What is wrong with me?

steelcity — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 08:55:00 GMT

I think I’ve got SAD.. & just feel like I need to vent a little.

Just abit of a background. Put simply.. growing up I was the wild, chubby, loud kid who had plenty of friends.. from pre school up until 7th grade. And now, hardly any friends. There’s one particular thing that I can remember from my childhood that sort of stands out to me.. not really the reason for my situation today but I think important nonetheless.

As I said, growing up I was the loud outspoken one. I loved tennis and was one day playing with my friend, & my brother his friend.. from memory I was about 12-13 years old. Fast forward back at home arguing with my brother, he tells me that his friend ask him who I thought I was? Why do I have to be so loud & energetic? Why do I have to be such a smartass? And that I’m not normal. Dunno, but pretty normal & average behaviour for a 12-13 year old I think?

Now you would think this would have no bearing on me at this age. But for some reason it began to really sink in and I became abit more self conscious. Through high school I became reserved & not as out going. I had a couple of friends but was considered the outsider when it came to big groups & I didn’t really have any contact with girls as the high school I went to was an all boys school. I didn’t realise how bad I was until I’d finished school.

I started my first job & the thought of making new friends was exciting, but never really happened. I was quiet, shy, weird & seen as weak and the easiest person to make fun of. I felt as though people were judging me whenever I said or did something. So I made no friends at my first job. Started my second job at 18 & was again the same thing.. just this time a little different because I was working mainly with older people. I noticed I became a little ‘depressed’, walking around slumped all the time & just not wanting to talk to people. I made a couple of older friends here.. but none that I really have a close bond with. Stayed at this job for 7 1/2 years & made my way up the ranks. It was here that I realised I’m naturally switched on & smart.. but I simply had no confidence in myself at all.

Super fast forward to today & I’m 2 weeks into another new job. To get here was no easy feat.. 2,000 applicants whittled down to 30. Again, I’m finding myself left out of groups. I’m currently interstate in a shared hotel room as the job requires it.

There are groups & close friendships forming, but I’m not part of any of them.

What is wrong with me?

white knight — Thu, 23 Nov 2017 09:42:47 GMT

Hi SC, welcome

Being mainstream "normal" isnt all what its cracked up to be. How boring to be like everyone else dont you think?

It only becomes an issue with us when we are ostracised. That hurts. But who's problem is it? Who is wrong?

This is where you need to re- evaluate things and its led you here.

Best thing I can do is recommend some threads hete, there are thousands of them. Just need to read the first post.

Google

Topic: bullying- beyondblue

Topic- accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Topic: the gang mentality- beyondblue

Topic: develop defiance, stand proud- beyondblue

Topic: workplace torment- beyondblue

Topic: they just wont understand why?- beyondblue

You can leave comments on those threads if you like

Tony WK

topic What is wrong with me? in Anxiety

What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with me?