topic Am I just wasting everyone’s time? in Anxiety

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Sun, 11 Feb 2018 10:53:09 GMT

am I just wasting mine and my therapists time? I’ve been seeing a psychologist for the last couple of months for my anxiety. I’m am struggling to describe what I’m feeling inside when asked. I can describe the feelings I’m getting from the anxiety but other feelings are non existent even when I try to find them I just come up empty all the time.

I can’t remember when I felt other feelings other than the few that I can easily describe.

am I just wasting everyone’s time or do I just need more time to work on it? I really want to keep working on it but if I can’t get past this hurdle I feel there may be little hope of success

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Hope_for_the_best — Sun, 11 Feb 2018 14:41:56 GMT

You are very proactive and brave in seeking help for your anxiety, as it can be a very difficult step to take. Please be reassured that you are not wasting anyone's time. You are doing a favour for your health, and your psychologist is there to help you. Some feelings are not easy to describe, so try not to stress about them. I also find it difficult to describe my feelings when asked by my psychologist, but nonetheless, she offered great advice on stress management. It is more important to find ways to cope with those feelings, rather than finding the names of them. Have you told your psychologist your concerns written here? It is always helpful for your psychologist to receive feedback from you, so he/she can modify therapy approaches to suit you better.

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

geoff — Sun, 11 Feb 2018 17:32:49 GMT

hello Scruffy, welcome to the site.

Absolutely no, you're not wasting your time at all, because sometimes we know what's troubling us and sometimes we get depressed for no known reason and simply by talking it maybe revealed by what we say.

Maybe if I give you an example, my psychologist kept asking me 'what do I want to do in the future', well there was so much to choose from, but they had been all wiped out from my depression and not interested at all, so the question remained 'what do I want to do', I was blank, I had no idea, but the conversation still continued.

What I discussed with her may have given her some idea that could open that door which was locked, something which I had, but didn't realise, something that will give me the key to the door which will give me the freedom I want.

The door is your hurdle and is there any rush to find the key because this has to be found slowly, there are too many issues to discuss before the key is found. Geoff.

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 02:43:40 GMT

Thank you for the replies. I am probably placing too much emphasis on not being able to answer these simple questions. That is how I have always been.

im just worrying that unless I can answer how I’m feeling that there is very little hope of overcoming my anxiety

i know I should be describing all these wonderful feelings but when I try to I come up blank and anxiety takes over.

i never have any trouble describing anxiety feelings because they are all too common

maybe trying to find these feelings is something I need to work on before next session

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

White_Rose — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 03:18:07 GMT

Dear Scruffy

Hello and welcome. It's great you have posted here to people who struggle with problems similar to yours and those with very different problems. What we have in common is a mental illness, an illness that cannot be seen by others and which opens us up harsh words from others.

I want to make a couple of observations. First you said, I can describe the feelings I’m getting from the anxiety but other feelings are non existent even when I try to find them I just come up empty all the time. And maybe that's the point, you have no other feelings to discuss. Actually I suspect you have lots of feelings but just cannot reach them and it seems you cannot feel anything.

The psychologist job is to help you understand yourself and what presses your buttons. That's no small task. I believe it cannot be managed in a couple of months, unless you really have no difficulties. Since this is not the case please persevere.

Secondly, I wonder if you feel comfortable with the psych. If you do that's great. If not ask your GP for a referral elsewhere. There is no one size fits all.

Thirdly, I really want to keep working on it but if I can’t get past this hurdle I feel there may be little hope of success. It's great you want to keep working on it so don't give up. Hope for the best has asked if you have discussed this with your psych and it's a good point. Why not print out your post above and show him/her. Then you can have a discussion about how to access your feelings.

We forget a lot of things in our lives. I left my husband many years ago and I find it difficult to remember much, if anything, about our lives together. My children tell/remind me and sometimes I can remember, sometimes not. I think I would be a basket case if I allowed myself to get in a tizz.

What other feelings are you trying to describe other than the anxiety feelings? If they are not directly related to your anxiety I'm not surprised it's hard to remember. It's probably not the most important thing in your life at the moment. May I suggest you talk about events and see what feelings come up. It is really difficult to produce any feelings at a moments notice. You may remember that you felt angry/disappointed/happy/on top of the world etc. These are names for your emotions and maybe this what your psych is asking. Describing disappointment, for example, is very hard.

Keep a journal of events and your reactions. This can be of great help. Keep writing in.

Mary

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 11:33:21 GMT

Thanks White Rose

my Psychologist is looking for what I’m feeling inside not names of what I’m feeling. I have never been comfortable talking to anyone about myself in any capacity and having to open up like this to someone who only a couple of months ago was a total stranger is hard for me to do.

I try my hardest to reach inside but as soon as I try anxiety just takes over every time

I have had anxiety to varying degrees most of my life but over the last couple of years it has gotten out of control

This is the first time I have ever sought help for it so I’m in new territory. Luckily I’m comfortable with the psychologist I have. I just don’t want her to give up on me just because I can’t answer some of the questions. I’m sure she wouldn’t but in my mind that is what is going to happen.

i mean it must be hard working with someone when they can only describe one feeling.

i know in my head what are the right things I should be saying but inside I just don’t feel it

we have achieved a couple of things over the last couple of months in that I’m not worrying as much and I’m not putting myself down all the time

so i guess it hasn’t been a total waste of time and realistically it’s going to take more than a half dozen therapy sessions to see any real change

I have another appointment in 2 weeks so I am trying to observe feelings I may have over that tat time and take them observations to the next session rather than trying to find them on the spot. I’ll see if I can do that

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 12:00:58 GMT

I guess what I’m asking is that the phsycologist won’t just write me off as uncooperative or something just because I can’t answer the question will she?

i answer all the others but the one about the feelings I just can’t find an answer

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

White_Rose — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 22:47:02 GMT

Hello Scruffy

It sounds as though your psychologist is helping you a great deal. If she feels she cannot work with you she will not simply abandon you. She is obliged to find someone else. Having said that I must add it is not often psychologists, or any medical professional, gives up on a client. You are reading her words through your own filter of not being worthwhile.

No one believes you are uncooperative. You are a worthy person who is going through some difficulties. Your psych is helping you and will not throw you out.

A little misunderstanding about names and feelings. I understand your psych wants you to describe those feelings and you are struggling with that. This is why I suggest you keep a journal and when an event upsets you write it in your journal to discuss later. It's much easier to describe a feeling when you are in the middle of it. Even if you believe it is a manifestation of your anxiety still write it down. Your may find some of your emotions are not anxiety.

I said These are names for your emotions and maybe this what your psych is asking. It's a start if you can name an emotion. If you can say, "I feel sad about ......" it's much easier to move on to identifying what the sadness feels like. Perhaps you can talk about events in your life to help you remember the emotion that is attached to that memory. Nice or not so nice emotions are easier to identify when you can hang them on an event. Try happy memories as well as the less happy. To start with being able to describe any emotion is good.

You said when you try to describe an emotion your anxiety kicks in. This is why I suggest writing down at the time, how you feel if something presses your buttons. You can then take it with you to the psych. I hope this clarifies what I meant.

Your psychologist will not write you off as uncooperative. You are just starting your therapy and it takes a while to feel comfortable and to feel sufficiently relaxed to talk about yourself. It's incredibly hard. I went to a psychiatrist and found it difficult to talk. He asked what was stopping me and I said it seemed rude to talk about myself all the time. Yes I know, sad. Sigh.

Mary

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Sat, 03 Mar 2018 06:12:17 GMT

I came away from my session this week feeling I am finally able to trust my therapist. I’m looking forward to my next session not dreading it like I have the others.

I have a list of things I would like to discuss with her that I feel may help come to the root of my problems. I have tried to bring them up before but incoherently just blurted out stuff that made no sense to me let alone anyone else and I couldn’t bring myself to elaborate on them at the time but now feel ready to.

is this a good plan or should I just let her keep talking and asking the questions and I answer them as best I can?

i don’t want to appear foolish again.

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

White_Rose — Sat, 03 Mar 2018 07:21:21 GMT

Hello Scruffy

Nice to hear from you again and I am so pleased for you that you are now comfortable with your psychologist.

I suspect your psych ask questions to get the conversation going and needs to continue in this way if you stop talking after you feel you have answered the question. It's quite hard work to hold a conversation this way. I think your psych will be pleased if you took the initiative to get the conversational ball rolling.Blurting out concerns is something I do quite often. Nothing wrong with it but hard to get to core of the difficulty.

I have suggested before that you write down your concerns and I think this will help you focus on one topic at a time. By all means write a list and if one point is taken care of before the end of your appointment you can start another.

If you feel you get muddled with your concerns, perhaps you can add a couple of points under each topic or at least the first couple, to remind you where you are going with this. If you feel you have explained fully or do not understand the psych's reply, ask her to stop and give you more time to explain, or to give her reply in a different way.

I once went to a psychiatrist whose answers I struggled with on occasions. I asked him to explain again and he did, in exactly the same words he had used the first time. Made me feel like the idiot child an d I am certain that's not the case. I learned I had to ask about a part of his answer in order to understand the whole answer. Really he should have rephrased his comments when I ask for clarification but no one's perfect.

It's good you are thinking about the causes of your problems. A discussion can help with this and sometimes surprise you by revealing it is something different at the root of the problem, not what you thought. It's a bit disconcerting but when that happens to me it's very much an aha moment. Suddenly everything makes sense and fits together.

Your psych is not a mind reader and while she may happen to mention something you want to talk about the chances are you will be waiting a long time. So yes, tell her you have a list and would like to work through it with her. I think she will be very pleased to know you are more comfortable with her and able to set the agenda.

Mary

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 06:22:37 GMT

Hello White Rose

Thank you so much for the kind words

i have taken on board what you’ve said about writing things down. I am going to do this.

i think I have been holding myself back in sessions mainly because I needed to build up enough confidence to confide in therapist.

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

White_Rose — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 06:41:43 GMT

Holding back in therapy is a game we have all played. We fear the therapist being shocked at what we say, or being untrustworthy and likely to repeat our confidences, or maybe tell us off and sometimes it is just plain shame that keeps us quiet. Well therapists don't indulge in that sort of behaviour so you are quite safe there. Being ashamed of our mental illness can take longer to get over, but with patience from the therapist and you this will start to disappear.

I believe you have made a huge leap with your therapist and that will be reflected in you feeling better and more able to cope. What's that song, "The road is long, with many a-winding turn". I think that sums up our respective journeys. Enjoy the view as you go.

Mary

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 07:57:03 GMT

I’ll report back after my next session and let you know how it went. I have a good feeling about it.

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 09:50:40 GMT

I haven’t reported back on this post in a while so thought I might update it.

i have had a couple of sessions since last posting and have turned the corner as far as trusting my therapist and have revealed a lot of my problems but not all. Some go back many many years. It felt good to finally talk to someone about it after many years.

We have things we are now able to work on and I am feeling so much better about myself. Fingers crossed it keeps moving forward.

thanks to all

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

White_Rose — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 22:17:59 GMT

Dear Scruffy

Thank you for your very welcome post. I am so pleased for you that you are developing a good and positive relationship with your therapist. Now you have got past your hesitancy you will go ahead well. Great to know.

Remember you can always write in here anytime you want some support or simply to shoot the breeze.

Mary

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Wed, 25 Apr 2018 03:55:51 GMT

Last two sessions have been great. I feel I have made so much progress. I am beginning to work out the cause of my anxiety and putting other stuff that has happened over 5he years and it is all starting to make some sense. Beginning to feel much better about myself as well so hopefully I can find some inner peace soon

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Sun, 27 May 2018 01:00:23 GMT

What to do next? My current care plan has only two sessions left and as I believe I can access more from January next year.

my issues are still unresolved but I am making progress I think. My question is since my last session will be at end of June I am worried about having to wait six months for next lot how hard it will be to continue where I left off. Any ideas on how best to deal with it?

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

White_Rose — Sun, 27 May 2018 21:57:40 GMT

Dear Scruffy

This is the problem with mental health plans, not realistic in terms of how long you need to spend in therapy. Yes you will need to wait until next year to continue this conversation with your psych. Has she suggested ways to manage this gap? It is huge.

Options: You can continue to see the psych at your own total expense. Do you have private insurance? There is usually a smaller component in private cover but that will not take you to the end of the year.

You can start to see a psychiatrist. These fees always get a rebate from Medicare and I suspect the gap is similar to that you are paying now. Medicare has a safety net on fees for doctors. Once you reach your safety net you will receive an additional 80% of the gap or out of pocket costs. Best to check with Medicare on where you are with your safety net total. This does include the amounts you have paid to the psychologist. It means you will need to start again with your story but it will be easier second time round.

You may also choose to stay with the psychiatrist to avoid continual changes. If your psychiatrist thinks it will be useful you can see the psychologist next year under the mental health plan and continue to see the psychiatrist at the same time.

My suggestion is to get a referral from your GP for a psychiatrist. Not much point in waiting another six/seven months to see the psychologist. Hope I haven't muddied the waters. I think it is unrealistic to give psychologists a short period of consultations. Some see their clients once a month which may not be the best course of action. If you are seeing your GP soon, why not have a chat with her.

Mary

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

Scruffy1 — Mon, 28 May 2018 12:44:22 GMT

Hi White Rose. Unfortunately being able to pay for sessions is not an option at the moment (my sessions are bulk billed) and to be honest I don’t think I want to start seeing someone else and have to go through the whole process again.

I think I will just go to next two sessions and then take a break from it until January. Definitely not an ideal situation but I guess it is what it is.

thanks again

Am I just wasting everyone’s time?

White_Rose — Tue, 29 May 2018 08:13:19 GMT

Hello Scruffy

Money so often turns out to be the problem. If we are to be serious about mental health there needs to be a way for everyone to access care. At the moment only those with reasonable bank balances can be sure of seeing a psychologist for as long as necessary.

I understand you don't want to start over with someone new. My early sessions with the psychiatrist I now see where pretty hard. I know I was not very co-operative as starting again with someone has always been hard for me. Eventually I settled down and was meeting her every fortnight. I hasten to add that I reached the safety net very quickly as I would not have been able to pay the fee, or rather the gap which was about $100 if I remember correctly. This year I reached the safety net by the end of February and these sessions cost about $18. It's manageable.

I see the psych every week. I used to see my GP fairly often but then she left the practice and I needed to find someone else. Also a huge problem for me. So I changed to weekly appointments with the psych at her suggestion. It does work out rather well.

I hope you continue to post here so that we can give you our support.

Mary