topic Anyone with Social Anxiety? in Anxiety

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Banksia20 — Wed, 24 Mar 2021 10:08:40 GMT

Hi,

Anyone else here with social anxiety? I'm not a shy person but I constantly worry what people think of me or I will go over and over things I have said or done. It is exhausting!

Any advice to reduce these thoughts and emotions?

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Annas1 — Wed, 24 Mar 2021 22:06:50 GMT

Hi Banksia20,

I have social anxiety and have only become more aware of its effects on my life recently. It is a very tricky condition as it is intrinsically human to want to be included in social groups and respected, however our sensitivity to not being included or respected sets off an internal alarm too easily.

So the first thing I would advise myself (if I could go back 30 years) is 'give yourself a break', remind yourself of the people in your life who you can rely on to include you and respect you. This can be the foundation on which to 'be yourself' with others, regardless of how you think they appraise you. Of course, this is super hard and still a work in progress for me, and may in fact be a theme in my personal development ongoing.

I can really identify with the feeling of exhaustion that people pleasing induces - it's hard work keeping all those social balls in the air. Again, I'm working on consciously deciding who I want to invest my care/concern/effort/attention in, and not act on my reflex to respond to every need I perceive in my social world. It is a skill and has to be learned. (I'm still learning!)

I think another thing that helps is the understanding that you are 'enough' and 'valuable' and 'worthy' just as you are. You don't need to prove it/justify it/earn it by ensuring others' good will/appraisal. I'm trying to free myself of this habit of 'proving' my worthiness. Hopefully it will mean I feel less burdened and freer to be me in the world.

And of course, I've gathered all these insights from lots of counselling and self-reflection. They have been essential to my growth.

Take care Banskia,

Annas

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Guest_4643 — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 05:42:42 GMT

Hey Banskia20, welcome.

Yes I have a Social Phobia, basically the same, a bit worse though. I understand how you feel. I think many others would agree and feel the same. Take care.

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

CalmCat — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 06:04:08 GMT

Hi Banksia20,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for bringing up such an important topic.

I too get social anxiety and have figured out how to manage it by looking after my mental health. Lots of exercise, good diet and moderate alcohol intake is the key. If you find yourself getting anxiety at the build up to meeting someone, let them know what you've nervous. Sometimes talking about it can help immensely.

Let us know your thoughts.

Regards,

Doran

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Cee123 — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 07:11:36 GMT

Hi there Banksia20,

Yes, absolutely. I have social anxiety as well. And it's a tough condition to live with. I've achieved a LOT less in my life than other people my age because of it. I'm always worried if people will like me or not. I'm worried about being bullied, being negatively evaluated, being judged. I was in a support group for social anxiety disorder years ago, which dealt with CBT and while it did help me, it didn't help me a lot. I still get massively nervous around other people. And it sucks. I personally think that, for me, bullying is what caused it. I also feel like I have really crappy social skills and I feel awkward.

Wish I had some advice, I really do. But I'm stuck.

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Amanda2000 — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 12:44:22 GMT

Hi Banksia20,

Yes I know the feeling! On my good days, I'm able to use distraction to overcome the anxiety. If I was in a large group setting/social function that's making me uncomfortable, I would try to focus on the nice food as a distraction to forget about the people around me. If I find myself overthinking and going over things I've said or done, I would close my eyes and say "stop".

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Mummeee — Mon, 05 Apr 2021 12:41:05 GMT

Yes - I have a self-diagnosed social anxiety. And it is exhausting.

I don’t having any wisdom just now, but I totally empathize with your feelings and hope you can get some good support here.

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Guest_4643 — Mon, 05 Apr 2021 12:53:50 GMT

Hi Mumeee, welcome.

Just a reminder not to self diagnose yourself, you're best getting diagnosed from a professional. I'm not saying that to disregard you or anything, just trying to help, because it's better to get a diagnosis from a professional.

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

blondguy — Mon, 05 Apr 2021 13:20:34 GMT

Hi Banksia20...Thankyou for the helpful thread!

I understand your pain with social anxiety....Cee123 summed it up so well 'I've achieved a LOT less in my life than other people my age because of it'

There are various levels of social anxiety and if it begins to have a negative impact on our daily well being...frequent counselling can be a huge help....especially in the early stages

my kindest thoughts

Paul

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Guest_1643 — Sat, 14 Aug 2021 13:28:17 GMT

hi all,

yep i have social anxiety quite badly.

i did not always struggle with it, and used to enjoy being with ppl. i dont feel comfortable goign to places with lots of ppl, and prefer being with a few ppl i know and lke.

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Guest_1643 — Sat, 14 Aug 2021 13:30:45 GMT

hi cee123, I dont really like CBT, and am interested in ur experience with it.
I find ACT very helpful with social anxiety, and exposure therapy. I think it makes sense for it to connect to bullying or trauma. I wander which mh professionals are best placed to treat social anxiety? I am taking inspiration from this thread, to try and find smeone on my support team who can help me address this issue, as its honestly crippling for me and affects all aspcts of my life. Its not an easy way to live and is tiring having to limit onself due to social anxiety. Sending care and love to all reading.

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Amanda2000 — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 08:13:16 GMT

Hi Sleepy21,

Nice to see you on this thread!

If I was physically in a social setting/environment, it can be easier sometimes. The pre-emptive worries about going there are painful but once I'm there, somehow I'm able to "act the part"!

Working-from-home has given me a new kind of social anxiety. My home is my sanctuary to hide from everyone and everything. So now the sanctuary has become a workplace - my phone can ring any second without any warning. At least in the office, I can see people approaching to be able to prepare myself mentally.

I'm struggling too. On my good days I'm able to apply some coping strategies. But very exhausting!

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Guest_1643 — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 08:36:45 GMT

Hi Amanda, thats awesomoe to see you here and always love your input!!

I know what you mean about playing the part. I think being able to push through it is awesome, although it means sometmes that ppl dont beieve that its there!!
"You don't look anxious etc..."
Don't know what anxious is supposed to look like. How are you doing with all the LDs and the social anxiety? Being cosy at home sounds lovely, and if it helps you feel better I totlaly unerstand.
I dont feel so cosy at home, something to think about.... i feel anxious outside but not that safe inside... a clash internally at all times.
I feel safest and less anxious in nature, or in someone else's space. If i have someone I trust around, my social anxiety decreases.

Anyone with Social Anxiety?

Amanda2000 — Mon, 16 Aug 2021 12:09:19 GMT

Hi Sleepy,

Nature is great for your health both mentally & physically. Going out is difficult for me - contamination fears!

I'm just taking each day as it comes. Some days are better than others. I only feel cosy at home when I'm all alone and it's quiet. Not so cosy now with my family at home 24/7. Going into shared areas like the kitchen is such an ordeal for me. Always hoping that I won't bump into anyone (literally!) - my family is always in my way. I'm becoming more and more withdrawn from my own family. I only feel comfortable with them at meal-times when I have the distraction from eating.