topic Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same. in Anxiety

Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

Beaser — Thu, 06 Jul 2023 04:14:37 GMT

I hope im posting in the right section . I have started to accept that my anxiety and depression are not my fault and in a way its a bit of a comfort. It has cost me so much ,relationships,employement and family ties.. Im scared of where its taking me but im 56 and have fought hard for so long and yes im tired of it.

Do i have to explain it to everyone who asks why im not working or functioning well? I was wondering have others found themselves at a similar stage.

Love and best wishes to everyone. Brett

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

smallwolf — Thu, 06 Jul 2023 08:50:40 GMT

hello and welcome.

Firstly, I think you are posting in the right section. If not, the post would have been moved.

my short answer to your question is ... NO.

The longer answer is ...

Acceptance can indeed be a comfort, as it helps us recognize that these struggles are not our fault. It sounds like you've faced numerous challenges due to your mental health, and that can be really tough. Feeling tired after fighting for so long is completely natural.

As for explaining your situation to others ... how much you want to share is up to you. Some people may be understanding and supportive, while others might not fully grasp the complexities of mental health. You don't owe anyone an explanation if you don't feel up to it.

Part of the reason I am here on the forums is that I have found my tribe here. People who understand what it's like, have an understanding of what I go through. While I have not been in the same situation as you, there maybe other who are in the same boat and relate to what you're going through. Keep reaching out for support and take care of yourself.

Listening to you.

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

Beaser — Fri, 07 Jul 2023 04:44:02 GMT

Thank you Smallwolf.

Youre response makes a lot of sense. I guess people from all different walks of life may at times feel judged or that there is a lack of understanding from others.

I have always been a pretty quiet sort of person anyway so not opening up to people may not surprise them. Brett

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

Fairmaiden64 — Fri, 07 Jul 2023 09:16:20 GMT

Hi Brett

Oh I know how tiring it is. At times, it's overwhelming and debilitating at that. I'm 59 and remember my depression, anxiety and even my OCD at 4 years of age. I am looking forward to getting to retirement so I don't have to explain anymore about not working here and there because I'm not coping. No family connections for me. Always the black sheep, despite never doing anything to anyone. Relationships....I'm so hearing you. It seems at times that noone can possibly understand you unless they are feeling it themselves. Even my social phobia gets remarks of 'arrogance' because i can't be around people for too long anymore. It's not a place of arrogance I am coming from, I just can't manage people for any length of time, so much so that nowadays I shop online, but that's another show lol. I hope you're hanging in there and doing ok.

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

Beaser — Fri, 07 Jul 2023 23:01:02 GMT

Thanks for your kind reply Fairmaiden.

You seem to understand what im trying to say. Sadly for you, you have had a similar path.

I am hanging in there be it some tough days.

Im offf to the footy today so that will get me around some of my tribe.

Im hoping youre ok and hope to hear how your weekend goes or just how you are going in general .

Brett

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

David35 — Sat, 08 Jul 2023 11:06:40 GMT

People only understand what they want to understand. Society loves to judge. No one in their right mind would choose to struggle in life with anxiety and depression. But as much as you try and explain that to people, they just don't get it. It's because they can't see the problem, so they don't believe you. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

smallwolf — Sat, 08 Jul 2023 11:33:45 GMT

It also OK to be a quiet person. Life would be boring if we were all the same.

what football team do you support?

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

Beaser — Sun, 09 Jul 2023 00:34:47 GMT

Hi Smallwolf.

Thanks for the kind reply. I am a Western Bulldogs member/supporter and also heavily involved with my local club. Its a bit of a saviour for me as i do some volunteerig there ad get around good people. Brett.

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

Beaser — Sun, 09 Jul 2023 02:34:02 GMT

Thank You David for your reply.

You make a very valid point that no one in there right mind would want too experience anxiety and dpression. I would never wish it on anyone either.

Ive been through my share of physical pain playing contact sport and scrapes and scraps but would take that anytime before my mental heath issues..

Bestt wishes Brett.

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

David35 — Sun, 09 Jul 2023 03:54:01 GMT

Society has no compassion for things they don't understand. Just my experience. Even though mental health concerns are often more permanent and debilitating than physical injuries. So don't listen to the guilt that other ignorant people project onto you. I've never apologised for catching a cold. I don't see why we need to "apologise" to others for feeling like crap.

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

sbella02 — Sun, 09 Jul 2023 12:16:26 GMT

Brett/Beaser,

Thank you for sharing how you feel with us.

You've explained it perfectly. It's a sort of tired realisation that anxiety and/or depression have taken so much from us and that we've sacrificed so much of ourselves to try and overcome them, when sometimes the best thing to do is to learn how to deal with or cope with their existence in our lives. I've reached that realisation a few times, and I like to keep track of these kinds of realisations in my journal for future reference.

Have you ever received any professional advice or support for your anxiety or depression? How have you typically learned to manage them when they're affecting aspects of your life, if you'd feel comfortable sharing?

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

Beaser — Sun, 09 Jul 2023 23:53:51 GMT

Hi Sbella and thanks for your reply.

I have had different professional support for the last 30 odd years. Currently my GP and phycologist are my support and a couple of special friends.

If im honest i haven't managed too well at times and made some poor decisions with things like work and relationships . At the moment im just trying to manage day by day but am struggling badly at times.

Always happy to talk more ad thank you

Brett

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

smallwolf — Mon, 10 Jul 2023 11:11:11 GMT

Son and I are members of the Lions club. My son used to play in early teen years, but injury in AFL interfered with swimming. When he played we did the volunteered in all areas of the game. Son is now an assistant coach for an U10 team. In these moments though ... it's a good way to get the mind into a better place. At least that is what i found.

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

therising — Mon, 10 Jul 2023 19:28:12 GMT

Hi Brett

It's amazing how much inner dialogue we have to battle through to reach the conclusion 'It's not my fault that I can feel so deeply and so easily under a variety of circumstances'. If we can feel what's depressing, that's not our fault. If we can feel what's anxiety inducing, that's not our fault.

When others are able to relate to feelings we experience, it's a relief. For the less able, trying to explain it to them can become somewhat of a compulsion. I like to look at it as us being reasonable people, being able to offer reason to others so they can come to relate in some way or perhaps so they are not so harsh in their judgement. Some folk just can't relate or they refuse to listen to reason and that's also not our fault. I learned not to waste my breath on those who refuse to listen to reason. It's such a time saver.

These days I sometimes 1) just tell it how it is on occasion or 2) tend to question more. I've found such approaches to be natural self esteem boosters under certain circumstances. A third approach comes down to leading people to relate in some way. So...

could involve 'You know I can feel what you just said to me. You know what you said is depressing and it doesn't matter how much you deny it, I can still feel it'
could involve questioning 'Why can you not feel the amount of anxiety inducing challenges I face? Why do you not feel the need to help me lighten the load?'
doesn't necessarily involve comparing a similar situation, such as navigating heavy traffic for example. For one person this may feel overwhelmingly stressful whereas for another they may love the challenge. It's about picking another person's most stressful experience and speaking of the feelings involved in that. It's about relating to the feelings, not the situation - what is felt as breathtaking/suffocating, sickening, heart racing, overwhelming etc.

One of the things I love most about sensitive people (those who can easily sense what's potentially depressing or anxiety inducing) is...they will try and get a feel for what we're facing. They may then take it even further by wondering with us as to why we could feeling that way. Sensitive people rarely leave us to wonder alone. With insensitive people, we're typically on our own. Easy to sense the difference between the two 😁

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

Beaser — Tue, 11 Jul 2023 21:56:22 GMT

Thank you TR.

Its always good to hear from you and you make some great points.

You are so right about not wasting our time on those who refuse to listen. Ive learnt the importance of choosing my battles.

Best wishes for the day Brett

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

smallwolf — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 09:18:52 GMT

Hi Beaser.

You're right about not wasting our time on people who just won't listen. It's a lesson that has taught me to save my efforts for those who are actually willing to engage in meaningful conversations. Perhaps the only downside is that sometimes you have to start that conversation to find out. Hope your weekend turned out OK.

Re: Acceptance of what is. And peoples experience of the same.

Beaser — Mon, 24 Jul 2023 23:45:20 GMT

Hi S.W

Hope your going ok. Sorry for the late reply.

Your right about saving our efforts for those who are willing to engage and listen.

Its refreshing to talk to some and draining with others.

Brett.