topic Worrying myself Sick in Anxiety

Worrying myself Sick

Gingy_75 — Sat, 06 Jul 2019 12:31:04 GMT

Hi all,

I’m new to these forums, so any advice will be most welcomed. I have suffered on & off for most of my life with GAD, HA & OCD which has been hell for my overall physical and mental health. Over the years I have had many health concerns which have turned out to be nothing... But at the moment I have some grave concerns about MND/MS. My mental health had subsided for quite sometime, until there was an unexpected death in the family late last year... since then my anxiety has reignited. Various physical symptoms arose triggering negative thoughts about my health & fear of death. I am so obsessed with my physical symptoms at the moment i.e pain/weakness in limbs, twitching, focusing on how I walk, testing strength & balance...I am also obsessed with Dr Google which only exacerbates my symptoms. I am so afraid of going to the docs as I fear they will only confirm my fears, but at the same time I also want the reassurance of finding out that there is nothing wrong. I cry most days about it as I have a husband and son whom I don’t want to be a burden on if I have this disease and fear how they will cope without me. At the moment I am consumed by this and can’t focus on anything else... I think my OCD won’t allow me to! I know the answers are obvious, but I think I’ve gotten to the point where depression is setting in & I just can’t see a way out!

Ranga#75

Worrying myself Sick

Peppermintbach — Sun, 07 Jul 2019 22:29:25 GMT

Hello,

I hope it’s okay for me to extend a caring welcome to you 🙂

I’m so sorry it has taken a while for you to receive a response. Sometimes it accidentally happens, but please don’t think it has anything to do with you (it really doesn’t). Again, I apologise about that.

It sounds like you have a lot of worries and fears on your mind. I imagine it must take a huge toll as I feel it would be very draining to constantly think about and look up symptoms online.

I’m deeply sorry about your loss last year. I think if that loss coincided with a return of your anxiety, it might be something worth exploring.

I’m not a doctor, so I can’t obviously diagnose you or draw connections/conclusions definitively. But purely speaking as a peer, I understand that grief from a loss can come out in unexpected ways. I think, for some people, it can even play out in anxious feelings. I’m not saying this is necessarily you though, but maybe something to think about (only if you want)?

It’s just that I feel losing a loved one can make some people feel unsafe (so to speak) because life starts to feel more unpredictable, almost as though anything/anyone could be taken from them at any moment. So for some people, it can manifest as (or trigger) very anxious thoughts. I’m not sure if that resonates with you though, but I still wanted to share my thoughts...

You sound very insightful, and I noticed you said that you know what you need to do to help yourself, but that you’re struggling to do it. Is it okay if I please ask what is it that you think will help?

It’s just that I wonder if we talked it through, maybe we could brainstorm ways to overcome those roadblocks that are stopping you from seeking help that you need. Just a little idea...you don’t have to do this unless you feel it might help you.

I’m thinking of you...

Kind and caring thoughts to you,

Pepper

Worrying myself Sick

geoff — Sun, 07 Jul 2019 22:40:17 GMT

Hello Ranga, and welcome to the forums.

I understand what you are saying, as I too have OCD, and know how easy it is for people with this illness to be consumed by what you have said but you need to talk with a doctor because sometimes the research we try to find out by ourselves only leads us into believing what's not true.

I want to say more to you but I'll send this off first of all.

Geoff.

Worrying myself Sick

Gingy_75 — Sun, 07 Jul 2019 23:15:59 GMT

Hi Pepper,

Thanks so much for responding. Not sure that I was attached enough to the person who died for it to affect me emotionally, sure it was sad & I cried, but I think it was more the fact that he was young (37) with a young family that he’d left behind that affected me mentally. I think that is where my biggest fear lies, falling ill with a terminal illness a leaving my family behind is what scares me the most. I don’t want to put them through the burden of having to watch me slowly die... I know I have no control over some things, I think it’s the uncertainty that I fear.

I am seeing a therapist, but I only get to see him once a month, it’s not enough & where I’m living I cannot find a doctor that I feel comfortable enough with to talk through my issues with. I had a great doctor several years ago, but she has moved to a practice far from me and not so easy to get an appointment. Hard to deal with this pain and fear of not knowing, just want to talk to someone I can trust in & understands me. My family is reassuring me that I am ok and doing there best to comfort me, but mind overrules everything! Anxiety can be magnificently destructive, but when combined with pain it becomes paralyzing. If I can find a reason for the pain then maybe my mind might won’t worry so much!

Worrying myself Sick

Gingy_75 — Sun, 07 Jul 2019 23:21:21 GMT

Hi Geoff

please say more, the more reassurance I get the better I feel... knowing I am not alone in my crazy though process is comforting. Horrible that we have to feel this way but good to know that we can help each other get through it.

Worrying myself Sick

geoff — Mon, 08 Jul 2019 18:29:05 GMT

Hi Ranga, OCD is caused by anxiety and thinking like this is something that might not happen, that's how this illness functions.

I'm terribly sorry about the passing of a family member and my sincere condolences.

Can I ask you how you were able to subside all of this before, that's important.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Worrying myself Sick

Gingy_75 — Mon, 08 Jul 2019 22:56:21 GMT

Hi Geoff

Can't really pinpoint a time where it has actually gone away completely, it has always been there. Meds have helped but always stopped when I was feeling better. Am taking a natural supplement at the moment, Neuromood but I dont think it’s quite strong enough to combat my mental state, even my therapist had a giggle when I told him I was taking them! So to answer your question I guess I have just gradually stopped thinking about the physical symptoms and continued to carry on...But for some reason this time the feelings seem more real & I can’t get in control of them like I used to, finding it harder to calm myself down.

Worrying myself Sick

Kelly_Anne — Tue, 09 Jul 2019 09:04:54 GMT

Hello, I know how you are feeling. I’m constantly worrying of the worst case scenarios! What helps is distracting myself heaps and keep talking to yourself letting yourself know it is out of your control and let things just go. It’s so tough I know! You are not alone with overthinking and constant worry.

Worrying myself Sick

Gingy_75 — Tue, 09 Jul 2019 13:50:26 GMT

Hi Kelly Anne

I am interested to know what some of your worst case scenarios & fears are? At the moment I am in constant physical pain, I manage to get through each day but not without fear or worry that something is horribly wrong with me, it’s starting to affect my day to day life! I find it very hard to switch off from it all! Have appointment with doc on weekend, so hopefully she can ease some of my fears or possibly make them worse, the first scenario seems the most obvious, but my mind just goes straight to the worst! Hate this feeling of impending doom!

Worrying myself Sick

geoff — Tue, 09 Jul 2019 17:12:54 GMT

Hello Ranga or do you prefer Gingy, I don't think we can pinpoint a time where it has actually gone away completely because it is always there, sometimes we know that it's much stronger than it is at another time, depending on the circumstances and sometimes we can improvise in a situation that we're not accustomed to.

Can I suggest you write this down on a piece of paper, and I say this rather than print out what you told us because there maybe other issues that you haven't told us but need to talk with your doctor about.

Have you asked your doctor about the 'mental health plan', this will entitle you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year to see a psychologist.

As Kelly Anne said 'it's out of your control and just let things go' or designate a certain time and you can call this your worry time.

Please let us know how you get on.

Geoff.

Worrying myself Sick

Gingy_75 — Tue, 09 Jul 2019 22:01:16 GMT

Thanks Geoff,

I am already on a mental health plan & have recently had my first session, it’s going to be a long road & once a month is a long time between sessions, feel like I need to see him more often as that “in between time” has become my worry time, I am trying but the only time I have felt reassured is that hour that I am talking with him. He has given me tasks to do but I just can’t seem to focus on them, only on my physical pain.

Worrying myself Sick

Birdy77 — Tue, 09 Jul 2019 23:16:10 GMT

Dear Ranga,

I just wanted to let you know how much I relate to your post.

I am quite skilled at getting to the worst case scenario in the shortest possible time.

Any physical thing, a rash, a bump on my skin, a headache, a pain in my eye - I pretty much assume the worst.

About a year ago I woke up one morning with these weird tingles in my shoulder, then a bit of a rash appeared a few hours later, but any worries there went out the window when I started to have these sharp pains in my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack, and then panicked because I knew my Will wasn't up to date. So instead of trotting up to the hospital, I sit there clutching my chest while I draft an email to my solicitor sending him instructions! I did go to the dr after I'd sent my email and it turned out I had shingles 🙄

I tell you this just so that you know you are not alone, and also to say that there could be an explanation for the physical pain you are experiencing that might not be as serious as your fears are leading you to believe.

I'm really glad you're seeing the doc this weekend, you will find out if there is something to worry about or not. If there is something, you can take steps to deal with it. It's better to know, particularly when if you don't know, you really go to town in your imagination.

I am wondering if in between your sessions, maybe you could try some different exercises to cultivate compassion for your anxiety and for yourself? Things like, listening with unconditional love to the voice of your worry, thanking it and telling it you are getting things checked out so we can deal with what's going on.

There is a psychologist who specialises in self-compassion called Kristin Neff, she suggests a physical gesture such as holding your hands up to your heart (chest) and in your situation maybe saying to yourself something like "I know this is really frightening right now, I know there are lots of things we're worried about - it's ok I'm here with you, we will get through this together". It might sound like a weird thing to do, but it is an action full of compassion and is very powerful. You can find different exercises and meditations etc on the website self-compassion.org

If you are interested in meditation, I also have found Yoga Nidra a really helpful tool during times of distress - there are lots to choose from on different listening platforms. It has been proven to reduce stress, so it might be worth trying?

One more thing i wanted to suggest, i know it sounds super obvious, but on those occasions where you take your mind to the future and what could go wrong, simply bring yourself back to This Moment. Now. Feel your breath going in and out. Feel your feet planted strongly on the ground. Listen to the sounds around you. You can't do anything in the future - you can only do anything in this present moment. I love this reminder from Ram Dass:

Ask yourself: "Where am I?"
Answer: "Here".
Ask yourself: "What time is it?"
Answer: "Now".
Say it till you can hear it.

I hope you are able to show yourself and your worry lots of compassion today Ranga.

You are not alone.

🌻birdy

Worrying myself Sick

geoff — Tue, 09 Jul 2019 23:34:56 GMT

Hi Ranga, I know it's hard to wait between sessions and once a month seems to be a long time so are you available to have counselling in these 'in between times'?

We want to help you as much as we can because having these illnesses I understand what you are going through.

Geoff.

Worrying myself Sick

Gingy_75 — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 00:30:57 GMT

Wow!

Thanks Birdy, that was really insightful it has slightly eased my mind a little. Have 3 more sleepless nights before I see the doc, so in the meantime I will try some of these techniques, I will let you know how I go and if it makes me feel any better. I’m hoping it does!

Thanks Again

Worrying myself Sick

Gingy_75 — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 00:32:54 GMT

Hi Geoff

yes I am available in between these times, but the mental health service where I live is already stretched, once a month is all I can get 😔

Worrying myself Sick

Peppermintbach — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 08:16:39 GMT

Hi Gingy (& a wave to all),

Thanks so much for writing back, and for being so understanding & patient with responses. It’s great to hear from you again 🙂

I understand what you were saying to me some posts back, and thank you for clarifying some things for me. I appreciate your openness & it helps me understand you a little more.

I’m so glad some of the other very compassionate & lovely forum members have shared their own insight, personal experiences & tips/suggestions. It sounds like they have been very helpful, & that it is reassuring for you to know that you’re around people who understand.

Kindness & care,

Pepper

Worrying myself Sick

geoff — Wed, 10 Jul 2019 15:35:42 GMT

Hi Ranga,

Every time we think about something it may produce a positive or negative thought for a possible conclusion but remember that beliefs are nothing more than repeated thoughts, so instead of presuming it to be negative, think of it as being positive, easier said than done, but it's certainly possible.

As soon as something comes into your mind, the net is where we look, instead, turn these words into being neutral, such as a pain in the stomach which may only be what you had for lunch and nothing else.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Worrying myself Sick

Gingy_75 — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 00:46:37 GMT

Thanks for all your advice Geoff it is really helpful... the link you sent however is no good, says page does not exist?