topic Just needing to write all this down in Anxiety

Just needing to write all this down

Nervybella — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 23:07:10 GMT

So I have posted a few threads before but I just need to vent today, not sure if anyone will even respond but have to do this

Firstly: at the start of the I got a new job, it was awful and I resigned after around 3 weeks. I've been out of work since then and have applied for over 12 jobs, had an interview for one but haven't even heard from any of the others. Making me feel worthless and shit. I was so nervous in the interview, I just kept thinking about my terrible experience at the other job.

Its becoming extreme where I dream about the boss who was awful to me, I think I see her in the streets (when it's impossible) and I can even hear her voice putting me down in my head, I can't escape these thoughts and I feel like she has ruined my life...I've lost all confidence and lost all faith, I can't seem to imagine it get excited about a new job because I am convincing myself it will be just as bad as the last....

second: I am feeling very alone at the moment, lots of my friends are overseas before Uni goes back, and those that are hear don't make time to see me. I think it's because they think my anxiety is "fixed" by leaving the job and visiting my psych. When I was in the thick of my most recent bout of anxiety my friends and family were super supportive. Ringing me and offering to catch up and keep me busy, saying all the right thing etc. But now I've left their support had dropped off but really I still need it....I don't know what to do abut this

Third: my birthday is coming up and I'm having a get together at my house but this is starting to cause me grief...I'm so nervous to have people in my house, especially eb cause it's usually my safe haven away from everyone....I don't know

fourth: I'm also finding that because I'm home a lot I am becoming obsessed with checking these threads to see if people have posted anything. When there is nothing new I get really upset, I can't explain why but I feel like I'm depending on these threads to keep me company or dove my problems, does anyone else feel this way?

Anyway, I inow there aren't really any questions in here to be answered but I just hoped that writing my thoughts down would diffuse them a little bit and take away their intensity

thanks to anyone that answers,

Bella

Just needing to write all this down

Mojo76 — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 00:06:06 GMT

Hi Bella,

I don't have any answers for you, but I've been in a similar situation. I've spent years obsessing over a bad job experience and the boss I had. I got anxious every time I run into anyone from the workplace I left thinking they have all talked about me and hate me.

I guess I learned to move on from it because I came to own the aspects that were my fault (and I know much of it was), but I also acknowledge that she was a really, really difficult person to work for and she triggered my anxiety in so many ways. I wish I was a stronger person that could just have a thick skin around people like that... but I'm not. That still doesn't excuse her way of managing which was very patronising and intimidating. At the end of the day I don't want to be around people like that... so I could have managed myself better and I've learnt from those mistakes but she made the situation really bad. So in terms of competence, I know the things I need to work on but given a different, more supportive work environment, I would be extremely competent. I guess what I'm saying is you have a long life, and you will likely have many jobs. Don't let this one bad experience define you as it's not a reflection of your ability to do a job, it's just that we're all going to have a personality clash with someone at one point or another. Your old boss will have new employees and will not be giving you much thought so you should not be paranoid about her. She'll get over it quickly and move on with business. You should be glad that you dodged a bullet and didn't get stuck there for years.

In terms of your friends, they might have their own stuff going on at the moment so it's probably nothing personal. A party sounds like what you need, even if you have to get through the initial anxiety. Having friends around and getting out of this headspace is important. I do get how you feel about it , but if you try to put all your energy into calming your thoughts around it and turning into a positive, hopefully you get to have a great time at the end.

Anyway, I don't mean to suggest that any of this easy... I know how hard it is. I guess I'm just trying to say that there is a light at the end and you might have to fake it till you make it for a while. X

Just needing to write all this down

Tunafish01 — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 00:25:17 GMT

Hi I am new to these forums and have already found it helpful to hear people are experiencing the same things as me. I can relate to having people over at my house as this is usually my place to be alone and get away from everyone. I too am planning to have people over this weekend but you need to turn it into a positive rather than a negative feeling. They are your friends and will understand if you talk to them and let them know how you are feeling, I've found talking to everyone about it really helps. Try stay positive and just know that anxiety can hurt you and it's only your body reacting to a false alarm of worryness. The feelings will always pass and you have got through them many times before. Have fun with your friends on your birthday 🙂

Just needing to write all this down

Nervybella — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 01:03:38 GMT

Hi tunafish

thanks for your response. I will try and turn my thoughts into a positive, it's my birthday after all!!

Just needing to write all this down

Neil_1 — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 01:09:23 GMT

Hi there Bella

Great that you’ve been able to post this and share it.

That’s something that I’ve done a lot over a number of years … is to ‘write things down’. Sometimes, I have shared them on this site, but mostly, I have a document at home, where I just type things down. It can be a good reliever of tension and stress for some … so I hope that this has benefitted you a little. Even if it is just a little, that’s better than nothing.

Applying for and trying to win jobs can be a very stressful time and even more so when you continue doing it and still not succeeding. In a slight diversion, it can be a little like fishing … just waiting for that bite. Patience, consistency and enthusiasm are the keys … I do hope you have some luck in the very near future.

With regard to the past ‘boss’ … even though they were horrible, the thing I would try and focus on, is the KNOW that that is in the past … it’s done and dusted and with any luck, you’ll never see that person again. I realise bad experiences like that can play on our thoughts and it can be very hard to move on, but this is where coping skills and mechanisms can be very useful. Like when you think about this person, say to yourself, “No, I’m not letting you get to me today … tomorrow maybe, but today, I’m going to be free of you.” Something along those lines and then try and occupy yourself with something else. Just a thought.

Your upcoming birthday … I’m guessing you’ve arranged the get together … so they’ll be all friends, hopefully the ones who’ve been supportive of you. I don’t think it can hurt to let one or two of them know about how tough you’ve been doing things of late; just so they are aware. But at the same time, it’s a happy time and as mentioned, it’s a celebration where everyone is there to genuinely have fun, and enjoy each others company; AND know, that it won’t go for days and days.

I hope I’ve said something helpful above.

Cheers

Neil

Just needing to write all this down

TBella — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 01:19:31 GMT

Hi Bella

Welcome & thank you for sharing.

I was working for someone who was abusive. Both verbally & even became physically violent- pushing me, bailing me up against walls, blocking doorways so I couldn't pass, while he screamed at me. He even tried to punch me in the head but lucky for him he missed! So instead he yelled at me, saying I was so horrible that even God would struggle to put up with me! Charming thing to say, considering he was a church leader & responsible for my pastoral care!

In front of other people he would pretend to be a lovely Christian man & everyone s best friend or go to man! Behind closed doors he was a low life, scum bag! He wears many different masks & runs an illegal business.

I was in shock for about 6 months before it all hit me. I didn't sleep for 12 months because I would have nightmares & night terrors.

I also injured my neck & shoulder working for him.

I ended up with PTSD & about 7 other medical conditions related to the PTSD.

My "Christian " friends all left me when I told them I had PTSD & depression. For the past 5 years I have had no support & felt very alone & overwhelmed by dealing with all this!

It took me 4 years to get a job but I can only work 8-15 hours a week otherwise I am a mess & can't cope .

Recently I seen my old abusive boss at shops & he come up to me acting like we were best friends. This triggered a relapse in me & for past 4 weeks I have been having nightmares not able to sleep! Flashbacks in the day time, chronic pain throughout my body, depression,anxiety & panic attacks!

The good thing to come out of this is it lead me to this site! I found the people on this so friendly, warm, genuine & supportive. So please know there are people hear who understand & get your struggles & pain as they have or still are going through similar situations.

we are here to help, support & learn from each other 🙂

I hope knowing this brings some comfort to you.

Sending you a hug & hear to listen, whenever you need to vent 🙂

Kind Regards

TBella

Just needing to write all this down

Nervybella — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 01:47:02 GMT

Hi Neil and TBella,

thanks for your thoughts. I actually just had a call from the company I interviewed for the other day and I got the job! I'm a bit in shock and can feel my anxiety rising. It also makes me sad that I'm feeling anxious and not excited.

Do you ever feel like you have one part of your brain who is a sensible, rational version of you and another who is the anxious version? Well at the moment my rational side is telling me it's normal to be nervous and no job can be as bad as the last! Yet my anxious side is being mean and telling me it was my fault the last job didn't work out and that this won't work out either! I really don't know how to get over this...

TBella, I'm so sorry you went through that. All I can say is sorry but I'm happy that you have found this site 🙂

Bella

Just needing to write all this down

Croix — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 01:53:16 GMT

Dear Nervybella~

Hi, I think you have a fair number of pretty good replies above, but there was one thing that caught the eye.

Unfortunately this place is not like email - though in some ways it looks the same. There can sometimes be quite a long wait before one receives a fresh post, and I agree the wait can seem really long.

I would when I first joined be tempted to think that the gap between posts was some reflection on either what I had said, or how others thought of me.

That's not the case. People post - like me at the moment during my lunch hour - when they get the chance, plus in my own case I talk to several people and also sometimes have to think what I am gong to say. So if I get to most people once a day I'm doing better than usual - sometimes it takes much longer.

As a result you might find it helpful to have a regular time of day when you check your thread, putting it out of your mind - as far as you can of course - with other things.

Mind you there is nothing to stop you browsing other threads and maybe sharing a little of your experiences elsewhere

My best wishes

Croix

Just needing to write all this down

TBella — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 02:58:20 GMT

Congratulations on the job!!!

i was the same when I finally got a job after trying for 4 years. I got call saying I got the job, hang up phone & burst into tears. I said what is wrong with me I just got good news & should be happy & excited but I wasn't.

I was full of anxiety & dread. I think it's just part of having anxiety, depression & PTSD!

I actually found working helped with my mental health- will it helped to lessen the depression.

You will be ok, just take little steps, go at your pace & be proud of yourself for all the achievements along the way!

All the best with the job!

Take Care

TBella

Just needing to write all this down

White_Rose — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 04:53:01 GMT

Hello Nervybella

Congratulations on getting your new job. Sometimes it is a shock to get this sort of news, especially if you believe you would not be offered this job. It will take a little while to adjust to this development. When do you start work?

I can appreciate your feelings of being anxious. The last job was not good and it's hard to be positive about the prospect of a new job. And of course you will be meeting colleagues and learning new skills. It will take a few days for you to settle into the job and find your way around. That's the part I find most difficult, when everyone else knows what to do and I don't. You will be up to speed quite quickly.

Croix has spoken about your nervousness and habit of checking the BB web site. As he said it's not like sending emails which arrive in a few minutes and give you notice a reply has arrived. We all have our preferences for times of writing on the forum. I find I write very early in the morning and during the afternoon. I have been known to write in the early hours of the day because I can't sleep.

You are not being ignored. I want you to understand that many can only write at specific times for different reasons. Certainly cannot write when you are supposed to be working. Croix idea of setting yourself times to check your posts is good. It still doesn't mean you will have one or two or no posts left for you. I had rather a sleepless night last night and now want to have a nanna nap for half an hour, otherwise I would be answering several more posts.

Log in to BB whenever you wish but browse other threads and give a hand with them. It's surprising how much it helps you to offer help to others, especially when it seems you have similar difficulties. You will get replies, jusy not always when you expect them.I need to lie down as I keep dropping off. Will talk more soon.

Mary

Just needing to write all this down

white knight — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 05:08:13 GMT

Hi and welcome. I've read a few of your past posts.

I developed severe anxiety in 1987 a long time ago. I had to be reprogrammed to think differently by way of medication and therapy. With the therapy I was taught to not have the view of "trying to save the world" and to not "keep plugging up the leaks in the dam wall". I wasn't aware my problem was so bad until the panic attack arrived. At first I was misdiagnosed with a heart attack. Boy, did that shake me up.

Among the things I've picked up about being anxious is filling my mind with other activities. If I'm bored or not doing anything significantly important I'll come inside from my beloved shed and log onto BB forum. finding there isn't much response to my posts is deflating, just like you describe. Some of us members have thousands of posts registered now, you'd think by now it would be accepted better that one can just relax and a reply will come...when it comes...

So what I do is read other members posts and try to reply. This is a diversion tactic. Remember....diversion and keeping busy are your friends with anxiety. Having several projects on the go is heaven for me. I even have a large jigsaw in a room so if I'm bored for 20 minutes I fit a few pieces and that turns my focus on waiting for my wife to get ready for shopping to something else. Then its her trying to take me away from that.

So diversion and keeping busy are the keys in my opinion. Expecting the anxiety to go away 100% is unrealistic so we have to play a game with it.

Tony WK

Just needing to write all this down

Nervybella — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 09:07:32 GMT

Thanks for your responses everyone, I will definitely take on board what you have said and I think I'll limit myself to checking threads once a day, perhaps on my hour ping teak ride home 🙂

i start work next Wednesday and have two weeks of formal training, I'm trying to think of all he positives and ignore that mean negative voice in my head.

you have all been very helpful in one way or another and I thankyou, I hope you know that you are helping someone when they need it, I hope I can do the same.

I will check in again soon, I really like the sense of formng little friendships and talking to people who understand.

Bella 🙂

Just needing to write all this down

Mojo76 — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 10:38:45 GMT

Remember that EVERYONE, whether suffering anxiety or not feels nervous, uncomfortable, out of their depth etc when starting a new job. It's normal and you can't let yourself feel that it's just you. Get through the initial period of getting used to it and you will come out strong on the other side. 😊

Just needing to write all this down

geoff — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 22:06:16 GMT

hi Bella, there have been so many good replies back to you which is fantastic, however with regards to checking on whether or not someone else has replied to you, is what would happen to most of us, simply because you have asked for help so it's very important to see whether your comment is still one that hasn't been left alone after all these replies, well it never is, because someone else will go looking for comments that they haven't read on a particular topic that concerns them as well, so they will once again reply and start the conversation again.
Perhaps instead of waiting to see if anyone else has replied, you could also answer to another person who is suffering from a problem that you can relate to, and maybe have been able to overcome it, that's just as important, and we try and encourage people to try and do this.
What this does is for as many people as possible to be involved in all types of depression giving them the experience that they may not have known about, and in fact, expand your knowledge so that one day you maybe able to help another person.
Please don't worry if your post is left alone because at some stage it has given other people an insight into what you are struggling with. Geoff.

Just needing to write all this down

Nervybella — Thu, 16 Feb 2017 09:21:43 GMT

Hi Mojo76

I must have missed your post when it initially came onto the thread. But thankyou!! Your words mean a lot and I'm glad that there are people out there that seem to have a similar experience to myself...glad isn't the right word because a bad experience isn't something to be "glad" about, but I'm sure you know what I'm trying to say 🙂

Thanks Geoff,

I am starting to comment more on other peoples threads, even if it's just to say hi and am finding it quite therapeutic, I guess that's the great thing about this site!

Bella

Just needing to write all this down

White_Rose — Thu, 16 Feb 2017 10:02:07 GMT

Hello Bella

How are the preparations for your birthday party coming along? And may I ask when is your birthday.

You sound happier in your last post which is great. Really pleased you are starting to post on other threads. I also find it therapeutic. It is indeed the great thing about this site.

It is lovely when your friends and family rally round you and we can get so used to this we forget people have other lives. Why not contact one or two friends and go for coffee somewhere. Tell them you miss them and want to catch up. No need to discuss your anxiety, just become immersed in the chat. I think you will be surprised how easy this will be.

If anyone asks, then it is up to you to disclose as much or as little as you wish. Try not to give the impression you have contacted them only because you want support. It's a legitimate reason but maybe ask about their lives. One of the slogans, so to speak, on this forum is Give support to get support. It's wonderful what it does for everyone.

Mary

Just needing to write all this down

Nervybella — Thu, 16 Feb 2017 22:40:00 GMT

Hello Mary,

Birthday preparations are coming along well, thanks for asking. I am probably over planning but it's keeping my mind occupied so I'm going to keep it up. My birthday is the 1st of March 🙂

In regards to what you said about friends, I do often message them and ask to catch up but the three friends I'm closest too are ALWAYS busy. Or cancel/change plans at the last minute. I think this is partly my fault because I always say something like "only if you have time" or "its ok" when they cancel a few hours before we are meant to meet.

So I guess in a way they think it doesn't bother me when it in fact does. I know that I'm not good at being assertive...I'm trying to work on that.

Also I pride myself on being a good friend and being there if anyone ever needs me (despite how my mental state might be at the time) so I feel as though I adhere to the slogan but my friends perhaps do not.

Its dissapointing but just the way it is.

Thanks for replying Mary, speak soon no doubt.

Bella