topic Feeling lost in Anxiety

Feeling lost

Losstt — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 10:29:56 GMT

I feel very alone and anxious all the time. Today is a bad day. I feel like nobody loves me.

I spent the day looking up mental health facilities thinking i need to admit myself or something

I don't know what i hope to acieve from this post

Feeling lost

Chloe_M — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 10:39:28 GMT

Hi Losstt,

i suffer from anxiety. It is there 24/7. I also suffer from depression. A lot of the time I feel like no one loves me. But people do love me, and they love you too.

You may not really know why you posted, but I do. You want to fix whatever problem you are dealing with. You want help so you chose to reach out for support. That takes a lot of courage. So welcome to the family.

why don't you tell me a bit more about yourself. Your likes, dislikes, also if you are up for it how anxiety makes your mind and body feel and react. The more we know about your situation, the more we can help and the more advice and support we can offer.

Honey just remember that we here on the beyond blue forums are always going to be here for you, even when you feel like no one is. Thank you again for reaching out to us 💖

All the best,

Chloe x

Feeling lost

Losstt — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 11:34:15 GMT

Wow Chloe your reply was really sweet and made me feel a bit better. Ive been reading threads to occupy my mind and everybody is so kind to each other.

I've never been very good at talking about myself but I'll try. I don't have a lot of interests to be honest i don't do much anymore at all. I don't find myself enjoying things anymore.

I do love my children and they keep my somewhat sane buky making me insane.

When i get anxious i get very restless, butterflies in my stomach like i need to throw up. I can't concentrate very well and my mind races. I guess thats the best i can describe it, i also end up getting upset at myself for it and experience deep self loathing. Which then turns into feeling like i have nobody and that im all alone, its getting so much worse. Don't even want to see my friends.

I skipped work today so i hate myself for that, ignored all messages today including a text from a collegue who just returned from the UK after her daughters funeral. So i feel really bad about that too.

Feeling lost

Lov3 — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 12:07:15 GMT

I’m feeling the same today. I have dealt with anxiety and depression for a while now but just lately my stress levels are really high.

I had a family event last night and I told myself not to drink but did and I think I’ve made a fool of myself.

I feel like a mess. Dealing with how I’m feeling inside and having to keep on with life and work is just getting to much and I need to go to a rehab or something!

Feeling lost

Losstt — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 12:13:43 GMT

Lov3 i always feel so much worse after drinking, especially if a drank too much. To be honest i should quit drinking all together. It really screws with my head.

I hope things start looking up for us both

Feeling lost

White_Rose — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 12:51:24 GMT

Dear Losstt

Hello and welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. I am very pleased to meet you and thank you for sharing your story. It's not easy the first time you post so many congratulations.

Anxiety, like depression, just seems to hang around not noticing the hints to go away. Taking yourself to a hospital does not mean they will admit you. What they will do is get you assessed by one of their psychologists or psychiatrists then send you home. I expect the hospital doctor will eventually send a report to your GP for follow up.

You are not at risk of harm to yourself or others and unfortunately our psych hospitals are full with those who are extremely unwell. It's good that you are thinking about getting help. Sadly your symptoms are all too familiar to many of us. If you do not know much about anxiety and depression I suggest you browse this web site. Lots of information here and it's all good. Look under Get Support and The Facts. I think it will help you if you have a better understanding of mental illness in general and anxiety and depression in particular.

I most certainly felt like you with my mental health. I used to do lots of things but gradually lost interest. It was as much as I could do to go to work and I could not do that some days. However I worked at getting well and had help from all sorts of people. I was referred to a psychiatrist because I was very unwell. My GP was awesome and my colleagues at work were very good.

You don't say if you have a spouse or not. Since you have not mentioned it I presume not.

Feeling unwanted or unloved is something many of us experience. I want to tell you this because we often believe we are the only people who are in this situation. Not so, take heart that you can regain your happiness. Racing thoughts, self loathing, lack of concentration, nausea are all part of this wretched illness.

You said you thought it may be a good idea to take yourself to hospital. That's the best place if you feel very unsafe/may harm yourself. I am sure you are nowhere near this so why not go to your GP and have a chat. I have found GPs are very well equipped to manage mental health issues and will be able to help you and reassure you. Please write in again.

Mary

Feeling lost

CMF — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 12:56:41 GMT

Hi Losstt and welcome to the forums,

Sorry to hear how you are feeling, it sucks, I know. Have you been to see your GP and/or do you have counseling? This is a good start. How old are your children?

Keep posting, you will find lots of support here.

cmf x

Feeling lost

Losstt — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 13:04:45 GMT

Thank you Mary for taking the time to reply.

I see my GP regularly and recently had my medication dose changed.

I do think a lot about how i can't be bothered to live anymore but i don't think i could act out those thoughts.

I do have a partner yes, he is supportive the best he can be but i think he thinks that i will take pills and magically be better. Actually only started meds because i promised him i would give them a shot.

But when i feel very low like today i just avoid him a lot because being around him makes me feel sad wondering why he doesn't love me. It's so confusing inside my head and as i write this i think i must sound crazy. Even though i know he loves me i can't make these feelings go away. I hate to be a burden on him too.

Feeling lost

Losstt — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 13:08:54 GMT

Hi cmf,

My children are 1 and 9. Very large age gap!

I haven't had success with counseling ever. But maybe i should try again

Feeling lost

White_Rose — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 13:37:31 GMT

Hello Losstt

So pleased you are working with your GP on your mental health.

Your lack of success working with a counsellor is sad. Have you tried talking to a psychologist or even a psychiatrist? Many of us have thoughts of dying and usually this is as far as it goes. Fleeting thoughts, in my opinion, are quite normal for someone with depression. It's when they stay in your mind and you start to deliberately think in this way that the trouble starts. Have you mentioned this to your GP? It's really very important your do this.

Being around anyone when you feel so bad is something we try to do. We need to learn to limit our exposure to others at all times until we feel strong enough to move forward. By that I mean talk to a friend on the phone, find a cafe with tables available and drink coffee while you watch the world go by. That way you are keeping yourself a little distant but also not being alone and broody.

Well it's 11:30 pm and time I shut up shop. Sleep well.

Mary

Feeling lost

Losstt — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 22:42:03 GMT

Haven't woken up feeling any better today, dragged myself into the shower and got ready for work.

I don't want to go but i know i need to.

Feeling lost

Chloe_M — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 23:18:28 GMT

Hi again,

It's good that you know what you need to do. It's like I need to meet yo with my friends for our history project today but I don't want to go, my anxiety and depression is acting up again 😞

Even when you are feeling truly miserable, and you've hit rock bottom, you still need to try and do things, I know this is hard but it gets easier, it's mind over matter, and that's what I needed to bring into action this morning. You should try and implement this into your daily life.

I'm always here if you need to talk. Everyone is lost at some point in their life; which is why we are here... To help you be found 😊

I hope your day gets better

Chloe x

Feeling lost

Losstt — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 00:27:04 GMT

Hopefully once you meet up with your friends later you'll be feeling better.

Honestly today i just want to curl up into a ball and cry. I'm going to go home andnclesn my house up and try to move forward from these feelings. I can be so self destructive and I'm trying really hard to not let it take over.

When this happens i feel like i need to do crazy nice things for my partner to make up for how crap i am? Does anybody else feel overwhelmingly guilty?

Feeling lost

Baker84 — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 01:09:44 GMT

Hi all Im new here and just needed to write something Im at work and cant stop this feeling of anxiety and I have nearly teared up 3 times. Im trying too shove it down till I get home. I also feel lost and cant find any positive feelings about anything in my life. I know theirs positives in everyone's life but just cant seem to find them at the moment. This is the first time in my 33 years I've felt like this and I know I have to ride it out but the light at the end of the tunnel seems not to be there. " going through a marriage break down"

Feeling lost

Losstt — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 01:17:49 GMT

Hi there Baker,

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

It's perfectly normal to be experiencing these feelings during this hard time in your life.

I suggest reaching out to ypur GP or calling one of the numbers to chat with somebody about how you're feeling. Perhaps speaking to a professional will help you work through the feelings.

Don't beat yourself up over it and allow yourself some time. It will get better

Feeling lost

Baker84 — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 01:48:43 GMT

I am currently seeing a psychologist which helps, she has told me to grief for my wife and accept it. Which I am but its hard to do at work thats all. I know it will get better just hard to cop at the moment. Thanks for your reply I appreciate it.

Feeling lost

White_Rose — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 02:14:24 GMT

Hello Baker

Glad you have a voice here. Well done. I remember being told ad nauseam to look for the positives and in the end I got completely fed up with and said so. No need to look for positives, they will remind you when you are feeling better. Keep moving one step at a time. What is the next thing to do etc. At work I imagine you have certain tasks to complete so try to immerse yourself in them. I know that is hard but not as difficult as looking for positives.

However, on that note, I think it's a positive that you write in here and chat to others going through life in this way. I also think it's a positive that you get to work every day. No need to think you must be the best at anything to prove you are OK. You are doing your job and that's what counts.

I am sorry to know you are going through a marriage separation. It's devastating I know. Grief is hard to bear and our instinct is to push it away. Not because we are tough but because it hurts too much. Try opening the door a little and learn to tolerate that much.

Been there but my choice. Still very hard and I ended with a huge depression.

Glad you are seeing a psychologist. I hope it is helping you.

Mary

Feeling lost

Chloe_M — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 05:26:49 GMT

Hi Baker84,

welcome to the forums. I see that Mary (White Rose) has given you loads of great advice, not much i can add to that. I second all of what she said lol. I too, suffered grief which has led to very intense depression. It sucks but it gets better. slowly.

Hope you are feeling okay (you too Losstt, hi there)

Best wishes,

Chloe x

Feeling lost

Losstt — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 09:24:44 GMT

Chloe - i hope your meeting with friends went okay:)

i made it through work, anxiety kicked in again driving home.

Just tipped out all the kids toys and sorted them out. I have a million things to do this evening to help me push through. I like to keep super busy around the house when I'm anxious. For some reason it makes me feel better.

Hopefully I'll be okay after. Its very obvious in my home when I've been down for a few days. With two kids and a man child it looks like i haven't cleaned in ages. Especially since we had a little party here Saturday for my sons first birthday.

I always feel somewhat better after picking myself up and cleaning. Like perhaps my life isn't such a mess if im not living in mess. But its a big circle of expecting too much from myself so i always feel like im failing. Cleaned up my spew bucket last night from my severe anxiety mess sorry if TMI. Sometimes i wonder how i got here? When did my life become like this? And why?

♡

Feeling lost

Chloe_M — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 09:31:56 GMT

Hi Losstt the meeting was okay, but I am feeling really depressed and suicidal and well lost but I won't go into that because this thread isn't about me.

Happy birthday to your son don't worry about the vomit I'm a sympathy spewer but I'm feeling so bad I don't think I could spew (if that makes sense).

i always wonder why am I like this. I know the answer I went through a really bad break up last year still affecting me almost six months later and the feeling of loss and grief and depression and 'brokenness' hasn't lessend in fact it's gotten worse as the months go by.

enough abiut my crap how are you feeling today? Hope you are feeling better than I am

❤️Chloe