost 50 years since that day... lots of time, eh? I'm not in tip-top shape, but I'm here, & I am feeling better about being here than I have felt about being anywhere.

It saddens me to think of those who don't feel they can reach out for support, those who go under ... but I fully expect my Psychiatrist to seek help for himself should he need it. It's his responsibility to do that. If he doesn't see a problem arising in him, I expect his colleague to notice &, in no uncertain terms, tell him.

But, I know this now.

When I was seeing someone else, I think, who was having problems of some sort, I might now try to reach out to either colleagues, or to their regulatory body, (various professions have their own), to see if they can have a talk & find out if they need help.

If I had, I don't suppose he'd have thanked me for it ... but if they had to seek help for themselves, then I could live with that.

I have no answers for why some people who seem to have it all, continue to struggle & perhaps lose the fight. There may things going on for them which we know nothing of.

When it comes to mental health it isn't so much about having a good job, big home, social status, or even money, though having some is useful. Being unemployed is certainly going to make accessing mental health services more difficult. Where people live, too, makes accessing services more difficult.

Other factors are family & social supports, if you have them or if you don't. Isolation is a problem.

& there's culture...

I mean, there are many reasons why it may be some feel unable to go on. & many reasons people do go on. I go on simply because I don't feel that way anymore.

I guess, you are going to grow old & healthy(ish), by putting a lot of effort into doing so.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

Re: Why does my anxiety trigger so easily?

Aussie.Girl — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 11:47:48 GMT

I'm sorry to hear how much you are struggling at the moment.

Please try to be kind to yourself and realise that while you may feel like you are doing nothing, this is not the case. You are trying your best to get better and that is enough.

Anxiety and depression are hard mentally and physically, and you need to allow yourself to rest - don't push yourself too hard.

You don't need a reason for struggling. Sometimes there is no trigger. You're allowed to be upset. It's ok to feel exhausted and emotional even if you don't know why.

You mentioned that you are trialing medication and that you have pain in your abdomen. If you haven't already I would discuss your symptoms with a GP to ensure everything is ok and the pain is not an unwanted side effect.

In terms of showering, could you try a bath instead? If not, try sitting down in the shower. Or you could try using a new fancy soap to add some interest.

If even that seems too hard try to just rinse your body quickly and run some dry shampoo through your hair.

As for the exercise and other things you've mentioned, my advice would be to make little changes to try and slowly get back to where you'd like to be. So instead of walking for an hour or two just go to the letterbox or around the block. You could even just walk on the spot in your room if that's all you can manage.

To put it simply, try to find ways to simplify or change the things you need to do to make them easier for yourself. Doing one tiny thing might not seem like much, but hopefully you can build on it over time and get back to some version of 'normal' soon.

Sorry if this advice doesn't make much sense.

Please know that there are people that care about you and want you to feel better. I know this probably sounds like a cliche but things will get easier so hang in there and try to stay positive.

Thinking non stop of my mental state

Alel — Tue, 10 Oct 2023 00:12:46 GMT

I'm constantly conscious of how I feel. But for the last couple days, I've been trying to get out of my head. And it's been working well.

Until today, where I remembered how I was before, everything im scared of, all the things I've been through, and I just got sad. Like hopeless all over again.

I've been able to do things I couldn't a week ago. But here I am again, just down. Why can't I just be happy with where I'm at? I still got so much to overcome (which is overwhelming, but at least I got goals and things to do right?)

It's weird, but I can't stop imagining myself going crazy and crying painfully. Like I'm some character destined for destruction. I keep imagining these stories of me being sad, i can't stop day dreaming.

I want to accept that I have sever anxiety and depression, but no matter how hard I try to, I just can't. It make me feel so sad.

I'm only 16 days into my new meds. Which is nothing but I'm also afraid of it working because then I'll have to actually start doing things and living. Which scares me.

Even when I feel okay, I'm never fully okay.

I'm so scared of going crazy or insane because my brain is always sad or scared. I don't want to go insane.

Re: Thinking non stop of my mental state

mmMekitty — Tue, 10 Oct 2023 04:34:46 GMT

Hi Alel,

This looks like an uphill slog for you, so when you fall back, what are you going to do?

What most people do is get stubborn & get up & keep going. You know where you want to go, so look towards that goal & keep going. There will be setbacks, days when it all seems too hard, when even giving yourself a sponge bath frightens you - that's when you need to draw upon your strengths of courage & perseverance.

Yes, you have those things, which can get you past the fear, shame & doubt.

& Remember, you have community members here who support you, because you are a fellow human being who deserves a better life than what you have now.

I have also found that when I have done small things, even one thing to care for myself each day, at the end of the day I don't say it was a wasted day. Even the attempt to do something is of value.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

How to get into exercising with emetophobia and agoraphobia

Alel — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 01:02:45 GMT

I struggle with exercising, taking showers and going out due to my emetophobia and agoraphobia.

I've been told by my psychiatrist that I need to start doing all those things to better my severe anxiety and depression.

I am only going out like once a week and I'm still struggling to exercise (especially) and shower.

Everytime I go outside, I feel sick because of how out of shape I am. And I feel afraid that this will just be forever.

I'm afraid of exercising due to my fear of vomiting or fainting, and my agoraphobia makes it worse because having anxiety outside of my house (even just in my backyard) terrifies me.

So exercising in my backyard is still hard. I just feel like a faliure and weak. I can't even get myself to walk in my backyard.

I don't know how to get myself to start and keep going. I'm so scared it's so annoying.

And the thing is, I know I'm capable of doing it due to evidence of the past and present. My fear of going out has lessened alot and I used to be able to walk for hours in the past as well as did jumprope for six months.

I just hate feeling so physically tired and weak when I do any movement. Just walking makes me feel so sick and dizzy. I hate it.

Is there any tips to help. Because I feel like I don't have ppl that understand me fully in my house. So I feel like I'm getting through all of this on my own and my brain is finding it hard handling so much.

Obsessive routines

Alel — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 04:34:31 GMT

Ever since I left the psych hospital, I started following the rules there at home.

Eat breakfast at 9am (2 butter and jam sandwiches with cup of tea.

lunch at 12/1pm (try to eat protein and vegetables)

dinner at 5/6pm (I try to eat vegetables and protein).

I try to drink a bottle between each meal and sometimes more.

I eat yogurt at 7pm because its the only thing that makes me happy (didn't do this at the hospital because I didn't feel like snacking then).

Lately I've been feeling like snacking due to the meds and my apetite coming back, but whenever I feel like snacking, I panic because my routine is changing. But if I don't snack, I start panicking about puking or fainting.

As well as, the yogurt brand I eat at 7pm had to change, which is causing me to panic even tho it's the same flavor and taste.

I just freak out from the tiniest interference in my routine. Tiniest.

I have to start incorporating exercise, showers and going out more into routine.

But I've become to attached to the simple one I got after the hospital.

Theres also alot of other things in the future that are going to dirupt and change my routine, which I find myself constantly thinking about and finding a routine that I go over and over to prepare myself some how.

It's so exhausting to be affected by every. Little. Thing.

What do I do? I know I have to start slow, but I'm so afraid I make one wrong move and it all goes bad and I'm going to have to start from square one all over again.

Re: Obsessive routines

Alel — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 05:01:22 GMT

I forgot to add,

Whenever I eat later than the time in my routine, I start feeling dizzy, nauseous and weak. Because I think I'm going to faint or puke or d.e if I don't eat on time.

I take sleeping meds at 10pm and I have to get off them soon, which my brain tells me I'm addicted to them.

Ocd thoughts about therapy

Alel — Thu, 19 Oct 2023 02:00:43 GMT

I haven't been able to see a psychologist yet because life has been busy. But I've been told many times by my psychiatrist and others to see one. Soon I'll go get a refferal.

But I find myself sorta hesitating. What if questions run around in my head all the time.

What if I get someone that lies to me?
What if their an actor?
What if they won't believe me?
What if they will think I'm crazy?
What if I am crazy and I don't even know?
What if they won't help?
What if it makes things worse?
What if I can't handle it?

What I do, please help.

Re: Ocd thoughts about therapy

sunnyl20 — Thu, 19 Oct 2023 06:00:32 GMT

Hi Alel,

I am really sorry you are experiencing so much anxiety - that's a lot of questions and head noise, I can't imagine how draining that must be. It sounds like where you find yourself now is not where you want to be and that you are needing some support - when these intense thoughts/questions come up it may be helpful to remind yourself why you do want to seek help. It can take a couple of clinicians to find someone you connect with and feel comfortable with, but engaging in therapy is very unlikely to make things worse. It may also help to share these questions and thoughts with your psychologist so that they can help you to dispel them - the psychologist is there to support you and guide you, not to judge you.

I am sorry if this was not the answer you were looking for. But please do not hesitate to reply if and when you feel up to it. We're here to listen.

Take care Alel.

Why doesn't taking care of myself come naturally to me?

Alel — Mon, 23 Oct 2023 04:14:25 GMT

I hate that no matter how much progress I make, there will always be at least one basic thing that I will struggle with everyday.

Maybe taking a shower today was easy, but tommorow it caused me a panic attacks.

Maybe yesterday I was okay with going to the bathroom alone, but next week it'll be the reason I cant go back to sleep.

Maybe in fine with making and eating my food today, but couple days ago, cooking and eating was making me feel nauseous and dizzy from how much it overwhelmed me.

There will always be struggle. Everyday. And I just have to accept that?

I can't depend on my family forever. I need to live on my own and depend on myself. I need to be able to take care of myself without needing another person. I need to be able to go to places or meet people without having panic attacks because I'm alone.

I need to be able to handle hard situations without crying to my family or giving up until they help me.

It's embarrassing and erasing any chance I have to develop skills.

I need skills.

My whole life has been like this.

Re: Why doesn't taking care of myself come naturally to me?

therising — Mon, 23 Oct 2023 07:36:47 GMT

Hi Alel

I know it's easy for me to say but try not to be too hard on yourself. I think with our circumstances changing on a day to day basis, for one reason or another or in one way or another, one day can be very different to the next.

I've found it helps in being able to identify my circumstances, this way I'm not so hard on myself. For example, I can have a whole stack of triggers in one day which can lead me to feel more stressed or more exhausted the next day. Also, while today I could be channeling the super confident 'I got this!' part of me, tomorrow I could be completely tapped into the inner critic in me, believing everything it says ('You're hopeless. You're always going to struggle' etc). No matter how hard I try, there are some days where I just can't tap back into my super confident self. So, while I can try and identify the circumstances, I also have to be able to identify what natural aspect of me is in play.

I think just about everyone has an inner critic and inner analyst in them. While the inner critic is cruel and brutal at times, the analyst can be very matter of fact. Kinda like it is a matter of fact 'You could have managed this or that differently. You could have managed your time better. You could have weeded the garden and not sat and watched Netflix if you had got off your backside'. It's all absolutely true, a fact. My inner analyst is correct. But if I mistake the inner analyst for the inner critic, it goes from being a fact to what can feel like a harsh criticism that leads me to feel like a failure. Alel, it's strange but when it comes to the many different facets that go toward making up who we are, the inner dialogue comes with different tones. By the way, I'm not talking about voices here, just simply inner dialogue. Our inner adventurer can have an enthusiastic tone to 'This is going to be so exciting'. Our inner sage can have a calm tone that comes with 'You need to be more loving toward yourself and not be so cruel'. Same goes for the analyst and the critic; same words but different tone. One is an analytical non judgemental tone whereas the other has a harsh nasty tone that can feel so depressing at times.

Perhaps it's your inner sage or analyst that you hear telling you 'You need skills. It's time to start gathering some new ones because life's becoming just too hard without them'.

Re: Afraid of never getting better

Spags_ — Sat, 28 Oct 2023 08:11:29 GMT

Hi Alel,

I have been in therapy for almost 12months now after secretly dealing with depression and anxiety for my whole life. I had a similar feeling as you before starting therapy, that I would always feel like there was something “wrong”. Which I have now learnt was even more a reason to start talking. I will always have anxiety so in many ways yes you will always have that feeling but you will learn how to cope with it, you will learn how to live without it ruling your existence and you will learn to accept that anxiety is simply just apart of your story, like it is mine. The scariest part is starting. Wishing you all the best