topic Who am I? in Anxiety

Who am I?

Not_Batman — Sun, 02 Jul 2017 12:00:43 GMT

My father died when i was 10, and so was raised with 2 other sibblings by mum. We grew up in some form of poverty, so didnt have the same oportunities as my fellow classmates.

Very quick background, i know. It wasnt until i was in my 20s where i realised a lot and despised as much about my childhood.

All seemed to be going well until the panic atacks started when i went to uni in my mid 20s. These subsided after a short while, then flared ip when i had both my children and reflecting on not having a father growing up, which pains me imensely to this day. After having a very difficult and demanding period at work i fell in a hole, and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and quickly got put onto medication (which has helped with the Anx&dep)

Reflecting on my past, and my present, i have come to the conclusion that i have no idea who i am. How do i put my past behind me, how i settle my nerves,

How do i find me?

so many questions.

Who am I?

SubduedBlues — Mon, 03 Jul 2017 09:47:17 GMT

Hi Robin, I think Robin is a good name as any, particularly since Robin is not_batman.

First I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you to the BB forums. Probably the safest place for you to openly and anonymously write and explore who you are. Perhaps herein, you can embark upon the journey of discovery.

I think the "who am I?" question is difficult for the best of us to answer. I mean, I struggle to define "what I am," at the best of times. So defining who is a question I rarely consider. For me, most days come and go without notice. But then there are those two or three days a month that I go volunteer at a charitable organization. This helps me realize that I am what I do, aren't I?

I am the guy that helps out others when they need it, but I am not the guy that they ask to go to the _____ with. I am the one they turn to when during times of difficulty, but I am not the one that they think about during times of ease.

I once heard that who is the embodiment of our identity. I identify as a father, a provider, a carer, a volunteer and a helper. But all of those say what not who.

Tough question. I wish I had an answer for you (and me).

Who am I?

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 05 Jul 2017 00:19:07 GMT

Hi Not_Batman,

Welcome to the forums.

Who am I? This is something I think we could talk about all day everyday. It's a big question, and there's no way that I could answer that in a post like this.

When people say Who Am I, their response varies so much. It might be just their name, or their personality traits (friendly, kind, funny), or their roles (mother, daughter, friend). What if instead of helping you answer that question I flip it - who do you want to be?

I think putting the past behind us is easier said than done. I know for me I had to go back there (metaphorically and in therapy) which was painful but helpful - in order to see it from another perspective and to allow myself to grieve for that childhood I couldn't have. That was the only way for me to work through it. Do you think that this would be helpful for you too? That maybe the panic attacks won't stop until you process that head on?

If not, that's okay too. Maybe it could be about being more mindful in your day to day life. What qualities do you have now? What kind of mother are you?

Other times people like to approach it from an art-y angle. You may find it helpful to draw or colour; some people use vision boards of things that appeal to them; just ripping up pictures from a magazine of what sticks out at them. You may find weird meaning in some of the pictures that you enjoy; like a lion because it's fierce, or the ocean because it's calm - people can find meaning and identity in pictures, even if it doesn't make sense at the time.

The great thing about this forum is that you can get a lot of different perspectives - so hopefully mine wasn't too weird! Even though some of the questions might seem odd I know that they have been helpful for others, but if it's not your jam that's okay too. It's also okay to not have the answers just yet.

Who am I?

Not_Batman — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 11:37:40 GMT

Hi SubduedBlues & romantic_thi3f

Thanks for the posts.

As far as knowing what I am, that is simple..im a father, a husband, a son, a brother, a boss etc. knowing who I am is the very difficult question, which had me having an existential crisis some time ago, and possibly leading to my (put nicely) unexpected debilitating depressive episode.

I think my lack of identity leads to my depression. The question of 'who', I guess, is to put some substance and meaning to who I am. romantic_thi3f asked, "who do you want to be", well the answer is...me. provider, father, husband, successful. other than that I really don't know where to start, and what questions to ask myself, or my wife.

Not_Batman...or Robin...maybe Edward Nigma?!?!

Who am I?

romantic_thi3f — Thu, 13 Jul 2017 00:54:01 GMT

Hi Not_Batman or Robin maybe Edward Nigma

Thanks for your post.

You're right, it is a difficult question; and I don't think there's any straight answer because everyone interprets the question in different ways.

It always makes me think of that scene in Anger Management (movie) - the who are you scene. After all these years it's stayed with me because it's still something I'm trying to figure out myself.

I wonder if it might be helpful to see a psychologist? Sometimes getting that deeper insight can help relieve things and see it in a different perspective.

Who am I?

Not_Batman — Mon, 15 Oct 2018 00:46:28 GMT

Hi all.

Well im back after some time away.

Since my first post, I have had a couple of relapses into my anxiety, panic attacks and depression, which seem to build up over a year then hits me at the same time every year.

Last year there was a lot going on for me at work, at university, and at home. I couldnt take all of the pressures coming at once, so fell into a hole. I recognised that i was not doing so well, so I went back to my MH professional for some CBT, which lasted a couple of months...then I was on my merry way.

Well this year has been ridiculously busy, with even more work and university pressures placed upon me, without much support. Work is often of a finger point and 'geterdone' kind of situation, and then I put massive amounts of pressure on my self to acheve the best at uni. so this year I fell into a much bigger deeper darker hole than i have ever experienced, to the point of acting on some 'permanent solution', which scared the bejeesus out of me. The attacks are getting worse.

I left work, headed straight for the doctor, and cried uncontrollably for 2 hours. I was almost unconsolable. I saw a new doctor, spoke to psych services, and had a few days off work. then spoke to a psychiatrist, returned to work, then panic! I had to go back to my MH nurse. The next day at work...you guessed it PANIC!!! back to the doctor, to get a mental health plan in place. unfortunately I have to wait a couple of weeks to get into a psychologist.

This state of mind is affecting my livelihood, my work, my study, my family. I find it hard to get out of bed, and then cant get really truly motivated until early afternoon.

What is the short and longterm outlook for me?!?

Not_Batman

Who am I?

Doolhof — Tue, 16 Oct 2018 06:33:47 GMT

Hi Not_Batman,

Welcome back! Sorry to read you are doing it so tough right now. It is wonderful you have been able to access so much help, that is very impressive! Is it possible for you to see your Dr weekly maybe until you get in to a psychologist?

Are there any self help strategies you can use? I certainly know it can be very difficult to try and do things you know will be helpful when you feel so lousy!

It is tough when you feel there is little support there for you either. It can be tough trying to find the strength to push through and to keep going.

Having thoughts about "escaping life" can be frightening can't they! The thing is to try and tell yourself they are just thoughts and you don't have to act on them.

Life can be really dark and horrid. Is it possible to look for something good in each day, something to be thankful for. Even just one thing.

Sharing how I am feeling here helps me, hope it provides you with a little comfort knowing that people understand, we acknowledge yo are doing it tough right now and really hope you can implement some ways to make each day a little easier.

Sometimes we need to float before we can begin to swim again.

All the best from Dools

Who am I?

Not_Batman — Wed, 17 Oct 2018 01:36:53 GMT

Hi Dools.

thanks for your words of wisdom. I’m trying the best i can

Who am I?

Not_Batman — Wed, 17 Oct 2018 01:45:27 GMT

Hi Dools.

thanks for your words of wisdom. Im trying very hard.

today is a good day, i feel a little more energised, and thinking a bit clearer. Im still down in the dumps but pushing through.

i had a bit of a rough day yesterday, so i hopped onto the web chat which gave me some reassurance.

i have extended the group of people who know of my condition to my sibblings, and they have given me some engouragement and support to get back on track.

the biggest thing is fear of the future, and fear of not knowing, or having an answer.

NB.

Who am I?

Doolhof — Fri, 19 Oct 2018 20:13:42 GMT

Hi NB,

Hi to you. Congratulations on being able to chat with your siblings about how you are feeling, it sounds like they have been understanding. I have one sibling who "gets" it so that is helpful.

Those rough moments can be a little tricky to get through at times can't they! Do yo have any distractions that help you? I also realise that distractions don't seem to work so well some days! That is when we just have to accept we feel yuck and try to move on when we can.

I understand the fears you have mentioned! They are issues I need to deal with as well. Monday I am going to start seriously looking for some volunteer work in positions that will help me increase my skill levels and may lead to employment. At least if I do more volunteer work I will be out of the house and my mind will be busy!

Do you have any plans for the weekend? Can you think of something different you would like to do?

I am going to attend an Open Garden today with a friend so that will fill in part of my morning.

Cheers to you from Dools

Who am I?

Not_Batman — Fri, 23 Oct 2020 11:00:19 GMT

Not in the best place today.
There are a lot of things setting me off to the point where i had to remove myself from an altercation. My face was hot, head was heavy, and i was irritable. I had to go dit in the car and listen to some anxiety meditation.

two main things are going on. We are all grieving the loss of our dog that died 2 weeks ago. And my son is acting out...like a lot.

the acting out has been the same for well over a year. Asking to do simple things results in an argument, and a lot of the time defiant.

Hearing the word NO turns into a tantrum. Not doing his chores. Not hearing something we have said or hearing something we said and then denying that he heard it at all.

everything as an argument, and its wearing me down. He knows the rules and boundaries but will do anything to get around them

The last straw today that brought the anxiety on was that he was playing with a burning stick from our campfire while i wasnt looking, then when i panicked and yelled for him to drop it, he threw it into a paddock of dry grass.

i love my son, but i feel that he hates me, and im a horrible parent. Talking to him on his level doesnt appear to work. There are times when hes the best kid, but are outweighed 70/30 by the bad behaviour.

i suggested we take him to a doctor, but that didnt go well with mrs not_batman.

what’s your advice?

Not_Batman

Who am I?

white knight — Fri, 23 Oct 2020 12:17:58 GMT

Hi, not Batman

First of all, it's great you've got to 86 posts, it means you get value from this forum.

You haven't told us, unless I missed it, your sons age. His reactions are frankly quite normal- rebellious etc.

As a patent it is frustrating all round. Yelling becomes "normal to you but is hated by him. He'll not think about the dangers of a kit stick near dry grass so he'll think all the time he can't breathe without being yelled at.

There is a few things you can try-
Ask questions. E.g. "do you think it's wise to play with that near dry grass"? (Let's assume his reply is insufficient)...then rather than yell you take the stick off him. No words needed. If he complains then answer "because you weren't wise"

So, questions then action. No yelling needed.

The other thing is being a friend. Find something to do together. Model airplanes was my interest, so hobbies or sports. Day you both backtracked for a footy team. Imagine how you both would get on going to the footy?

Also a hobby or sport just for you?

In this case, I don't think it justifies professional intervention. Your turning to meditation is a positive move.
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TonyWK

Who am I?

Not_Batman — Fri, 23 Oct 2020 22:00:45 GMT

ThankS WK

my son is 10. This needs a significant change of approach.

I do find the forum helpful. There is a lot i can impart to people going through what i did, and in turn there is a lot i can learn from other that went through what i did.

i was fortunate to have a lot of support, but that may not be the case for others. If we can all be there it benefits everyone.

Not_Batman

Who am I?

white knight — Sat, 24 Oct 2020 01:31:08 GMT

Hi,

I had a step son once. When we met he was 13 nearly 14yo. He wouldnt acknowledge me. He was clearly jealous of me dating his mum.

A few weeks passed. I gave him a gift, a Swiss army item. He was into bush walking and mountain biking. He took it and threw it on his bed and returned to watch TV. I said nothing. About 3 hours later he came out to the lounge and hid the fact he had the gift in his hands. He toyed with it for a long time. I knew then I succeeded in winning his heart. As he went off to bed that night he turned and thanked me.

The next day I arrived before his mum had arrived from work. I began making donuts. I knew he liked iced donuts and had a number of colours for icing. "Which colour icing do you like on your donuts"?..... before long he was making them with me.

Somehow you might consider how you can capture your sons heart. As I dont know him you'll have to figure that out. All the best.

TonyWK

Who am I?

Not_Batman — Thu, 12 Nov 2020 23:14:25 GMT

Todays thoughts are beating me down. A compliment yesterday turned into anxiety. An email today turned into depression and ideation.

right now my mind is telling me im worthless, slow, cant do it, and i feel im giving in to it, believing it.

my mind that is writing this knows better, is stronger, is listening.

i cant shake the thoughts today no matter what mindfulness i apply. Im afraid that if i face the thoughts head on, they will win.

i thought i was past this.

Sigh!!!

Who am I?

Sophie_M — Thu, 12 Nov 2020 23:35:45 GMT

Hi Not_Batman,

Thanks for checking in a letting us know how you're doing. We're sorry to hear that right now you are not doing so well, sturggling with thoughts and emotions you thoughts you had conquered once again.

Please remember that help is always available to you. As you know, while the support offered on these forums is often quick, it is not immediate. If you would like more immediate support, please reach out to our Support Service on 1300 22 4636 for brief counselling, support and referrals.

Who am I?

T40 — Fri, 13 Nov 2020 01:33:52 GMT

Hi Not_Batman!

I am back to this forum after a long time. In a way, we are all Not_Batman! no one is born with the knowledge of how to face this world. We all try and learn from our own experiences or of others.

I understand that Anxiety can come back after several years, in my case, it came back after two years. I have two adult children, one is rebellious. I am a strict parent and had a very emotionally challenging time raising them. Kids respond well when we treat them as a friend - what goes around comes around! When you are having a good time with them help them understand the challenges that parents face in daily life. Some kids understand and respond well, others don't but at least when they are ready to understand they will start to behave differently. Parenting is a long haul - save your energy. The first step in coping with anxiety is being aware of it and you have by posting it here.

Experts have said that we can trick our brains! Something I tried that worked for me when I feel anxious is thinking positively -telling myself that I bigger than this problem, thinking about all the great things I have done for myself and for others, my achievements, accomplishments, compliments I have received, and thinking of interesting things I want to do in the future (daydreaming is not a bad idea in this situation). This gives me positive energy and gives me strength and courage to go back to kids/family and face the challenge with a helicopter or bird's eye view. Stay calm and hope this helps.

Who am I?

Not_Batman — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 20:46:49 GMT

Woke up feeling really cold i bed, could not get warm. all while getting ready and driving to work i couldn't get warm and could feel the anxiety growing. After a panic attack yesterday, and feeling one today, I fear that it is all coming back, and im scared.

i cancelled an application to volunteer. I thought i was ready, but im not.

My OCD is getting out of hand again, anxiety and depression are elevated. I just feel useless, worthless, horrible, tired, obsessive, lazy, helpless.

Grrrr.

Who am I?

Sophie_M — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 21:01:08 GMT

Hi Not_Batman

Thanks for reaching out today and letting us know how you are doing. We are so sorry to hear you are feeling helpless. We know it can be so hard when you start to feel unwell after a period of doing okay, so it is great you have posted here for support. We're sure that a lot of our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will pop by to offer you words of wisdom and kindness.

Now is a great time to reconnect with those professional supports who have helped in the past, or to connect with a service you haven't tried before. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. Or, you might like to contact our friends at MensLine Australia, which is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/

Please feel free to keep reaching out here whenever you feel up to it

Who am I?

Doolhof — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 21:50:51 GMT

Hi Not_Batman,

I'm really sorry to read you are struggling so much this morning. It really sucks when our mental health decides to flip us around and mess with our thoughts.

You are aware of how you are feeling, to me that means you have an advantage! You don't want to feel this way! What can you do to help yourself create a different reality for yourself right now?

Maybe it is using the contact details Sphie_M has mentioned, writing more here when you can, taking some deep breaths, going for a walk after work, or pushing yourself to put in place any little thing that might work for you right now.

It is tough to keep going. I hope you find the strength to do so. One step at a time sounds a little patronising when you are doing it tough, but it does help.

Wishing you strength to change this around. Kind regards from Dools