topic Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety? in Anxiety

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 15:23:17 GMT

I have been in my role for 7yrs. It offers flexibility, ridiculous great hours but poor pay, lil progress and a boss who will praise you one day and humiliate you in a meeting room the next. Ive been buried in a pressure cooker for the last 2 months and finally uttered the words IM DONE...penned a letter, decorating with thanks yous and fluffy stuff and admitted it was to take time off for self-care, basically due to "health" reasons. I dont have a back plan and my husband is currently not earning. But ive spent 2 months not sleeping, not eating, working almost 3 times the amount i csn physically do. When he turns on you, he is anniliating. Basically, i go to work in constant fear that im going to stuff up and get told off by him all the time....and i just need a bresk to sort my life out and reset my head to die doen the crazy chatter. It is stupid for me to not have another job lined up and resign.in 48hrs but the reality it is my anxiety wont let me look for a shop whike i still work there. Itll be written all over my face

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 15:40:36 GMT

Apologies fot the grammar...what i meant to say was that my anxiety will not allow me to look for a job while im working there. My anxiety is an entity that has been living rent free in my mental house ALL MY LIFE. I personify "Her" sometimes just so i can tell her off!!! I want out of the situation im in....i felt relieved and serene as soon as my husbank ok'd my decision....and noe the voice in my head is like Where are you going to get those hours? What are you going yo do next? What if this is as good as it gets? And what does it mean that the idea of quioting is keeping me from sleeping...its almost 2am...now im just rambling...hope to resd someones insight b4 i close my eyes

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Quercus — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 15:51:46 GMT

Hi Zeity and welcome,

Reading your post it sounds like either way you choose both are stressful in their own way. I suppose I just wanted to say whatever you decide to do we're here and listening.

Is it an option to take leave from work before deciding? This was something a colleague suggested to me years ago when I had had a gutful and was ready to just walk away from a job I'd had for many years. The theory was that I could rest and see if I still felt the same in a few weeks. Or at least made sure I had references organised before I gave my notice.

The idea made me realise I wanted out of that workplace because time off would make me more anxious and worried about returning.

But that was just me. Hubby was working and although we needed my income too it wasn't going to mean we lost the house short term.

If you quit how long do you have to find a new job? Will your husband look too? Just food for thought.

If you stay... Is it possible to do anything to change the toxic environment or at least make you feel a bit safer?

I hope you find a solution that feels right for you. Would be interested to know how you are holding up too.

Nat

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 21:16:24 GMT

When you wrote, "The idea made me realise I wanted out of that workplace because time off would make me more anxious and worried about returning" resonated with me.

Most articles I've read all indicate to find a job to move into rather than quit without any job prospects. I guess, in an ideal world, i need a sanity break for a bit with the option to come back.

But heres the thing...i will feel guilty to look for something while im still working there...i will feel anxious if i ask for leave and then took some leave to reconsider my options then have to confront him again to say, I found something.

Part of me thinks this way is the most amic ......amicable way to do it..siting health reasons... rather than wait when he gets aggressive again and then do it.

Funny how easy it was to put my sanity first for about a day....and now, it seems like the dumbest move i can make. Yet i will still be paranoid about the errors ive made, still lose sleep over my performance, still allow anxiety to tighten my chest and make me sick about work 24/7.

I dont know wherher to give in to my uncertainty or recognise it as anxiety and carry on with my plans to leave.

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Sat, 31 Aug 2019 21:51:59 GMT

In the end...im afraid to leave and afraid to stay. The voices in my head are conflicting and at times im afraid of my own safety. I know i wont do anything to harm myself..i know i have much to live for...i know this too, shall pass...but i just dont want to work there anymore. I dont have the mindset to seek work while im there, ask for leave or go for a job without wondering if im going to put myself in the same or worse position. Who can make this decision for me? How do i stop this crippling feeling...i need help yet i dont know even know what kind of help asking for.

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Quercus — Sun, 01 Sep 2019 03:33:05 GMT

Hi Zeity,

You wrote 'who can make this decision for me'... Truth is the decision is yours to make because it affects your life.

I don't envy having to make such a difficult choice. It wouldn't be remotely easy.

Is your husband much help to talk to about this? Given that this choice affects you both perhaps sitting down and making a decision together might help you feel better supported.

Your previous posts show pretty clearly how you're feeling and what you want. So I wondering if you've consideted what holds you back from making a decision? Is there anything that you and your partner can do that would help you feel more comfortable with your choices?

Speaking to a professional is a good idea if you don't feel safe at the moment. Do you think speaking with an employment agency might help too?

Nat

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

44Max44 — Sun, 01 Sep 2019 08:39:43 GMT

My first and only real job I had as a baker I quit after 3 months due to my anxiety.
I couldn't shake the feeling that the bread I made wasn't good enough and that I was letting the bakery down. They also wanted me to start doing cashier duties from time to time which I didn't want to do due to my anxiety. Instead of talking to my boss and explaining that I didn't want to do cashier duties, I just quit.

Now I'm too worried to apply anywhere else because I fear not being good enough for the job and due to my social anxiety pretty much any job that even has a little bit of socializing I want to avoid.

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Sun, 01 Sep 2019 08:54:08 GMT

I totally understand what you are feeling! I feel like if i leave because of my anxiety what mindset could i possibly be in to go for another job?! What references would I have? In the end, I need to find the courage to say to i need help with a role ive only been doing for a short while from someone who has been doing it for decades...if the circumstances escalate and i feel i have no support than ill leave because of that...but often bloody anxiety just churns our brain to overthink every little thing. Sometimes how we perceive ourselves is not the same as what other people are thinking of you. Ive been in and out of forums and chats all weekend. Hang in there, 44Max44...you are not alone and you will get through this. We all will. Strength in numbers!!!!

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

jollydolly — Mon, 02 Sep 2019 12:24:36 GMT

Hi Zeity,

I hope work was OK today, if you went in. Sounds like you had a really awful weekend, but good on you for reaching out for help. If you can take time off to look for another job before you quit, great. If not, it doesn't matter. There will be another job, and you'll be strong enough to do it. Good luck.

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Tue, 03 Sep 2019 10:13:31 GMT

Hi, I did go into work, I didnt resign and i could not feel more numb. I dont want to be there and somehow ive managed to take on another month long task. Which makes it even more anxious for me to resign? Do i deserve to be consumed by my job? No. Does my young family deserve to see me as a shell of a human? No. But i fear that i just cant bear the thought of work talking about me as that person that was handed a responsibility and cracked under pressure and left and then for months to come ill be targetted for ALL the mistakes BEYOND the ones i did...coz it'll be easier to just say, "I dont know what she did then?" I feel like im on a carousel that i cant get off and im not enjoying the ride...but then theres also the financial situation...how long can i go without a job? And how do you go for a job and say you left your last one due to a nervous breakdown? What references can i count on them to give me. The biggest irony of all is that the staff overall have been nothing but encouraging and supportive and i cant help feeling ive duped them all and when the person returns back to her role back off..thats when ill come undone. Im thinking ...wishing!...of the most horrible things to happen that will get me out of work. So ungrateful and shameful to do that...for my family and friends. My boss is unpredictably obnoxious..the same hand he uses to pat your back, he slaps your hand with it. If i quit for health reasons, whether he accepts or not, he wont understand what more he couldve done for me. Ideally, i would love to give 4wks notice to be there long enough to see through the transition of staff member returning and settling in after leave. But he might get so offended he tell me to go on the spot...and i leave without a chance at redemption and to no job prospects. Am i even hireable? Im seeing my therapist next week after the longest time..maybe ill score the breakthrough I need. Here's hoping. Unless you suffer from anxiety, you cant know what this overwhelming emotion feels like. Ive lost weight, i look like shit...surely, they can see that. But theyre probably just scratching their heads thinking she doesnt have to put herself through this?! Because even though i told my boss IM NOT OK...that i spent Fathers Day telling my wonderful husband that im on the phone with Lifeline...mental illness is still lost on so many people. I need an out. And im afraid what that might be!

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Nervybella — Wed, 04 Sep 2019 01:03:37 GMT

Hi Zeity

Ijust want to say you’re not alone in these feelings. I’ve been there too. I left a job after just a few days because I know it wasn’t right and my mental health would suffer as a result. If it helps to re assure you... I contacted my previous boss and another close colleague and asked them to be my references going forward - do you have another job you could contact and see if someone would be your referee? If you’re involved with any community groups, schools or volunteering ask if someone there will be a character reference for you.

I wont lie, being unemployed is tough and the job hunt can be exhausting. I’ve been looking for a month now and only had 2 (unsuccessful) interviews. I was very worried, like you, about exposing the gap/ reason for leaving previous employment. Surprisingly one place didn’t even ask me, and the other time I just have a pretty generic response of “the previous role ended up not being the right fit for me” and it went down fine

Honestly, your mental health is the most important thing here. You sound very conscientious by wanting to give the correct notice period, but don’t forget to look after yourself first!

All the best Zeity, and please reach out if you’d like to chat more

best

bella.

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Wed, 04 Sep 2019 06:34:24 GMT

Thanks Bella. Im on the home stretch now...with only 5 days to go till the person i have been replacing comes back. I thought the worst of the job was over....after the big end of month mail put went out Friday...but now the calls are coming in and i don't know how much kore my work or i can take. Just trying to breathe thru it. Im weighing up the option of what is worse...staying in this job knowing ill go bavk to normal role and normal hours versus quitting and contemplating what am i going to do next? I have book to see my therapist Tuesday. Fingers crossed fir a breakthtough moment

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Wed, 04 Sep 2019 08:19:43 GMT

Im in a sudden state of panic. I sense doom pending at work. Im so frightened. Is quitting really my only anawer when im the cause...im the stuff up...im the one thats not coping...what am i learning from this....if im not learning im just dragging my anxious self to another job? Who would have me? Im falling apart

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 04 Sep 2019 13:29:15 GMT

Yep , quit quite a few jobs in anxiety back in the day , and stormed out of school a few times before that too.

l've worked for myself 30yrs now , l love the freedom and l don't have to deal with other people 8hours a day , which l just couldn't seem to do, l just have a few customers now and then now. and l handle most of my business via text.

lf you do quit you could try a job where it's just a one on one sitch or just one or two other people max , and in some kind of environment where you feel comfortable. That stuff helped me a lot ,

Anyway , good luck.

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Wed, 04 Sep 2019 20:25:43 GMT

Im in a bad headspace at the moment. Couldnt imagine working for myself and cant imagine working in a small environment where taking time off might be a burden. I overthink everything. I hit my lowest low last night. Ended up on bathroom floor, panic attack and had hands firmly round my neck. And then i hear kids voices and think they would miss me more than anyone at work. Im just stuck. I want to be at work to be accountable for mistakes. I want to go back to my old role at work and try and redeem myself from there...but in the interim...having your flaws and errors on show is humiliating. I told my boss from the start i was not ok, i was not coping...the attitude was..it can all be fixed, whats the worse that can happen....but as the calls come in and errors are coming up..his patience is wesring thin. Ive lost 3kgs. My face looks like it's been drained of life. How can 6 weeks of helping out a colleague be the unhealthiest thing you've ever done.

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Guest_1584 — Wed, 04 Sep 2019 21:14:16 GMT

Yeah well that's good , good points too and yeah that would be the down sides for sure, you know what won't work for ya then so that's a good start. What l'm saying is l knew what would work best for me and what l wanted to do so l went with that and l've enjoyed work since. l get a few people dropping in on through the day , the odd friend or brother and meet a few good people in customers here and there, l enjoy that too, suits me best like this and no more problems, well in that way anyway..

So if you can look for the situation that suits you best in life, work, keeps you calm and content, whatever that may be 300 people or one, whatever the environment you'd feel comfortable in, you should settle right down and into some peace and enjoying work instead of dreading it.

All the best.

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Fri, 06 Sep 2019 15:26:51 GMT

Soooo the update is that my work know im not ok, im not coping and theyve just put it down to that im not coping with this 6wk task and it'll all be over on 4 more days and ill return to my old role and balance will be restored in the galaxy. My problem is I CANT LET IT GO.I SEE MYSELF AS HAVING FAILED AND IT IS HUMILIATING. And the kind of work we do, mistakes could keep popping up throughout the next financial year! So, it's going to be a long time of explaining myself and taking accountability for errors ive made. In hindsight, it was ridiculous to put a parttimer to cover a manager role but i thought i had enough processes noted down (the problem was i had no real context of what i was doing) I have had support from staff and boss with their "It can all be fixed..." attitude but as errors come to light i can sense their support/patience/tolerance wearing thin. Ive never felt more incompetent in my life and even though they want me to hang in there till i resume my former role...i have to face coming undone...admit failure to follow processes for last 6wks...be accountable for mistakes....this has consumed my life! Om on Beyond Blue for goodness sake. My husband caught me on Lifeline on Fathers Day....WHY HAVE I ALLOWED THIS TO AFFECT ME SO MUCH?! Im going to be picked on and targetted for every error for months to come...in an underpaid job. I know this thread was about quitting over anxisty...but im in my late 40s, got 2 primary school aged kids and a husband on redundancy...where am i going?! I just want the chest palpatations and the sinister thoughts stop haunting me. Becsuse my family deserve better. I hope we can look back and laugh about it "Oh remember the time you took over the accounts and mucked it up?" but right now, i have zero confidence even in the things i should know well.

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

CoraC — Fri, 06 Sep 2019 22:01:52 GMT

I too have felt everything you describe. It is absolutely consuming to be overwhelmed by work and it really can take over your life. Just wanted to say I appreciate how hard it is. I absolutely hate making mistakes and I really catastrophise about it. Usually my own thoughts are way, way worse than anything that actually happens. It is extremely hard to take on new tasks and know how to do everything.

Just a thought, when the regular person comes back, is there a way of checking some of the things you're not sure about? Might give you some peace of mind to get on the front foot to say you want to make sure you did things right and would like another perspective. Often mistakes can be fixed if they're identified early enough.

All the best. I really hear the pain in your posts and empathise with you hugely.

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Sat, 07 Sep 2019 04:49:35 GMT

We have a mid month and end of month process we run. She comes back on the 12th Thursday and the mid month has to be processed by the 15th which falls on a Sunday...so my front foot puts her on the back foot first day back at work as she will have to run payments and do kid month on her first day back. Not fair on her and not exactly is going to put her ease when i have to tell her that i havent coped this whole time. I know 10yrs ago she went away for 9 weeks and spent a solid week fixing up everything. I think she had more faith in me this time - i even had more faith in me. But it's all messed up. The worst thing is that i cant switch off my brain and just enjoy the weekend with family i turn up the anxiety switch on Monday. The only 2 positives ive done is book my psycologist on Tues night and saw a random GP today to tell them that my anxiety is taking me too dark places and im scared for my life. I started medication today. Im seeing therapist Tues. I just have to survive 3 more days in her role and then survive her reaction yo my poor performance. Im using the wird "survive" because i feel like im on the edge. How silly? For a role that was not mine? For a job that is grossly underpaid? Ive been competent for 7yrs....how can 6wks attempting a role ive never done undo me? My loving husband is losing his patience with me..."Whats the worse that can happen?", "It can be fixed", "Is it worth destroying your life over?"....it all makes sense...yet its Saturday and im on here instead of spending time eith my family. When will it all end?!

Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity — Sat, 07 Sep 2019 19:51:32 GMT

Ive been awake on and off since 3am. My mind has just rattled off a number of mistakes i have ro own up to. Everyone at work have been so supportive of the task i took on but i did every bad as i thought. It's not anxiety exaggerating things...i really made a mess of things. I dont even know what the front foot is anymore. Im going to come undone and be humiliated. I had processes. I wrote a manual. I didnt trust my insticts. Oh what a mess ive created!!!! My mind plays "easy way outs" but i love family too much to hurt them. But i have not been present with my family for weeks since taking on this task. I started citlopram SSRI yesterday. Im taking rescue remedy spray with it. Hope thats ok. I know it has alcohol but it's only a little.