topic intrusive thoughts in Anxiety

intrusive thoughts

bimmadude101 — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 11:38:48 GMT

Hi everyone,

I am a 19 year old male who has now been suffering from intrusive thoughts ocd for close to a year. I approached my gp to referred me to a psychologist who i told about my intrusive thoughts but struggled to open up to about my harm thoughts.

Recently have been seeing this girl who i seem to get regular harm thoughts towards and sometimes self talk in the back of my head saying things like i will kill ect, that freaks me out very much so. Its hard to convince myself that im a good person when im experiencing such terrible thoughts. Does anyone else experience this sort of self talk that randomly occurs? is this just a part of intrusive thoughts?

I have learn't to handle my intrusive thoughts better then what i previously have but i dream of the day they just go away. I have been doing meditation, exercising every day and trying my best to eat healthy... this has significantly improved my anxiety but has has no effect on my intrusive thoughts. which brings me to my next question.

The anxiety has almost nearly disappeared but i still have a frequent amount of intrusive thoughts which is scary becomes it seems as though these thoughts have become normal and not an intrusion anymore. I also have seemed to have developed depression being less motivated and tired from over sleeping.

I have a appointment coming up soon with the physiologist who im thinking about trying to open up with about these harm thoughts ect.

Any advise appreciated.

intrusive thoughts

BballJ — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 12:55:44 GMT

Hi bimmadude101,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

Intrusive thoughts are very tough and they seem to come with some mental health issues, I personally haven't had them myself but can see how they would really make you struggle. I think a good thing here is the fact you know they are there and that they are intrusive and that they do not belong. May I ask, what is it that you think you cannot speak to your psychologist about them? Are you embarrassed or afraid of what they may say? Can I suggest one thing? Maybe writing down what the intrusive thoughts are on a piece of paper and handing that to your psychologist so they can read them and get a better understand of what you are all about, that way they can help you as best as they can.

Please, post back as much as you like, I am always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

intrusive thoughts

giggles — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 13:33:49 GMT

Hi Bimmadude

l am alot older than you and have had intrusive thoughts but not to harm anyone else but myself.

Since your young you have an opportunity to learn as much about yourself as you can. Not acting or giving those nasty thoughts light of day as l have done.

Find what works for you and be ok with what does not. Start talking to the right people and be patient l have learnt most of my hang ups are directly related to my high expectation for self. Good to see you are doing meditation.

keep safe and while its been said loads of times in media, change starts with you.

Keep posting

giggles

intrusive thoughts

geoff — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 16:06:39 GMT

hello Bimmadude, welcome to the BB forum.

I'm 63 and have had OCD for 58 years, and intrusive thoughts are something that has happened to me awhile ago where I wanted to hurt my dear Mum, that really worried me just as your thoughts do with your girlfriend do, but as soon as Mum was put into a nursing home they stopped.

This is different to your situation, you love her just as I loved my Mum, they don't happen and it's another form of love.

How hard do you squeeze her, when you are excited, too hard so she's out of breath, does the same happen when you hold her hand, it's an extension of how much you care about her, nothing will happen.

The more you think about them the worse they will get.

I would do as Jay has said write them down, do as much as you feel comfortable with and hand it over to your psychologist.

Medication from your doctor will help you with OCD and your depression, as the former is part of the latter in regards to having anxiety. Geoff.

intrusive thoughts

demonblaster — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 18:14:05 GMT

Hi bimmadude101 welcome to BB ☺

The intrusive thoughts must be very unsettling and as mentioned its good you're aware they're not how you want to feel

Yes although you mentioned hard to broach this does need to be bought up with your psychologist as well as Bballs good suggestion writing down these thoughts also you might find it easier approaching the subject by printing off this original post.

If you ever feel you'd like to talk one on one with a trained bb worker the no: 24/7... 1300 224636

When the thoughts come in what happens as in are you able to push them aside or think of something else, acknowledge they're not what you want to be thinking etc. Do your thoughts then go back to other stuff or do they keep intruding.

Sorry you go through this

All the best with your next appointment

Be glad to hear from you when you're up to it

You've done well getting control over anxiety

intrusive thoughts

bimmadude101 — Fri, 02 Mar 2018 06:33:52 GMT

Thanks for the reply BballJ,

Ive only had two sessions with the physiologist i mentioned some of my intrusive thoughts to him but others i feel ashamed of and also a bad person for having these thoughts... The next session was when i started doing meditation and was feeling better so i wasn't experiencing many intrusive thoughts at all! but as i havent had a session for a couple months i am starting to find myself in a hole again. Writing thoughts down on a piece of paper sounds like a helpful idea also thanks.

intrusive thoughts

bimmadude101 — Fri, 02 Mar 2018 06:38:01 GMT

Hi giggles,

Thanks for the reply,

Thanks for the advice. Im unsure of who to let know about my intrusive thoughts, ive told my mum and she was the one that booked the appointment for me to the psychologist but i haven't opened up to much to my mum as i dont want her to worry. i really don't have any friends that i would open up to aswell. how do you know who the right people are?

intrusive thoughts

bimmadude101 — Fri, 02 Mar 2018 06:42:26 GMT

Hi geoff,

Thanks for the reply,

I have the upmost respect for you as a long time ocd sufferer and couldn't imagine how hard it would be.

thank you for the story about your mum!

i am unaware about any medication but might bring it up with the physiologist.

intrusive thoughts

bimmadude101 — Fri, 02 Mar 2018 06:46:30 GMT

Hi demon Blaster,

Thanks for the reply,

It really just depends on my mood. if im having a bad day i will really struggle with thoughts and also sometimes feelings of im going to have a panic attack (even though ive never had one) i ussually just accept the thoughts are just thoughts and try move on. the only thing is i have that what if in the back of my mind that always scares me. sometmies when im busy i wont experience these thoughts at all. But yes most of the day i will get very scary thoughts.

intrusive thoughts

ConfidentiallyCovert — Fri, 02 Mar 2018 07:07:59 GMT

How often do these thought occur? I have very violent imaginings to myself and towards others sometimes although i’d never act on them.

intrusive thoughts

demonblaster — Fri, 02 Mar 2018 08:49:45 GMT

Thanks for reply ☺

Who to confide in?... I think anyone you feel comfortable around.

Good ideas writing down thoughts from BBall

I'm glad you have a lot of support here

Best

intrusive thoughts

bimmadude101 — Fri, 02 Mar 2018 12:49:13 GMT

pretty much every day for the past year, id say i have good days where i may get a couple thoughts that i can filter out but on my bad days its many and often makes me feel like im going to have a panic attack. i know i wouldn't act on them but there always is that what if in the back of your mind.

intrusive thoughts

ConfidentiallyCovert — Sat, 03 Mar 2018 00:26:13 GMT

So the worse your day is the more frequent and intense those thoughts get? Do you have a lot of anger inside? Or anger towards particular people or peoples?

If you are worried about hurting someone and acting on these thoughts, i’d say just based on what and how you’ve written, that you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I’m assuming you have never seriously hurt anyone physically, if that’s correct it’s proof you have that strength already you just have to keep practicing like you’re currently doing.

As for the panic attacks, do you have a car or pushbike that you can go to somewhere peaceful/quiet to just chill out for a bit.

intrusive thoughts

giggles — Sat, 03 Mar 2018 00:28:25 GMT

Hey bimmadude

l completely understand u not wanting to worry ur Mum but sounds like she cares enough to seek help for you.

The Dr is ur first attempt at talking about it socially though l get how difficult that is from my experience. You know what, admitting it to us and yourself is huge. It shows you care enough about urself to seek help.

There is unfortunately no quick fix as much as people think the alcohol etc help distract the honest problem in them we always have a choice what we wish to do. Its ok if something does not work for you but please do not knock something untill u have tried. Keep posting as everyone is sharing something with you.

I am a mum if u were mine l would want u to fight.

Your Dr should advice u perhaps group stuff.

Good luck

Giggles

intrusive thoughts

bimmadude101 — Sat, 03 Mar 2018 14:34:15 GMT

No not really to much anger all though i struggle opening up to people.

Yes i understand that the thoughts are thoughts and not me. its still something terrible to experience!!

No i mean i played contact sports and got angry here and there but nothing serious. Im really not a fan of violence in general have no interest in gun games and violent movies.

my car is my pride and joy and usually the place i like to go when i want to chill out!!

intrusive thoughts

bimmadude101 — Sat, 03 Mar 2018 14:39:49 GMT

I did talk to my mum about it last night and seems to have helped me out. She is very caring and a great mum, i just struggle opening up,.

Thats true im planning on trying to talk about it more often and not bottle it up inside so much.

Very true, im not really a big drinker as such and try have a healthy diet and exercise frequently which has helped me out with anxiety more then i expected.

Thank you good to have a mums perspective!!

intrusive thoughts

ConfidentiallyCovert — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 02:52:17 GMT

“No not really to much anger all though i struggle opening up to people.” Has this always been the case or was there times in your past you had more ability in opening up?

You mentioned that you have been doing meditation, im interested to hear how you found it? I’ve tried silent sitting meditation and pain from back and hips make me want to stop.

“my car is my pride and joy and usually the place i like to go when i want to chill out!!” Thats awesome you have that feeling with your car bimmadude, do you go anywhere in particular or just like to cruise around?

intrusive thoughts

BballJ — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 12:32:24 GMT

Hi bimmadude101,

I am glad you managed to speak to your mum about it, the more you start speaking about it, the easier it will become to talk about it overall. I think letting your psychologist know a little is good but think of it like this. If they knew the whole story they could then work closer with you to try to help you understand why you think this way and hopefully allow you to sort through those feelings. As I said, writing down is a good thing and even just passing that note to the psychologist you are in a way, inadvertently opening up to them and giving them a clear indication of where you are at.

My best,

Jay

intrusive thoughts

bimmadude101 — Tue, 06 Mar 2018 12:06:57 GMT

Yes, i guess ive always been a shy person but i am trying to work on it!!

I found meditation to be extremely helpful as it just relaxes the mind. Ive done it for the past 3 months id say and am starting to notice that thoughts are easier to let come and go. Id say of you get a sore back/hips try lying down or sitting against something. I really dont think its to much of a worry trying to sit in that classic meditation pose but rather just a comfortable position i find is best.

Yep im a car enthusiast, i have a couple cars and am always working on them which is what i love to do. My driving style really just relies on what mood im in, if im angry i like to take to a few curvy roads where if im just not feeling to great i just cruise around.

intrusive thoughts

bimmadude101 — Tue, 06 Mar 2018 12:09:55 GMT

I have found since talking to my mum there has been a weight lifted of my shoulders and i am starting to feel much better. i still have the thoughts but have been doing everything i want to do during the day without being disturbed by them to much.

i haven been writing down the thoughts yet as ive been keeping busy lately but when and if they do come back and hit me hard again i will be sure to try this technique.