topic New job, renewed anxiety in Anxiety

New job, renewed anxiety

Nervybella — Sat, 07 Jan 2017 21:14:34 GMT

Hi everyone, I'm recently graduated and landed my first ever full time job, so I should be over the moon right? Well I'm not.

To give some background my training school helps students look for employment (which happened to me). The school warned me before this interview that the boss was notoriously hard to work for. I went ahead to the interview not feeling confident and two days later I was told I had the job. I was apprehensive from the get go and since starting my anxiety has reached new levels. Without going into too much detail there has been a number of occasions in my first week that have left me feeling anxious and embarrassed.

I've come home crying every night and my partner says I should quit. Part of me sides with him because I don't think it's normal to feel so strongly, and also not fair on myself or my family to see me like this.

At the same time I feel like such a failure because I can't seem to stick with anything I start because of my anxiety. I hate that I'm stressing my family out as well.

Also if I quit then what do I do, sure it will probably alleviate my anxiety but who says it won't return when I get another job.

i think I just need to hear from some people that don't know me and aren't emotionally invested in my story. I would love your opinion and hear of similar stories

New job, renewed anxiety

pipsy — Sat, 07 Jan 2017 21:32:24 GMT

Dear Nervybella. Firstly, congratulations for landing this job, quite a feather for you. However, your boss sounds like he could be a bit of a force to be reckoned with. Can I ask if you enjoy the actual job? If your boss was called away, for instance, would you feel confident enough to work without his presence? If your job is distressing you, this business of your bosses hard-line approach would be adding to your obvious apprehension. Are you able to perhaps try for a transfer to another area? I'm unsure whether you are in an office situation with one boss and no support. Is your boss approachable, if you could try to talk to him about how anxious you are feeling (he can't bully you, that's illegal), ask him to be a bit patient till you feel a bit more comfortable. If his hard-line approach is his nature, you either have to accept or move on. As for your feeling of being a failure, no definitely not. A failure is someone who refuses to try, you've given it a go, you haven't failed. If you have to leave, look on it as an education, you've learned something about 'you'. We learn something new about ourselves everyday, somethings are useful, others are things we 'store' for future reference. What you have learned from this experience, 'store', it for reference on what you can do.

Lynda

New job, renewed anxiety

SubduedBlues — Sun, 08 Jan 2017 00:14:29 GMT

Hi Nervybella

Congrat's on getting a job after completing your education. Now I am presuming that you have a 3-6 month trial period for the job, which is normal. This trial period is to ensure that you are a good fit for the company; and allows the company to terminate you without showing just cause at any time during the trial period. What most people forget to understand, is that this trial period is also there to ensure that the company fits with you, and that you can terminate your employment with them without providing any reason. The trial period is a two way street.

In understanding the above, it is important to note that you are more employable when you are employed. Since you are finding the boss with the new job to be over the top, and possibly a bit too much for you, may I suggest:

* keep going to work and putting in the effort
* put yourself back in the job market
* find the job you want to have, instead of just-a-job. (you already have a just-a-job job)
* double check your employment contract, but in most you are able to quit employment without having to serve out the notice period (if doing so during the trial period).

Best wishes

New job, renewed anxiety

Nervybella — Sun, 08 Jan 2017 01:57:30 GMT

Thankyou for your response, to answer your questions, it's a very small office, and so far I haven't met the other two workers. That's happening this week. I'm not sure if I like the actual job because I'm not even doing it, I'm doing menial little tasks to make my bosses life easier. I definitely don't feel comfortable telling my boss about my current state of mind and that's definitely making an impact. I've made an appointment to see my psych, which means taking some time off, and when I told my boss they said I wasn't entitled to have any time off and made quite a big deal out of ringing HR to see if I was allowed a few hours off to go to an appointment.

Im trying really hard to see this as a learning experience but it's effecting me in ways that my anxiety hasn't done before. I'm not eating, I only sleep for a few hours a night and it's not sound sleep, I cry all the way to work and all the way home...I'm coming close to my wits end

New job, renewed anxiety

pipsy — Sun, 08 Jan 2017 02:17:34 GMT

Hi Nervybella. I'm sort of inclined to agree with S.B on this one. The trial period seems to indicate you and the job are not 'agreeing'. Perhaps start looking for a more suitable job before you leave this one. It's your first job and often we find we have to keeping searching. Your anxiety is stopping you from enjoying life and that also tells me this job is not 'you'. I reiterate here, you have not failed, this is your first job and it simply didn't work, that isn't a sign of failure, it simply means it didn't work. Don't beat yourself up over it, you gave it your best shot.

Lynda

New job, renewed anxiety

Nervybella — Sun, 08 Jan 2017 05:19:43 GMT

I would also love to hear some people's experiences with severe anxiety and new jobs. Has anyone out there ever quit after a week? I feel like I'm the only one on the world this is happening to

New job, renewed anxiety

Janey123 — Mon, 09 Jan 2017 13:29:30 GMT

Hi Nervybella,

You aren't alone in the world, I hear you!

Two years ago, I won a short term contract post-graduation, and when it was not extended as everyone had led me to expect (and I was a tad naive), it wasn't communicated well by management and I was left shattered and confused. I developed an extremely severe anxiety disorder and a mild depression in the following months. In my mind I had failed big time, thinking that if I was a spectacular employee, they never would have let me go and kept someone else on. Shame, failure, anger, hurt.. I was all in it! I managed to keep a brave face with my employer and won the job back for a few more consecutive short term contracts, and last month, permanently. Unfortunately the anxiety has not gone away with my newfound job security. I have simply found new elements of it to get anxious about/terrified of. I have melt downs before I do any form of public speaking, I've lost a lot of my confidence even speaking to my colleagues (almost two years on)..

I'm telling you this, because I don't want you to fall into the trap I did, thinking that it was all external stuff that caused my issues. It's internal, and will probably show up in varying degrees wherever you go next. Getting my job back permanently didn't mean my anxiety went away. I even got anxious on my pacific island holiday last month.. who gets anxious poolside in paradise?? Me apparently...!

I live rural, so don't have a other options to do this work in my chosen field without relocating my family, however if you can find employment elsewhere in an acceptable time frame (acceptable to you that is), I would recommend being kind to yourself and finding employment that will be kinder and more flexible for you while you treat your anxiety with your psych. These work places do exist, I've seen plenty, don't settle.

You did not fail- he did as a good employer in reality. It takes a huge amount of courage and self love to admit that this job doesn't do you any good. One of my favourite Instagram quotes 'if something seems off, it is' and this place seems wrong for you.

If you can't leave yet, find a psych to see on the weekend maybe? Mine works Saturdays for his clients. Move onwards and upwards, at your own gentle pace 🙂

Please let us know what you decide.

Janey

New job, renewed anxiety

Nervybella — Tue, 10 Jan 2017 07:12:59 GMT

Hi Janey,

thats exactly what I needed to hear THANKYOU! after another crappy day i have decided to resign.

I tried to tell my boss this today however they were "too busy to talk right now". I'd got all prepared and psyched up to tell them and to be crushed like that was so so hard. So now I have to wait till morning to speak to them. Another sleepless night is on the way.

everyone around me is telling me to look after myself and put my health first, I wish I could see it the same way as everyone else does. It's so easy in theory, but actually practising it is something else entirely.

I hope for my own sake that my anxiety eases once I leave this situation, but I am absolutely terrified that this will be my life, and I won't be able to ever feel excited or happy about anything I do.

Thats all I want in my life right now, to feel better 😞

thanks for chatting, sometimes you just need to vent

New job, renewed anxiety

SubduedBlues — Wed, 11 Jan 2017 10:44:34 GMT

Nervybella

before you resign, have a chat with HR or your boss (if there isn't a HR department, you said small office) about your anxiety issues and see if there is a middle ground or something that you can work with.

you have nothing to lose by asking

if the answer is 'no' and you still feel too uncomfortable to stay, only then should you consider resignation.

let us know how you go
SB

New job, renewed anxiety

Guest6093 — Sat, 14 Jan 2017 20:44:55 GMT

Hi Nervybella,

I know exactly how you feel! I was working in a job I didn't particularly like for 2 years and tried to make it work. In the end, I had had enough of feeling unsafe, unwanted and unheard of in my own job that when I finally confronted my boss that this was the situation I got yelled at. After that, I quit.

But, what I would like to say is this. I had no backup plan and I knew that my own attitude was not great and that I could have taken a more positive spin on things (but this was before my spiritual awakening has taught me). After leaving my job I thought I would find a new job easily but that wasn't to be the case. So much so I was on a low wage, even went to Centrelink for almost a year with no help in finding a position, then working a casual job that paid only enough for me to survive on. And all of this at the time I finally found someone (my first relationship), got married and had our beautiful daughter. Even now, I'm still struggling as I finally found what I want to do and received a job offer, however this offer comes at the expense of a casual trial for 3 months with absolutely no guarantees.

I think the best advice I can give you is don't give up on things yet. You've only just started and you don't know what offers will come along. Added, there's no problem with you looking for other work. If you're crying to and from work, give your life some more meaning by searching for jobs, trying to improve your thinking, meditation is great. You also need to stand up for yourself. You don't deserve to be treated this way. No one deserves to be treated in a way they think is disrespectful and unfortunately people don't know unless you say something. In my case, on Monday I am going in and asking them specifically to organise what hours and what shifts I am working and in the future to tell people this 'casual clause' before they are hired.

We are being treated by animals from all these larger companies who are refusing to care. As long as someone does the job for them, they don't have to deal with it themselves and it's unfortunate as many people I'm sure would love to stay in places they feel treat them with respect and gratitude.

Make sure whatever your decisions that YOU are the one who is happy with it. YOU deserve the best as we all do.

New job, renewed anxiety

Nervybella — Sun, 15 Jan 2017 08:44:22 GMT

Hi guys,

i actually handed in my resignation late last week. I have to go in a few days this week then I won't be back.

I just felt like I had to remove myself from the situation because I was scared of what it would do to me in the long run.

After speaking to my boss and handing in my letter, I felt threatened and put down by their response.

I have made several appointments with my psych and GP over the coming weeks and am hoping an intensive few weeks of getting help will help me.

I wish I felt more relief knowing that I don't have to keep working in this environment, but I don't. I feel just as anxious, if not worse. I'm dreading telling people that I have left because I'm so scared of bent judged or not supported by people around me.

can anyone share some great stories of bosses and colleagues that have been/are supportive of employees with mental health issues???

I need to have a bit of faith restored...

New job, renewed anxiety

Janey123 — Sun, 22 Jan 2017 05:05:14 GMT

Hi Nervybella 🙂

I'm glad to hear that you did it! It really sounded as though it was not the right place for you. Be kind to yourself, I know it is hard, but by standing up for yourself and resigning, you put your health first! That takes a lot of courage!

When I had an anxiety episode last year and was unable to attend an important meeting- I called my boss and confessed in tears that I wasn't up to it because I was suffering from anxiety. I felt better that I didn't have to go to the meeting and I could rest at home for the day, and she was very supportive as she also had mental health issues, and she said she would not put me in that position again until I felt ready. But now she sometimes makes assumptions about me based on her own mental health experience, so I'm not sure if I would do that again... Not that it was a negative experience. If you find a workplace with some friendly faces, that is not too competitive, and you can work as part of a supportive team, you may find your anxiety is at a level you can handle, and still function happily at work without needing to disclose your mental illness.

How have you found it now that you are gone for good? Who are you worried will judge you- friends, family? I would recommend reading You Are Enough by Cassie-Mendoza Jones. It explains why we are so worried about what others think of us, and what it does to us- seriously so helpful!

Janey

New job, renewed anxiety

Nervybella — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 21:57:11 GMT

Hi guys

it's been about 2 weeks since leaving and I don't feel much better. Some days are ok then others are horrible. I'm still having a lot of trouble sleeping, at night when I'm alone in my room is when I literally can't make my brain switch off and can't think of anything else other than finding work and stressing about it. I also find myself replaying anxious moments from my past over be over again and analysing them.

i have applied for a few jobs here and there but there isn't a lot in the industry I studied for, I feel stupid applying for jobs that aren't related to my degree...has anyone got experience with that? My parents are telling me it doesn't matter just get any job you can, but I just feel like I've wasted my time. Feeling a bit down as I'm writing this.

Also now that I've told my friends that I resigned and it's been a little while I find that their support is dropping off. I think that they think now that I am out of the job I'm all "fixed" and not anxious anymore. I have tried to instigate catch ups because I don't like being alone at the moment, I need to be distracted by doing something else, but no one gets back to me or they are too busy .

thanks for listening, it's nice to just be able to get this all out and have people respond

Bella

New job, renewed anxiety

Nervybella — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 07:35:36 GMT

Hi guys,

so a bit of time has passed and I've been applying for jobs both in the industry I studied in and other (admin/reception) jobs. I had an interview today for a job I'm interested in however it's full time and long hours and about an hour from home, so I'm a bit nervous about how I'll cope with so many hours at work.

I'm also really interested in another job I've applied for but the closing date is tomorrow so obviously I haven't heard if I have an interview. This job is part time and in the town I live in.

what I'm struggling with is trying to preempt the future...what if I get this first job but then get an interview and maybe get the second job that I think I'd really like?!

this probably sounds silly but I just wanted to write my thoughts down and would like to hear some opinions of yours

Bella 🙂

New job, renewed anxiety

Janey123 — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 03:34:57 GMT

Hey Bella,

So good to hear from you again 🙂

That is so awesome that you're already getting interviews! If you win and accept the job, and then get offered another... you'll just handle it then! It will be a million times easier than leaving the last place!!!! 1. It may not happen 2. If it does, then you weigh up the pros and cons, and make a choice! As professionals, they will understand, if you're apologetic for any inconvenience.

You can only take it one step at a time, so try not to get ahead of yourself (hard, I know!). Try and use your non-working time to stay busy so thinking about it doesn't become all-consuming! All you can do is try your best once you get a job. I used to drive an hour each way for work, but it didn't phase me all that much as I loved working there!

Well done, sounds as though you're doing amazing!

Janey 😄

New job, renewed anxiety

Nervybella — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 04:34:02 GMT

Hi Janey,

thabks for your response. You're right, it's so hard trying to not get ahead of myself. Unfortunately I can't stop thinking about what all the possibilities could be...and there are a lot of possibilities!!

I like the sound of the job I interviewed for but I'm so nervous, I think I've been a bit scared from my awful last experience. Part of my brain knows that my anxious feelings are irrational and only based on past experiences but the other part is shit scared about what the future brings.

I'm hoping the if I ge this job I'll love it enough that I won't mind the hours, has anyone ever told their boss about anxiety and had their hours reduced because of it? Can that happen? That's what my parents are telling me to do... Start full time and if I can't cope ask hours to be reduced then....

Bella 🙂

New job, renewed anxiety

Janey123 — Wed, 22 Feb 2017 11:58:21 GMT

Hi Bella,

I hope you're doing well... did you hear about the job(s)?

Janey

New job, renewed anxiety

Nervybella — Wed, 22 Feb 2017 20:39:36 GMT

Hi Janey,

Thanks so much for thinking of me! I got a job and started yesterday 🙂

Yesterday was good, people are really nice and welcoming so I think it's going to be ok. My only concern is that I love an hour away by train and the trains aren't very regular/reliable so I am worried I'll be late to work and late home etc

bella 🙂

New job, renewed anxiety

Janey123 — Thu, 23 Feb 2017 07:24:53 GMT

That is fantastic, it's so good to hear you're back on your feet so quickly after leaving the toxic workplace! You didn't waste any time huh?!

I'm sure once you've done the trip enough times and get to know the routine, you'll get more comfortable with relying on the trains. People do it all the time in the major cities, or driving in rural areas. I hope the travel is manageable for you, at least it is good reading time!

Good luck settling in!

Janey

New job, renewed anxiety

Nervybella — Fri, 24 Feb 2017 06:21:34 GMT

Hi again Janey,

This place is so much better than he last! It's starting to restore some faith in me 🙂

Settling into a routine will be okay. Train times may prove to be an issue however. As the train line I am doesn't offer very frequent services, the train I catch gets me into the city about 20 minutes before I have to start, which is fine during my training period. However once training is over I will have to be in the office 15 minutes earlier so I can attend a morning briefing...which I wouldn't make catching the train I catch now.

The train earlier than mine gets me into the city over an hour before my start time and would mean I had to leave my house at 6am!! Such a long day...not sure what I'm going to do about that 😞

Bella