https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/living-with-health-anxiety-ocd-and-depression-any-advice-or/m-p/491648#M40554 <P>I’ve dealt with severe health anxiety, OCD and depression for the majority of my life. My health anxiety started when I was 9, and since then (I’m 21 now), I’ve been convinced that I’ve had a number of different diseases. These aren’t just small worries that give me anxiety from time-to-time, these are worries that are debilitating and lead to daily panic attacks, vomiting, and neglecting my responsibilities such as work and school.</P> <P>Around age 17, my health anxiety got so bad that I was having daily panic attacks and ended up having a breakdown in one of my high school classes, which led to me leaving high school altogether. I couldn’t manage my anxiety at all, and I didn’t think I could cope.<BR /> <BR /> Around age 13 I began to experience intrusive thoughts regarding homosexuality, although at the time I didn’t have a label for them. These thoughts were uncontrollable and would send a rush of anxiety through my body. As I got older these became more common with immoral things (such as harm), and I’m still trying to find a solution to eliminate them. I would never want to hurt myself or anyone, which is why I hate these thoughts and they cause me so much anxiety.<BR /> <BR /> I constantly seek reassurance and am in a state where I am not enjoying my life. I spend hours every day ruminating over the same thoughts and feeling empty inside. I wake up every morning with a pit in my stomach and my mind racing, I have thoughts and memories throughout the day that cause me a great deal of anxiety and feel like I can’t escape my mind. I am starting to wonder why I put myself through this, everyone tells me to “hang in there” and “be strong”, but what’s the point? I don’t enjoy my life. I wake up in the morning and the one thing I look forward to is going to bed in the evening so I can escape my mind for a few more hours. I have spent thousands of dollars on CBT, I meditate daily, and still can’t get a break from my mind. I see a psychologist every week, who diagnosed me with anxiety, OCD, and depression and to be fair, she is great. I always leave her sessions feeling a lot better, she is patient with me and gives me a lot of material to review between sessions. She emails me during the week, and is probably one of the sole reasons I haven’t given up on life. I haven't taken my life because I don't want to hurt my family or girlfriend who I know love me, but I just want to feel better. If anyone has any advice for me at all I would appreciate it.<BR /> <BR /> Thanks.</P> Mon, 14 Oct 2019 10:51:29 GMT learningtosmileagain 2019-10-14T10:51:29Z https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/living-with-health-anxiety-ocd-and-depression-any-advice-or/m-p/491648#M40554 <P>I’ve dealt with severe health anxiety, OCD and depression for the majority of my life. My health anxiety started when I was 9, and since then (I’m 21 now), I’ve been convinced that I’ve had a number of different diseases. These aren’t just small worries that give me anxiety from time-to-time, these are worries that are debilitating and lead to daily panic attacks, vomiting, and neglecting my responsibilities such as work and school.</P> <P>Around age 17, my health anxiety got so bad that I was having daily panic attacks and ended up having a breakdown in one of my high school classes, which led to me leaving high school altogether. I couldn’t manage my anxiety at all, and I didn’t think I could cope.<BR /> <BR /> Around age 13 I began to experience intrusive thoughts regarding homosexuality, although at the time I didn’t have a label for them. These thoughts were uncontrollable and would send a rush of anxiety through my body. As I got older these became more common with immoral things (such as harm), and I’m still trying to find a solution to eliminate them. I would never want to hurt myself or anyone, which is why I hate these thoughts and they cause me so much anxiety.<BR /> <BR /> I constantly seek reassurance and am in a state where I am not enjoying my life. I spend hours every day ruminating over the same thoughts and feeling empty inside. I wake up every morning with a pit in my stomach and my mind racing, I have thoughts and memories throughout the day that cause me a great deal of anxiety and feel like I can’t escape my mind. I am starting to wonder why I put myself through this, everyone tells me to “hang in there” and “be strong”, but what’s the point? I don’t enjoy my life. I wake up in the morning and the one thing I look forward to is going to bed in the evening so I can escape my mind for a few more hours. I have spent thousands of dollars on CBT, I meditate daily, and still can’t get a break from my mind. I see a psychologist every week, who diagnosed me with anxiety, OCD, and depression and to be fair, she is great. I always leave her sessions feeling a lot better, she is patient with me and gives me a lot of material to review between sessions. She emails me during the week, and is probably one of the sole reasons I haven’t given up on life. I haven't taken my life because I don't want to hurt my family or girlfriend who I know love me, but I just want to feel better. If anyone has any advice for me at all I would appreciate it.<BR /> <BR /> Thanks.</P> Mon, 14 Oct 2019 10:51:29 GMT https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/living-with-health-anxiety-ocd-and-depression-any-advice-or/m-p/491648#M40554 learningtosmileagain 2019-10-14T10:51:29Z https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/living-with-health-anxiety-ocd-and-depression-any-advice-or/m-p/491649#M40555 <P>Hey learningtosmileagain</P> <P>Wow....firstly i just want to say how articulate, intelligent and brave u are. I have no idea how you must be feeling but u are so very brave and so very strong. I feel so pained to read about what u have been through in your life and how hard that must be to manage everyday.</P> <P>It is wonderful that u have joined the forum and come to a place to chat and to seek support and advice and you will get that here.</P> <P>I have never experienced what u have been through and i would not even think that words like "hang in there" would even come close to being valuable to u, however i am so very glad u jave and u continue to get up and show up to life every day. This takes courage and strength and that you have in abundance.</P> <P>I dont have any words of advice for you as i can not know any of what you are experiencing but i wanted to say how proud i am.of you and wanted to welcome you to this community. There will be others who can give u advice and will do so so keep on checking in.</P> <P>If at 21 this is what you have lived with..and i say lived as u could have chosen not to..but u have chosen to live..then i feel like there is a very bright and happy future for u.</P> <P>All the very best to u and u keep on showing up each day.</P> <P>Hugs to you </P> <P>AS</P> Mon, 14 Oct 2019 11:43:43 GMT https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/living-with-health-anxiety-ocd-and-depression-any-advice-or/m-p/491649#M40555 Aaronsis 2019-10-14T11:43:43Z