topic I’m so horribly unattractive in Anxiety

I’m so horribly unattractive

PsychedelicFur — Thu, 01 Apr 2021 11:42:04 GMT

I’m so horribly unattractive.

my toxic ex told me I was a ‘6/10’ and ‘plus size’ and embarrassing looking. That is why he showed me photos of other women in bikinis.

I’m that unattractive that he lost interest in me and started treating me like garbage. I know deep and meaningful relationships are not based off looks but he made me believe that I wasn’t very good looking. Even though I have had people, strangers come up to me, hundreds of time and compliment my eccentric clothing or my long wavy ginger hair.

he said to me once ‘you’re looks don’t matter anyway because you are only a 6/10.’

I’m starting to believe what he said about me. ☹️😢😭 please give some suggestions or advice.

many thanks,

lots of love,

PF.

I’m so horribly unattractive

smallwolf — Thu, 01 Apr 2021 12:12:50 GMT

hi and welcome to the forums,

sad to read what you "partner" said to you. Though I would also counter that what one thinks does not count for another person. The other thing I would want to mention is how a person is on the inside counts just as much, if not more than than outward appearances.

someone also said to me that when a person speaks negatively about or towards another person also says something about that person as well - they are likely to be divided on the inside as well. That is not to make you feel sorry for him, but...

lastly, and this is something I know, if your mind is telling you that, is it just a thought. Different people have different ways of dealing negative thoughts. One way is just to say thank you to your mind. And it sounds like you also know some of your positive qualities and maybe think of some others?

I’m so horribly unattractive

jumpyjellyfish- — Thu, 01 Apr 2021 12:23:52 GMT

Hey PsychedelicFur,

I'm sure you are really beautiful even if you don't believe it you are and you deserve to tell yourself that and for others to let you know 🙂

Compliments are a lot more likely to be true than insults - you said you've had people come up to you and compliment your eccentric clothing and long wavy ginger hair and you so deserve to take those things to heart because when people go out of there way - strangers - to say something nice, they really mean it. It's so much easier to out of spite to tell someone all these fake bad things about them to make them feel bad.

Can you really believe what a toxic person says anyways? Take this as an example. If they tell you you're a liar - you aren't going to believe them, right? They tell you that you're immature? Of course you aren't - it's them. They are the problem.

Same applies for your toxic ex and all the things he's said about how you look. There is really nothing wrong with you - what's wrong is the way he's treating you and saying all this stuff for who knows what reason I mean only he really knows that but clearly maybe he's not a good person and it's good you will sparingly be around him anymore I hope!

Please just know that you are so so beautiful and stunning and I want you to know and believe that because I can tell you are someone who lights up the world 🙂

I really hope this is helpful I just want to hopefully shine a light on and let you realise that all those good things about you are true and that your ex is just talking, but that's all it is- meaningless words and even though they can sting they really aren't a reflection of you.

Hugs xx Take care 🙂

I’m so horribly unattractive

PsychedelicFur — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 09:43:09 GMT

Having a really hard day. Lots of bad thoughts

I’m so horribly unattractive

jumpyjellyfish- — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 09:58:31 GMT

I'm sorry you're having so many bad thoughts PsychedelicFur...

Is there anything that triggered you to feel like you're feeling? Or is it just 'one of those day'?

You are enough, and you are beautiful, and I hope you can learn to love yourself for that. You deserve to give yourself some self love, especially dealing with others in your recent past who haven't offered you that...

Take care xx

I’m so horribly unattractive

PsychedelicFur — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 10:05:38 GMT

Hello there Jumpy Jellyfish :-], how are you? I hope you are well.

thank you so much for the lovely words. Finding it hard to believe it at the moment. It’s my toxic ex’s birthday today and it’s hard for me at the moment. It is just one of those days. Just feeling so emotional at the moment. hope you have had a nice day.

thank you,

PsychedelicFur xxx

I’m so horribly unattractive

Croix — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 10:07:58 GMT

Dear PS~

I think we have talked together before and my impression of you was there was a divide between you and some others, this came about due to greater maturity for your age, and an appreciation of earlier styles of music and clothing, taken all together making you a unique person who sounds a pleasure to know. There was no mention of less than good looks.

I'm glad this person is an ex and you no longer have to be with them, however toxic verbal digs do linger on, and when down become more believable than they merit. They are designed to hurt, and aim for places where most are vulnerable.

It may sound like an oversimplification but please keep an eye out for one that habitually builds you up, an essential in any worth-while partnership

The other thing is while I have no idea of your looks, after all you are print on page, I do know an inner shine of happiness and love trumps just about anything.

Perhaps the Beatles might help: "Ain't she sweet", "Here comes the sun" or "I saw her standing there", better than "Eleanore Rigby" to change the mood, maybe turn your thoughts in new directions.

Croix

I’m so horribly unattractive

jumpyjellyfish- — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 10:21:19 GMT

Hey PsychedelicFur,

I'm doing ok, thank you for asking. Sending the best wishes for you

I understand, it's not easy to believe the positive things are true when our mindset says otherwise... just know that all those wonderful qualities about you are real and true, and even if you don't believe it at the moment you will come to with time and healing 🙂

Today sounds like it's been difficult for you but I do agree with Croix that it's for the good of you that your ex is your ex, and even though today might be tough and emotional tomorrow is a clean slate for you to not let someone so toxic leave traces behind. It is ok to be emotional - this is hard - but this person deserves no place in your life and you don't deserve that either. You are so much more worthy than that xx

I’m so horribly unattractive

PsychedelicFur — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 10:30:20 GMT

Hello there Croix, hope you have had a lovely evening. How are you?

First and foremost, thank you enormously for the lovely words. Appreciate it greatly. I truly do.

Those songs you listed are some of my favourites. In fact I have Eleanor Rigby as my ringtone. Favourite Beatles song of ALL TIME. Something about it is comforting. Something about it is soothing and numbs the darkness of my current situation. What are your favourite songs from that era? Or what was an album that helped you through the tough times?

Yes, I am glad I’m not with him either. But his words still do linger on.

Psychedelicfur

I’m so horribly unattractive

PsychedelicFur — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 10:31:32 GMT

Thank you Beautiful one. I have read that you have been having a difficult day. Hoping you are ok.

here if you need to talk.
PsychedelicFur xxx

I’m so horribly unattractive

PsychedelicFur — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 10:33:19 GMT

Thank you so much Smallwolf for your lovely words. Much appreciated.

You speak wisdom. For sure!!

I’m so horribly unattractive

jumpyjellyfish- — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 10:48:02 GMT

Thank you - it means a lot that you care 🙂

Things are hard sometimes but I'll be okay. Hope you are alright too xx

I’m so horribly unattractive

PsychedelicFur — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 10:52:24 GMT

Things are difficult at the moment. It’s ok to have ‘off’ days. It means a lot that you respond to my threads too. I appreciate it, enormously.

Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way. I hope you have done something nice for yourself today.

thinking of you Jumpy Jellyfish :-]

PsychedelicFur xxx

I’m so horribly unattractive

jumpyjellyfish- — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 11:05:27 GMT

Yeah, we just gotta try our best to work through things I guess.

No problem, it's great to be able to communicate on these forums. There's no pressure or anything, and you know it's people being genuine and I thank you tremendously for talking to me too I appreciate it.

Wishing the same happiness upon you 🙂 Haven't been the kindest to myself today I'll admit, but tomorrow can be a fresh start. You've had a rough day too, so I suggest you do the same - tomorrow, today will just be history.

Take care xx

I’m so horribly unattractive

PsychedelicFur — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 11:36:07 GMT

I didn’t wish him a Happy Birthday.

I stuck to my guns!!!!

I’m so horribly unattractive

smallwolf — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 11:50:13 GMT

Hi JJ and PF,

Down days are inevitable. At least for me. Remember these days can also help to finding a new way to the top of the mountain. And that going down into a valley only lasts for so long cause at some point you are going upwards again.

At the same time there have been occasions when going down into the valley I gone down further into a cave. Or so it felt. But even that ends somewhere going out into sunlight.

I’m so horribly unattractive

Croix — Fri, 02 Apr 2021 14:23:36 GMT

Dear PsF~

As you asked a quick answer:-

From black feelings -> good, (no use playing 'pleasant' music in a black or hopeless mood, needs to match)

Paint it Black (Stones) -> Eleanor Rigby (Lennon–McCartney) -> Windmills of Your Mind (LeGrand/Bergman) -> Gods Away on Business (Waits) -> Via Con Me (Conte)

As for albums: the 5 LP New World Entertainment set of Tour of Duty and the 2 CD Gongo Music release of Blade Runner.

Between these I can normally find something to fit the mood though some of the more psychedelic Beatles pop in as well.

Croix (theme Tune: I am the Walrus Lennon–McCartney)

I’m so horribly unattractive

PsychedelicFur — Sat, 03 Apr 2021 06:35:22 GMT

Wonderful!!!! I love I am The Walrus... great superb song!!!!!

wonderful choices. Tasteful variety!!

PsychedelicFur’s theme tune - ‘She’s A Mod’ by Ray Columba & The Invaders or ‘Soul Bossa Nova’

I’m so horribly unattractive

Croix — Sat, 03 Apr 2021 09:52:11 GMT

Dear PsF~

I tend to look up the lyrics of music mentioned here, and mistyped in some way because I ended up with the Muppets' version of "Simon Smith and His Amazing Dancing Bear (Newman via Scooter and Fuzzy Bear:) on YouTube

Not what I intended but fun.

I rather like your Theme Tunes and well remember the Mods and Rockers on their Nehru jackets and scooters vs greasy hair, leather jackets and motor bikes. I've always stopped to listen to that Quincy Jones piece, it is alive and fun.

Do you find as both of your themes are cheerful that always suit your mood?

As for I am The Walrus, it's appropriate having both a walrus and a policeman in it together with other references, and would you believe was banned from the BBC at first (which sealed my choice as a result:)

Croix

I’m so horribly unattractive

PsychedelicFur — Sat, 03 Apr 2021 10:17:13 GMT

Great tunes. Thank you Croix for the lovely response!! I looooove The Muppets so much. Oh my!!! I love Swedish chef and Zoot the saxophonist. There is a great video on YouTube of The Muppets singing ‘Goodbye Yellow Brick Road’ with the fabulous Elton John.

Feeling a bit sad. Just lots of negative thoughts occurring about my toxic relationship. hope everyone is doing well today.