topic Cherophobia The fear of being happy in Anxiety

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Matchy69 — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 03:28:30 GMT

Hi I think have this Cherophobia and wonder if anyone else has this.

I am scared when I am happy that something bad will happen as this is the usual case with me all out through my life.I seem to want to be unhappy and just waiting for something bad to happen.How do i overcome this fear or do I just live with it as this is the safe option.I am scared of heights so i stay away from hsights so do i just stay away from happiness?

Your thoughts are welcome.

Take care,

Mark.

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Guest_4643 — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 04:59:27 GMT

Hey Mark.

I'm sorry that you feel that way. I think it's common with depression, anxiety, etc. because mental illnesses give you a false perception of yourself and the world, so your whole mindset is changed and most things feel negative, so like you said you think to yourself that something bad will go wrong.

I think you're a great person inside and out and a great, loving Dad. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you with your own things to deal with plus your kids but I think you're doing a wonderful job, keep up the good work.

You do deserve happiness, and I can understand the negative anxious thoughts, I'm the same. You're not alone, sometimes it can help and reassure people to hear that, and I hope it helps you.

Good things will come along for you, life is full of ups and downs as people say. Even if it takes a while, happiness and great things will come your way, good things come to those who wait like I mentioned.

I know how hard it is but you can do it, you can be happy, I believe in you. I'm sure you make your kids so happy, and all that you do for them and all of the support you've received on the forums, that's happiness right there for you. And it makes me happy just knowing how much you love your children and how much you do for them.

I hope you feel better and more positive Mark, I know how hard it is because I feel the same way you do, lots of people do and I'm sure they'll share their stories with you in time. Just know that you're not the only one feeling this way and it's okay, it's okay not to be okay and to always feel happy. It's nothing to be ashamed of and you're doing your best, that's all that matters and that's all that you can do.

I hope this helped you and made you feel better, even a little bit. I'm always here for you as you know and I hope others can offer their suggestions and thoughts here for you too.

Lots of love and hugs as always. Forever your friend, take care.

Tayla xx

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Matchy69 — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 05:41:50 GMT

Thanks Tayla for your kind words and thoughts.It is so lovely you say those words.I think it does go with depression especially mine.I think a lot of people may have it and hard when you are scared of something you try to avoid it.It is hard when the times i have been happy something bad came along and ruined it.I try to be positive when i am with the kids,i try and give them the best life i can and i want them to live a happy life.I hope they can despite their special needs.My daughter worries me with her depression,anxiety,selective mutism.Will she live a happy life or will she end up like me fearing everything in her life even happiness.If i was happier would my kids be happier?Thanks Tayla for your input and your kind words mean a lot to me.

Take care,

Your friend,

Mark.

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Katyonthehamsterwheel — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 09:49:18 GMT

Hey Mark

I think Tayla is right, in that it is a common experience for people with mental illness. So I'm not sure it's that you or I or anyone "wants" to be unhappy, we're just wired towards a negative outlook. I think that's why I'm drawn to the threads on here that ask us to think about 3 things we're thankful for, or 30 seconds of happiness, or the positive quote thread, as that requires us to change our natural focus.

I also think it's pretty normal to worry about our kids. Your experience is made more difficult than others, given your children's special needs, but it's still natural to worry about them getting on ok in the world. And the fact that you worry about it, makes you a great dad. Good on you x

Katy

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Guest_4643 — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 11:20:57 GMT

You're very welcome Mark, i mean those kind words. I'm glad that it means a lot to you and it made you feel better and reassured, that makes me happy to hear.

I think it's so sweet of you how much you love your kids, and I'm sure they are happy just having you as their dad and doing so much for them, and understanding their special needs, which I'm sorry that you and them have to deal with. But that doesn't make you to or your children any less different. You and your children deserve happiness and you'll get it, all of you, even if it doesn't feel like it.

I can't imagine how hard it must be for you and your children but you're doing a wonderful job and so are they by the sounds of it. You're an amazing Dad. Take care Mark.

Katy - I agree with you, thanks for agreeing with me too and for reassuring Mark. I hope it makes him feel better too. Take care Katy.

Love and hugs to you both, forever your friend,

Tayla x

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Matchy69 — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 13:21:33 GMT

Hi Katy and Tayla thankyou both for your kind words.I have struggled all of my life to be happy and when i am something bad happens.The day i got my drivers licence my dad passed away.I didnt get to enjoy that happiness and didnt get to enjoy it with my dad who taught me to drive.Why does a bad thing seem to allways wipe out something positive.You get to a point where you fear to be happy.Its how do you overcome that fear.Can this fear make me a stronger person or will it just keep me down.If i went to school today i would be a special needs child but when i went to school special needs children didnt exist and i just became an easy target for the bullys as i was different not as smart and slower then the other kids.I have two kids of my own with special needs and at least they are regonised today and get help unlike me.

Thank you again for input and kind words.

Take care,

Your friend,

Mark.

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 04 Mar 2020 22:39:54 GMT

Hi Mark / Matchy69,

Thank you for your post. I can see that you've already gotten some really lovely and supportive replies.

There was just one thing I wanted to add that was a bit different to the others but I thought it might help too. There is this concept that I learned about called 'foreboding joy'. The idea is that even though we love being happy (of course!), there's a discomfort with it because it's a bit of a vulnerable feeling.

When you think about being afraid something will happen, what do you think might happen? and how likely is that?

If I were to use what you said about heights and relate that to happiness, I think it comes down to what you feel comfortable with. When you avoid heights, you are safe and comfortable - but it also means that you miss out on certain experiences like flying or staying in high-rise rooms or taking in beautiful views.

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Guest_4643 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 00:08:18 GMT

Hey Mark, I hope you're feeling alright.

I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad, my condolonces to you. I know how hard it is to lose a loved one, with my Grandparents (Mum's parents), just remember there's no time limit on grieving, that helps me sometimes, and to think of all the great times you had with them, although it's sad that you can't have those again or create new ones. Sometimes it helps to remincise about it and look at stuff that reminds you of your loved ones.

I'm sorry that your kids have special needs, and that you feel that way about yourself too with your special needs. But I'm glad that your kids are being treated the right way, that's good to hear.

As I mentioned, you do deserve happiness, everyone does, your kids too. I understand how hard it is because I also feel like I don't deserve happiness aswell and things just go wrong for me too, so I get it.

Always here for you, take care and I hope you feel better and reassured from the replies.

Love and hugs as always, forever your friend,

Tayla

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Matchy69 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 03:20:00 GMT

Hi rt thanks for the advice i know what you are saying.My psychologist that i use to see said something on similar lines.I remember her saying what is the worst will happen if you do something and i said i dont know.Then why worry about it.It is a matter of getting out your comfort zone and taking a risk but fears can be very strong.

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Matchy69 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 03:32:51 GMT

Hi Tayla thankyou for your nice words it means a lot to me.You really are a sweet person.It allways means a lot having supportive people on here.It would be nice to be happy,I think it is a matter of taking baby steps with everything.

Take care,

Your friend,

Mark.

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Guest_4643 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 04:59:25 GMT

You're more than welcome Mark, I'm really glad it means so much to you.

Thank you for your kind words to me too, they mean a lot to me. You're a sweet person yourself, and yes I agree, it is nice having supportive people.

Your Psychologist has a good point though. But I understand why you feel that way, I do too.

My Psychiatrist says about the baby steps too so I agree with that too.

Take care also,

Tayla

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Matchy69 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 07:32:17 GMT

Hi Tayla the psychologist and psychiatrist seem to give at similar advice.They do know what they are talking about.It is a matter of trying to apply what their advice.That is the heart part.The worry is if i am happy and then something bad happens how much will that set me back.

Your thoughts and kind words are always welcome.

Take care,

Your friend,

Mark.

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Guest_4643 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 08:12:13 GMT

Hey again Mark.

Yes they do, Psychiatrists especially because they're Doctors and have more training, but Psychologists are smart too. I agree with you it is hard to try the advice and the fear of feeling happy, I feel the same way as I've mentioned.

Baby steps I suppose, as they say. Small things count.

Tayla

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Matchy69 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 08:28:16 GMT

Hi Tayla I hope that supporting each other we can do baby steps.Get through these barriers that are in my head.Thanks for your support Tayla.

Take care,

Your friend,

Mark.

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Guest_4643 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 08:36:50 GMT

Of course we can Mark, I believe in you. And of course I'd support you, I've been doing my best to be there for you and everyone on the forums and I hope I've helped and supported you and everybody else.

Thank you for supporting me too. Remember, baby steps, small things count even if it's getting out of bed and having a shower, it doesn't sound like much but it can take a lot of effort as you may know, because it's comfortable and a hiding spot if you will, and it's common with those with mental illnesses. So that counts as a baby step and an achievement. You're a great Dad and that in itself is a huge achievement every day for you!

Tayla

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Matchy69 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 10:09:49 GMT

Hi Tayla thank you for your words of support and encouragement it means a lot to me.It is a matter of being taken out of our comfort zone.Pushing ourselves to achieve things we think are impossible but starting off with small things taking baby steps.

Take care,

Your friend,

Mark.

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Guest_4643 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 10:11:23 GMT

I agree with you Mark, I believe in you. Best of luck, you can do it. Small/baby steps.

Any ideas?

Tayla

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Matchy69 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 22:35:53 GMT

Hi Tayla i wish i did have some ideas,I think i am to scared to think of any.I always struggle to come up with ideas.

Take care,

Your friend,

Mark.

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Guest_4643 — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 23:45:54 GMT

Hey Mark, all good.

Hmm, how about making a list of things you have to do and when you do one of them give yourself a treat or something? So alone time, whatever you like?

Cherophobia The fear of being happy

Matchy69 — Fri, 06 Mar 2020 00:41:13 GMT

Hi Tayla thanks for the suggestion they sound like a good idea.Now work out what to do as a treat.