topic Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb? in Anxiety

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

UncertainlyMe99 — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 06:38:05 GMT

So for the past year or two ive had really bad cognitive issues, with my memory, concentration, decision-making, everything... I work in a casual hospitality job, which I enjoy very much most of the time, however I am sometimes a little absent-minded- despite trying my hardest- and people get annoyed at me. My confidence is at an all time low, and in spite of that i still have nothing against constructive criticism, however something that upsets me immensely is when you make a mistake and another person makes you feel like an idiot for it. Although ive had a pretty good life overall- despite mental health struggles for years- there have been a few people who have this way of reacting. It was happening a lot at work, and obviously when it does it makes me make even MORE mistakes because then i get even more flustered and doubtful. But they make degrading comments or look at you like you're stupid, and i dont think its because they are being mean necessarily, but i think they do it without realizing the effect it can have on some people. I dont react anymore, as they are unwilling to look at it from another perspective, but it takes so much out of me. It seems to happen a lot with these people when there are others around. So you can imagine its embarrassing for your struggling cognition to be brought to everyone's attention like that.

Im really extremely sick of myself. I hate me so much and im not suicidal but im tired of trying and never being enough. This happened again last night, and I was even having such a good day- where I was keeping myself busy, did a bit of study before work, and tried to keep a positive attitude throughout the day. I was smiling, having engaging conversations with people, and then I make a mistake where I forgot to give an order to a customer for a few minutes because I got distracted attending some tables. I came back, and he started talking loudly (almost yelling) and telling me "why didn't you do this?" "You should have given the order, whats wrong with you?" I told him im sorry and i forgot, but he kept going on and on about it, talking to me like i made the biggest mistake in the world. I went silent and later on he kept asking if i was okay... I said I was fine and continued with whatever i was doing.

I dont know what the point of this was. Forgetfulness, lack of concentration, easily distracted, can't think clearly. I feel dumb and stupid. If this is just who I am, I don't want to be this anymore.

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

Peppermintbach — Sun, 16 Jun 2019 22:13:38 GMT

Hi UncertainlyMe,

I really feel for you. The comments at work must leave you feeling hurt, discouraged and, as you said, it’s also embarrassing.

I know you’ve already been struggling with memory and concentration issues, so to also be berated publicly must really, really sting...I feel it’s an enormous blow to your self confidence....

Sadly, I feel sometimes certain people can be a little lacking when it comes to sensitivity and tact. I think there’s no need to make a scene in front of customers. They could just speak to you quietly or pull you aside to chat, but they’ve obviously opted not to do that...

I also feel it’s really harsh and unnecessary to turn a work related reprimand into an attack on someone’s disposition. I get a sense that maybe there’s a bit of that going on at work for you too...

I realise your self esteem has been very much shaken and you’re feeling very down on yourself at the moment. But I believe that struggling with concentration and memory doesn’t make you “dumb and stupid” as you put it. I think it simply means you’re struggling with concentration and memory, and it’s not a reflection of your intelligence.

I have a friend (offline) who has issues with focus and memory because of past trauma. It doesn’t mean she’s stupid, it simply means her brain is still suffering the aftermath of her past. In her case, she uses lists, reminders, etc to try to overcome her struggles.

I understand your issues and hers aren’t identical of course. But I suppose what I’m getting at is struggling with memory, focus, etc isn’t necessarily a reflection of your intelligence. There are plenty of very bright people who struggle with memory and concentration (like the friend that I just mentioned)...I hope this offers some small reassurance to you...

Thanks so much for opening up. I know writing out feelings and sharing them isn’t easy, so good on you for doing that. That was (is) brave.

I feel it’s okay to not always know why you’re writing here. Sometimes I feel it’s good to just have an emotional purge. So please feel free to write in any time if and when you want to (no pressure). It would be lovely to hear how things are going with you some time...

Kindness and care,

Pepper

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

CoraC — Mon, 17 Jun 2019 08:57:16 GMT

I have worked with Supervisors like this as well. It's interesting how you can receive the same message from different people, depending on how they approach you and their wording and tone makes all the difference. UsIng phrases like "What's wrong with you" is really unnecessary and not at all constructive. I would feel really upset if someone spoke with me like that. Fortunately not all Supervisors are like this, certainly not good ones anyway! Please don't think this type of personal criticism is ok, it isn't. Unfortunately this is how some people express themselves. We have all made mistakes in our work, to do with remembering things, I know I certainly have.

I wish you luck with your situation.

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

Anto77 — Mon, 17 Jun 2019 11:07:17 GMT

Hi UncertainlyMe,

Firstly, thank you for sharing your story. I hope writing your story and the advice and empathy you get here helps you feel better.

I can assure you you are not alone. You have basically described me most of my working life. I have also worked in hospitality (did so for 20+ years) and always had the same problems you described. To be honest, I beat myself up like you do, but I really don't think we are dumb.

Anxiety greatly affects your cognitive abilities, the ability to think clearly and straight and it's a cycle. You make a mistake, you panic that you did, you overthink it and make more mistakes. If you don't suffer from anxiety you wouldn't know just how much it can affect your ability to do your job properly. When you consider how much overthinking and worries etc.. congest your mind it's no wonder things accidentally slip or we forget an order or to add an item to an order etc. It's inevitable. You are not dumb you just have an illness that happens to affect your cognition and are doing your best despite it. Yeah, people would make comments when I forgot things or wasn't quick enough or concentrated enough too but to be honest probably no one more than me. I would berate myself and think how could I have missed that!! And I would lose all my confidence but really we are not dumb, we are brave, brave enough to work despite having anxiety and a mind that doesn't always function at 100%. I am also by nature, sensitive, so any negative comments from colleagues even the smallest ones would affect me greatly (and still do even in my new job). A passing comment can have me in a tail spin of overthinking and questioning my abilities, however that person would probably never know that their comment had this affect on me. It's not easy and I totally understand how you feel, don't doubt yourself. We are all human and all make mistakes and because we suffer from anxiety we might make a few more. SO WHAT! Doesn't make us dumb or bad workers or anything like that. We are all doing the best we can with what we've been given.

And for the record that guy is very unprofessional almost yelling at you for making a mistake especially if it was in front of others. Hospitality is intense and it's easy for people to lose their cool so try not to take his comments too personally.

All the best.

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

HelpingOneAnother — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 08:57:58 GMT

Thank you for sharing your honest feelings about what’s been going on. I can certainly relate to what you have just said. I only just joined this forum cause I am battling non stop with anxiety. I also have worked in hospitality myself and have had many encounters where similar situations have occurred and I can highly empathise with you. Thank you for sharing. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. It’s hard because I can’t truly talk to the people around me as they don’t understand- or they just think I’m being a drama queen because I look like I have it together- but on the inside I’m a mess. Hospitality is a tough industry to work in. It has its good points but it surely has so many berating points too- colleagues being like that- yuck. I’m trying to study as well and it has major effects on my concentration and preductiveness and then it makes me look like I’m being lazy..when I’m not. I suffer a lot. Some days are good..but then all it takes is one punk to cause me to spiral cause I’m so sensitive and have been put down my whole life. Thanks again for sharing. I feel better already even though I know this thing won’t go away forever- but at least I feel like there is someone out there battling the same demons I have been. Bless you

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

HelpingOneAnother — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 09:00:22 GMT

Thank you for what u said in this post to that other person because I am suffering with similar issues and it helped me

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

HelpingOneAnother — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 09:02:42 GMT

Nice grounded, real comment. Thank you. I just read what you replied to that person as I have been suffering myself. I don’t feel so alone

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

HelpingOneAnother — Wed, 19 Jun 2019 09:07:33 GMT

You’re spot on with that response. Thank you. I have done hospitality for 20 yrs too and it’s tough when you’re sensitive. I appreciate you’re encouragement to that person because I just joined this post and I could relate alot and just needed to hear that I’m not the only one

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

Peppermintbach — Thu, 20 Jun 2019 22:27:09 GMT

Hi HelpingOneAnother (and a wave to UncertainlyMe, CoraC and Anto),

It’s great to have you on board here. Thanks so much for sharing your insights and experiences. I 100% agree that it helps to feel less alone in our struggles.

I hope to see you all around if you feel like writing. No pressure though, that’s a given 🙂

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

UncertainlyMe99 — Sun, 08 Sep 2019 04:26:43 GMT

Thank you to everyone who posted a reply to my post. Peppermintbach, CoraC, Anto77, HelpingOneAnother- All your comments and replies have given me hope. It feels good to have people who understand you and validate your feelings, regardless of all the people who don't understand it feels good to be heard. So Thank you all.

And thank you for sharing your stories with me (and us). There is always someone, or many people, who are going through similar circumstances, so its a good reminder that we aren't alone (as many of you already said).

I am trying to remind myself of my good qualities and work through the tough and doubtful times.It still happens every now and then, and I feel bad for quite a while and then it eases down.

I am feeling a little better mostly than I was a little while ago. I am trying to give myself a go in this life, in spite of my difficulties... and I do believe that I deserve a chance in this life regardless- and so do you all. We are al enough just as we are. I hope you know that.

I wish you all the best of luck with any trials or challenges you may be facing in your lives. Thank you all again very much. I appreciate you all.

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

Ehhthhan — Fri, 06 Aug 2021 16:09:35 GMT

I feel exactly the same, am I’m a similar situation, hospitality job. Got called a tool at work tonight for a mistake, but that was after a barrage of small mistakes. It’s not just work, it’s around friends, its by myself in my own pursuits. I found your post from searching up why I’m like this and I relate to almost every single word. I just feel incredibly stupid and dull. I used to be so much more capable, and now I just feel slow, a lot of what I do goes to waste, ends up being pointless.
So if that’s how you feel too you’re not alone.
It’s not the things you say to yourself that hurt most, it’s believing what others are saying.

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

Aussie.Girl — Sun, 08 Aug 2021 06:16:16 GMT

I have also experienced what you described at a couple of different workplaces. I know how awful it feels to be trying your best and be told it's not good enough, so I'm sorry to hear you and so many others have felt this way.

Please know that it is not a reflection on you or your intelligence. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when they are under pressure.

Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

Sal559 — Wed, 11 Aug 2021 05:20:06 GMT

I'm sorry you are going through this. I can relate to what you describe and I definitely don't think it's a reflection on your intelligence. I came to this forum as someone also looking for advice on a similar issue.

I think anxiety can really dull your cognitive abilities—I've been experiencing this a lot myself. I'm really forgetful, make more mistakes and am generally just not as sharp as I used to be. I really believe it's anxiety doing this because I used to be a confident A-type and felt super clear-headed then. It's only since I've developed anxiety through some trauma from some big life changes that I've started to doubt myself. And the more I doubt myself, the more anxious I get and the more mistakes I make. It's a downward spiral.

If you are able to remove yourself from the situation, I suggest to do that. Have you considered finding another job? It's what I am hoping to do for myself anyway. If you can remove the triggers, it will give yourself a chance to improve and get out of the cycle.

Re: Cognitive issues due to anxiety? Or just dumb?

cara33 — Thu, 01 Feb 2024 14:55:10 GMT

Thank you for writing this! I have this feeling a lot, too! I had a traumatic workplace experience a couple of years ago and when I moved to my new job (which is less demanding in literally every way) I found myself not able to think through things, confidently answer questions and generally failing more than ever. knowing its a moment to prove my worth and going blank, and just not able to ‘access’ the skills and instincts I previously took for granted. It’s been hard and I am sick of it too! And of course the more blanks the worse it gets and then I think - have I lost brain function? Or maybe Was I just delulu in all my the previous jobs and memories ? So hard.
i think it is a confidence + anxiety + trauma response thing tho. You seem very eloquent so I don’t think you are dumb. Also your colleagues sound immature and shitty.

I really hope you start to feel better soon Bc everyone is literally always making mistakes! i have seen colleagues make truely wild mistakes and act as if it’s nothing and nothing happens.

Last thing, I don’t know if you have tried this but it might help if you try to reframe what happens to you? For example, you could try thinking about all the things that led up to the mistake and find a hack to ensure they don’t trip you up?
Like Having a response to customers who try to hail you on the way to the tilll that buys you time, or something.
I hope that helps. All the best