topic New grad veterinarian and hating it in Anxiety

New grad veterinarian and hating it

sadvet — Fri, 03 May 2019 06:11:21 GMT

Hi everyone,

I always thought it was my lifelong dream to become a vet. But after learning more about the profession at the end of my first year and into my second year, I realised that maybe this isn't something I wanted. Yes, I blame myself for not doing my research properly beforehand. I also stupidly thought I was strong enough to handle the challenges the industry throws at me, but was I ever wrong. It didn't help that during my placements, some of the vets actually told me if they had a second chance, they would never have chosen vet. I wasn't failing classes, but I did stop going to them in my second year, and had a talk to a professor that I'm considering for a year off to reassess. She just nonchalantly said I was just getting stressed from my exams. I told my parents this as well but they (especially my mum) strongly discouraged this and made me finish the remaining 2-3 years of the course.

Flash forward, I somehow graduated. My partner (who was also a fellow classmate) has made school more bearable for me to actually finish it. However, I was not proud of myself on graduating. Instead, I felt more dread, just thinking that I have to practise soon after. I didn't care that I now have a 'Dr' in my name, heck I forget about it most of the time. I went for career counselling, but my degree is really only useful for landing me a job at a vet GP, unless I'm willing to try for an entry-level job with a corporate company (eg data entry or receptionist at Mars Petcare), which I'd rather not. Now I'm at a GP, hoping that it isn't as bad as I thought. However, my boss is just so harsh. She talks down on me, both in my face and behind my back. She tells clients that 'the new grad vet probably won't be able to do the venepuncture' and that she'll take over after I fail. She also tells me I fail repeatedly when I was unsuccessful at performing a task. Some of the clients come to the clinic because of her, and they act a lot like her too. They get angry when I wasn't able to do something (I already warned them I'm inexperienced) and treat me like dirt. Boss comes in to take over and says it's sad I couldn't do it. Day and night I'm just so anxious. Especially at night, I get panic attacks and I can't enjoy what I normally do cause I'm afraid of time passing by until work starts again. I went to a GP and got some medications. I am also starting counselling sessions soon, but thought I'd like to share my experience here and get some advise as well. Thank you!

New grad veterinarian and hating it

Quercus — Fri, 03 May 2019 14:14:32 GMT

Hello Sad Vet and welcome to the forums.

It has always amazed me that at school we are expected to have an idea of what we wish to study and apply for. Who on earth knows at such a young age what they want to do?! Like you I chose a field I enjoy. At the time horticulture wasn't an option here so I chose a course which had horticulture units. In the final year it changed from science based content to more of a job ready content and I realised none of the jobs interested me at all. Although I graduated it felt like failure. So I can relate somewhat.

May I ask... What made you want to be a vet to begin with? Are there aspects of your study you enjoyed? It took time for me to realise my study wasn't wasted. I just had to find a way to use the skills I enjoy.

I admire that you are giving your field a go. Your workplace and boss sound toxic though. Just because you are a graduate doesn't mean people get to treat you like crap. Is finding another placement possible?

One thing that came to mind is wondering if you were willing to go rural? I have found that often country areas need professionals and cannot always get them to apply. The benefit I've found is people are more patient and accepting because they see they are lucky to have you. Perhaps a positive work environment might help you to find things you enjoy in the role.

I hope you find a niche where you can use your training in an environment that suits you.NatN

New grad veterinarian and hating it

geoff — Fri, 03 May 2019 18:56:52 GMT

Hello Sadvet, welcome to the forums and thanks for posting your comment.

Doing your research on a profession you want to become, doesn't tell you that you maybe working with toxic people when finished, unfortunately, this can happen in any career you chose, but you won't find out until the time approaches.

I agree with Nat, try and find a country clinic, the place I take my puppie to always has trainees and the vets always communicate amongst themselves, although my vet is someone I do trust, plus she loves my puppie and vice-versa.

Don't work with someone who continually puts you down, how can you develop into being a confident vet who has a large client following.

Remember that each and every one of us has to learn different situations that confront us, because some may seem to be the same, but actually they are not, such as every house has a kitchen, but they're different if you can understand my analogy.

Best wishes.

Geoff,

New grad veterinarian and hating it

sadvet — Sat, 04 May 2019 11:10:37 GMT

Hi Quercus,

Thank you for the advise. I totally agree with you about making such an important decision at a young age! I admire my ex-classmates because many of them knew they still wanted to become vets today, whereas I feel like I'm one of the very few people in class who aren't sure anymore.

I wanted to go into vet medicine because, well, I have always loved animals (dogs especially). But I also loved science, and I thought going into this field would help me to fulfil two passions. But of course, that was the naive me, and going through placements made me realise it was not that simple. Yes I loved studying it, but I was not very good at the technical side of things. I actually like the public health and laboratory side of things more, so I would actually love to explore that in the future.

I think finding another place would be possible, but the thing is I've only been at this place for 2 months. My main concern is my employability to my future employer. I agree with you and Geoff about rural clinics being more receptive. I'm about an hour from the CBD, but still considered urban. And there is definitely more options in the country.

New grad veterinarian and hating it

sadvet — Sat, 04 May 2019 11:22:40 GMT

Hi geoff,

Thank you for the reply. It is unfortunate that we won't know about our working environment till we really enter it. Although it is also my fault for not asking for a trial day (which is relatively common thing for potential employees to do to assess vet clinics). I will make sure to request that for my next clinic.

That sounds like an ideal environment for new grads. I find that my boss tends to just tell me what to do, but not really explain how things are done. And it's not that she's busy either, since she just plays her mobile game between consultations.

I agree. I understand there will be difficult clients, and I'm willing to work with that. But I wasn't expecting a difficult boss. Now that I think about it, there were red flags I didn't notice during the interview (she was basically criticising a fellow junior vet who graduated a year before I did, as well as name-calling a new graduate that they let go of many years ago). She also called the nurses idiots behind their backs, and lamented how the rosters when it's just me and the junior vet on duty would be a disaster (in front of others. The problem is, I have only been there for 2 months, and I'm afraid leaving now would affect my credibility. However, my friends, family, gp and psychologist all support me leaving, and saying to not torture myself for this. I was wondering if you guys agree with this as well.

New grad veterinarian and hating it

Quercus — Sat, 04 May 2019 13:11:24 GMT

Hi Sad Vet (and a wave to Geoff too 😊),

I am with your support crew... Toxic workplaces/bosses are just not worth trying to stick out. You have the right to a safe and respectful workplace.

We all make mistakes (like not listening to our gut when we see the warning signs) especially when starting out. Perhaps ask yourself do you want to waste another two months being bullied and end up hating the field or would you rather try again and see if a positive and supportive workplace changes how you feel about your job?

Have you spoken to others about how you can address any questions when you apply elsewhere? Also if you decide to leave is there another staff member willing to give you a reference? There are laws in place to try stop bosses bad mouthing you but it can't hurt to give another point of view just in case.

I also wondered whether you had spoken to any of your lecturers about other avenues within your field? There is more to Vet science than private practice and sales.If lab work is better suited have you looked at what is required to work in animal clinical pathology?

Another solid option is to look at the government graduate programs. Often the skills we learn can be used in ways we'd never thought of but the key is getting your foot in the door to learn what jobs exist.

For example I worked within the Department of Agriculture for years (until I got sick and left) and saw roles that I surprisingly had the training for from my studies to be competitive for. Many of these roles were internal positions and required you to have experience and training with internal systems and processes first so you wouldn't see them advertised publicly.

There is no shame in admitting a job is not for you. I believe it only reflects poorly if it starts to become a pattern on your CV. Employers get that you've got to start somewhere and its not always easy.

I hope you can find some inspiration for your job search and find something that makes you happier.

Nat

New grad veterinarian and hating it

geoff — Sat, 04 May 2019 18:55:16 GMT

Hi Sadvet, and again I think Nat's response is very good, ' Toxic workplaces/bosses are just not worth trying to stick out', absolutely agree, don't let a boss who has no respect for her employees turn you off something you want to be.

In hindsight, at the interview, your first intention was to get the job, so only now you have realised what she said is how she is, the words are more poignant, but that's something you have learnt, an experience you won't forget, but that's good, really.

Two months is a long time especially if you don't like your boss, and it doesn't matter going for another job, all you have to say is you didn't get on with the boss because of __.

Another option is to become a lecturer at uni, but this may require more study which I'm not sure you want to do.

Remember you're a vet now and would be able to get a job anywhere, well done, and other people change jobs quite often, there's nothing to be afraid of, your work of employment has to be what you want it to be, otherwise, it causes far greater problems later on, don't let this happen to you.

My vet is lovely but I won't let her boss look or treat my puppie, because of a previous consultation a few years ago.

Take care.

Geoff.

New grad veterinarian and hating it

sadvet — Sun, 05 May 2019 01:23:22 GMT

Hey Nat and Geoff,

I wish I could give you both a hug right now. I feel like there's a huge weight off my chest, since I always felt obliged to stay on. I also spoke to my parents, and they encouraged me to leave as well.

Despite my boss, I actually do enjoy some aspects of a GP vet. I like talking to clients (not the mean ones of course) and just helping their pets. I do really want the best for them, and I do get frustrated with my lack of experience that I can't really do much but I want to be able to get there one day. But I do want to be able to achieve that in a positive environment, and right now I do feel a lack of motivation to improve myself. I will definitely keep my options open, and being a lecturer or in a government body is definitely something I will look into as well, and I' m happy to train or study further if I have to, but maybe not now.

But thank you both for your kind words and advice. I feel so much better and feel more empowered about what I can do. I might post here again to keep both of you informed of what happens 🙂

New grad veterinarian and hating it

geoff — Sun, 05 May 2019 23:02:13 GMT

Hi Sadvet, thanks for your reply which seems to be a positive one, you have that within you, part of it could be hidden, that's understandable, but your comment 'get frustrated with my lack of experience', well it doesn't matter how old we are, we learn something every day, that's the beauty of life.

What this can do is make us feel as though we are lacking the quality or ability required that we should have known, but not really, it's just another person's view on the situation.

We are all inexperienced in many other ways to what we already know, but please don't take this as not being good at your job, I'm sure you are excellent, conversing with the owners of their pet who need someone to comfort them is very important, that's what my vet does to me.

Be brave and please look after yourself.

Geoff.

New grad veterinarian and hating it

sadvet — Thu, 09 May 2019 00:38:42 GMT

Hi Geoff, I completely agree with you. I do believe that I am making progress. But I have not received any validation from my boss during my almost 2 months here (other than her chiding me). Just this Tuesday, she scolded me for my mistake by saying the following:

Her: "did you know what you did wrong" Me: "Yes" Her: "were you supposed to do this?" Me: "No" Her: "are you going to do this again?" Me: "No" \

I don't understand why she talks to me like this. Another vet told me beforehand about my mistake. He said it like this "Oh sadvet there was actually this thing you missed (shows it to me). But it's alright I'll talk to the owner".

This is the kind of feedback I appreciate. Sure I feel bad and I'll make sure to learn from this. But I don't understand why my boss talks to me this way. I felt so miserable then I almost wanted to vomit. When I told my boss this, she said "is it because of the mistake that you did?" and even joked I could possibly be pregnant. Needless to say I took a half day off and cried at home. I was also filled with unhealthy thoughts that day.

I apologise for the rant. I am not sure if this is considered 'normal' for bosses to be this way, since I never really had a permanent job before. I am currently writing my CV to apply elsewhere, and it makes me feel better. But sometimes I wonder if I'm being sensitive or if my boss is really a problem.

New grad veterinarian and hating it

Quercus — Thu, 09 May 2019 03:41:52 GMT

Hi Sadvet 😊

This is a helpful post because it shows clearly the type of feedback and criticism you prefer from an employer.

I've worked for people with a blunt style like your boss and the turnover of staff was pretty high. Employees aren't there to be treated like crap. Employers aren't exempt from being polite but some forget this.

The feedback from the first vet sounds more reasonable... To show you what was wrong so you can learn. Also your boss making pregnancy jokes is pretty poor form.

Have you felt able to stand up for yourself when she is rude like this? One thing that stood out to me was that although your boss was blunt and rude you also gave one word replies. It is very hard to speak up but sometimes keeping quiet means they will keep acting the same way.

An example could be when she said maybe you are pregnant you could say something like No, I feel sick because your practice and reputation is important to me and I want to improve but the feedback system is not what works for me. I feel put down a lot.

I play "dumb" sometimes and just ask outright if the person meant to be unkind. For example I'd laugh and say far out I need my hearing checked. I thought you just called me pregnant and that felt pretty unkind. Anyway... Do you have any reading material I could borrow on the (procedure that you made a mistake) so I can make sure I improve next time?

Maybe it's a bit passive aggressive but I have used this before with bosses who were jerks. Doesn't always work but worth try?

Im glad to hear you're applying elsewhere. Work shouldn't make you need to leave or leave you feeling distressed.

New grad veterinarian and hating it

sadvet — Thu, 09 May 2019 08:55:16 GMT

Hi Nat,

I have wanted to stand up to her several times, but I do find it a bit scary to do so. This is especially because she usually tells me off in front of others, and unlike her I'd rather not create a scene. I also get the impression that she always think she's right, or she's just going to tell me to lighten up. However, I have included my reasons for resigning in my resignation letter, stating (in as polite a manner as possible) that I do not feel respected in this workplace, and that I feel I am not able to learn properly in such an environment. I guess I just do not want to create a fuss until my exit, which I'm really looking forward to.

Maybe I will start being passive-aggressive to her towards the end of my job there, if she continues to treat me this way. I have tried to ignore her at work, and I never participated in their Facebook group chat, but she still comes to find me which terrifies me.

I'm actually surprised that the turnover rate does not seem that high (or maybe it is but I just never asked). She always criticise the other staff members behind their backs (she called the nurses idiots to me), and I'm sure they know but are somehow still here. It makes me wonder if I'm being sensitive or if they just accept that she's like this and somehow live with it.

New grad veterinarian and hating it

sadforsons — Thu, 09 May 2019 09:48:34 GMT

Hi sadvet

I feel that your boss obviously has her own issues, whatever they may be. Also, by criticising others, as she does, is a sure sign that she suffers from a low self esteem. Most people would feel guilty at readily criticising their work mates behind their backs, unless they received some form of pleasure from it?

She may well be jealous or envious of you. Your boss is not displaying characteristics of a successful business person and may see an empathetic element in your personality that she so surely lacks.

Personally, I would feel sorry for her. Apply for other positions and move on. Put it down to experience - you have survived the worst, things can only get better....

New grad veterinarian and hating it

sadvet — Sat, 11 May 2019 23:15:23 GMT

Hi sadforsons, thank you very much for taking the time to read this thread (and my rants). Yes, I am not sure why she is like this. Maybe she thinks she can act however way she wants because she owns the place. In that sense, I do notice the company's protocols depends very much on her decision, even though most of these practices are considered backward and many practices have already abolished them, deeming them to be 'bad medicine'.

I feel quite anxious about leaving. Don't get me wrong, I definitely wish to leave, and am applying to other places. But I feel that knowing her, she won't take it very well, and she'd probably complain to everyone (both staff and customers) about me. I feel like she's going to make me an enemy of the clinic, I know I shouldn't care but I do feel terrified thinking about it.

New grad veterinarian and hating it

Dog girl — Mon, 27 May 2019 04:37:25 GMT

I've been a vet for 30 years now and I do know that those first few years are very difficult. I found it very stressful and I was very unsupported and I actually had a breakdown and stopped work after about 8 months. I spent 10 weeks in bed recovering, then went traveling overseas, and came back and enrolled in teaching. Then a friend offered me a vet locum at another practice where I was encouraged and supported, and I still work as a vet part time today. I would recommend that you look around for a more supportive practice. It doesn't necessarily have to be a country practice. It is a stressful profession but it can also be very rewarding too. With the right path in, it may still work for you. One bad practice might shake your confidence at a vulnerable time, but it can get better. Maybe you could get somewhere part time so you ahve space to look after yourself as well.