topic Re: Not Happy Anymore in Anxiety

Not Happy Anymore

GingerMegs — Sun, 31 Jul 2022 04:01:30 GMT

Hi everyone I am drained and don't have much energy, I believe I am getting mental and emotionally abused and my partner is trying use my son against me, so she can keep me in the house I'm always doing everything in the house and making sure that the kids a clean dressed and ready to go to bed all that but it's still not good enough and my step daughter is a piece of work I tell her about her daughter how rude and disrespectful she is towards me then she just disregards it like it's nothing, I told her yesterday I wanted to leave because of her not treating me well then she brings up my past and says you're mother was a drug addict which she was, when I was 18 I never seen her ever again she uses everything against me even my little son saying I hurt him which I didn't 2 years ago I was holding him in my arm and she pulled him out of my hands and he was screaming and she wants to blame that on me, I'm lost and don't know what to do and I don't think anyone is going to believe me that I have been mentally abused a bloke as far as society is concerned that doesn't happen to males and women get abused.

Dear GingerMegs, We're so sorry to hear what you're goin...

Sophie_M — Sun, 31 Jul 2022 04:16:32 GMT

Dear GingerMegs,

We're so sorry to hear what you're going through; it sounds like you've been struggling and having a difficult time for a while now.

Whilst we know that this beautiful online community will wrap around you and offer some amazing support and advice, we'd also like to remind you that reaching out to get the support you need is integral.

Please don't hesisitate to call us on 1300 22 4636, or to reach out via chat (24/7). It's free, confidential and you get to talk with trained counsellors.

We're also aware that you might benefit from some specialised support, and we recommend our friends at 1800 Respect for this ... please call them on 1800 737 732 (also 24/7), or go to their online chat.

If at any time you feel you are in danger, please don't hesitate to call 000.

We hear you, believe you and support you, GingerMegs.

We will also reach out to you privately.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Re: Not Happy Anymore

ecomama — Sun, 31 Jul 2022 05:07:28 GMT

Hey GingerMegs, welcome to the forums. Please use this safe space to talk it all out and get some support for what you're going through and your future path.

It's not necessary for "anyone to believe you" and the stats showing a 97% - 3% reporting on this kind of abuse.
It STILL happens. Possibly males don't report as often IDK.

Who do you need to believe you anyway?

Australia has "no fault divorce" now.
No reasons for ending a marriage are necessary any more thank God.

You don't have to "claim" any type of abuse and be believed, but if you need to at some point, then there are legal places you can gain advice from for those situations.

Sounds like you're at the end of your tether at home.

Have you considered booking a relationship Counsellor?

Please don't worry about the accusations of spouse about your mother's choices, crikeys.
They can TRY to use this against you, but it won't work. Don't worry about that.

Please get legal advice. Any Family Lawyer is under obligation to give you a FREE 30 minute spiel on Family Law (unless your partner has seen them before by which she's "conflicted you out" of using that Lawyer).
I would do that asap.

You can also call the 1800RESPECT Helpline. This line is not exclusively for women. No. It's for ALL people who need to call.
They are brilliant. They have specialised Counsellors and can put you through to a Psychologist if the situation is too tricky for the Counsellor. Don't worry, they put me through to the Psychs EVERY time I called in my previous situation.

Best wishes and hope to hear from you soon!
EM

Re: Not Happy Anymore

GingerMegs — Sun, 31 Jul 2022 05:59:44 GMT

Thanks for your help I appreciate it, I'm emotional done and mentality done with everything yes we have kids but I truly think there better off with us separated, and she always tries to use my mental health against me, your mental and they will be against you all that crap.....I thought she loved me bust she's doing this shit all the time so she must no be, she has some sort of complex about herself, she always uses money talk against me like, I earn more then you all that crap you don't earn enough crap since when has it been about who earns the most all I want do is keep the house going with whatever money I have but it seems in her eyes that's not good enough

Re: Not Happy Anymore

ecomama — Sun, 31 Jul 2022 08:00:37 GMT

Hey GM, if this is your decision (and it sounds like a very stressful situation) then separating is what can be done.

It could be quite stressful on another level but hopefully you'll make it through okay and be able to move on from this, whilst still having the children stay with you.

Love isn't using anything about your partner against them. You're right there!

GM if she carries on again about your mental health or brings your mother up, you can walk away.
The best response is NO verbal response at times.

(Who is this mysterious "they" anyway? that will hold all this stuff against you).

Also arguing about money earned by either party is of no consequence right now, probably didn't need to be before either, but money is one of the number one things married couples argue about.
You're not alone there!

Search for the 180 Strategy.
There's also the Gray Rock strategy to look up.

I can tell you're very upset atm.
This concerns me, so please reach out to one of the numbers Sophie_M or I have listed for you.
You can call anonymously.
The Counsellors will help GROUND you and help you to cope.

Your focus can now change from her and the kids, to the kids and you separating from her.
Please be careful about anything you say, say the minimal.
Also be careful about anything you text. Keep texts calm. See the Strategies I listed above.

Hope to hear from you soon,
EM

Re: Not Happy Anymore

GingerMegs — Wed, 03 Aug 2022 03:06:58 GMT

We are not married just engaged, she's has been like this for 7 years and I thought it was a normal relationship l, but now I realise it's not, when we first start out our relationship I didn't tell her about my mental health until after a year because of being judged by people and being judged by her she tells me I look at people inappropriately I know I do but it's not by purposes, It has everything to do with my mental health issues, I'm moving forward because I'm scared she is going to use everything against me which Im scared she is going to tell lies out of spite, i don't have emotions it's numb, I have alot of sadness for the absent emotions, that I can't feel what other people feel it's been like that for me since early childhood, I now what I feared the most has come true, no one understanding me I mean my partner because everytime I tell her she ignores my feelings, which just make my feelings worse I want to be heard, I want to be understood, anxiety disorders and depression disorder I suffer internally not externally, I suffer from low mood, and sometimes don't want to go out, I comfortable just being somewhere without noise and sound I don't mind children noises, my comfort zone is small I don't have any friends because I find it hard to communicate, so I don't worry about it, I can be in a crowded area and still be lonely, I suffer from low moods and small tasks fill like mountains, and when someone doesn't understand you it makes things much more worse

Re: Not Happy Anymore

ecomama — Wed, 03 Aug 2022 08:32:20 GMT

Hey GingerMegs, nice to hear from you again.

You sound extremely stressed. I'm not sure what you mean by looking at people inappropriately but I know a Counsellor can help you talk these things out.
Please call one of the Helplines we listed for you. They are FREE and they are very much for YOU.

It's really important to get "linked in" with other supports.

You're expressing a lot of fear and this is completely normal when you're in an abusive situation as you are.
All of us can feel alot of fear when needing to leave this kind of relationship, or any relationship for that matter.

This sentence... "I'm moving forward because I'm scared she is going to use everything against me which Im scared she is going to tell lies out of spite".

Yep, we can expect the lies!
Such a shame that people feel the need to LIE. Apparently it's all part of Family Law my Lawyer told me.

So you can expect these lies especially since she's telling you lies to your face now.

But WHO are you worried she's going to lie to?

Please feel free to use your thread here any time,
EM

Re: Not Happy Anymore

GingerMegs — Wed, 03 Aug 2022 22:08:30 GMT

Like the court system and to my family member her friends our kid, yesterday I told her I don't feel like doing anything because of my low mood and she's started getting angry with me and threw a peanut butter container at me, and said you don't know how to cook you don't know how to clean, she is right but I do try my best with both for dinner sometimes we have noddles sometime spag bowl she doesn't like the way I cook it kids still eat it anyway, sometimes cook meat pies ect, then she's goes I have already told my case worker that you don't cook food, and I'm thinking in my head hang on just because I can't make food like yours doesn't mean I haven't cooked, i pick our kids up from school in the afternoon after work and then get them home get dinner ready and then get them clean get them to bed then I clean the house and whatever I can't finish I will try and do it the next day also my partner tells me that I'm playing the mental card and she's told her case worker is and they agreed that I'm use mental health as a cover up which I'm not, some rubbish story like that, I do have issues I know that I do go to a Phycolgist , her daughter doesn't help me she's to lazy always on her laptop or doing something other then help me, then she says I never ask her I shouldn't need to be cause her mum doesn't ask her she just does it, she's rude and disrespectful and her mum doesn't do anything about that behaviour when I try to tell her she brushes it off like it's nothing,

Dear GingerMegs, We are pleased you found the courage to...

Sophie_M — Thu, 04 Aug 2022 01:12:57 GMT

Dear GingerMegs,

We are pleased you found the courage to post about your child's friend's mother negatively judging you. We are a supportive community, so we will do our best to support you rather than judge you.

We would like to invite you to call our wonderful mental health specialists when you find yourself getting overwhelmed from situations like that. The number is 1300 22 4636, and you can call any time, day or night. The mental health specialist may be able to help you calm down at times between your psych appointments.

Welcome to our forums, and feel free to post whenever you wish.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.

Re: Not Happy Anymore

ecomama — Thu, 04 Aug 2022 01:02:06 GMT

Hi GingerMegs, I'm really glad you're seeing a Psychologist. I hope they can help you sort through these issues.
I'm also hoping they can help you build boundaries, even how to react when these issues occur.

Please call the number Sophie_M wrote for you.
I'm sure the kind and caring Counsellors on this line will not only help settle you when things get overwhelming but also hopefully be able to point you in the direction of Legal support.

Keep your cool as much as you possibly can.
Ensuring there's no "evidence" on your part of any types of abuse is best.

Tbh I'd leave her daughter out of all talks with your gf. You may have different expectations of her daughter than your partner, but it sounds like a catalyst to worsening arguments.

Are you planning to leave the home?

EM

Re: Not Happy Anymore

GingerMegs — Sat, 06 Aug 2022 22:33:36 GMT

Yes I am planning to leave the home it's too much for me to deal with I will end up having a mental breakdown if all this stuff doesn't stop, I'm thinking about taking her to family court, but I'm afraid that if I do they won't believe me, I have had enough mentally and emotionally.

Re: Not Happy Anymore

vitality — Sun, 07 Aug 2022 00:29:56 GMT

Like other comments I agree, please reach out using support details listed...

I find believing in yourself helps...

Also we have the fight, flight response....there is a 3rd f...find the solution...eg it could be sit outside in a quiet area in the sunshine & know "you're worth it" Find 1 thing to be thankful for, the next day 2 things etc...this helped me.

On this site, we're all supportive of you & your circumstances...we hear you...take care.

Re: Not Happy Anymore

GingerMegs — Sun, 07 Aug 2022 02:29:55 GMT

I have been sad and down for the past few days so I'm still mustering up the courage and bravery I can it's just very hard to put on a brave face to people and say it ok when it's not I hate lieing to people, and I will be taking this to family court I don't have much money because I don't earn much so it's going to be hard for me to find a lawyer. I just want my son's that's all not her not her daughter, just me and my boys that's it, I use to be a creative person but since I have been going through this crap it's killed any motivation for creating and creativity, I'm lost I'm lonely, I have family to talk to but it's not easy to explain to the issue, I never thought I would be in this position at all, it so crap, your right it's another day take day at a time nothing more nothing less, and will continue to clean the house even know it's fully under her name and she is the tenant, know now all I am to her is just a conveneace, so I have already made up my mind on leaving, just trying to do it the right way so she can't make up lies about me and my mental health,

Re: Not Happy Anymore

vitality — Sun, 07 Aug 2022 04:45:43 GMT

I think you're very courageous GingerMeg & good to hear the things you're trying.. People can always say things about us..true or not...I like to imagine a perspex shield around me that nothing can penetrative or that I'm sitting behind a nice picket fence that no one can enter into (unless I invite a trusted love 1 in.)

If you can google eg computer or smartphone there's great info to be found also.

I've learnt to keep my focus on me... with others, I "take the best & leave the rest"..

Also practising self compassion is soothing & comforting eg mentally (or physically) give yourself a hug...re-parent the small inner child within us. A day or moment at a time sounds good. All the best..

Re: Not Happy Anymore

ecomama — Sun, 07 Aug 2022 06:37:51 GMT

Hey GingerMegs,

Great you've made the decision to leave this abusive relationship.
You can call the MANY free Legal Helplines.
You'll need to get around the Legalities of separating with children.

Not sure what State you're in.
In NSW as with most of Australia, you don't Lodge in Court, they won't allow you in most cases, UNTIL you have booked in and seen a Mediation Service such as "Relationships Australia" (RA)
Don't be fooled, this is NOT couples Counselling.

STEP 1: Book in with RA as soon as possible. There are usually quite long waiting lists. My wait was about 4 months BEFORE Covid. Just depends on the demands in your area.

Before, during and after you'll need Legal advice from Family Lawyers, even if you never get to Court, you'll need to know your rights.

PLEASE don't panic about anything she'll say about you.
Tbh I've been thru Federal Circuit Court myself and supported MANY others doing same.
The Courts really don't care about anything IME.
They ONLY care about splitting the kids' time 50 /50 or as close to that, AND
splitting the assets.
You won't be getting any Care time with her daughter unless you ADOPTED her. You haven't so she is not in the mix at all.

Worrying about the nitty gritty of he said / she said is 100% wasted worry time.

People think our Courts are like the U.S. Court systems they are absolutely NOT. Not even close.

Good luck!
EM

Re: Not Happy Anymore

GingerMegs — Sat, 20 Aug 2022 23:39:59 GMT

I have been talking audio recordings of my partners abusive behaviour and I'm going to get help for myself I will be moving out of this house and away from her abuse I'm not dealing with this crap anymore I'm a human not just some piece of trash I'm over it. What she is doing to me I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy, these coming weeks I'm going to be moving I have already set my mind to it and no one's going to change my mind.

Her daughter is just as bad trying to intimdate me when her mum's not there staying I'm stupid and fat and mental going right up to my face and trying to be bigger then me, I tell her mum about it nothing gets done nothing I'm over it it's every single day the daughter says" I don't have to listen to you your not my father" and my response is "well go away and leave me alone then if you haven't got anything nice to say just go away" then she say" I don't have to listen to you your not my father your mental" when she does that she invades my personal space then that when I draw the line and I yell at her which I know I shouldn't have but my frustrations at that point are already high from her mother's abuse I feel like I'm getting mental abused by both of them.

I have a minor intellectual disability I'm on DSP and I have depression and anxiety disorders, I have had some times where I have cried myself to sleep and also where I have thought of ending it all but what is keeping me alive is my boys, I'm worn out mentally and physically, I don't know if my partner can get in trouble for mentally abusing someone with a disability like myself I'm not sure.

Would the courts stop me from seeing my son because I have a depression and anxiety disability?

Im going to the doctors again this Monday because it's been like this for 7 and has only gotten worse so I'm going to get tested for Complex-PTSD

I'm finding it hard to sleep and always in a alert state of mind have angry outburst because of the situation blame myself for everything

I feel hopeless, worthless , shame , very Low self esteem, socially awkward,

My so called partner argued with me yesterday saying I was looking at a lady inappropriately which I was not because I was resting on the car seat with my mouth open eyes closed