topic Should I tell others about my anxiety? in Anxiety

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Sezza_H — Mon, 24 Dec 2018 08:54:08 GMT

Is it ok to tell the people around me about my anxiety?
I have struggled for quite a while with anxiety, but the strange thing is my anxiety doesn’t really manifest itself in anxious thoughts but more so in physical symptoms such as nausea, feeling faint, shaking, etc. I suppose I then worry a lot about these symptoms, and feel locked in with them whereby I am just so caught up with them that I struggle to be “present” or in the moment. This probably doesn’t make much sense but it’s the only way I can describe it.
These symptoms appear whenever I’m out with people or whenever someone comes over and it is difficult for me to have to put on a brave face and act “normal” when I feel horrible on the inside. Sometimes I wish I could just tell the people around me how I am feeling and how much I am struggling. But then I wonder, am I selfish for doing so? Everyone has problems and a lot of people are facing difficulties much worse than mine so would me telling the people around me (family, friends) be like me complaining or whining to them? I know this sounds a bit ridiculous, but it is something I am concerned about.
I guess I am wondering if I should tell my family and friends what’s really going on with me as I feel like I am sort of lying to them? Also, if I do tell them, how would I explain my anxiety?

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

jess334 — Mon, 24 Dec 2018 10:17:06 GMT

Hi Sezza,

Your explanation of your symptoms does make sense. At least it sounds very familiar to me!

It is absolutely up to you whether you tell people about your anxiety. I take each situation as it comes and sometimes I tell people Im feeling anxious, sometimes I dont, and sometimes they can tell.

All my family and friends know that I suffer from anxiety - I decided to tell everyone a few years ago when I did some fundraising for Beyond Blue. I was surprised that almost everyone was supportive and many were going through similar issues.

Sometimes it helps me to mention that I am feeling anxious, as it gives people a reason for my behaviour. For example I might be a lot quieter than normal, or not want to eat anything. If I let my family know I am anxious they will just accept it and not try and force food on me or ask why I am not participating etc.

It is not selfish at all. I am not asking them to fix my anxiety or take on my problem, just letting them know why I am acting differently.

There are also situations, usually around people I don't know well where I lie and say I have a headache or sometime rather than tell them it is anxiety. This is usually because I don't want to explain what that means or listen to their mental health problems at that point in time.

When I do speak to people about my anxiety I usually find I become less anxious. I am no longer trying to hide or pretend, and that makes it easier.

Kind thoughts, Jess

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Barbie2005 — Tue, 25 Dec 2018 05:27:38 GMT

Hi Sezza H! It sounds a lot like you have Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). I have it, too. it can be really tough to act “OK” - usually impossible!

i think you should tell someone. It helps them understand how you feel and helps them act more appropriately. They will probably ask (or wonder in their head) how to help you feel more comfortable - so try to think of some things. It’s OK if you aren’t sure - let them know and try some things out.

Here are some starters on how I would start, although you can alter them to your taste or make up your own!

”Well, I just get really scared/anxious/frightened when aiming around people and I cannot help it. It is really annoying”

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

blondguy — Tue, 25 Dec 2018 11:44:16 GMT

Hi Sezza and Happy Christmas too 🙂

I understand the anxious feelings you have as I have had them for a long time and they are awful

You mentioned "my anxiety doesn’t really manifest itself in anxious thoughts but more so in physical symptoms such as nausea, feeling faint, shaking, etc" This is very common with anxiety as the physical symptoms usually try to warn us that we may have some type of anxiety

Can I ask you how often these awful symptoms occur? (I used to have them every day...ugh!!)

you are not alone with these physical symptoms

I hope you can post back when its convenient for you Sezza_H

my kind thoughts

Paul

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Sezza_H — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 08:09:20 GMT

Hi jess334,
Thanks for replying! What you have written makes complete sense to me as I can very much relate (i.e I also get quieter when I am anxious and refrain from eating just because of the nauseous feeling) and so what you have written has been very helpful.
Thanks again 😊

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Sezza_H — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 08:26:43 GMT

Hey Barbie2005,
Yes, you’re exactly right. I don’t wish anxiety on anyone, but I must admit it is nice to know that I am not alone and that there are people out there that understand how I am feeling so thank you. I ended up confiding in a close cousin of mine who I feel comfortable with and I felt better. I felt like I had someone who would understand a bit of why I might be acting a little different (e.g. being quieter) and why I needed to take a little breather at one stage just to cope with the anxious feeling.
Thanks again 😊

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Sezza_H — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 08:37:44 GMT

Hi Paul,
Thanks for replying!
Yes, I feel these awful symptoms every day (some days are better than others, but I still feel it at some stage) and it is terrible! I feel like I can’t escape these physical symptoms – I’m sure that you can probably understand this.

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

IsaJett — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 12:16:22 GMT

Hi sezza

I think you should definitely talk about it ...and it help them understand you better ..I used to struggle too ,,if I should tell them or not. There really is a whole heap u can do about it ...but trying to hide it ..would hinder in the progress ...you can try breathing exercises ...and meditation videos ,..the ones by Jason Stephenson ..just look up “ anxiety Jason Stephenson “ I use it and it helps me with my episodes all the time ...it helps me for many days in a row ...saves me everytime ..there are many others that are free on YouTube ..so I think u should give it a burl .find one that gravitates to you ..some sound a bit robotic ...hahaha but Jason just sounds like a close friend who cares ...hahah

let me know now how U go with it ..I hope it helps u like it did me

keep well and keep writing

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Sezza_H — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 14:00:50 GMT

Hi IsaJett,
Thank you so much! I will definitely give Jason Stephenson a go and see if it works for me. I really like the description “a close friend who cares” hahaha😊 I’ll keep you posted on how I go with it.
And yes, I’ve decided to be a bit more open about my anxiety rather than constantly trying to hide it as this is exhausting. Thanks again for your help, its nice to know that there are others just like me who understand what I am going through.

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

IsaJett — Wed, 26 Dec 2018 22:43:42 GMT

Hi sezza

i forgot to mention one thing that I recently learned ..and that is ..”. what you resist ...usually persists “

so when u feel those nasties coming up ..just sit with it ..just learn to be comfy with those uncomfortable feelings ..and just know that it will pass ..because it does .

its important that you breathe through it or count it out ..I count backwards..from 50...usually it dissipates ..

It’s a fun exercise to experiment with ..u just tweak it for yourself ..and always stay Kind to yourself ..keep well

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Sezza_H — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 00:06:57 GMT

Hi IsaJett,
Often when I start to feel the physical symptoms of my anxiety, I try to fight it and I panic a little too because it is quite scary. I also get angry at myself for feeling the way I do. Of late these physical symptoms are always on my mind and I constantly feel nauseous, faint, etc.
I will definitely give what you have written a try and see how I go. It sounds scary to me but maybe with some practice it will get better. Thanks so much for your suggestions, you have been a big help😊

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

smallwolf — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 00:19:54 GMT

Hi Sezza,

I won't reply to the first few questions you asked and instead will jump to the last questions. But before that, wondering if you have looked at the k10 test? And whether you are tackling this on your own, or getting therapy?

I am husband and father to 2 teens. They all know I see a psychologist and psychiatrist. My wife obviously knows more than my children. The night everything went haywire for me I was very quiet. While my wife knew something was wrong she did not know what it was. It was only after seeing a GP and then psychologist that I would tell her what I was feeling. In doing so I would also have to explain the difference between anxiety and depression. But when I did tell my wife it was in a cafe where there was no chance of interruptions etc. She was obviously scared,but I really assured her that I was not dying - it is not a terminal disease.

And as you will have seen here, you are not alone. That is despite what we might think. In fact it was only when I spoke to other people that I would get their story as well. Don't ask me why I would initiate this conversation.

When I told my parents, I found out that dad was on ADs for some time. So I would have a predisposition to it. And mum told me of other people I knew that were on ADs as well. Again, y you are not alone.

As for when you tell them... You will know when the time is right. You said that you don't like living a lie. For me there was a relief in being able to be myself and getting help. I did not have to pretend any more.

Tim

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Sezza_H — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 06:50:46 GMT

Hi Tim,
Yes, I saw a GP where I completed a k10 test and scored in the high range, my GP wrote up a mental health plan and referred me to a psychologist at my local Headspace centre (I have attended this same Headspace in the past). The only problem is I won’t be able to see a psychologist there until February so until then I am kind of on my own. My anxiety has been the worst it’s ever been and in addition I am also quite depressed. I usually don’t talk about how I am feeling a lot but found that during this difficult time I wanted to open up more to the people around me to let them know what was going on.
I also felt more relieved when I opened to someone I trust (I confided in a close cousin of mine). However, I also opened up more to my mother and even though she hasn’t explicitly said anything I get the feeling she is not as understanding…. Don’t get me wrong my mum does a lot for me and loves me very much, but I feel as though she has mistaken me for being lazy and not really seeing that its not that I don’t want to socialise or go out but that it is just such a struggle.
Thank you for sharing your experience, it really resonates with me and has been very helpful

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

smallwolf — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 07:03:42 GMT

To help you through this period, may I suggest the following:

Apps I use include virtual hope box and relax melodies. These include distraction and coping strategies.
A book recommended to me by my psychologist is titled the happiness trap. You should be able to find a copy at your local library.
Check out the threads on grounding and mindfulness on the forum for other ideas to distract you from the negative thoughts.
I also have prayer beads, but worry beads, fidget spinner can also help.

Hope some of these ideas work for you.

Tim

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

IsaJett — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 07:13:16 GMT

I’m glad I can help in any little ways ...just remember to be kind to yourself and also pay more attention to the progress u have made. It’s great to practice and u get way better at it .

another thing I do ..is dance ...i love dancing just in my bedroom ..hahah music up loud and I feel glorious for like at least 3 -4 days ..it’s really quite amazing ..Maybe it’s the movement .

please let me know of your progress ..We r always here for you

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Sezza_H — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 15:02:16 GMT

Hi Tim,
Thanks again, all of your suggestions are very helpful

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Sezza_H — Thu, 27 Dec 2018 15:07:37 GMT

Hi IsaJett,
Yes sometimes it’s really difficult to be kind to oneself but I can definitely see the importance of it and will try to keep that in mind during this difficult period.
I am terrible at dancing but I used to dance a lot in my room so maybe it’s something I’ve got to start doing again hahaha😊 Thanks again!

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

blondguy — Fri, 28 Dec 2018 11:41:07 GMT

Hi Sezza

Thankyou for taking the time to post back to everyone! (not that its required of course)

You are proactive with your health by making the solid effort you have...Good1 🙂

You are amazing for opening up to your mum....and your mum may not seem to be as understanding as you thought yet she could also be processing what you have told her....Not that its earth shattering or anything as its a very common yet awful set of symptoms to have Sezza

There is great support and TLC above from everyone...I was just smiling reading all the posts that you have received.

Just a note if thats okay....There is no thing as a dumb question on the forums.....My anxiety started in 1983 when I was 23 and I didnt understand the benefit of frequent counseling to reduce my anxiety for 13 years....oops

Any questions are more than welcome Sezza 🙂

did I mention that you are amazing!

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

Sezza_H — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 03:43:23 GMT

Hi Paul,

Thank you!

Your replies, along with everyone else’s on this thread, has been so helpful and has managed to lift my spirits a little bit😊I feel less alone and I feel more understood and supported thanks to this wonderful forum and everyone on it!

Its still been tough but I am giving everything that has been suggested to me a good go.

Today, for example, while out with friends I haven't seen in a while I could feel the symptoms, but I tried to remain calm and breathe through it. As a result, I was able to enjoy the time with them. I did leave a bit early because it became quite difficult but I’m really proud that I was able to stay as long as I did and see some of my friends again. I’m going to keep practising all of these suggestions and hopefully I will get better at it.
Thanks again Paul and to everyone else on this thread!

Should I tell others about my anxiety?

blondguy — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 13:45:23 GMT

Hey Sezza!

Thankyou for taking the time to post back to everyone! (not that you have to of course!)

You are amazing for practicing all the tips that can help us reduce our anxiety levels....Excellent 🙂 Can I ask if your mum is helping you with how you have been feeling?

my kind thoughts

Paul