topic Anxious baby teacher in Anxiety

Anxious baby teacher

TeacherTears — Tue, 01 May 2018 22:33:59 GMT

Hi everyone.

I became a teacher at the start of the year. I work in low-SES school. I have very little teaching experience and I have no background in 2 of the 3 subjects I teach. The one that I get the most support in is the one that I did have experience in teaching (to adults). I am floundering. A lot. Yesterday was the start of Term 2 and my classes went belly-up, each for different reasons. But even on the walk to school yesterday I was thinking about how I know that challenging anxiety and growing resilience is very important, but here I feel like I am in my Stress Zone more often than my Stretch Zone, if you know what I mean?

I have tried a few different careers and I suppose my experiences starting off in all of them were similar, when it comes to Stress vs Stretch Zones. So on the one hand, I kind of know that I will probably survive each day, and hopefully even the 2 years I'm contracted at the school. However, I got pretty bad dread before school a few times last term, and I spent most of the day before coming back to school this term crying, because I just didn't want to.

This morning, I woke up at 5:30am, and I believe I was having an anxiety attack. It's now 6:30. I've made a coffee and tried to do a mindfulness exercise, messaged a friend and tried to engage in some positive self-talk. But mostly I still want to cry. So I thought it might be a good idea to put my hand up in a safe space and at least vent, and say I'm not okay right now.

A little context: I've moved across the country to take up this job. My fiance, family and friends are all on the other coast. I went home for the holidays and I think it almost just made it harder to come back. 😞

Anyway, thank you for reading.

Anxious baby teacher

Birdy77 — Tue, 01 May 2018 23:16:28 GMT

Hello TeacherTears!

I am glad you came to put your hand up and say "I'm not okay". It's ok to not be ok and we will be here to support you while you're not ok. You will be ok, just not today.

I am so glad to hear you have support in terms of fiance, family and friends, but so sorry they're very far away.

I just wanted you to know that i totally relate to your post and was in a similar situation, but not remote from friends and support. Starting teaching is absolutely terrifying, well, it certainly was for me. I didn't persist at it, as my anxiety levels were through the roof and I just wasn't strong enough at the time. But you may well get through this but I think you need support.

It is an awful feeling to have every single day and that extreme anxiety is just draining on our emotional and mental reserves.

Is there a more experienced teacher at the school that you could chat to as a mentor or support of some kind? When you start teaching, you can get thrown in the deep end and it feels like you can't swim ... if you can find someone that you know you talk to for support would be ideal.

If not, did you have a supervisor at uni that you you could call on now, for that support? To have someone you can bounce ideas off and just have that support would be very beneficial.

I hope today is ok for you ...

Please come back and vent and just feel really safe here.

Thinking of you!!!

🌻birdy

Anxious baby teacher

TeacherTears — Wed, 02 May 2018 13:30:13 GMT

Thanks Birdy!

Today actually panned out okay in the end. I don't have my most challenging class on Wednesdays, so I had that respite.

In response to your other question, I do have an in-school mentor teacher, and I did go and see them, and together we solved a couple of problems with that classroom's physical layout (god I envy teachers who have their own rooms)...there was, for example, an old broken cabinet students would climb into, which has now been removed. Tomorrow, I find out if this causes any improvements in behaviour.

Anyway, thank you for writing back. The sympathy and support is invaluable.

I'm periodically questioning my decision and capacity to do the job, but at least tonight I'm feeling prepared to get up and go back tomorrow.

Thanks muchly, and I will keep checking in.

Anxious baby teacher

Birdy77 — Wed, 02 May 2018 16:24:05 GMT

Hi TT!

That's great, you had a pretty good day, and you got some support from your mentor. I'm so pleased to hear that you are feeling at least prepared to get and go back today.

I hope the absence of the broken cabinet helps them focus a bit better!

I hope you've been able to have a restful evening and relax for a bit. That was one of my problems, I was so unable to switch off and recuperate each night. When the bell went at 3pm I would be relieved I had made it through the day, and by about 4:30 I'd be getting myself worked up into a tizzy about the next day because it was fast approaching.

I am so pleased you got that support yesterday, and I hope you feel like you can ask for help from them again and not spend too long in the Stress Zone.

I hope today is another pretty good day. No cabinet dwellers is a good start, would love to hear how you get on. Am always here to listen.

🌻birdy

Anxious baby teacher

Kajirin — Thu, 03 May 2018 00:35:35 GMT

Not sure what grades or subjects you're teaching TT, but there are lots of resources out there - Scootle [log in with relevant state teacher ID], Teachstarter [primary only, requires membership], Australian Curriculum Lessons [free I believe] and TES [teaching resources]. These sites could help with some inspiration.

As each day passes you're gaining more experience - it can take a few years to gain the experience needed when you're actually in the classroom, learning what works and what doesn't.

Hoping the removal of the broken cabinet helps with behaviour issues.

Anxious baby teacher

TeacherTears — Thu, 03 May 2018 09:20:58 GMT

Thanks, Kajirin. I am aware of and do use those resources, but they've been of limited utility so far. I teach LOTE (which is fine, I have background in that), as well as English/EALD, which is less fine. (It was supposed to be EALD, but it is in fact a hodgepodge of EALD students, and low literacy students with very diverse needs and very entrenched work-avoidant behaviours, including violent behaviour towards other students.) I should say that I've had quite good support at the school: certainly lots of moral support. I'm just trying to learn an awful lot at once, and I teach 9 different groups of students every week.

Still, one more down, and I'm still alive.

Anxious baby teacher

TeacherTears — Sat, 05 May 2018 12:18:22 GMT

Update: got a big dose of validation and support today. I spoke with some external mentors today about the fact that I've been struggling. Walked them through my timetable and explained that I've been preparing 7 programs for 9 groups of students each week. I've been encouraged to negotiate with my in-school superiors to try to get it changed, because it's probably not a sustainable situation -- having multiple classes that I only see once a week is not only stressful for me, but it's not good for the students and their learning. Feeling very affirmed. I'm going to raise the matter as delicately as I can this week. We'll see how that goes...Thanks Birdy and Kajirin for being present.

Anxious baby teacher

Birdy77 — Sat, 05 May 2018 12:24:51 GMT

Good on ya TT!

I am so pleased to hear you received this external advice and support.

Please let us know how you get on.

I am always happy to listen and chat.

Well done, happy to hear your news 😊

🌻birdy

Anxious baby teacher

TeacherTears — Wed, 09 May 2018 14:17:17 GMT

Positive changes:

- sought and am receiving support from a psychologist.

- started a daily reflection journal to be exchanged with a mate

Today's scary thing:

- have lost/dropped my main USB, containing lots of school stuff, but also a few personal/sensitive files. It's all backed up, but the slight possibility a student has nicked it or it might get into the wrong hands is highly distressing

:((((

Anxious baby teacher

Birdy77 — Thu, 10 May 2018 05:00:56 GMT

Hi TT 😊

So good to hear you have support now from a psychologist, I think that will help immensely. A reflective journal will be a wonderful resource for you as well, really great step forward.

How annoying/upsetting to lose your USB ... I hope it turns up in villages, but if not, there's not much to do about it, it is very distressing though. Look, if someone got into your personal stuff, it's horrible, but it says a lot about them, and nothing about you ...

I had it happen to me during a teaching placement, and I suspect the staff looked through my stuff, but there was nothing they could do without admitting they'd snooped...

Hope it turns up TT, and we'll done for seeking the support you have.

Thinking of you!

🌻birdy

Anxious baby teacher

Birdy77 — Thu, 10 May 2018 05:10:22 GMT

Oh TT ... I'm sorry, my autocorrect does the most bizarre changes to what i am trying to write.

Your USB may well "turn up in villages", but I'm not sure how you feel about this. Or how I feel about it. I think I tried to say "May turn up unviolated".

Sigh .... sorry !! Need to start proofreading...

🌻birdy

Anxious baby teacher

TeacherTears — Sun, 13 May 2018 12:32:07 GMT

I got a great laugh out of 'in villages' Birdy! No sign of it yet. I just really hope it's gone up a vacuum cleaner or under a bus or something.

Spent all day doing a uni assignment...nose back to the grindstone tomorrow...

Hope you and yours had a lovely Mother's Day though, and really truly thank you for posting replies.

Anxious baby teacher

stroppytom — Sun, 13 May 2018 13:36:44 GMT

Teacher Tears...I am a retired teacher here and looking at your workload I think you've had too much put upon your shoulders as a new teacher. You didn't mention whether you are in a state, Catholic or private school. If you are in a state school then the education department of each state has a welfare office for teachers who are having difficulty. The service is free and does not impact on your career. The next thing is to stop being so hard on yourself. You are putting in a Herculean effort by the sounds of things and you are managing to tread water and make some headway.

Things will get better. Teaching is one of the most difficult jobs in the world, despite what ill-informed outsiders might think. It's part ring-master, raconteur, stage actor and font of knowledge and that's no mean feat. You'll find that with time you will develop systems that make life easier for you, short cuts that make your physical load lighter (simple things like coming into school a bit earlier so that you can get to the photocopier before anyone else does...etc...) and you will become a known quantity to the kids you work with. Once you have an established identity at the school (not just "that new teacher") things will become much easier for you. So just hang in there. The ride is tough but worth it in the end.

Anxious baby teacher

Birdy77 — Sun, 13 May 2018 23:40:14 GMT

Hi TT 🌞

Lovely supportive post from stroppytom above.

You busy bee doing uni assignments plus on top of everything else! Is this extra study or are you on internship?

I really hope this week is more calm and peaceful.

Fingers crossed the USB was squashed under a bus in the village , or one of the villagers sucked it up in their vacuum cleaners 😉

Thanks, yesterday for me was a six hour round trip in the car to attend mother's day function from hell!

Always happy to listen TT. Hope you have a good day today.

🌻birdy

Anxious baby teacher

TeacherTears — Mon, 14 May 2018 01:19:49 GMT

Thank you for the support and encouragement, stroppytom. I'm definitely happy with my choice to move into teaching, but I'm not happy about what I was given to do in this first year!! Especially not as an untrained teacher, doing my Masters at the same time...I am part of the public schooling system, so I will look into the welfare office aspect. Thank you for the tip.

Anxious baby teacher

TeacherTears — Mon, 14 May 2018 01:26:27 GMT

Damn, Birdy, sorry to hear about that round trip...sounds like a rough trot. Hopefully you get a chance to relax and recuperate...

My studies are a part of my program. I'm an untrained teacher doing my Masters at the same time as I start teaching. Out of the frying pan into the fire, as it were.

I dream of the day when I can start a new week feeling actually refreshed, lolsob

Anxious baby teacher

lilykitten — Sun, 20 May 2018 01:12:27 GMT

Hey fellow teacher,

Venting to friends is helpful as is speaking to a mentor about your load. One of the best things and worse things about being a teacher is that there is no down time. I have been teaching 20 years and I also have that lovely timetable of 9 different classes each week. It is relentless. Good because I hit the ground running each day and the time just flies, but bad because all the stressors catch up with you some days. I just visualise myself as a swan. Calm on the surface but paddling madly under the water.