topic Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities in Anxiety

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

TheWayfarer — Sun, 27 May 2018 06:44:42 GMT

Hey everyone,

My mental health really went off the rails at the end of last year where I had a massive choking incident. I was lying down eating chocolate (it was the holidays, but I learned now not to do that ever again) and a few seconds later I felt like I was suffocating.Then I had another choking incident only a week later - and after that... everything changed.

I couldn't eat or drink anything. The sight of food and drink alone would send shivers down my spine and I'd internally panic even contemplating on trying to consume it - getting flashbacks and visualising that I'd end up choking like I did in the past. I went to my GP and he prescribed be reflux medication, thinking it wasn't a big issue (it had hurt when I did manage to swallow something) and it was only meant to be used as a precaution to hopefully ensure I didn't get any severe oesophageal issues in the future with my repetitive vomitting). But try as I did, the thought of swallowing anything made me incredibly nervous.

It got so bad, it came to some weeks where i didn't have anything but water. My body ached, my head felt dizzy and my life just turned out for the worst. I couldn't work, I couldn't leave the house and I couldn't see anyone apart from medical professionals. Everytime I swallowed it'd be painful and I'd be paralysed by my anxiety for hours before even contemplating on having anything to eat or drink.

Fast forward to now, I did all the tests (barium swallows, gastroscopies, had a tube down my nose to check my throat just to make sure nothing physical is obstructing) and then after that got my diagnosis for health anxiety.

I've been tested so much - I've lost 30kg, in a constant state of fatigue and I missed a lifetime opportunity to go on holidays with my friend crippled by the fact that I can't even swallow without thinking I'm going to choke or aspirate food/liquids (have food or liquid go down the lungs). My parents- who I live with work so hard and they are quite old and sick... I feel like I've been a burden to because I haven't been able to work and financially help out. We rent, but any point our tenants might raise the prices due and we could end up being homeless.

I get chest pains, struggle to breathe and I'm constantly at medical appointments, psychologist or at the ED, scared my health is deteriorating - and I get a feeling they are all getting sick of me at this point because I haven't been improving and coming back with more and more concerns.

Thanks for listening.

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

stormcloudz — Sun, 27 May 2018 10:21:02 GMT

Hi Wayfarer - that sounds like a really difficult experience. Health anxiety is a very real thing and is difficult to live with, but it can be managed, it just takes a while. I wanted to let you know that we are here and listening, and want to hear more from you. Have you had anxiety for a while or is it only recent?

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

Scruffy1 — Sun, 27 May 2018 11:12:42 GMT

Hi Wayfarer

Have you been diagnosed with anything?

i can sympathise with what you are going through

i have a rare swallowing disorder that was misdiagnosed for many years. I’ve been through all the same tests as you and have aspirated into my lungs quite a few times.

choked on and regurgitated every meal

chest pains so severe all the time that felt like I was having a constant heart attack

i was finally correctly diagnosed 2 years ago and had surgery on my oesophagus last year and while it’s not cured it is manageable now.

best wishes

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

TheWayfarer — Mon, 28 May 2018 02:59:20 GMT

Thank you so much for listening. I genuinely mean this as this experience and life so far has been both eye opening and alienating and I've never felt more alone than I do now. I haven't seen friends, my parents work really long hours and they just don't know what to do. Particularly my mother who I know is extremely devastated and feeling helpless about the situation. So I truly, truly appreciate your kindness. I joke that the medical professionals and E.D staff are my friends since I see them so often - but I'm deeply saddened because I think they are getting sick of seeing me.

Honestly, I don't really know. I've always been an "anxious" person and without going into too much detail about my past - there's a pretty good reason why I am. It was only around 5 years ago, it started to truly unravel and lose control when I had a panic attack (the various mental health professionals I saw confirmed it when I described) the situation to them. I had always been reluctant to seek mental health advice until this incident - so that's why the diagnosis has been pretty recent - but whether this had been the catalyst of anxiety or if it was only the straw that broke the camel's back from years of stress and unhealthy mental issues is yet to be discussed and discovered. A lot of my therapy has been concentrating on using mindfulness and distraction strategies to control my fear of needing to eat and drink, so there's not a lot of discussion about issues not concerning anything outside that.

I agree. I've already established bad habits that I need to break free from; googling health symptoms, calling Nurses On Call frequently for every issue, breaking down when my GP refuses to write a referral to see other specialists, thinking I'll aspirate or choke every single time I "attempt" to eat or drink.

Some days it gets really bad, I lie in bed just falling apart thinking my life is over while experiencing so many aches and having so many negative thoughts. I mean the reassuring thing is despite my lack of food intake that health signs seem to be stable (despite losing weight dramatically)... But I really hope to recover soon before those factors might spiral out of control

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

TheWayfarer — Mon, 28 May 2018 03:14:27 GMT

Hi Scruffy1

Apparently from all the diagnostics, the many doctors I have been seeing say that there's nothing serious apart from the fact that my oesophagus doesn't squeeze well sometimes and that my body has this weird that moves whatever I swallow up while it's going down. No structural issues although my gastroenterologist did note that there was definitely weakness in food going down when I was anxious. Although what distresses me quite a lot is that when I do manage to get anything down (foods or liquids), I end up regurgitating or have coughing fits right after. In the early (Jan-Feb) there were times where I'd just vomit and get really awful chest pains (that didn't feel like heartburn - which really really worried me). Nowadays, I feel really dizzy and tired and get the chest pains. But even with the liquid nutrition, I'm always so exhausted.

I've gone through lots of x-rays (and even a CT chest scan), so that worries me a lot as well. Thankfully the doctors say there's not an issue each time. I genuinely feel really horrible going to emergency because I know people and the workers there think I'm just a frequent flyer - but I'm really doing everything I can to rule out everything.

Lately I've been feeling lots of chest pains to which I'm hoping I can convince my GP to allow me to see a cardiologist to rule any heart issues out.

I'm so sorry to hear how much you've suffered. Aspirating foods and liquids is a constant fear I have and choking is such a horrible feeling. I'm so glad to hear you are managing right now.

Thank you so much for reaching out. It really helps hearing from someone that understands (whereas even some of the health profs I see make me feel silly).

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

stormcloudz — Mon, 28 May 2018 11:46:03 GMT

Hi Wayfarer

You're not silly, you are suffering. And doing your very best to understand what's going on. Specialists often aren't very good at understanding issues outside their own field, so your gastro may not understand anxiety (and so on).

Did you know that anxiety can have physical symptoms? I had no idea - it was confusing for me, as I did not have anxious thoughts, but had chest pains, exhaustion, dizziness, tremors, nausea etc. It was helpful to understand that the physical issues were anxiety, and that all the tests were clear, as before that I was googling and worrying, just like yourself. I also went to a cardiologist (and basically got the all clear, which was helpful). My anxiety doesn't focus primarily primarily on my health, but it was certainly appearing in my body.

I'm so sorry you are isolated by your condition. It can't help to only see medical people. Please feel free to come here and get some companionship and support. Distraction can also be helpful sometimes - do you have any hobbies or past-times?

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

Scruffy1 — Mon, 28 May 2018 13:14:01 GMT

Wayfarer don’t let them make you feel silly.

keep turning up at emergency or to doctors until something is done

I first saw about my swallowing issues more than 20 years ago and was always told there was a problem but nothing could be done.imagine what that does to the anxiety. 2 years ago I finally got a diagnosis and found out that after all this time something could have been done years ago.

I’m not a doctor so I don’t know what is going on but your symptoms sound remarkably similar to mine.

best of luck and I hope you find some relief soon

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

TheWayfarer — Tue, 29 May 2018 05:13:43 GMT

Hi stormcloudz,

I definitely can relate to that. I'm trying to wean off looking to health professionals for moral support since I know eventually I will have to have to build some confidence and inner strength to face my fears. They often leave me a little bewildered and although tests come negative (which should really give me peace of mind), the anxiety is still a very all encompassing part of my days.

That's definitely what makes anxiety so frightening. I still don't know how to gauge whether it is anxiety or if the physical symptoms are much more sinister - thus the trips to the ED and the countless tests I've done to sort my issue out. The chest pains, the constant exhaustion, the coughing and regurgitating after I eat, the panic that happens after I eat or drink, the constant sore throat, the headaches and neck pains. I've read online and it feels like anxiety so many symptoms - it gets so confusing. At times I feel like my body is at war with my mind.

I ended up contracting a really bad viral illness the week before I was scheduled to have my holiday that I planned with my friend a year in advance. It would've been my first holiday ever... and I really feel like I let my friend down and due to my financial situation and my health - I'm not sure if I'll ever get to go.

The virus also set me back on my progress when it came to eating food. Now I'm back on liquid nutrition and I know it's really frustrated the medical professionals I've seen. It's gotten to the point where I've looked for clinics that hopefully allow you to build your confidence with your swallow and getting you back to eating healthily... but apparently they are all super expensive without private health insurance.

I know I must be positive, but being all alone and seeing my family struggle while being helpless to aid them is very, very difficult.

I used to write creatively a lot - but I've found it takes a lot of emotional toll and I can barely concentrate on tasks lately - and it requires a lot of focus. These days I've just been trying to find humour in things or do some photography when I can get out of the house. I look forward to getting to know everyone here and I hope you all don't mind me too much.

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

TheWayfarer — Tue, 29 May 2018 05:24:49 GMT

Hi Scruffy1,

I'm worried about all the radiation I've been getting recently and all the blood work. My arms are all really bruised (even the experienced nurses have trouble finding my veins) and the extensive wait at the hospital waiting rooms get me all dizzy and make me miss out on possible times to get nutrition down. I've had to tell what I've been going through every single time and it just seems that when the tests are clear, they just want to kick me out and they don't give me advice on how to treat anything.

I told my GP about the chest pains and even when I was at the office experiencing the pains, he told me it was pointless to get a referral to a cardiologist. I'm going to email and contact cardiology offices about this, but I expect them just to say that I need a referral.

I can't imagine experiencing these symptoms for over 20 years. It's so horrible. Just today, I had really bad chest pains but I followed my GPs advice to try and calm down and that they'd pass. Fortunately today, that happened, but the previous times where I tried mindfulness and many other things discussed with my psychologist, the didn't.

Thank you so much for your well wishes. Talking about it really does help.

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

TheWayfarer — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 02:36:41 GMT

Just in case there were people reading and wanting updates on my progress -

I have started to try and have solid foods in my diet again. I'm starting with soups and sandwiches. Still not enough in terms of calories (I'm still losing weight), but it's progress.

I spoke to my psychologist and we discussed a residential care facility to try and practice therapy techniques and getting my health back in order. There's probably little chance for me to be placed in one - but I wanted to ask anyone who has happened to gone through this; how was your experience at a residential care facility? What can I expect if I were to be admitted?

I'm really, really nervous but if it's necessary for recovery, I'm happy to do anything. I'm finding it really difficult panicking every time I'm eating or drinking - and having massive coughing fits and chest pains and getting really scared to drink even though I'm really, really dehydrated or thirsty. I want to get my life back in order.

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

stormcloudz — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 10:34:39 GMT

Hi Wayfarer

I'm here and have been thinking about you. I'm glad to hear your update. Residential care might be a good way to get you on track so that you can then be in a better position to improve over the longer term. I have looked into residential care and it basically depends on the facility - but in some cases it's just best to be there to get the help to stabilize.

Please keep us up to date and let us know how you are going.

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

stormcloudz — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 11:50:33 GMT

PS even if you decide against residential care, I am sure things can improve for you over time.

I started a post for you yesterday on the physical symptoms of anxiety but accidentally deleted it : ( I'll try again later : )

I have also had to have lots of tests due to a separate health issue, and I also ended up with very bruised arms. Don't worry, they go away with time.

The thing with anxiety is to try to identify the thoughts that are causing you to panic internally. It may not actually be your health - that may be just where all your anxiety is coming out. It might be "safe" point of focus, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, I just wanted to say again that I really feel for you and hope that you find some support and comfort with us here.

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

TheWayfarer — Sun, 03 Jun 2018 04:41:26 GMT

Hi stormcloudz,

Hoping everyone has had a good weekend. Thank you so much for your warm thoughts.

I have been investigating further on possible physical symptoms that anxiety can be responsible for. I don't know why, but it really feels like when I'm showing some signs of recovery; my body just finds ways to terrify me with really horrible symptoms. Just a half an hour ago, my whole torso was aching and I could barely move. I decided to get changed and then call 000 to take me to the hospital because the pain was so bad (chest pains, my whole back was hurting, I was getting really dizzy). And as far as I know - I was just about to go to lie down in bed to try and relax and was not stressed or anxious about anything; and then the horror started.

But as soon I got changed; the symptoms slowly faded away. I've decided to try and wait till my next GP appointment on Wednesday to talk to him about the incident or if it gets serious before then - to definitely go try and see a medical professional sooner. I figure if I had gone to hospital; I would have to wait and they'd end up telling me it was just anxiety anyway or I'd look completely crazy. The only thing I'm a little concerned about is that my GP won't know what it is, or just say it's nothing. The pain around my body seems to just get worse. I just want to know what it is and if it can be fixed.

I'm very open to residential care; I think it'll be a good way to try and get my life back in order. In fact; I addressed it quite early on with my psychologist who I'm thankful for as she quickly went to investigate options surrounding inpatient clinics and care facilities.

Thank you so much for listening.

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

stormcloudz — Sun, 03 Jun 2018 13:20:13 GMT

Hi Wayfarer

I also suffered from disconcerting dizziness and chest pains as a physical symptom of anxiety. I did not have noticeably anxious thoughts at the time. It was years of chronic stress and some traumatic events catching up with me. Maybe it's the same for you?

I'm glad that you recovered a bit from that intense aching earlier.

I think one of the problems is that "anxiety" is a bit of a misnomer. People think that clinical anxiety is like the butterflies you might have before a test. It's not. It's a full-body, sometimes seriously debilitating physical and/or mental condition. It's not just a matter of calming down a bit.

The good news is that anxiety can be treated. It might be a combination of counselling, medication and physical therapy, or any of those. Don't let anyone imply it's "just" anxiety and you should just magically get over it - they don't have a good understanding of the condition.

It is great that you have a supportive psychologist, I'm glad to hear that.

Stay hopeful as I think that there is a good chance that you can recover from your current really limiting situation.

Please keep posting and let us know if there is anything that would be useful for you.

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

Scruffy1 — Mon, 04 Jun 2018 08:40:41 GMT

Hi Wayfarer

how are you feeling today?

as I said before I can sympathise with you and know exactly what you are going through

chest pains for me from trying to swallow felt like I was having several heart attacks a day for years. (Every time I ate) I have since learned from research that it is actually worse pain than an actual heart attack. Occasionally it would radiate to my back.

as mine is what is classed as a rare disease (affects about 1 in 100000 people worldwide) trying to find a doctor that knew anything about it was a mission.

Like you the symptoms would ease up by the time I go to a doctor. Mainly because I hadn’t eaten. Doctors would do ECGs on me but could find nothing wrong with my heart. I was made to feel like I was just wasting their time and felt like I was being treated like a hypochondriac that I simply stopped going to doctors.

My biggest fear is if I ever have an actual heart attack I will dismiss it as just another chest pain from my disease

i hope you don’t take as long as I did to get diagnosed and can find some relief soon.

if you want to ask me any questions feel free

best wishes

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

stormcloudz — Mon, 04 Jun 2018 09:09:15 GMT

Scruffy, what's your condition called, and what sort of specialist is needed to diagnose it? (I'm thinking that if Wayfarer has that info, he can then rule it out).

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

Scruffy1 — Mon, 04 Jun 2018 09:36:34 GMT

It’s called Achalasia and is treated by a gastroenterologist

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

TheWayfarer — Wed, 06 Jun 2018 01:32:26 GMT

Hi Stormcloudz,

One of the things I spoke about with my psychologist was my background. A theory floating around is that the anxiety finally reared its ugly head from the choking trauma from accumulated stress that I've picked up ever since childhood. In a nutshell; I've always had to be extremely cautious because of never feeling safe and being raised to believe everything is a threat. Piling on the fear about my parents getting sick and the possibility of homelessness; perhaps it's due to prolonged stress too. But it's definitely something I should discuss more with my psychologist.

Truth be told - even with treatment - i thought that too. For awhile I was not sure if anxiety could create so many different physical symptoms. It definitely takes a lot of reflection and puts you in a difficult position.

I spoke to my psychologist about future treatment. My appointment with the residential care facility is in a fortnight. Apparently they will gauge whether I would be put on a waiting list or not since beds are all full. Maybe I shouldn't admit this; but I hope they take me only because I feel like it would be a great way to practice getting a handle of my anxiety as well as give me an environment where it's safe and I can recover. Also with interaction, I would finally love to speak and be social again and feel fulfilled in life. But I think it's probably more pragmatic to wait for the appointment first, take the tour and see if it's suitable and have hope that recovery can happen even without this intervention.

I'm coming to grasps that recovery isn't a straight trajectory up, but has lots of bumps and a lot of setbacks. I used to get really hard on myself; especially because I couldn't get "well on time" to go on my holiday with my friend and seeing everyone's life just pass by with so many great opportunities while feeling completely stuck. But my treating team said something that was reassuring; about even though there's setbacks, I'm much more further away from where I started and that reassures me.

Thanks so much for listening. It really helps talking about these things.

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

TheWayfarer — Wed, 06 Jun 2018 01:53:26 GMT

Hi Scruffy1,

It's really terrifying when it happens. I remember just feeling completely hopeless when it kept occurring and when doctors and E.D just dismissed the symptoms and just told me to eat soft foods. By then I was trialing soft foods and those pains were still happening. Having what feels like a heart attack, or vomitting after eating or feeling like you can't breathe or getting aches all over your body everytime you eat or drink really discourages you from doing those things. It was only until I went out of my way seeking a gastroenterologist that I actually felt like progress was being made. Before then, the advice was just "just eat".

It was extremely important for me to rule out any physiological problems before I admitted that I had anxiety. And it wasn't as if my concerns were unreasonable. I found it hard to swallow, had chest pains, constant headaches, throat pains and am in a constant state of tiredness and my capacity to engage in the outside world was severely compromised. So why was it unreasonable to seek help in that capacity. And to just get "just eat" as treating advice before being discharged was demoralising.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Believe me, I went into incredibly dark places when that happened to me. The fact that you had such tenacity and persistence is a true testament to how strong you are for finally getting to the bottom of the condition and you've endured with it much more longer than me.

Said helpful gastroenterologist (she's been so amazing. I email her everytime I have a concern and she's very responsive and even went above and beyond for so many things) ended up doing a manometry test. That test was really tough to get through (although I hate barium swallows more). It was discovered that my oesophagus did not squeeze properly at some points, but was perfectly fine in others. She didn't believe I had achalasia, but she does believe that review is needed just in case conditions get worse.

At that point, she didn't know what the issue could have been and it was then my treating team (who, through pure desperation was compiled because I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time - so I sought advice from so many different specialists and departments) thought that anxiety was more serious than expected.

So that leads us to now. Trial and error with foods, monitor physiological symptoms and have a handle on the anxiety to see whether things are improving or if further medical intervention is needed.

Anxiety and Swallowing Difficulities

stormcloudz — Wed, 06 Jun 2018 23:51:47 GMT

Scruffy - thanks for sharing your diagnosis so that Wayfarer and anyone else reading can check that out. What a long haul you have had.

Wayfarer - I don't have much time right now, but just wanted to drop by to say hi and thank you for your thoughtful and interesting posts. I also wanted to say what a great approach you are taking to both the residential care option and the ups and downs of recovery (that reminder helped me too). Even if I don't reply immediately, I'm reading your posts and thinking of you.