topic Seeing red flags, listening to instincts in Anxiety

Seeing red flags, listening to instincts

bluehorseshoes — Thu, 18 Apr 2019 06:53:31 GMT

So I had an experience recently that I want to get out of my head

I’m unemployed but not desperate yet. I’ve used the time to work on managing anxiety after avoiding it for so long and I’m glad I’m coping better with medication/therapy and no longer rely on substances to cope – even in this most recent situation, so that’s something

I got my “dream job”, but there were several red flags I ignored:
1. The interviewer didn’t want to answer many questions (and I didn’t push)
2. After passing a phone screen, interview, and ref check I was asked to come “meet the team/finalise details”. Here I was met with screening questions normally for phone/first interview (i.e. “Explain your past duties, What do you want from this job, Walk us through your resume, Why did you leave this other job etc.) which led to CEO interrupting the new questioner because “It was a bit hard to be asking all these questions when I’ve already pretty much offered her the job!” (Thought it was strategy but there was obviously communication problems in leadership)
3. The company using some “creative accounting” to employ me via another linked company, so name of the company I would work at every day wouldn’t actually appear on contract (Should have asked but was so excited)

Those were the warning signs I refused to acknowledge before, below are the red flags I couldn’t ignore after starting:
1. Co-worker surprised I returned to work after lunch (thought this was a joke but then I heard about turnover)
2. Like me, workers/equipment was being funded through other linked company and office was actually the converted house of leader’s family
3. Boss (another recent hire) often held face in hands, didn’t take breaks, ignored multiple calls from their family, whispered to others about problems, and complained to me on second day about leadership disagreements
4. Leadership focused on new customers/markets despite not being able to care for current customers with 100s of queries unanswered
5. No investment in training, workers self-taught and said it wasn’t right computer system for business, leadership admitted they rushed into buying it
6. During a presentation meeting, CEO stayed seated in room to make phone call which distracted presenter, CEO was then reprimanded by leadership for interruption

7. Open distrust over current direction with leadership criticising new vs old ways

continued below...

Seeing red flags, listening to instincts

bluehorseshoes — Thu, 18 Apr 2019 06:58:09 GMT

8. At after work drinks in office, where I was 1 of only 2 women present (1 woman left as soon as it started and another refused to come out of her office and join in even though she was asked) with a group of men I’d only known a couple of days (most only in passing) I was told -

“You’re lucky because we usually like to spike the drink of the new girl”

Everyone laughed, including me, despite how uncomfortable I felt. I stayed to try to be one of the team. The joke didn’t really make me feel like one of them though. I was relieved that someone pointed out we were not at the pub and still at work (suggesting it wasn’t appropriate I guess)
I’m not politically correct, and can take a joke. But with a group of men I’ve only known a couple of days, this was the cherry on top. I wasn’t afraid that my drink HAD been spiked (although I did wonder for a second), but sadly these days issues like this are not a laughing matter for women and Australian society – I wish they were.

The joke served to remind me what an outsider I was, and I think it was a symptom of the work environment. I still stayed to chat, not wanting to look like a princess. It probably would have been less awkward if I had known them longer.

Needless to say my anxiety was triggered. I was ready for and dealing with the nerves I expected from a new job, but as red flags continued I had to determine what was anxiety and what was instinct that this really was not the right place. My family urged me to move on and I left. I’m anxious now at how I ignored things initially, why this happened, what I did and what’s next.

Thanks for listening.

Seeing red flags, listening to instincts

Summer Rose — Thu, 18 Apr 2019 23:11:26 GMT

Hi bluehorseshoes

Thank you for sharing your story.

I think we all tend to ignore warning signs when we really want something or really want to believe something. Think about the wife who believes a cheating husband will change his ways, the person scammed on line or the person who believes a dodgy financial adviser. It's sad and it's painful but it happens.

Your gut was telling you things weren't right but sometimes it's hard to tell if our anxiety is mucking us around or if there really is something to worry about. So you gave it time. I think that was smart.

In your case, as the evidence mounted the right path emerged and you acted after consulting eith others. You did the right thing. Nothing wrong with giving things a chance.

Thankfully you are now able to look for a job with some new wisdom. Please don't beat yourself up, we are always learning and growing. Pat yourself on the back for getting out based on evidence not panic. I think you did well.

Kind thoughts to you

Seeing red flags, listening to instincts

bluehorseshoes — Fri, 19 Apr 2019 02:32:18 GMT

Thank you Summer Rose for reminding me about the need for self compassion.

This is an area I really need to work on. Sometimes I'm helping my family and feeling such empathy for them, but I can't be that kind or understanding to myself. So strange isn't it? I know that's something that many people also struggle with.

Thanks for pointing out that I did make some thoughtful choices despite mistakes. This is why this forum and writing has been useful for me. By reminding myself of the facts I'm trying to show myself that I did make a sensible decision, and not one based on fear, so that my anxiety over past/future will be less.

But anxiety isn't that logical.

Feeling a bit heartbroken that things didn't work out, like so many other things in my life. But as you say, I'm wiser and these things happen.

Seeing red flags, listening to instincts

Summer Rose — Fri, 19 Apr 2019 03:14:12 GMT

Hi bluehorseshoes

I was so happy to read your post. And you are so right, anxiety isn't rational. As an ousider, it's much easier for me to just look at the facts.

This job just wasn't meant to be and that's not your fault. I believe something better will come along and this has happened for a reason that is not yet clear.

Never forget your success. You won the position over all others. You have marketable skills, talent and experience. You know how to sell yourself.

You can't argue with the facts.

Take care of yourself