topic Left my job due to anxiety in Anxiety

Left my job due to anxiety

BlackCat90 — Wed, 07 Jun 2017 10:50:25 GMT

Hi guys,

This is my first post. I've been battling anxiety for about 9 years now. I'd thought that I really turned a corner when I finally got through my teaching degree and landed a job at the school of my dreams last year. I had a great time there last year but this year it just never felt right. There was a change to the leadership which brought a lot of changes to the school and our workload. I initially thought 'I love the kids, I'm happy to have a job and I can make this work'. I ended up being miserable though. I suffered insomnia, felt sick driving to work and always felt edgy/anxious while I was there. I got to breaking point and decided to take some time off to get better with the hope to go back. Today I made the decision to resign as I don't want to risk further damage to my mental health. I swing from feeling enormously relieved about this decision to feeling terrified and just wanting to hide under the doona. My family have been supportive but none of them have been through this. I guess I'm feeling a bit alone at the moment and was wondering if anyone else has had this kind of experience? I'm finding it hard to see how things are going to work out. I'm hoping it will be for the best because I'm putting my self and my health first but I'm just having a tough time coming to terms with my decision.

Thanks!

Left my job due to anxiety

White_Rose — Wed, 07 Jun 2017 11:26:38 GMT

Dear Black Cat

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. This is the place to talk about your fears and frustrations and we will try to answer you.

It's sad that you feel you must resign from your job because of your anxiety. Do you take any medication or see a counsellor? I wonder if that would help you at all. Have a chat to your GP about all this.

It's better that you take time off to get well than to continue and end up falling in a heap. Just sad that you felt you had to resign. However, you know yourself best.

Can you tell us about the changes? It's usually the case with new leadership that the organisation changes. And in a relatively small organisation like a school the changes have a greater and more direct effect. One piece of advice I was given is to listen to your body. Your body knows what it wants and has stored up all your experiences as you grew up. Listen to what your body is saying and trust yourself. I think you know you are doing the right thing but like all of us we worry about the potential outcome.

I think you need to be clear about whether it is teaching you want to leave or just that school. These days it seems that just about every school has problems of some sort, many of them being brought into the school by the pupils. So if I may suggest, check with yourself which part you want to leave. This is where as counsellor or psychologist could help.

Hiding under the doona is a great idea at times, just not for too long. I know that feeling of wanting to make a decision but being a little afraid of making the wrong decision. When we make up our minds we feel a huge relief, that is until we start second guessing ourselves. Does your family feel you are doing the best thing? I see you have a supportive family which is great. Is there anyone you can sit down and go through the pros and cons. Not someone who wants to tell you what to do, but someone who will listen.

I invariably suggest going to see your GP and get a general check up as well as talk about work. GPs are generally good at this and can prescribe medication if that is appropriate or refer you to a counsellor.

Please continue to write in here and talk about about whatever you wish. We will be here.

Mary

Left my job due to anxiety

BlackCat90 — Wed, 07 Jun 2017 11:56:08 GMT

Hi Mary,

thanks for your response. I guess the major changes were that I felt like the support I was getting last year was pulled out from under me (after only teaching for 6 months). I've asked for help repeatedly on things that have challenged me like behaviour management but there was never any follow through. The classroom I was in was a portable divided into 3 spaces for 3 classes and we were constantly testing and assessing our kids so had little time to bond with them.

I felt very disappointed in how things had turned out this year and after having a few weeks off due to severe stress and anxiety was offered no support for my return. I felt like going back and taking everything back on at once would be really bad for my recovery.

I see a great psych and am on medication too which has helped quite a bit. Last time I spoke to him he asked if I thought my gut was telling me something as I felt terrified about going back.

I really really love teaching but I think all the other things that went on at school got me down and I was caught up in the negativity (staff morale has been very low). When I'm feeling a little better I want to do some relief teaching just to make sure it's still the right career for me. I just want to have fun teaching again because I really wasn't at that school.

My family has been really supportive of me because they had seen how much I was declining. We're just all devastated that it didn't work out because that school was a great fit for me last year. The kids there are beautiful and were probably the only reason I tried hanging in there for so long.

Left my job due to anxiety

BballJ — Wed, 07 Jun 2017 12:46:48 GMT

Hi BlackCat90,

Sorry to read what you are going through. I think the decision was a very brave one to be honest... looking after our health (physical and mental) is such a big priority and I actually think it is great not only for yourself but for the kids you teach too... you want to be able to give them 100% and if you aren't feeling well, then you never fully can - not saying you were not trying or didn't give 100% but just simply saying it is tough to give 100% when we are not well. I believe teaching is for you by what you are saying because you do seem to have a passion for it. I like the fact you will start with relief teaching to double check it is the right career for you. I don't think teaching has stressed you out from what you have told me, it seems more to be the workload increasing, which I hear from a lot of teachers. Maybe a school change is necessary too, one you also supports their teachers and their mental health.

It's great your family is supportive and that you are seeing a psych and on medication, you are doing all the right things to be on your way to recovery and that is all anyone can ask of you.

My best for you,

Jay

Left my job due to anxiety

BlackCat90 — Wed, 07 Jun 2017 23:05:03 GMT

Thank you Jay,

I think a change of school down the track should help. I definitely felt like I wasn't 100% in the classroom- I just wasn't enjoying it because I felt stressed all the time. My decision is sitting a little better with me today. Yesterday I felt really awful.

Left my job due to anxiety

White_Rose — Sat, 10 Jun 2017 04:58:46 GMT

Hello Black Cat

I can see how you felt so down after the first year of teaching, such a disappointment. It's interesting you intend to do relief teaching for a while. I know various teachers who do or have done relief work. They can decide whether or not to take that school, which I think would be helpful. They have fewer out of school hours responsibilities, also a bonus. On the down side, they are often not given a lesson plan and do know how far along the class is in its work. Still it's a good way to decide if you still want to teach.

I think it's good you are seeing a psych for your stress. And if you get on with him all the better. I can relate to your tummy telling you something is not right. After many years I have finally learned to listen, well a bit anyway. By the way I love your avatar. Now there's positive thinking.

A new start at a new school is a good goal to aim for. Once you have reduced your anxiety you can go back to the job you love. Remember we are always here to talk and listen.

Mary

Left my job due to anxiety

Homemaker_Rae — Sat, 10 Jun 2017 08:36:32 GMT

Hi BlackCat90, welcome to the forums. I am new too.

I can relate to your post. I am in a situation where I am very close to leaving my job because I haven't been coping. I have anxiety and have had depression. I work part-time, but have found it so difficult coping with many changes in my workplace and getting quite behind in my work. I have been awake at night, almost in a panic about it.

I see a psychologist regularly and am on medication. Both of which I have found helpful.

I wish you all the best. With warm regards, Homemaker Rae.

Left my job due to anxiety

extripated — Sun, 11 Jun 2017 01:36:06 GMT

Black cat. Thank you for posting. I am also a teacher in rural setting and looking at making the very same decision to consider putting my mental health first. I am so scared. But thank you for letting others like me know that we are not alone.

Left my job due to anxiety

BlackCat90 — Sun, 11 Jun 2017 10:10:43 GMT

Thank you Mary,

Its such a let down because having my own class had been my dream after finishing uni - it wasn't even about the money, I was just looking forward to the experience. I feel like I got out before it took more of a toll on me and I don't regret the decision. I guess I'm almost grieving for what I wished had been. It's been hard to get out of my own head. I'm not sure when to start looking for CRT work but also don't want to spend the next few weeks feeling so crappy and aimless.

Left my job due to anxiety

BlackCat90 — Sun, 11 Jun 2017 10:15:42 GMT

Hi Extripated,

thank you for your post too! I've been feeling pretty alone - people don't seem to be very open about these kinds of experiences outside of the forum. I hope you're ok, let me know how you go and stay in touch. It's good to have someone to relate to.

Left my job due to anxiety

BlackCat90 — Sun, 11 Jun 2017 10:17:48 GMT

Hi Homemaker Rae,

thanks for your post, it's good to know I'm not alone in this experience. I hope you're doing ok

Left my job due to anxiety

Homemaker_Rae — Mon, 12 Jun 2017 03:54:03 GMT

Hi Extripated, I read your post last night and have been thinking about it since. I am so scared too. I am supposed to go back to work tomorrow, but am dreading it and feel trapped.

BlackCat90 - I am sorry to hear about what you are going through, but I am thankful you posted this thread. I don't feel so alone.

All the best for your day.

Left my job due to anxiety

BballJ — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 12:30:52 GMT

Hi BlackCat90,

Firstly, I really like you profile picture about going to therapy. Very nice.

I know you can feel alone outside the forums, it is tough to talk about, do you have any kind of support network, friends or family anyone you can confide it and let them know what is happening?

My best,

Jay

Left my job due to anxiety

Grace888 — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 13:25:25 GMT

Hello BlackCat90

I do like your name by the way. My cat is sitting beside me as I write to you and I feel certain he approves too.

I resigned from my job today due to the increasing impact it was having on my health. I feel a little scared too and also a little relieved. And a bit guilty.

Mine is a similar situation to yours - overworked, many organisational changes and little support. Also elements of overt and passive bullying.

This resulted in insomnia over several months, panic attacks and a complete loss of confidence in my ability to do my work to my usual high standards. And terrible nausea!

I don't mean to hijack your post by mentioning my own situation. I thought it would help you to know that you are not alone in this.

I hope you are sleeping and feeling better this week, and enjoying a little more peace of mind.

All the best.

Left my job due to anxiety

White_Rose — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 21:39:10 GMT

Hello Black Cat

You are right in saying part of your distress is grief. Often we ignore or forget that losing someone or something you love means we go through a grieving process. Anxiety and grieving do go together. I hope your psych will help you to talk about this.

You said you had a supportive family which is great. Are you able to talk them about your loss? It can help to talk to someone who does not try to 'fix' you. Someone who will simply listen to you. The others who have posted here are also a good support as they have been in your situation or similar. It does help to know you are not the only one with this experience.

Take one day at a time and try to only look at tomorrow, at least for a while. Looking too far ahead can make you anxious and does nothing useful for you. I understand you want to be looking for the step and that's great. For the moment live day by day and you will find your anxiety easier to cope with.

Mary

Left my job due to anxiety

BlackCat90 — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 06:42:54 GMT

Hi Jay,

my family has been really supportive and good to talk to. I hate worrying them though - it sometimes feels like all I talk about is how I'm feeling

Left my job due to anxiety

BlackCat90 — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 06:45:27 GMT

Hi G,

Thanks for your post, it really helps to know that I'm not alone in this experience. I'm starting to sleep a little better and though I still think about it a lot, it doesn't feel like it's dominating my thoughts as much as it was. I just want to move forward from this. I wish it was easier!

Left my job due to anxiety

BlackCat90 — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 06:48:59 GMT

Thanks Mary,

I've been really open with my family about this experience and it's helped. Ive been gradually feeling a little better this week. I'm sleeping better and not as much panic during the day. Thanks for your advice about taking it one day at a time - sometimes I forget to do this and get too caught up in worrying about the future. A few of my friends from work have been calling to see how I'm going and it keeps bringing the situation back to the front of my mind. I guess once things die down a bit and this is old news I'll be able to think about it less

Left my job due to anxiety

Grace888 — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 11:44:56 GMT

Hi BlackCat90

It is good that you are sleeping a little better - it makes such a difference, doesn't it?

I hope you are feeling a little lighter in spirits having made your decision. I am sure you will gradually come to focus more on the positive future opportunities ahead of you than on the painful past.

Give yourself some time to adjust and rest, and rediscover some neglected hobbies or interests. You deserve this time.

Look after you

Left my job due to anxiety

White_Rose — Sun, 18 Jun 2017 01:38:13 GMT

Hello Black Cat

It is hard at times when events or people remind you of your loss. May I suggest that you concentrate on seeing the care and concern of your friends at work rather than your loss. Again not the easiest of things to do but one which will be a great help. Knowing you have people who care is a real bonus. Rejoice in being loved and think about how much that reflects your personality. You are brave and caring and your friends think of you that way. They can see your distress and want to help. It's a good feeling.

Mary