topic Anyone have experience with phobia of driving? in Anxiety

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

Nervybella — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 05:17:15 GMT

im a 20 (nearly 21) year old who doesn't have a driving license. When I turned 16 and got my Ls I wasn't in a very good head space, but I didn't know it then.

i though it was normal how I reacted/was at the time but looking back now I see that's around the time my mental health declined majorly for the first time.

I am absolutely terrified of driving, I only got about an hour of my learners before I started having panic attacks. Even to this day I will have a panic attack if someone mentions me driving/I think about driving etc

my friends be family don't understand how I can be so afraid...I'm wondering if it's strong enough to be a phobia???

coming up to my 21st a lot of people are telling me to go for my license. But I just can't. It makes my physically ill to even think about it.

i have managed to live my life so far without a car and believe that I will continue to survive without one.

i would like to hear if anyone else has a similar story and if anyone older than me has lived their life without a car/license??

thanks

Bella

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

Nikkir — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 07:16:30 GMT

Hi Nervybella,

Thank you for reaching out to us:) I completely understand your fear of driving even though I have had my licence for a very long time, I now refuse to go to far from my neighbourhood and will just drive locally, I too feel anxious and stressed. I have known quite a few people who don't feel comfortable driving so they just don't get a licence and that's that. With the cost of running a car and petrol and parking, I use my car less and less. However, it really is up to you. You could get some sessions from a therapist ( you just need a referral from a GP) and explore this fear, if it is just driving or if anything has happened in your past that is triggered when you go to drive or you could just accept that at this stage you do not wish to drive, it may change in the future or it may not. It is always stressful learning a new skill, I do remember I was very nervous to begin with and improved with practice. I went to a professional school to teach me and then I just did my hours with my parents. I recommend this, some people aren't good teachers and that can cause anxiety. I wish you all the best and if you want to talk again or if there is anything we can do, please us know on 1300 22 4636 or chat with us:) Nikkir x

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

Nervybella — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 11:54:31 GMT

Thanks Nikkir

i have pretty much accepted that this is the way my life will pan out. Not having a car, using public transport, uber etc. and after a long time battling with those thoughts I'm pretty ok with my decision.

what I'm not so ok with is how to tell people in my life. My family and friends just don't understand it and say things like I'm limiting my opportunities in life, don't know what I'm missing, can't be independent without my license etc etc

this really gets me down. I also find it hard to answer people's questions and find that I make up lies as to why I don't drive...when really I should say that it makes me anxious and I don't want to do it. Why can't I just be honest with people???

It also upsets me that people who say they support me can't accept that this is just the way it is. I feel like they try to guilt me into learning when all that does is lead to a panic attack or bout of anxiety 😕

just feeling fed up and frustrated, thankyou for sharing your story and I would still like to hear from people who don't drive...how do you find day to say living?

Bella 🙂

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

BballJ — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 11:55:41 GMT

Hi Nervybella,

Driving phobia I think is quite common even if it isn't an actual thing.. it may be, I am just unsure... but I know of many people who hate driving and don't like driving out of fear so you are not alone in that regard. I went through a patch where I hated driving, I wasn't sure why but I made my partner drive me everywhere.. I got over it eventually, but I tied it into my anxiety I have suffered for many, many years. I have relatives and friends who refuse to drive further than a 10 km radius from their house out of fear of going onto a freeway etc.

Is it something you could possibly speak to a psychologist about.. by all means if you are happy to not drive then that's your decision and one you should stick with if that's what you want... do you deep down want to drive at all or have no desire to at all?

My best for you,

Jay

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

Music_Freak — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 13:01:15 GMT

I'm 37 and have had my license almost 2 years. I got my L's when I was 19 and it was my anxieties as well as finances that meant I took as long as I did.

I suffer from terrible anxiety when driving, but have found ways to cope. I avoid traffic and only go to places I know, plus I think I have forgotten how to park so I use the easiest option available, even if it means extra walking.

I would also recommend exploring this in therapy as things like this aren't always as clean cut as they seem.

I will say one thing though, driving is one if those things that gets harder the older we get. I was much more comfortable earlier on in my driving than I am now. That might be something to consider

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

h12 — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 13:54:36 GMT

I certainly had a bucket load of anxiety when I got my Ls around 5 years ago, and all through my learning stage it was generally an experience of having 'mild' panic attacks about it. I had a terrible Ps test where it was pouring with rain and I almost crashed, and I thought at many points that I'd give up on driving and just do public transport. Now I have my full license and am quite a bit more confident, although I certainly have more anxiety than the average person and wherever I can only drive suburban streets, routes that I'm very familiar with, and don't drive friends around because I'm worried talking to them will take away from my concentration on driving.

Essentially you certainly aren't alone, I think that I'm familiar with the same anxieties you have; maybe you're worried about getting lost, ending up on a freeway out of the city, crashing when changing lanes, injuring other people etc or getting into embarrassing situations. As with most anxieties, I would suggest that unless you deal with it (as in actually start driving) it won't go away on its own and will probably become more ingrained. That doesn't mean you can't avoid driving forever and feel ok about that, but it means as time goes on, it'll get harder and harder to start driving if the need arises. Exposure therapy with treating it is key - baby steps with just sitting in a driver's seat, moving the car up and down a driveway, then up and down the street, two streets etc etc.

If you're concerned about what other people think, I think it's fine to admit to your close friends exactly what your fears are, and for other people I find dodging the question by giving a broad but honest answer works like 'I'm just still on my L's, crazy I know, but my parents have never had time to supervise and I live close to a train station etc, how about you?'

By the way I always find it inspiring when people can come to these forums and open up to discuss what is bothering them - like everyone else I think that you're pretty amazing for being able to do that!

Hugh

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

Zeal — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 14:21:24 GMT

Hi Bella,

Welcome to the forum!

I didn't get my L plates until I was 22, and now at 24, I've made little progress with driving. I've had anxiety/OCD since I was 13 by the way, just as context. I don't like the idea or thought of me driving, or hearing others talk about it at length. Last year I ended up telling myself and others that I would work towards my P plates. Ever since my second driving lesson with an instructor early last year, I stopped wanting to progress with driving. This second driving lesson was on a 40 degree day, and I couldn't focus. I think the driving instructor was getting annoyed with me.

While people's reasoning for getting a driver's licence may have some truth, it of course doesn't make it any easier to go driving. My boyfriend is the person who encouraged me to get my driver's licence in late 2015. Without his influence (he wasn't pushy), I know I would not even have my L plates. Getting a job without a driver's licence can be an issue, but there are certainly jobs where having your own licence is not essential.

My boyfriend and my parents rarely mention my driving (well, lack of), unless I mention it myself. My parents both have busy lives, so it's easy for them to forget about the fact that I'm not practising my driving haha. My boyfriend's sister, who is the same age as me, also doesn't drive. She got her L plates at 16, and has done less than 10 hours in total I think. She'll be 24 later this month.

I've been surprised by how many family friends have told me about people who don't drive. A neighbour who now has 3 kids said she didn't get her licence until she was almost 30. There are ways to make not driving easier. You already use Uber and buses. Cycling and walking are options. You could do favours for friends or neighbours in exchange for car rides. My Mum has been amazing with driving me to places I need to access. My boyfriend lives only two streets away, and we are in the same social group, so it's easiest for us to go to social things together anyway. I pay my way with meals and I am helpful and supportive in other ways, so this helps.

I hope my story has been helpful in some way 🙂 I'd love to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

Nervybella — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 22:16:53 GMT

Hi Zeal,

thanks for replying. Like you, I often pay for meals/coffees/movies src if my friends have driven me to a social gathering. in that way I feel like I am not isn't them up so much. They say they don't mind but I sometimes think they do.

how does your boyfriends sister find not driving? What do you both do for work?

At this point in time I just don't want to drive. Mainly because it makes my anxiety skyrocket, and I have enough other things to be anxious about so I feel that if I can eliminate one, why wouldn't I?

And you're right! Just because people come up with all these "great" reasons to get your licensee doesn't actually make my anxiety about the situation disappear.

one more thing...do you ever encounter people who just won't accept it/drop the situation. How do you respond to those people? I find it very difficult to explain my situation

hi music freak and Jay,

deep down I don't want to drive, I just can't bring myself to do it. The other day I was in the car with my mum and as we were backing out of the driveway she asked me to steady the steering wheel while she adjusted the mirror. I completely froze, went clammy, felt like I was going to vomit etc. anything like that to do with cars I just can't handle. Also at Christmas I had to blow up a spare mattress using a car, and I nearly had breakdown just putting the keys in the ignition to start inflating the mattress.

Thabks for listening

Bella

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

Music_Freak — Thu, 02 Feb 2017 02:46:00 GMT

Exposure therapy may just be what's needed here, like they do with people who are afraid of spiders.

Avoidance will only make things worse, take it from me, you shouldn't use it as an option. It'll only mess you up further. You could end up not even being able to sit in the passenger seat.

Just my two cents 🙂

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

BballJ — Thu, 02 Feb 2017 11:03:42 GMT

Hi Nervybella,

I like Music_Freak's idea with exposure therapy, I actually haven't heard of it but it makes sense... may be worth looking into... not saying to drive but to at least get used to being in the car and doing the little things you mentioned above.

May be worth the look.

My best,

Jay

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

blondguy — Thu, 02 Feb 2017 11:44:24 GMT

Hey Nervybella! Great advice from BballJ, Zeal, Nikker, musicfreak and h12 above which is great for you

Driving phobia's are more common than you know. I was at at stage in my 20's when I couldnt sit at a red light as the anxiety would bite me hard. I would avoid and drive around an intersection to avoid the panic attack that I thought was going to happen....

Whether its a phobia or not...If I was in your shoes now, I would start with your GP and even print out the great thread you have created and hand it to her/him 🙂

I knew a head of an emergency department (Div1 Grade3 Nurse) that also had a mega fear of getting her license and she was in her 30's.

You are not alone here Bella....not at all....Its a free country last time I checked....get your license when you are comfortable doing so.....

Please see your GP and have a good vent as you have done here. You are strong enough to post here....many cant....time to have a yak to your doc and you will be surprised at the progress you will make 🙂

When convenient, please let us know how you go, it would be great to hear back from you

my kindest

Paul

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

Zeal — Sun, 05 Feb 2017 08:57:18 GMT

Hey Bella,

Thanks for your reply!

My boyfriend's sister is reliant on her parents and my boyfriend for lifts, and she's fortunate that they are willing to continue doing so. They are a close family 🙂

I finished studying undergraduate psychology at university late last year, and I am starting a year of postgraduate counselling/psychotherapy later this month. I've honestly never had a full-time or even part-time job. I had a casual retail position for several months when I was 18, but was laid off (in the nicest way possible) by my boss, because I lacked assertiveness/confidence. I have been babysitting children since I was 17. My Mum helped me get to places where I babysat.

I started volunteering at 21, and my Mum was amazing at driving me and the girl I mentored once a fortnight. I am so thankful to her for that. I'm starting two voluntary positions soon, but there is minimal driving needed.
I can use the bus system. I've got a position to tutor Japanese and South Korean students in English online, but I don't know my start date yet. I would love to be a counsellor or psychotherapist after I finish postgrad, which usually involves seeing clients from a fixed location. This isn't the case with social workers, but I know that this wouldn't be the right role for me.

To be honest, I haven't really come across someone who got argumentative about or rejected the fact that I don't drive. I've had people look shocked, but that's as bad as it's been. In terms of an explanation, I don't think it is essential for you to justify or defend your decision. It is ultimately your choice, and if acquaintances or strangers don't like this fact, that's just the way it is.

I know my boyfriend wants me to learn to drive (for myself firstly, and also for practicality in the future), but he rarely mentions it unless I do. He knows that it makes me anxious, and that talking about it more is not going to have the desired effect of 'inspiring' me to drive! Like you, I am content with eliminating a huge source of anxiety. I never want to be deeply unhappy with myself again like when I was a teenager. Feeling incompetent is debilitating, and driving makes me feel this way. I know practice would help, but the idea of driving is so off-putting, and I need my parents to spend time with me to get through my log book hours. They have busy lives, and I would rather spend time with them while doing something else, to be honest.

Thanks again for your reply 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

Nervybella — Sun, 05 Feb 2017 23:26:24 GMT

Hi again Zeal,

thanks for your reply. Congratulations on hose exciting roles you've got yourself!

it makes me feel good knowing there are other people put there who are coping with not driving. I've been thinking about this a lot since posting this thread and I keep coming back to the thought of "why would I put myself in a position that I know will cause me anxiety if I don't really really need/want to".

However, like your boyfriend, I worry about how my future will pan out. I'm lucky at the moment that my parents are very supportive but one day I hope to get married and have children and I just don't know how it'll go then. (Any mothers out there who don't drive???)

Zeal, the way you wrote your thoughts are exactly what i have been trying to say! So thankyou!

The thoughts and feelings that come along with my anxiety are so damaging, not only to me but to those around me. So at this stage I just can't bring myself to do it

Bella 🙂

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

Music_Freak — Mon, 06 Feb 2017 06:47:15 GMT

I can understand your point of view, but just imagine how you will feel one day when you have your license and have beaten that crippling anxiety...

Visualisation is something I use myself, might be worth a try 🙂

I'd definitely talk to a professional about everything, they may help you see it all in a different light.

Anyone have experience with phobia of driving?

crazycatlady13 — Tue, 07 Feb 2017 01:07:52 GMT

Hi Nervybella,

When I first got my driver's licence at 18, I loved driving and would always offer to take people around! Now that I've got my full licence and more experience, I've become a bit more anxious while driving and I prefer to stick to local roads I know during non-peak hours and pretty much now have a fear of parking because I almost hit a person while looking for a parking spot! Heavy traffic now scares me!

I'm always opting for public transport now when possible because I feel like it isn't as stressful. When I tell people I take public transport in and out of the city, some look at me like I'm from the lower class or something and say things like 'oh I prefer to drive there, it's so much cooler and don't have to deal with smelly strangers'. It really bugs me when they give me that vibe, but hey, at least I am saving the environment!

I would say it is essential to get your driver's licence because you never know when you need it, but it is up to you! I know a mother who doesn't drive and they usually have a friend or relative pick up and drop off her kids to school and social events etc. when the husband isn't around. Other mother's relocate close to a school or where public transport is available so they can safely take their kids to and from school.