topic Moved out of home for the first time in Anxiety

Moved out of home for the first time

Moving_mimz — Sun, 08 Mar 2020 05:46:05 GMT

Hi all I moved out of home for the first time 2.5 weeks ago. Leading up to this I was pretty excited however first night I woke up and vomited and everything since then I’ve spiraled. I’m anxious most or all of the time. I’ve lost my appetite. I barely sleep. I’ve lost interest and enjoyment in things u normally like. I’ve had anxiety here and there but never this bad. I’m also really struggling with the appetite thing.

Moved out of home for the first time

Croix — Wed, 11 Mar 2020 09:09:27 GMT

Dear Moving mimz~

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you decided to post here as you are going though a hard time - one I suspect is going to only be temporary.

When you think about it your past life has been, as far as I know, inside a secure environment and built on secure foundations. For many years the presence of your family has been a constant, one you could rely upon. The house, all the rooms, furniture, and everything else remained the same, and could simply be part of the background.

Even the location of the family home was something you could take for granted.

None of it really required constant thought and constant adapting

Now these things have all changed, though that of course does not mean they are bad, just that taken all together at once it is probably too much of an overload to cope with. Readjusting to everything at once is a very big ask and has been triggering your anxiety, leading to vomiting, lack of appetite, poor sleep and constant anxious feelings.

So what can you do?

Well part might be to have a fair bit of contact with your family, phone or have them over or visit yourself, just so they remain a constant in your life, if a little less frequent.

The same applies to friends ,maybe have one over for a night.

Try not to be too active all the time, give yourself quiet times when there are no demands on you, just rest and maybe contemplation, not letting the new environment make demands you need to meet. I tend to read books to do this - can you say what you might do?

You said you had been looking forward to the move - do you remember what your reasons were? They will not have changed. For example if you wanted independence, or to live near somewhere, these things are coming about and may well be worth the bad time you are having now.

I would suggest it would do no harm to visit your GP and explain how you are feeling. Probably nothing will happen to start with, after all it has only been a short time, however if you continue to feel this way then medical support might be considered.

May I ask if you have a job, or study, or have some other interest?

I do hope to hear from you again

Croix

Moved out of home for the first time

Mims2176 — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 03:44:00 GMT

Hi Croix,

I am a teacher and have not been enjoying that either now which adds to the anxiety. My mum and in laws have noticed I’ve changed, lost weight and am not interested in much and have been speaking and saying things like ‘it’s not good for your marriage’ ‘your husband will get sick of you’ ‘why are you sinking into this depressive anxious trap’. I saw a gp he explained it as a separation anxiety. But now all I want to do is avoid my family and my husbands family so they don’t notice I’ve changed. I saw a therapist for the first time last Monday and am going again next Monday. Everyone seems to think I’ll be fine. But my anxiety is fueled by my loss of purpose in life, my lack of enjoyment in things and if I’m going to stay like this forever and my life just spiraling out of control. As I said I’ve had the occasional anxious moments. I feel like this is so subconscious and I’m not aware of these fears and they’ve just come out of no where. If that makes sense.

I was excited to move in to prep healthy meals, do cooking, and do the washing the way I want to do it not my mums way. But now this seems all so overwhelming.

ive also always had stomach issues but now I think they were very anxiety related and didn’t know.

my work is so supportive as well so I keep pushing through. Even if I feel like vomiting in front of the classroom or I’ve lost control of the class or I’m counting down the minutes. I stay in the class.

ive also purchased a cat that arrives on Saturday.

I keep praying this is temporary and I’ll feel like my old self again. But everyone keeps saying I can’t wait for my old self or for the motivation to come back. I need to go find it. But I don’t even know where to start.

my psychologist said I need to believe I will get better but it’s a constant battle with my logical brain and emotional anxious brain.

thank you for the reply!!!!

Moved out of home for the first time

Mims2176 — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 03:55:01 GMT

Also because of my lack of enjoyment. I’m getting agitated and impatient and I can’t stay in the one place for too long I just want to leave all the time. It’s really impacted every place in my life 😞

my best friend also came over helped me cook dinner. I’ve had family over a few times.

I also have had very broken sleep and when my family was over and it reached 10 pm I became very agitated and frustrated. And wanted everyone to leave so I can go sleep.

I then wake up in the mornings and feel nauseous and anxious about the day and then I get through the day and get anxious about going home but I was excited to go home at the beginning of the day.

so confused 😫

Moved out of home for the first time

Croix — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 11:35:24 GMT

Dear Mims2176~

I have to say I'm the one that is confused 😮, have you changed your name from Moving mimz?

Do you mind if I keep going as if you have?

OK, you have an anxiety condition, and that makes things hard, and I believe with the change it has magnified things others might feel, but to a much greater extent, with a negative flow-on to the rest of your life and beliefs.

Now I have to say that for anyone in that condition you need to be in a positive environment where you are encouraged, your strengths are acknowledged and your ability to get better is seen as certain, as of course it is.

Unfortunately for you the opposite is happening, you are being firstly threatened with all sorts of dire warnings you will lose your husband, you are sinking and so on. Secondly, and probable even more importantly people are assuming you are doing this on purpose and can 'snap out of it' at will, or words to that effect.

This is ignorant inconsiderate rubbish. Unfortunately it takes it's toll on you. It's part of human nature when you are told you are denigrated you mistakenly tend to believe it, and take on undeserved the responsibility for it, simply not the case at all.

Sadly some peple do not recognize illness when they see it, if you had a broken leg I'm sure it would be different. May I ask how your husband feels?

So I'm not in the least surprised you want to avoid these people, I certainly would too. I have been lucky to have a partner who was encouraging, made light of problems and convinced me things would be better - it made a huge difference!

You have a lot of strengths, if you have anxiety related stomach problems, as I do, then it curtails your life and adds extra stress, but you get by. Your stoic conduct in the classroom is no small thing, it is a tribute to you. Your initial desire to run your own household is a sign of independence and self-confidence as well.

How did you get on with that friend that came to help with dinner? If you found it fun or encouraging then that is the sort of person to have around.

Your anxiety is muddling things, as it did for me so many times, and clear thinking is not always there. It gets better, the professionals in your life will be telling you that, and I really think you can believe them. Please avoid all those doomsayers, they cause real harm and keep setting you back.

I have Sumo Cat at my elbow "supervising" (with both eyes closed as if asleep:) as I type this. Getting a pet is a great idea.

Croix

Moved out of home for the first time

Moving_mimz — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 22:00:54 GMT

My husband is very supportive and says to take all the time that I need but it’s the parents that I’m trying to avoid now or trying to put a mask on to avoid any questions or judgement.

everything is scaring me at the moment. Like will I ever get better. Will I ever enjoy work again will I ever enjoy anything. What if this takes a year.

my boss is so supportive I can’t let her down if I’m miserable at work. I can’t leave my job it’s a good job.

is it normal to just flip and not enjoy anything anymore.

what are some things that help you get through? And got your enjoyment in things back??

Moved out of home for the first time

Moving_mimz — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 23:17:52 GMT

The lack of enjoyment in things especially my job has added to my anxiety. I also barely sleep.
the feeling in my stomach the knot is excruciating.

Things I used to fear doesn’t fear me anymore. Even this whole coronavirus. I want it to get out of hand so I can stay home for 2 weeks or not come to work and just hide out.

taking time off is not an option and I’m counting down the weeks to the school holidays.

every single task in life atm seems so overwhelming and I simply don’t even care about them.

it’s also exhausting constantly having to put a mask on.

also sorry Yee my old username stopped letting me log in so I made a new one.

what do you do when you lose your appetite?
does it come back? How does the anxiety and this episode go. What are some of the signs that you know you’re getting better?

Moved out of home for the first time

Sophie_M — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 23:36:24 GMT

Hi Moving mimz,

Thank you for contributing to the Beyond Blue forums community. It sounds like you're going through a tough time but it's great you're reaching out and finding support from other community members. This is what the forums are all about.

As explained to you offline, we only allow users to have one account as per the community rules, which explain:

One account per person. Running multiple identities on our forums is not permitted. If you are unable to access your account, please get in touch with us rather than creating a new one.

For the sake of transparency we'd like to let other forum users know we have disabled your second account Mims2176. For the sake of your uninterrupted support here though we have kept the comments you made under the second username so that the flow of conversation isn't interrupted.

Moved out of home for the first time

Moving_mimz — Fri, 13 Mar 2020 00:14:30 GMT

Ohh I see moving mimz is working again thanks!!

Moved out of home for the first time

Croix — Fri, 13 Mar 2020 09:23:38 GMT

Dear Moving mimz~

That's better - I'm (less) confused🙄

I've felt at times in the past I wished I had an illness that stopped me having to keep on going, it happens.

All the things you talk about, stomach, sleep, appetite, enjoyment, putting on that mask, they all had for me the same cause, the anxiety and depression. So as treatment and time went on the symptoms got less, and things started to become more possible, more enjoyable. I gained more confidence and was not as bound by my infirmities.

It started for me, apart from therapy, meds and my spouse's support, with reading. Being in a different world, and as time went on my concentration improved and I read more.

Just about everyone has a route to feeling better, I'd suggest having a look at

Forums / Anxiety / SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

which is realy long but full of useful nuggets of information. I've got a lot from it. One thing of course is as healthy a lifestyle as you can manage, without toxic people around. And with the comfort of a supportive husband and boss, you may be able to venture into healthy eating (after all cooking was an interest I believe) and exercise - perhaps in company.

There is more but I do not want to overload you. I was a complete long-term mess, now I'm not and am glad to be alive, with love, interest and accomplishment, giving as well as receiving support.

Croix

Moved out of home for the first time

Moving_mimz — Fri, 13 Mar 2020 20:49:35 GMT

Thank you Croix

yesterday I had abit of a spin out about this coronavirus up until a couple of days ago I didn’t care about it at all! But watching the news I saw all these closures and then I started to panic about the anxious episode I’m having atm and it’s based on irrational fears. I don’t know if I became in touch with more realistic fears again. Now I’m more scared about that and my health atm because I haven’t been eating properly my immune system is down I also haven’t been sleeping properly

I do believe I’m going through separation anxiety from my parents place subconsciously. Do you think this is situational?

ive always had anxiety but never this bad. I am seeing a therapist and my husband is supportive. My family is supportive but in very different ways and think it’s stress and I shouldn’t stress. Well both families including my in laws so that’s where I have to put the mask on.

im at the point where my anxious feeling in my stomach just annoys me but doesn’t scare me. All I really want back is my appetite. 😞

Moved out of home for the first time

Moving_mimz — Fri, 13 Mar 2020 22:31:13 GMT

I just don’t understand how I could go from being so happy to do anxious over moving out.

i laugh and smile sometimes but I still feel out of this world. I constantly measure my progress based on my appetite which I don’t have and then I panic and say oh I’m not getting better.

It’s been almost one month. And my job is so demanding. I can’t afford to be like this for a while.

I wanted to start a family, I was trying to have a kid. I had so many dreams and I feel as though they’ve been robbed and make me anxious.

Im anxious to have people over. But I keep pushing myself against self isolation.

my brain keeps putting these negative thoughts in my head of how I’m going to spiral out of control. And I keep trying to think thoughts are not facts and what evidence is there that this will happen.

im counting down the weeks to the term finished so I can have holidays. but then they make me anxious as well.

Moved out of home for the first time

Croix — Sat, 14 Mar 2020 07:38:09 GMT

Dear Moving mimz~

I probably should have said this before, when anxiety runs unchecked it is sometimes impossible to think or act your way out of it alone. I could not

All the logical thoughts in the world do not help.

For me the support, love and stability of my partner, the use of competent medical help with therapy and meds, plus the removal of the stressor that was causing all this - my occupation - ended up with me out of sight better.

You have your partner, you have medical support, which you are free to influence as needed, and your main stressor of the moment, your move, is gradually lessening as your new life becomes the norm.

I don't think your dreams have been taken away, just masked for a while so they just seem unattainable.

Please remember to judge negative or unhelpful attitudes of others as reflections of their limitations.

I do hope to hear from you again

Croix

Moved out of home for the first time

Moving_mimz — Sat, 14 Mar 2020 08:59:32 GMT

Hi croix,

your constant replies and reassurance have honestly kept me going!!

I find that a the moment my main source of anxiety is having to do everything every day for the rest of my life (housework).

Also, I got my cat and I reacted in the most horrible way! I started panicking about having to take care of her forever and her fur and her ruining the couches. All of which id never care about.

I actually took a screenshot of your reply to read it when I’m down. Because I need that reassurance.

my gp didn’t give me any meds and doesn’t believe I need them. As he believes it’s just because of the move. But I’m really struggling to get out of this.

I used to love my job. But it’s not become a huge stress in my life.

I’m also so anxious about the coronavirus now and what it means if we go in to lockdown. Mind has gone into 5 million places.

My best friend has been a huge support during this and she says the moment I accept how I feel and that thoughts are not facts is the moment to start feeling better. As that is what made her better. But it’s easier said than done. What do you think about this? The whole acceptance thing? Did u adopt this strategy?

Moved out of home for the first time

Croix — Sat, 14 Mar 2020 09:48:30 GMT

Dear Moving mimz~

You asked"she says the moment I accept how I feel and that thoughts are not facts
is the moment to start feeling better. As that is what made her better.
But it’s easier said than done. What do you think about this?"

For me it was the perspective offered by my partner showing me my thoughts were incorrect and always looked at the worst possible scenario.

However I think it is a chicken and egg situation, you have to be ready to accept another scenario, or in your friend's case that the thoughts are not facts. I suspect we are all talking the same thing.

Catastrophization (pardon the pun) is hard to defeat to start with, however you get there. So in a way yes, I adopted that strategy.

You are in charge of your medical support. If you are unhappy with your GP (who is probably not a MH specialist) then I would ask for a second opinion. This is a standard thing and NOT an insult to any properly professional doctor, most of whom welcome it. See if your friend - or another - knows of a more realistic GP.

As for doing things for the rest of your life, well washing up is always with us -alas. However I'd not be surprised to see you back enjoying your professional capacity.

May I suggest a scratching pole, a treat on a string and a hair brush. Your cat will bond with you easier if fed and given attention and play by your hand, and will repay that in spades.

Sumo (who is normally 'busy' at my elbow) was not always called that, to see my account go here

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/permalink/qltLoXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

(With links in posts they are often not live and have to be pasted in your browser)

(Incidentally 'busy' is cat for snoozing)

Croix

Moved out of home for the first time

Moving_mimz — Sat, 14 Mar 2020 11:31:57 GMT

Is it normal for me to love cats so much and as soon as I get one to flip? Is that part of the anxiety? I think I’ve taken a lot of change too quickly!!

im just worried about this numbness I feel 😔😔

Moved out of home for the first time

Moving_mimz — Sat, 14 Mar 2020 12:45:45 GMT

I’m so upset I don’t even want her anymore 😔😔 these emotions are playing tricks on me

Moved out of home for the first time

Croix — Sun, 15 Mar 2020 10:16:08 GMT

Dear Moving mimz~

I found that when my anxiety and also depression was running away with me my normal likes and reactions were hidden from me under the pile of worries I was (unsuccessfully) trying to cope with.

Your love of cats will return, as will may other things you don't even suspect.

The numbness goes too, I don't know why it happens but it does and you are removed from yourself and life in some ways, as I was.

It gets better, I would expect you and cat will eventually become buddies. (Sumo is miffed and has moved chairs, my typing was too loud and disturbed his being 'busy')

Croix

Moved out of home for the first time

Moving_mimz — Sun, 15 Mar 2020 21:14:10 GMT

I really hope this cloud lifts and I enjoy everything again. I can identify that my brain is playing tricks on me. And every time I feel responsibility or anything different it makes me panic and tries to protect me.

Another issue and I don’t know if this is normal is that with the coronavirus now I’m panicked but about the most bizarre reasons. I want to get over my anxiety and now I’m annoyed because how can I deal with my anxiety and deal with the coronavirus

and if we go into lockdown I’ll be alone in this house. And I want to run back to my parents.

Moved out of home for the first time

Croix — Mon, 16 Mar 2020 13:14:19 GMT

Dear Moving mimz~

If the cloud could lift for me, it can for you. With an overload already anything new, any further responsibility will simply add to the pile. Coping mechanisms are the answer, though hard to find to start with .

Knowing your mind is playing anxiety inspired tricks is a good sign, and getting angry can help too.

Can you think of anything you might use to take your mind away from present problems for a little while? As I've probably mentioned books help me, I read of an evening, it is something to look forward to.

Croix