topic Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends. in Anxiety

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Mon, 04 Apr 2022 20:19:49 GMT

Hi and best wishes. I am starting to feel myself slide again . I have long been involved in my local football club and having been single for so long so it has been like my family and my support network. I have a partner now and she isnt that interested i dont know how to go about things as far as continuing my involvement. I dont want to lose her over it but i need my friends and my social network. I have had a huge battle with depression and anxiety for my most of my life. I have leant on people for support too much at times and im scared that i may not have that support anymore because they may be tired of it. I have sruggled with work for so long as a result. I just want to be happy again .I feel like im on this horrible treadmill and never get anywhere. I would appreciate any feedback and thoughts from anyone i hope i have described my situation ok as it is hard to do . Thanks for reading and best wishes . Brett.

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Sophie_M — Mon, 04 Apr 2022 20:42:03 GMT

Dear Beaser,

Thank you for finding the strength to post in our forums. We encourage you to recognise your significant courage.

When we find a partner, there is sometimes an expectation that we completely give up our own support network and rely completely on our partner for all of the support that multiple people gave us before. To us, this seems like a lot of pressure for support to place on one person.

For those of us who have partners that encourage us to fully give up our own external support systems, this may become concerning to us as isolation from our friends can open us up to unhealthy relationships.

If things start feeling concerning, we would encourage you to talk with your GP, or call a service like Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636

Warm regards,

Sophie M.

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

jtjt_4862 — Tue, 05 Apr 2022 00:03:42 GMT

Hiya Brett,

Welcome back, it's great to see you posting again. Sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment. If I understood correctly, am I right to assume that, when you mentioned about not wanting to lose your partner, but also not wanting to lose your friends and support network, are you referring to the imbalance time spent on your partner, while not spending enough time with your friends and family? And if you don't mind helping me better understand, what did you mean by your partner isn't that interested?

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Tue, 05 Apr 2022 07:03:07 GMT

Hi again JT and thank you for your kind response.

Yes i think you have summed up my situation right. It is the inbalance of time that i spend with my partner. I have been single for about ten years and i have no family contact. As a result my friends and especially my football friends have been basically like my family and i do credit it with holding me together at times. I have put in a lot of volunteer work there and found it very rewarding. I guess i feel like im letting people down by not being available as i once was. My relationship is important to me and it stresses me about how to balance the two. When i say she is not interested i mean that going to the footy doesnt really interest her and i dont want her to be uncomfortable about going. I just dont want to cut off my valuable friendships. I hope this makes things a bit clearer JT. Thank you and please feel free to ask any questions . Thanks again JT.

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Wed, 06 Apr 2022 19:47:47 GMT

Hi and thanks again JT. I was just wondering if you had recieved my reply to your message. I may have replied as just a message and not used the reply box.. Thanks again Brett.

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Wed, 06 Apr 2022 19:50:55 GMT

Thanks Sophie.

I always appreciate your replies and thoughts Brett

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

jtjt_4862 — Thu, 07 Apr 2022 00:39:18 GMT

Hi Brett,

People's situation and priorities changes over time, so it's understandable if you need to trade some time between priorities and tasks. For example, I know my friends aren't as available as they once was, because majority of them have got partners and families to prioritize, but we catch up whenever our time aligns, and it's always a blast when we have a lot of things to share from the time we last see each other. If either of us needs help, we're always there for each other. If it helps eases your mind, you could speak to your friends about your situation and worries and see what their responses are? From how you mention they've been supportive in holding you together at times, I'd assume they'd be understanding of your situation, and will continue to support you even if you choose to shift more of your time towards your relationship.

I am curious to know a bit more, as you've mentioned that you're worried about letting your friends down if you're not spending enough time with them. Is it the same thought as well if you're not spending enough time with your partner? And has your partner spoke to you about wanting you to spend more time with her?

Thanks for clarifying about what you meant by not interested. Not all interests between partners have to align, but there should at least be some core interest that bonds partners together. It also depends whether this is a game breaker for you, or if you're happy to accept that in your partner.

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Thu, 07 Apr 2022 21:24:25 GMT

Hi and thanks Jt.

I probably feel at times that ive let my friends down because i guess after so long ive spent so much time with them and suddenly i dont do that as i have other things to prioritize. I guess ive always been a people pleaser and thats not always a good thing. I think my genuine friends will be happy if they see me going well in life. And yes it does feel the same if dont spend the time with my partner that i have been . I have spoken to her about it and she says she is ok with it i guess i cant ask much more. Thanks again. Wishing you a Happy DAY .

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

jtjt_4862 — Thu, 07 Apr 2022 23:56:33 GMT

Hi Brett,

That's great to hear that your partner is supportive of you, and yes your friends will be happy if they see you going well in life. Both friends and partner want what's best for us, and no matter how we decide to spend our time, the ones that really care will be supportive of our decisions.

Always happy to listen to you more Brett, hope you have a great day as well 🙂

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

HamSolo01 — Fri, 08 Apr 2022 03:59:57 GMT

hey Beaser thanks for sharing your experiences

There are many themes here I can relate to. It sometimes feels like a spiral. Everything stacks on top of the next thing. It is so hard to navigate those moments because we have implemented a series of what ifs and 'whataboutisms'.

I don't know advice I can give or if indeed I should be given my own life experiences are unique (as are all of ours).

I just wanted to say I'm hearing you because depression and anxiety can be quite debilitating and can hold us down. I do hope you are okay

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Mon, 18 Apr 2022 21:13:33 GMT

Hi and thanks again JT.

I guess the roller coaster i travel with my condition really affect me in a way that i become very sensitive to every thing. Any percieved criticism goes around and around in my head. I also have the urge to always be a people pleaser. I just hate the thought of upsetting people. I have at times upset my partner ,not that ive done any thing bad,but at times i can get a bit snappy and maybe inpatient with things . Maybe we all get like that at times . Hope your well Brett.

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

jtjt_4862 — Tue, 19 Apr 2022 01:24:07 GMT

Hi Brett,

The condition that you have, is part of who you are. It is something that you can learn to accept, so you can begin to discover ways to work with it. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and it is impossible to wish away something that is part of us. But we can always use our strengths to our advantage, as well as accept our weaknesses to work with it.

From my point of view (and please take this with a grain of salt), relationships/friendships are strengthen thru expressing oneself truly to others, while maintaining an open mind to give and accept feedback/criticism so that both parties can better understand each other. Whether someone's being snappy and impatient with things, or a loud foul mouth that spews all kinds of insult on others, it is who they are, and if both parties are willing to work together on the issue, then I'd consider that as relationship strengthening. Sometimes neither people can agree with each other, which is when we'll have a choice of either accepting their indifferences and move on, or part ways and invest our time and effort on others who we can grow and learn together with.

Hope you had a pleasant Easter, Brett. Happy to chat with you more 🙂

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Wed, 20 Apr 2022 20:51:58 GMT

Thanks for your reply JT.

You make a lot of sense with what you say.

Brett

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Tue, 26 Apr 2022 20:00:17 GMT

Hi Jt.

Hope your well . Im feeling a bit lost with things at the moment .I worry that ive lost my relationship because of who i am . Its so hard when you dont have that common ground . Sometimes i feel even selfish for that . I know that my partner has her own problems and i think shes finding that there is too much for her too manage atthe moment. Thanks again Brett,

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

jtjt_4862 — Thu, 28 Apr 2022 23:29:46 GMT

Hi Brett,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling this way at the moment.

To clarify my understanding, because your partner is going through her own problems and there may be a lot on her at the moment to manage and handle, you feel she may be seeing you as a burden? And is it correct for me to assume that, you're feel there's been a lack of interactions from her, or she's avoiding you?

You've also mentioned that you're sometimes feel selfish for 'that', could you help me better understand what you meant by that?

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Fri, 29 Apr 2022 22:20:44 GMT

Hi and thanks again JT. Hopefully i can explain things better . My girlfriend is feeling a bit overwhelmed with looking after her elderly father and her farm as well as maintaining a household and a house that is very old and causing a lot of maintenance issues. As well as working four days a week . I understand that is a lot for anyone . She feels that a relationship on top of all this is too much ATM. I understand this and i think the right thing for me to do is give her the space she needs. I guess my selfish thoughts come from the fact that i feel a need to see my friends particularly at my football club . I want to include her in this but she says she finds it not easy for her as shes never done such things . On top of this she doesnt seem to have a group of friends that she sees so that isnt an out let for her . I think im doing the right thing in not contacting her and hope she sees this too . Thanks again JT . Be great to hear from you again Brett

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

jtjt_4862 — Sun, 01 May 2022 23:43:06 GMT

Hi Brett,

Great to hear from you again as well. I came across another post that you made about the end of your relationship. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing okay healing from your heartbreak, and please take care of yourself first. You'll both certainly need the time away from each other to heal with no contact at all. Your partner certainly sounds like she's having a hard time handling a lot of responsibilities on her, that she's unable to give her 100% to the relationship.

I'm wondering, when you mention you feel a need to see your friends particularly at your football club, is this need coming from the feeling of, as you mentioned before, "I'm letting my friends and football club down if I do not see them regularly"? There's nothing wrong with not having a group of friends, or seeing a group of friends regularly. People have different social needs and social levels. Some gain more energy and can vibe easily when surrounded by others (extroverts). While some prefer time to themselves, and would engage in social interactions with people whom they find they can open up to (introverts, very selective social interactions).

Hope to hear from you again Brett, take care of yourself. We're here for you if there's anything that you'd like to talk about.

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Mon, 02 May 2022 08:17:08 GMT

Hi and thanks JT.

Your right about my partner having too much on her plate at the moment. I ran in to her today totally unexpected.

We had a chat and she told me she is resigning from her job to take on another job.. Im hoping this will be a real positive for her. I had not made any contact for the last week so im trying to do what i think is best . In a way i would like to try again and i miss her. However im trying to be respectful and do the right thing and give her space . I think i need to be strong . Just on the football club I guess ive always got so much out of volunteering at my football club and i have found it hard to not be available as i once was . It has held me together and taken my mind away from my depression and anxiety . Im also looking at changing jobs as i am feeling a bit demoralised and very much lacking motivation where i am . They have been good to me but i cant keep going the way it is . So that is another stressor for me . Thank you again JT. talking and writing is good therapy for me .

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

Beaser — Mon, 02 May 2022 19:56:39 GMT

Always good to hear from you and other posters.

Im feeling overwhelmed.Loneliness and guilt.Dont want to lose friends.

That Other Guy — Tue, 03 May 2022 01:18:13 GMT

"However im trying to be respectful and do the right thing and give her space"

You seem like a really quality human. I'm really glad to hear that, although I'm sorry your relationship ended.